Tuesday, 3 November 2015

Hell And Tinsel

I hate shopping with a vengence
and I hate shopping in garden centre Christmas display areas even more
To me they are as pointless as a spare dick at a wedding.
But every year I subject myself to the annual "collection of the decorations"
in order to send some dear friends and my mother-in-law a load of 
old tat that they can hang on their trees and loop in front of the windows.
It's become a bit of a tradition.
Today, I subected myself to a half hour amble around the vast winter wonderland
at the local garden centre and I wasn't the only one.
The place was heaving with mostly middle aged and elderly women, most of whom 
looked as though they were enjoying themselves immensely.
The largest group were clustered around a dancing father Christmas who was bouncing around 
to the strains of " Jingle bell , jingle bell, jingle bell Rock"  
They were laughing like loons , and as I mused over whether to buy an obese smiling woollen turkey who was waving a sign which said " I love Christmas Pudding"
I caught the gaze of the only man in the group who looked painfully bored with
the whole sorry spectacle.
He mouthed the words " God help me" at me as the women continued to cackle  
And I gave him one of my most sympathetic smiles


47 comments:

  1. You couldn't even get me in that place. No way.

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    1. me either. I detest that bullshit holiday crap.

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  2. Sure you weren't looking in a mirror John? x

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    1. Hahaha ... brilliant :-)

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  3. Garden centres become a no-go zone at this time of year for that very reason, shortly followed by any shop that dares play christmas music over the PA.
    Thank goodness for internet shopping!

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    1. RAMEN, bro! and gift cards from local establishments!

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  4. My dad and me went for our usual Tuesday coffee and bun trip today. We made the mistake of going to a tinsel splattered garden centre. Quick drink and a couple of cake wedges, and we were out of there like s*it off a stainless steel shovel! So much crimble tat it made you reel! Bloody ridiculous.

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  5. Love Christmas day. Hate the rest of it!

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  6. I would have to be carried, kicking and screaming, into one of those places - it would be the only way.

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  7. So, what do your friends and MIL do with all those things after Christmas? Don't they have a houseload by now? That is a serious question ... We've been using the same stuff for thirty-five years and I don't know where we would put more of the same!

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  8. I have a friend whose family makes and shares a christmas ornament among themselves every yeary. It's all a big secret process and everyone looks forward to receiving theirs. They all come by mail as the family is a bit scattered. They're all so clever. One year my friend raided her mother's extensive collection of salt cellars and tied a ribbon around each to be hung on the tree. But they generally more than that. I must ask for a description of them and write a post.

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  9. P. S. I love your title.

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  10. Doesn't it feel good to catch the eye of the one other person in the room who feels the way you do ?
    Buenos Aires has no Christmas trees ( real ones ) because it is the middle of hot summer time there. And they don't really do the big over the top consumer driven stuff ... I liked it, my husband loved it .. I still got super presents though :)

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  11. I feel like an outsider looking in at this time of year. I sometimes feel the pull to participate and shop til I drop ... but I'm usually good at resisting.

    Maybe one year I'll surprise myself!!

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  12. Go on, you know you love it !
    Anyway, you've got to buy something nice for little Mary - it's her first Christmas, and Winnie might welcome a new fanny flannel......

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  13. As long as the recipients get pleasure from the 'old tat' that's all that matters! Just wondering - do you buy Christmas presents for your pets? It would be great to watch them unwrap them - you could share their antics on here! :-)

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  14. So funny we were looking a Christmas stuff on the same day.
    After running here and there yesterday, we stopped off at Cost Plus World Market, to check out the Christmas displays. It was a Monday afternoon and quiet. I enjoyed walking through all the ornaments and Christmas Cards. It puts me in such a happy mood. I found one ornaments for a gift but I never buy any for me. I don't need them. Thank goodness I didn't find any wrapping paper I loved.
    I like to wander early because being auto-immune I stay away from crowds and children with green snot.
    Plus I was sick this summer and my Christmas Card and gifts are not finished ! I need to work !
    Don't like shopping either, but I like to look at decorations sometimes.

    cheers, parsnip

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  15. You love it and you know it..and lucky those who will be the recipients of your excellent good taste.

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  16. Simone, we always bought Christmas presents for our pets :) A bone or toy for the dog, toys for the cats. This year I am giving my cats little mice stuffed with catnip. Nothing like a cat getting high :)

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  17. I went to Wyevale and turned a blind eye to the rubbish, can't be doing with it, too much, too soon. As for the spare dick, every weeding that I have been to has had more than its fair share of spare dicks, mostly grouped under the banner of dick heads, and some of them have been female.

