Wednesday, 3 February 2016

A Pang

Tonight The Prof went off to a church council meeting.
I spent the evening on the phone to friends.
Winnie joined me on the couch.
I was just jousting with friend Nige over something when absent mindedly I rearranged the throw on which I was sitting and edged my hand down between the couch cushions.
I felt something unfamiliar
I pulled out a small, worn, black harness.
It was Meg's, and I wondered where it had gotten to
Without thinking I lifted the harness to my face and breathed in the vague smell of a much loved dog.......... at the same time as having a silly conversation about a patronising work colleague and I felt the very physical pang , a stabbing pain of a friend lost.
My friend on the other end of the phone knew nothing of what went on.
But after the call was over, I opened the log burner door and put the harness quickly into the flames.
Just for that second it was Still all too painful .....
Meg

49 comments:

  1. it takes a long time to get over the loss of a pet...

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  2. Awww John. 'Ave an 'ug. (((((((John))))))) xx

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  3. that's ok, john; we understand. (pats your shoulder)

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  4. Ive been pretty good.....its just a twang like tbe snap of an elastic band

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  5. They say smells can bring back memories from deep inside our brains more than any other sense. Some of our primitive wiring. I cannot smell sweet rotting apples without thinking of my grandmother and her little orchard. Or baking bread of my mother. I hold on to my gone pets collars for years.

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    1. We have a bag full of collars from departed beloved dogs. We also have boxes of their ashes in a cupboard.

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  6. oh so sad,,try to remember the good parts,,


    you have a tender heart,,,

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    1. Too tender very occassionally

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    2. No such thing as too tender.

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  7. Like Alice, I still have all my gud dugs collars too.
    They are on a hook in my studio by my sink. I don't always look at them but the sweet memories are there.
    I get waves of longing that wash over me and then are gone in a second.

    Hugs xxxx
    cheers, parsnip

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    1. William is now wearing Maddie's old collar ( maddie the old scottish terrier)

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    2. awwwww that is so lovely.

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  8. Oh John ..... it is so sad and so hard isn't it ? Our pets really do get under our skin.
    ..... I did think for a minute that the harness belonged to you and that it had fallen down the sofa after a fun time on a Saturday night !!!!! XXXX

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  9. I'm so sorry that pulled off the scab.
    Hugs

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  10. You love all of them, but some of them burrow right into your heart and curl up there forevermore. It hurts when they're gone, but far better to experience that 'twang' than to be incapable of love.

    Or so says the Peculiar Princess.

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  11. We never lose the love we've felt for our departed pets....well, speaking for myself, I haven't and it's very obvious you don't either. Cherish the love and the memories.

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  12. i still have freddy's collar and once in a while i smell it. it's still awfully painful. i kept my little brother's shirt for years after he died and wrapped it in plastic to preserve his smell. but it went away.

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  13. It's been 3 painful years since I lost my beloved Tiffany. Her collar is hanging in the potting shed. I have another soulmate but Tiff definitely took a piece of my heart.

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  14. Smells are so strongly connected with memories. And maybe some people have an especially strong smell memory. I know I do, and the first time I realized it, it had to do with a pet who died as well.

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  15. I still miss my Scottie soul mate. I lost him a long time ago. I tell my folks that if he and all the others I've lost aren't waiting on the other side of the Pearly Gates, I'm turning around and haunting my nephew.

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  16. When we packed up all of our belongings and moved to Argentina, our Standard Poodle Tate was with us. A big beautiful sweet boy. He was my Security Blanket. With my husband and that dog, I was never afraid or worried .. all was right in my world.
    We lived in Argentina for years, the 7th year Tate got sick. After many tests, we found he had cancer and he was dying.
    He walked to the park and was silly, there were times he would be his old self and I had such hope .. it was on his spleen so we had the surgery and his spleen was removed. I hoped that would give us a few more years.
    We only had a few more months.
    He died in our bedroom, with us lying on the blankets on the floor next to him .. the vet pumped him full of pain killers because she would not euthanize .. and he just slid into sleep.
    It has been about 4 years now I think .. it seems like less .. I still miss him every day. And with my husband dying .. that dog would have been a comfort.
    So I am all too familiar with the pang .. I still lie in bed sometimes and think if I just drop my arm over the side of the bed, I will touch his head ..
    I still have to gotten another dog .. it isn't time yet.

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  17. Aww, John, we all feel your pang...I found a blanket not too long ago during the move that Sydney, our 19yr old kitty, used to sleep on. It had his fur (shedding as cats do) all over it and I pulled some of it off and stroked it between my fingers. For a few brief moments I was taken back to his black silky fur.

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  18. Oh yes. A little while ago I found Medlyn's collar and bell. He has been gone for over ten years now - and I wept all over again.

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  19. Oh my . . .
    I ache for you . . .
    Our "fur love" has been ill . . .
    We can hardly bear the thought . . .
    I ache for you . . .

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  20. The first anniversary of our Monty's death is looming; I'm preparing myself.

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  21. Ain't no shame in loving so deeply. Meg was your special girl.

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  22. Scent is so powerful, it's like magic.
    I miss Meg too.

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  23. Yep it just hits unexpectedly x

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  24. Oh John......such a post....and with my favourite pic too..x

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  25. (((John))) I still have liver and white dog hairs stuck in the fabric seats of my car, especially in the gap between the two front seats where a lively big dog likes to stand to look ahead out of the windscreen. My second GWP died three years ago, and I have two black Labs now, but I can't bring myself to remove those last bright reminders of my wonderful pair of bearded liver and roan dogs, and all the fun places we went together.

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  26. Tears on my cheeks John. We all understand only too well. X

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  27. Oh God John that made me cry. Sending you massive hugs through the ether. It is why I am so hesitant to get a pet. I dont think I can go through it again.

    Much love Sol xxx

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  28. I had a 'pang' just reading this. Your writing is so descriptive John - sometimes I imagine I am there as a witness.

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  29. Over a decade since I lost my dog but I still cry for her.

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  30. A much loved dog is no different from a much loved human friend John, so it is only right that when we lose them we should feel - for ever - that sense of loss. I still miss all of mine and often feel sadness, but then I chose to have them, knowing that their lives are short compared with ours. Take comfort in your moment of memory.

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  31. We know what you went through, even though I appreciate that everyone is different. However, we can still recognise your pain.

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  32. There's a void in the pit of your heart for such a long time after losing a furry friend isn't there.

    Rather weirdly I was only thinking of Meg yesterday, I can't even remember in what context, but she and your loss were there in my mind.

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  33. Its incredibly sad to lose a pet. We lost 2 in 2015. The hurt is still very real for me.

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  34. A couple of weeks after I had had to have a much loved horse put down, I opened the boot of my car to put some shopping in. His numnah was in there, still covered in his palamino hair. I slammed the boot shut and burst into tears.
    It was the surprise/shock of finding something of his in an unexpected place. I just wasn't prepared for it.
    Sounds like it was similar for you.

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  35. Oh John...the minute I read your title I thought of Meg....it's so hard isn't it? I remember several years after our last cat died. We replaced our washer and dryer and there under the dryer were three little foam balls. No wonder we were always and forever buying new packs of playtoys for him.

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  36. This made me tear up, too.

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  37. Finished reading this plus all the comments so far and reached down to pick up my 9 year old 5 lb multipoo(maltese/poodle) for a long cuddle!

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  38. The first time I washed my car windows after I lost my boy I sat and bawled like a baby.

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