Saturday, 24 June 2017

Shit In A Pot

One of many broods of indian runners in the kitchen 

Yesterday evening I received a phonecall from a woman who needed some advice about ducklings. Her son had brought home four and she was in a pickle of what to feed them and how to keep them warm.
I gave her the info she needed ( scrambled egg is a great stopgap for hungry ducklings) and wished her well.
Ducklings are notoriously dirty little creatures , I warned her, especially if they are kept in the house. They have a somewhat annoying skill of flinging shit with their feet and it is easy to catch salmonella from them, if you don't wash your hands properly.
Nine years ago , after a particularly nasty bout of diarrhoea, I had to take a stool specimen into the labs at work to see if I had caught a nasty bug from my own ducklings who were being nursed in the dog crate in the kitchen. The sample was " placed" in a small plastic specimen jar and was neatly labelled with my name, nhs number and the words faecal specimen on the side. I placed it on the dashboard of the old berlingo and went out to complete a few jobs.before setting off for the hospital.

Now, I had forgotten about the container until I had stopped to let Olwenna Banks Hughes and Gwyneth Jones into the car. The two old ladies had walked along London Road a way and as Olwenna's fat ankles looked even more swollen than usual I offered them a lift home.
As we turned up High Street, the stool sample rolled noisily along the dashboard from its resting place,  first one way then the other and both old ladies stopped their chatter to silently watch it on its journey underneath the windscreen.

I said nothing and neither did they.
The " shit in a pot" incident was never referred to again

36 comments:

  1. Ha!Ha! you have just reminded me that our local postmen have the unenviable job of collecting and delivering the pots of poo for cancer surveillance. 'Shit Season' as they stoically call it.

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  2. good morning dear; it's 7:50a and I am reading about "shit in a pot". what a way to wake up with my morning coffee! ;-b

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    1. Exactly the same here, in Florida at 8:17.
      I always read your blog with my first cup of coffee, first thing in the morning. It starts my day out right ... sh*t in the pot and all.

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  3. That must have been some moment of contemplation indeed. Good thing it was never referred to again. Greetings and nice weekend!

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  4. 8:24 here. I have a great visual in my mind. Thank god it's counteracted by the cute duckling picture. Runner ducks - walking bowling pins. -Jenn

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  5. I think we've confirmed people will rrad your blog no matter what the post title. *rolls eyes* we have runner ducks and love them. But you're right, ducks do ninja poop in all directions.

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  6. Reading at 5:25 a.m. here in California.

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  7. 9:06 a.m. in South Carolina. Shit in a pot. Nice!

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  8. And duck poop is so big! I loved the ducks I got from a friend of mine after she died. Willie and Lily. Both lady-ducks and they enjoyed a very active sex life together. They were such good companions as well as lovers. They chatted all day long. Unfortunately, they were both murdered by some sort of beast in the uncivilized land where I live. I enjoyed them but I don't think I'd get any more on purpose.
    I have nothing to say about the fecal specimen. Except that the ladies probably laughed about that for years.

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  9. It is 11.15 pm here on Saturday night. R has gone to bed after asking if I am not too drunk to turn out the lights. Your shit rolling across the dashboard of the Berlingo has amused me.

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  10. You must produce very small stools. Some of mine would require a Pringles container.

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  11. When you are getting a free ride home you don't mention the obvious.

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  12. This gave me a good laugh this morning. In fact, I'm still laughing!

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  13. Well, did the ducks actually give you the yucks or not?

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  14. "The " shit in a pot" incident was never referred to again"

    Er, not in front of you, at least :)

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  15. I should think not - old ladies are far too polite to mention such things.

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  16. On my blog list are all the blogs I read daily. (In alphabetical order)
    A couple of blogs under yours titled "Sh*t in a pot" is a blog titled "Smell the Roses" .... made me laugh.

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    1. hee hee hee, I'd rather smell the roses!

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  17. On a sunny NYC afternoon in June, I am taking advantage of a drop in the humidity to get somewhat caught up in the land of blogs. I'm only going to leave a comment here on your most recent, but rest assured that I have delved pretty far back into your June reporting and commend you particularly on the steady, sure weight loss. Bravo. The current heat wave over there must be so much more bearable without those old pounds. Best wishes.

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    1. We come to new york in november!

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  18. What's a shit between friends?
    JP

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  19. Had no idea about ducklings being particularly dirty. I actually have a number of ducks that nest near my house and every sprig we get a good half dozen of 'popcorn duck' clutches (as my wife and I call them). We've more than once considered raising one if we ever found an abandoned one...might have to take this under consideration. haha

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    1. They shit everywhere Rob! When excited it can be projectile in nature

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  20. Thanks for the larf! I needed it. xo

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  21. For some bizarre reason, your story reminds me of that advert for Maltesers. I do hope your lady friends weren't thinking the same thing.

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  22. Silence was the correct situation....how graceful of you all to say nothing.

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  23. At least the lid didn't come off.

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  24. What can I say . . .
    Smiling . . .

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