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    Replies
    1. Ha ha ha ha , nice one Pam.

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  18. Even though we will not be decorating for Christmas this year -- what with moving in December and celebrating the holiday [Hanukkah and Christmas] with family in Chicago -- Tom still wanted to go look at the Christmas decorations when we were out shopping yesterday. It used to be fun because we would look for the most outrageously fabulous kitschy things to hang on our tree. But this time, I only went along because that's what husbands do. And even Tom lost interest after about two minutes.

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  19. Cheer up. Only another seven and a half weeks to go..
    Pass the humbugs.

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    Replies
    1. can't come soon enough for me. bah humbug.

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  20. I am surprised that the manager of the garden centre didn't approach you to ask if you would like a job as one of Santa's elves when the grotto opens just before Christmas. Winnie could also perhaps get a job as Baby Jesus in the nativity scene.

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    1. Sitting here giggling at the mental picture of Winnie wrapped up and lying in a cradle :)

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  21. Rather like the feeling I got the other week in the womens' clothing department of M and S, where I surveyed a row of bored men sitting on a row of chairs by the changing rooms waiting while their wives tried on various items.

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  22. A very difficult post to get my head around.

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  23. Maybe you need a new tradition? You could make---fruitcakes? Christmas puddings? Cookies?

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  24. Scrooge ! Bah humbug !

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  25. Its the tacky season I dread it...

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  26. Sorry John. I absolutely love everything about Christmas. Tinsel, tat and everything that goes with it. I have spent the past week knitting Christmas trees and baubles. We are planning to yarn bomb our local railway station. Google Nuthorpe Station Yarn bomb to see the current one :-) I can admit here to being a naughty knitter

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  27. Oooh, sounds like the Grosvenor!
    I shall avoid it like the plague between now and mid January!
    I love Christmas, but only from early December, this is all just too soon! X

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  28. For the first time in year's J is on sabbatical, I can send him to do all of that. I quit shopping at this time of the year. Not worth the toll on my nerves.

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  29. Christmas has got so over the top, it's absurd. If you don't have at the very least a tree, a wreath, room decorations, fairy lights, icicles, snow flakes, holly and a zillion Christmas cards, clearly there's something very wrong with you. What do you mean, a tree and that's it? Are you mad?

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  30. Gag...once upon a time, our Thanksgiving was the dam that held back the flood of Christmas folderol. Now only a few of us anti-consumerists still put up a game fight to hold the line, while the dam starts leaking in mid-October. I'm a total Scrooge until the last week of November.

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  31. I too don't lie shopping, if I have to do it then I leave it for a day and time that I figure will be the least crowded.

    But I do understand those elderly lady women making a fuss over what we younger call silly stuff. In their day crafts and homey get together's were the only way they could gather and crafts, the only entertainment. My grandma did it and I miss seeing the enthusiasm and joy that she got from such a simple things. sigh

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  32. oh, gawd - no lie...like.

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  33. I live near a Quaker village and they hand make some wonderful things, blankets, baby things, toys .. I might go there to see if there are any good presents to buy and to perhaps get a bit of Quaker calm around me for a few moments. I need some calm. badly.

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  34. I'll be so glad when Christmas is finally here because then it will be over. At least for a few months.

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  35. I don't even think about Christmas until Dec 23rd.

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    1. On presents...
      I beat you by a day... unless Christmas Day is a Monday!
      On decorations...
      we are probably both trying to get the damned lights to work at the same time...
      cursing because they were working perfectly when they went back under the stairs on the 6th of January!!

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    2. Neither does my husband - he leaves it all to me!!

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  36. I don't mind shops with decorations...
    they need the money...
    I don't mind people who must buy the current theme colour decorations every year... it is their life, probably their money... and they help the wheels go around and around....

    What I do mind....
    is...
    that...
    damned....
    ...
    ..
    .
    MUZAK!!!

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  37. I hate Christmas shopping with a passion, I hate the crowds, I hate the last minute panic for a present for so and so who just turned up with something for you even though you have never bought them anything before, I hate the parking and I hate all the "stuff". I do not need more "stuff". If you want to buy me something gift someone a goat or a couple of chickens... preferably abroad where people need help.

    Jo in Auckland, NZ

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    1. I'm with you on the stuff! I don't want any more stuff either and keep asking people not to send stuff at Christmas.

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  38. I buy my decor after christmas when the sales chime in...then store it away til the season rolls around again...

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