Sunday, 21 December 2014

Fucking Secret Santa!

I worked a night shift last night and took in my secret Santa pressie to add to the pile in the unit office.
I had to buy for a nurse I don't really know, so I played safe and bought him, two expensive looking hand painted coffee mugs and some tasteful designer coffee. Ok not the most exciting of secret Santa gifts but you can't go wrong with Marks and Spencer's best, especially as you well exceed the 10 quid target price.
In between jobs I picked my secret Santa gift out of the pile ( regular readers may remember that last year I was given a bloody cheap and disgusting looking superman onesie ) and in a fit of expectant excitement I opened it!
This is what I found
A set of plastic deer antlers
Complete with " realistic" plastic " wood effect" plinth
Which was made in China

Even my patient , who was seriously ill , had the wherefore all to
say " that's a shit gift" when he saw them.
Hey ho
Off to bed


106 comments:

  1. John they are awesome...id be well pleased to get those instead it will be vile smellies , be glad your a bloke

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    1. I'll post them to you

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    2. Suggested by spotty teenager......they would look awesome on the Virgin mary in the garden

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    3. Send me your address

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  2. They'll look good-ish on one of the hen houses.

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    1. Good idea it's now on the turkey house

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  3. I wonder what would you like to get instead. This is realy a disapointmant I see.

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    1. It's hunk because I am fairy humourous at work...i tend to get " silly" gifts.....oh well I did make me laugh

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    2. Scotch eggs would have been nice I guess.

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    3. Too bloody right

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  4. Good place to hang aprons, coats, scarves, hats from. Will hide the thing whilst serving a purpose...

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    1. It's a great deal smaller than it looks in the photo

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  5. There's some strange people.

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    Replies
    1. Are you looking at me when you say that?

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  6. Oh Deer ~ you do get the bottom if the barrel don't you? I concur with Cro ~ install them in the Ukraine Village to ward of unwanted visitors.

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  7. Good thinking Dani. Perhaps the giver was recycling a previous secret santa. I don't think I would has the nerve.

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  8. They'll make for nice perches for the bantams.........

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  9. That's about right, it happened to me 2 years running and on the second I stood up and said that I had worked with all these people for 10 years and who ever thought that I would like a dressing up set of a waitress outfit needed to step forward and receive his or her just rewards. Need less to say the very red faced person slumped further down in the seat.

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    1. I do don't say much... My face age it away

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  10. Everyone is right John absolutely brilliant for perches.
    ( but a really cr*p present)

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  11. Find out who put them in and use to impale them?

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    1. Tee hee charlotte..a tad too hard for the christmas season me thinks

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  12. That is indeed a truly shit gift. Like Pam says, how could anyone who has worked with you for five minutes think you'd like an imitation hunting trophy? (Or a cheap and nasty Superman onesie for that matter.) Jeeze! What is wrong with some people! The mugs and coffee are a brilliant present, I hope the nurse who got them appreciates them.

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    1. Thank you for your classy xmascard btw xx

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  13. I got a scarf which matched the jumper I wear everyday. After the unwrapping everybody walks around with their eyes looking down to the floor. Eventually later in the afternoon someone will come over and ask if you liked it as happened to me last year when someone bought me a hat. It was awful but I had to pretend it was good because she had clearly genuinely put a lot of thought into it. I wonder why I get involved with Secret Santa every year especially as I am always working in a different department with people who hardly know me. I think the antlers reflect that somebody tried but failed.

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  14. Brilliant post! It certainly made me smile and many others i expect...Happy Christmas.....xx

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  15. I have to agree that it will be a unique addition to the Ukrainian village.

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  16. It truly is a unique gift but at least the onesie was practical!

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  17. Echoing Charlotte above, I bet you're just waiting for someone to ask you where you'd like to put them.

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  18. They have been the 'in' decorating accessory for awhile maybe they knew you had a cottage and couldnt afford the real thing but thought you would like something 'country'? Spray paint them with crackle glaze? to make them look old... Could Chris use them in his study at work?

    Secret santa is carp. more carp to clutter up the house.

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    1. I think he would prefer to stick needles in his eyes ! X

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  19. Weird pressie!! They must have looked interesting while they were wrapped up though :-)

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  20. what is it about Secret Santa that makes taste take a holiday?

