Monday, 23 November 2015

Happy Days


fair do's to the Prof,
I got home late after work this morning all tired and worn out and I was ecstatically happy when I found the cottage beautifully tidy with the dogs all lined up in a row waiting for me like the Von Trapp Children in front of the Baroness. 
I suddenly thought I was living in a parallel universe.
The worktops in the kitchen were cleanly  wiped down and free of clutter.
The washing up bowl was empty and smelling fragrantly like a posh girl's foo foo and the recycling was all organised and ready for bagging up.
As I wandered through the cottage, I began to notice other things.
Instead of being scattered around the living room with gay abandon, the sofa cushions were all neat and tidy and  not on their usual place on the floor where Winnie hurls them and upstairs the bed was made, and the bath room towels all put away!
Its a joy not to be faced with  minutiae of shite when you are tired.
I made toast and eggs for myself and shared the crusts with the dogs . Then I had a hot bubble bath and by 9.15 I felt all clean, zen-like and back to normal.
I put on clean jim jams and skipped to bed with a light heart.
..........and in my bare feet stood directly in a large mouse-gut pool of Albert puke which had thoughtfully been deposited in the centre of the bedroom floor.

62 comments:

  1. John, you never fail to produce a good punch line.

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  2. The Professor was incredibly thoughtful; Albert not so much. Guess he didn't want you to develop unreasonable expectations.

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  3. .......and it was all going so well! X

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  4. Could not have been worse for the mouse.

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  5. I thought it all sounded too good to be true

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  6. While the doggies are piped into a neat row Albert gives you the 'The Sight of Mouse-sick'. (Sorry, but that took AGES and I wasn't going to waste it.)

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  7. And what did the Baroness say upon stepping in the mouse-puke, I wonder?

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  8. Still; you have to laugh!

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  9. Normal service resumed then ! X

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  10. That made me laugh. Yuck ! Better than a dog poo perhaps ?

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  11. eeeeeeew! but bless the prof for his efforts!

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  12. See you can have it all...well, almost! How thoughtful of Chris!

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  13. And so it goes ....

    Perfection is over rated, there needs to be a bit of puke on the floor to keep the balance.

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  14. I thought you were describing a happy dream you'd had until Albert injected a dose of cold, hard reality into the story!

    Would love to have been a fly on the wall when you stepped in Albert's mess. Did you scream and curse? I would have!

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  15. Timing, it is all about timing, and this morning, you have it, LoL. Back for a scrub on the feet.

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  16. Oh well it was nice while it lasted .... ;-)

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  17. AHHH, Life, in all its glory :)

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  18. So much for gay abandon...leave it to Albert!

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  19. Ah yes.......another gift from the cat.

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  20. So not a parallel universe after all. The comforts of mouse gut puke to let you know you are where you belong.

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  21. Enjoy what you had, John, you know you have had lots worse. Poor Albert must have felt dreadful.

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  22. PRACTICALLY perfect.

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  23. You made me laugh out loud!!!! I absolutely love your stories. And it occurred to me the other day that you probably have a Welsh accent - is that correct? That's not a bad thing, but great 😳😳

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    1. He's got a Scouse accent.

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    2. I have not!
      I have a North Wales accent crossed with yorkshire

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  24. Eewww, the puke was probably cold. I've had that experience and it is such a surprise! Our pets are soooo giving.

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    1. Yeah right.but for just once ,...just once.......i would like to experience a body fluid free moment

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    2. I've had both cats and dogs for many years...
      I make sure I always wear slippers...
      when wandering around the house at night...
      nothing else... just slippers!!
      And...
      I'm probably chancing my luck here...
      our current black-as-night "tom"cat is a projectile vomiter...
      so far....
      just so far...
      he's managed to miss all but the toe of my slippers!!
      He also has a habit of leaving the green wibbly bits in main passageways...
      hey ho!
      It all makes for the rich pageant of life with pets....

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  25. Cold cat puke is preferable to what a puppy left for me once upon a time. still warm too ... blech !

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  26. just so you didn't get too carried away!

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  27. puke between the toes is better than cold duck poop on an icy porch when retrieving the newspaper in the morning. Consider yourself lucky!

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    1. Of course, im a happy old soul

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  28. The questions I have is what is a posh girl's foo foo and do I have one?

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  29. If it had been me....I would have screeched and then called the prof...even if he was at work.

    Loved that Chris did all the cleaning and tidying while you were at work...thoughtful guy! (Mardy)

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  30. Albert's take on the whole thing then ?

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  31. And I kept thinking to myself, if this were at my house, I'd be worried. Nothing like cat puke to ruin one's mood.

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  32. What a wizard of a story teller you are! You had me skipping along happily beside you all the way through and then, horror of horrors, I too, stepped in that puke. What a bring down!

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  33. Well, up until then....still a little reality keeps you grounded!

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  34. Well, up until then....still a little reality keeps you grounded!

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  35. Albert loves you.
    A small tiny gift.

    cheers, parsnip

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  36. I am so familiar with the tidal wave of cat puke between the toes...
    LOVED the gift that the prof gave you. Rather more than Albert's gift. Also from the bottom of his heart/stomach.

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  37. Back to reality. Bam!!!

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  38. It was all going so well.....

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  39. Isn't it amazing that one's bare feet inevitably find the ONE place where there is something squishy and awful to step in? I know I have a real talen for it! :)

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  40. Eeeewwww! Reality with a thump! And I was feeling all warm and relaxed too!

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  41. I don't get it...Are you saying that the washing-up bowl smelt like a Grimsby trawler after it has just off-loaded its catch?

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  42. I am kind of envious that someone stepped in duck poop. . I do have deer leaving things behind though .. lucky me ...

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  43. I KNEW it was too good to be true!

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  44. That was just to make sure that you really felt at-home!

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    1. True ... nothing says Home like stepping in a puddle of puppy puke.

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  45. The perfect ending to a beautiful blog!

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  46. One can only assume that you're guessing how a posh girl's foo foo would smell!

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    1. I have a wonderful imagination xxx

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  47. LOL, the mouse-guts in the silver lining of life. :)

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  48. How nice of the Prof!

    How ... normal ... of Albert ...

    And as usual your writing was delightful :)

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  49. nice, nice, nice, nice, ew yuk!

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  50. Good old Prof..how lovely for you....and the cat sick was just a reminder of normality....and class does not dictate the fragrance of the foo foo! x

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    1. exactly what libby said.
      my min is sweet and I am common(ish).

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  51. I'd have been worried that I'd walked into the wrong house well before stepping in the cat vomit.

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