Saturday, 10 June 2017

If Dogs Wrote Blogs

one blog that I follow discussed Cats writing blogs...I just wondered what a blog could read like if Winnie penned it?
So here goes ......
Fat daddy woke me up at an ungodly hour this morning to go out for a pee.
I keep glaring at him every day but he doesnt get the message
I CAN SLEEP 14 HOURS WITHOUT NEEDING A PISS! 
The other dogs bounce around like bloody lunatics, I just can't wait to get back to bed.
Grumpy Dad was already making his morning food when we got back in , so we left him quick sticks and climbed into bed with fat dad. 
Fat dad is like me, he hates mornings!

It's late in the day when fat dad calls me. I pretend to be asleep, but he knows me too well and so I get up and fart. He farts too and often blames me. 
Today I hear him talking to someone.
THERE IS WORKMEN IN THE HOUSE!!!!!
I run down stairs and get all unnecessary as two gorgeous men in OVERALLS are in the garden.
They have come just to see me! 
I kiss them both on the lips! Then have to have an immediate botty rub on the garden steps
Fat dad shakes his head!  He hates me botty rubbing
Funny, Grumpy Dad always laughs when I rub my botty on his slippers! 
I love his slippers! 

We then go for a walk around the village. George gets on my tits as he is too slow. William keeps walking into things and Mary gets excited if she sees a bleeding pigeon  flying past. 
I'm surrounded by idiots!
I wish I could walk with Albert, he has a few brain cells about him and he loves me.
Fat Dad keeps stopping to talking to people. 
It's so boring.
He thinks he's popular!

Finally we get home and IT's FOOD TIME!" 
Thank god! 
A tin of horse with bacon flavoured biscuits! Bloody lovely
I rub my botty on the back door for a bit as William has a poo against the fridge
He's getting old and is such a let down! 
Anyhow Fat dad, gets all hot and sweaty and looks very ill as he plays with a lot of stones in the garden, so I have a small nap in the sun. 
It's been a busy day all told.



73 comments:

  1. Your best post ever. 9/10

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  2. Mostly I like Fat Dad and Grumpy Dad. And I wonder what my animals would call me. The chickens would probably call me "Mobile Feeding Dispenser" while the cats would probably call me "She Who Must Be Tolerated In Order To Receive Food."
    Yeah. That's about right.

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  3. Ha-ha-ha! Winnie writes a good diary.

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  4. That sums its all up pretty nicely, ha. Greetings!

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  5. Your dogs have you very well trained. The Cat, wishes you would be happier with the offerings left on the steps.

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  6. She went easy on you! :)

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  7. Let winnie write your book. She has a way with words. Will we hear from her again...

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  8. Brilliant work Winnie!!

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  9. Hilarious! Unlike Tom, I give it 11/10!

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  10. I bet a lot of Winnie's posts would be about botty rubbing. So funny!!!

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  11. Thank you, Winnie! Without this marvelous dog's-eye-view column (you do know that you are a dog, don't you?) we readers would never have known that Fat Daddy needs to go out at an ungodly hour of the morning to pee. I am recommending you for the Booker, I mean Barker, Prize.

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  12. You are such a charming girl, Winnie! And if a girl needs a botty rub, well...

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  13. Let winnie write your book. She has a way with words. Will we hear from her again...

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  14. Winnie old girl, tell us something we don't know already
    There must be something more juicy in the cottage than your fucking fanny.

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  15. Tinned Horse with bacon flavoured biscuits sounds like every Frenchman's dream.

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  16. That was great, I love Winnie's POV. I hope she ll write again. I esp liked Fat Daddy and Grumpy Dad, so perfect.

    Are ''overalls'' coveralls? or the bib/ strap farmer things? Is this a language discrepancy? Or maybe she means jeans?

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    1. nevermind, I looked it up. Winnie's fetish overalls are what we Americans call coveralls. I thought coveralls were boiler suits in UK, but I guess not. The good thing about workmen in coveralls, you don t get the plumber's butt crack view.

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    2. They are also called boilersuits. In this part of the country we would always say boilersuit.

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    3. Thank God for something that avoids the butt-crack!

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  17. Funny! I think Albert should write the next post.

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  18. Fabulous! Although I think the real treat would be a post from Grumpy Dad's perspective. X

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  19. Jules, Grumpy Dad's perspective would be FAR too close to "Two chair work" and that would be far too close for comfort!! Let's stick with the animals. I'm voting for Albert, then Meg!

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  20. Not so fat dad surely ? I love Winnie, though not the botty rubbing.
    At the moment I am " lovely nurse mum " as Dillon has a massive operation on Monday xx

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  21. Great writing Winnie. Loved it. Persuade Fat Dad to let the other animals write a post too.