    I think you should take them to the Ukranian Village, they'll look perfect attached to one of the 'hovels' - very Viking village chic - or deploy them as chicken perches.

    ps if someone had given me lovely mugs and coffee for secret santa I'd have kissed them.

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    1. Hovels?
      How very dare you! X

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  21. That is a piss poor gift for sure.

    I'm done with Secret Santa. After the tantrum someone threw at the last SS event I attended, I've decided not to ever do it again. Think of all the shitty presents tat get tossed or re-gifted every year. Lets all toss the extra 20 bucks into the Salvation Army kettle.

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    1. Do tell about the tantrum chania
      I love a good strop story

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    2. My mum in law volunteers for a local charity. At their Christmas dinner recently. one volunteer threw a strop because she received the same present as another volunteer who did less than her!!

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    4. I adore queeny strops like this..........worth sitting back and watching it all with a large gun and tonic xx

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    5. A large gun ... ha ha! You have to admit, there's a lot of comic relief in that auto-correct function :)

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  22. I gave a very vague gift of a bottle of prosecco and some chocs, I received a guinea pig nativity book, which I must admit, really made me laugh.
    Twiggy
    Ps Secret Santa really is a crap idea, unless you realy know what your gift recipient likes.

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    1. Now your talking
      A guinea pig nativity book
      Now that's class

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  23. That is a poor gift. If the antlers had been real then you could have sawn them up for dog chews

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  24. I can see them on a hen house, or set on the sides of a hat to wear on special occasions.

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  25. Grill ornament on the car! You'd stand out from the crowd in the parking lot!

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  26. Last year Jess received a cheap packet of festive themed knickers with the price tag still on for £3.99 - they were supposed to spend up to ten as she had....
    she wasn't impressed to say the least & was worried the sleazy kitchen porter had bought them for her.

    Thats an odd present John xx

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    Replies
    1. At least I didn't get 3.99 knickers!

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    2. Oh, John, don't even think it. The universe is listening.

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  27. What were they saying?...or thinking??

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  28. cheese louise, john, two years of shit gifts in a row! someone must hate you. I agree with the rest - give it to the chickens to shit on.

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  29. Chuffin awful. Could mount them on the front of your vehicle, p'raps not. Paint them in bright colours and hang a few baubles on them. Better still, chuck in the bin.

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  30. My advice is to wrap them up again right now, make a note to yourself to remember, and re gift them at next years Secret Santa. With any luck, the original giver will get them back.
    We had that Secret Santa thing at work for a while too. Some folk took it seriously and put a lot of thought into what they gave and other folk shopped at the dollar store. Why spend $10 when fifty cents will do?

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  31. Secret Santa... we do it at work too. My secret santa this year went WAY beyond the price limit. In fact, a few of them did, which then makes the rest of us look cheap. The most popular gift seemed to be booze. Did any of your colleagues give a bottle of wine? I would have liked your coffee cups! The antlers are ridiculous. -Jenn

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    1. Several bottles where wrapped up...unfortunately none with my name on

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  32. Have you ever thought of suggesting that you do away with the secret Santa idea once and for all. You may well find that everyone would be in agreement. I certainly wouldn't hang those antlers on my wall, but I would love the coffee and mugs - you see it all depends on the amount of thought that someone has given to the idea.

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    1. I won't be doing it next year
      I prefer to give the ten quid to charity

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  33. It's the kind of gift that Germans might come up with in their annual Schrottwichteln. As the antlers are plastic they could be used to enhance the rural beauty of the Ukrainian village.

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  34. The coffee would have made me very happy.

    One year, my coworker got a banana stand. Nobody knew what it was!

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  35. If it's the thought that counts .....wonder what they were thinking about when they bought it ?

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    1. Animals perhaps?
      I like animals?
      Even plastic chinese ones?

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  36. I wonder if you aren't on your secret Santa's sh*t list...
    Of course, maybe they had a great reason for selecting that item and you just haven't figured it out yet.

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  37. We have a " real" set of antlers, complete with furry face, inherited from pa in law earlier this year. Presently sporting a red nose! I am quite getting to like it actually. As someone said, they are very on trend at the moment. I agree that the Ukranian village is the best place for plastic ones though!

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    1. Thank you for your card btw francis
      X

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  39. Oh dear....oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

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  40. My husband withdrew from his work's Secret Santa after receiving a shovel one year, with a label which read "To help you shovel up all the **it you have to deal with around here!".