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  22. Well done. But then it's clear Winnie dictated while you just typed.

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  23. A good post Winnie, now we need all the other animals POV do they all call you fat Dad?

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  24. Nice post Winnie. Hope to hear more from you. Charlie Down Under in Oz is a dog and has his own blog. https://charliedownunderinoz.blogspot.com.au/

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  25. Think Fat Dad did a good job of reporting for the illustrious Winnie ..though not so much of the fat to be lost these days...maybe Sexy Dad or Soon to be Slim Dad..why is it we akways see ourselves in the negative?
    Fun take on a day in the life of Winnie tho

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  26. Dear Winnie, never mind your shenanigans. A lady you most certainly ain't. Not that you ever laid claim to be one. That Grumpy Dad encourages you gives a lot of insight in his workings. Freud, no doubt, would have a field day. Not that anyone should take Freud seriously.

    As to Fat Dad: You know which side your bread is buttered on, don't you, Winnie? One question arises. Why, if you can go for fourteen hours without a pee, does he need you to accompany him? Maybe Fat Dad is sleep walking and doesn't now what he is doing. In which case, Jung would have a field day - not least after he had fallen out with Freud.

    Never mind, a dog's day is his dinner. Which reminds me: Could you please ask Fat Dad to visit my last blog post "Hope" and leave his calling card. Thanks.

    No hugs, many hisses, greetings to Albert,
    U

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  27. Brilliant John, just brilliant

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  28. Loved this! The world through Winnie's eyes... must make this a regular blog post methinks. Great hearing about the 'Dads' and botty rubbing antics.

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  29. Winnie just to let you know that your selfie stick has turned you into a pug! Did you use one of those face altering apps? It is lovely to read your blog post. I am sorry that you had a traumatic time earlier in the year and happy that you no longer have to wear the profs discarded pants.

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  30. Winnie's far too nice to dish the real dirt. I reckon Albert would have no qualms: the rows; the flounces; the villagers with flaming pitchforks; how FD makes half of this up.....and is secretly - gasp - Petra!

    Get typing, Albert.

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  31. fat daddy isn't fooling anyone when he blames his farts on you.

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  32. Love it. I think my chickens would call me "bringer of the treats". I have sent you another novelty fruit entry and given you a mention on my blog today.

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  33. I much prefer animals to people. They 'talk' a lot of sense.

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  34. Thanks all for the comments...am working night shift tonightvand tomorrow xx

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  35. Tomorrow will be Albert's blog

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  36. 'Winnie's World'......I can see it now.....

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  37. At the rate you are losing weight he is going to have to find a new name for you "Fat Daddy"!

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  38. {{{{Winnie !!}}}} You should write a book !

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  39. Winnie,
    What about the Walking Dead?

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  40. Anytime you are not feeling up to blogging Winnie can take over for you. Her days is almost as exciting as yours.

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  41. I have never seen a more worried look on a dog.

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  42. Wonderful! Your dogs should blog more often!

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  43. That's hilarious, John! Let each one have a turn!

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  44. I would totally read that blog.

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  45. I thought Winifred was a bulldog. Surely the photo is of a pug or am I missing something?

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    1. I think we are all missing something .. The photo is a pug . Winnie is a bulldog. John has a lot to answer for :)

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    2. John, I am inspired, can cats write a blog ?
      It might only be about taking naps .. will have to talk to them about it .. I will say things like IF Winnie can blog, ...

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  46. Ha!

    I feel like if a cat wrote a blog it would be short & to the point.

    'Owner left. Good. I shall now commence to napping all day.'

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  47. I want to find out why William poos on the fridge!?Sounds impossible?

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  48. This was just perfect .. I have wondered before, how Winnie felt about things. Bless her heart :)

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  49. Winnie, you're a star ! But you look as though you've had plastic surgery - we all thought you were a bulldog - not a pug?

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  50. I enjoyed the Winnie Tale . . .

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  51. That's flat out the best of the best.

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  52. Absolutely hilariously gorgeous !

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  53. LOL! Don't think mine would write such an interesting blog post. :D

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  54. I thought you were slimmer dad now.

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  55. At last!! Someone with a bit of intelligence is writing a Going Gently blog post.

    Why have you used a picture of me when I was fat though and not one of yourself?

    Suky the Pug from Llanrwst xx

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  56. Fantastic, love it :D

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  57. Hahaha! Brilliant... except the term "botty rub" makes me quite queasy for some reason.

    Jo in Auckland, NZ

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