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    1. Oh dear...office politics

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  41. I could yarn-bomb them for you, if I thought it was worth it!! To think they'll end up in landfill and be on their way straight back to China on a very big and slow boat!!which is precisely where your cheapo gift-giver belongs!

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  42. Hi! never posted before but have read your blog. Your secret santa gift brought back a memory of a secret santa gift I once got - a papier mache (I think!) goose with a big red bow on him! Ha ha! What a hoot! I got a good laugh about that one. What are people thinking? And here I try to put some thought into gifts I actually have to give to people. If it wasn't so ridiculous, I would have been pissed off but it was too funny for words.

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    1. Welcome!
      To be honest I did gets bit of a hoot from the bloody thing....I was more amused by my own excitement before I opened the parcel

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  43. I would have gifted a real set...of horns.

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  44. Have not read all the comments so maybe someone has already pointed out that it's actually a perfect gift... for you to store and then contribute to the Secret Santa process next year. I suspect they may have disappointed many a person beforehand.

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  45. Hugs, John. A box of tea would have made a better 'cheap' gift.
    Maybe you can hang chicken treats from it out in one of the chicken runs!
    Merry Christmas!

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  46. Could you put them on the front of the Berlingo? Just an idea.. x

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  47. Goodness, there are so many gifts I would have picked out for you !
    I can't believe someone gave you that.

    cheers, parsnip

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  48. I would've given you a discloth covered in bulldog images to be dedicated solely for the less pleasant use you sometimes put discloths to.

    Regular readers will know. Anyone dropping in will wonder.

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    1. A fanny washer!

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    2. I can sense your delight at the prospect

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  49. On those occasions when I had to provide a Secret Santa gift, I always chose some special coffee and honey. Who could dislike coffee and honey?

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    1. Someone with a coffee and honey allergy?

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  50. Well, at least you won't put on weight, smell like a hooker, get a headache from drinking too much, or squeeze (or swim) in the wrong size of clothing ... why, it's almost the perfect gift :)

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    1. Jenny, I think I smell like a hooker most days

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    2. I meant from perfume!

      Oh, you knew that, didn't you?

      :)

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  51. I likes em! Just think - you could hang seasonal items on them throughout the year! ;) a colleague got an enamel mug with I heart camping on it and a face mask of Alan Carr. She wasn't best pleased!

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    1. Well I wouldn't enjoy a coffee with his face on the mug
      Those teeth!

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  52. Well, you could put it in your break room with a little sign For Sale to the highest bidder. All proceeds go to charity! Or, just throw the crap away! One office I worked at had some kind of deal where if someone liked your gift better than theirs they could take your gift and swap out. I thought it was crude and had no spirit of Christmas at all! The only secret Santa gift I ever received that was nice was a really pretty silk scarf. Next year rather than the secret stuff insist you have to put your name on the gift…then you know who the cheap asses are! Better still just back out and do not participate. Works for me!

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    1. I'm posting them to kate...........see first comment xxx

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  53. Replies
    1. That's been cut up for pan scrubs

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  54. It looks to be a 're-gift'! Good way to get rid of it, I guess.

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  55. Glad to read they are on the turkey house.

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    1. Now moved and sent to kate 1st commentator xx

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  56. Ok I will end this discussion
    With this thought
    ( it's 01.45 am and I have just finished a SAMS shift)

    A bit of simple research would have told the secret santa buyer
    1. A selection of scotch eggs
    2 a poster from The Walking Dead
    3,half a bottle of gin
    4 anything doggy
    5 a woolly hat

    Would have all been gratefully recieved

    Hey ho

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  57. One more comment if I may (time zones work against me!).

    We do a Kris Kringle (Secret Santa) at our office, too. This year themes were suggested for the gift buying. Two of us thought that instead of buying a bit of tat, we could donate our $20 a head to a charity. It didn't receive traction. People wanted their $20 bit of rubbish.

    So we set up a donation tin in the kitchen, instead. Nuffin'. Then I brought in a heap of seedlings that I had grown and some preserves I'd made and asked for a gold coin donation to the tin. We ended up buying a veggie patch for a community in Africa and the gift of sight for 2 people (Fred Hollows Foundation - a very worthwhile charity).

    We could have done so much more if everyone was prepared to 'sacrifice' their $20. There's nowt so queer as folk.

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