Phyllis Dietrichson

ToNight I took part in a City Lit zoom Lecture on Neo Noir (modern film noir movies ) 

We are studying The Long Goodbye 1973, Chinatown 1974 and Bodyheat 1981. 

I really enjoyed the lecturer’s take on things even though the other “ students” may have found my “ odd eyeball rolling  faces” on the grid a little bizarre as Dorothy spent 2 hours under my desk scraping the hard skin from both of my heels with her baby teeth. 

My favourite film Noir movie is the 1944 thriller Double Indemnity which features the glorious Barbara Stanwick as the scheming Phylis Dietrichson .I’m so glad we will be discussing her next week !

She was such a slag .

No other news to report ….this afternoon neighbours Mandy and Sailor John and I met up with Animal Helper Pat in the lane….it was her first walk after getting over covid and she was bright as a button. We slagged off the owners of the new build behind the cottage, who have been ruining Mandy’s washing with their bonfires…Pat looked well, a year ago, pre vaccines her story may have been so different . 

We all mentioned that 

I’m not going to choir tomorrow tonight…I’ve told Jamie I will only go when we can sing indoors….and he understands …..so tomorrow afternoon all I am doing is buying more agapanthus for the garden…fireworks of neon blue which will burst their colourful flower heads in every corner of the cottage garden .

I will arranged them amid the hostas and hydrangeas 

 

Random Thoughts……Night Duty

Ihad my hair cut before work tonight .

I have a stylist rather than a barber! 

This is a step up for me. 

She laughed when I asked for something to be done tonight, 

I told her it looked like shredded wheat.

Going through my trusty Filofax yesterday I noticed that I had a film Studies lecture booked for tomorrow night. The subject is film noir and it is a couple of hours after by Opera appreciation course, and so I was really looking forward to it, but I was rostered onto night shifts so had forgotten . 

Luckily a colleague is covering for me , which is sweet of her.

I’ve organised my Filofax ( yes I use a Filofax and not my phone!) and crammed it with E tickets for forthcoming excitements in between black sets of nights….! What fun!

An outdoor production of a Pride and Prejudice in Chester

An Sunday afternoon showing of Now Voyager and lunch at the Jaunty Goat

A Vivaldi concert in the Botanical House in Sefton Park

Catching Comets, ( another out door Theatre Clwyd production described as an end of the world rom com)

A spinal injury reunion in York

An Evening with Nigella Lawson ( I may ask Gorgeous Dave or Jason to that one if I can cope with their erections) 

And “ Spirit Hole” an evening with Simon Amstell at the Liverpool Philharmonic which was described excitedly as “ Spirit Hole is a blissful, spiritual, sensational exploration of love, sex, shame, mushrooms and more, and promises to be a night of unprecedented joy and laughter.”

Chic Eleanor texted this evening from the Italian Riviera saying she would graciously accept one of my invites.

I’ve also got Ben’s leaving do from work to fit in  ( he’s a bestie  a nurse who is moving to South Korea)

I’ve already sounded out Bridget from well street to see if she will make a cake with the Korean flag on the top of it.

 

I just noticed that I have astigmatism in my eye in the above photo

It reminded me of Nancy the cross eyed stewardess in Airport 75

The Call Of The void

 

Meirion gave me a lecture the other day about my downpipe.

He’s sweet, but has a habit of giving me a lecture about things.

It’s irritating because he is invariably right in what he says.

Those sort of conversations always are.

“ You’ll get damp in the upstairs bedroom if that leaks anymore” he noted seriously

I nodded, also seriously and promised to get it sorted 

He’d already suggested that I stake my graveyard laburnum 

I promised to do that, but haven’t got around to it.

Even though I’m a great list maker I still have lots to do

The downpipe does need fixing , but I am not the girl to do it. 

I cannot go up ladders to save my life.

I’m terrified of heights even ones just ten feet from the ground.

I am a right wuss.

I suffer from the syndrome The Call Of The Void

That’s where you get the urge to jump from very high spaces 

Luckily Facebook came to my aid and a quick plea for a handyman with his own ladder brought forth an offer of help, this time from said handyman’s partner who lives in the village. 

I hate it when workmen come around, I try to go all butch and understanding

Winnie just to blow them kisses.

So on nights I am making more lists

The downpipe is number one, and I’ve messaged partner to organise a meeting for me

Second on my list isn’t the laburnum, I’m being bolshy about that one and am ignoring the suggestion. 

Third, is the office walls which need repainting, the impetus for that is the new Bauhaus picture which will lovely of a muted yellow wall

I still haven’t finished my revalidation paperwork too……that was a job for tonight 

I’ve spent too long doing other things……..typical…in between patient care, I’ve been booking theatre and cinema tickets…..hey ho

There is fourteen things on my list

Buying a ladder will not be one of them.

Getting There

 Saturday is my general weigh in day.

I use the scales at work, which are hidden away in our physiotherapy department .

My total weight loss to date is over 23lbs 

,hopefully a few pounds more as I’m on nights tonight.

I have double that weight to go. 

I feel on track. 

Now only those with weight issues will understand how painful it is looking a photographs of yourself when you hate your size

A mirror doesn’t lie, ever…even though you may hide behind a friend when the camera comes out .

Simply dieting never works, you have to be in the right frame of mind to be able to let go of comfort eating

I’ve reached that frame of mind.

Thank fuck for that ! 

The poster is my latest purchase

Suo Gan,

 I did an overtime shift yesterday and today was a full day . Tomorrow I’m on three night shifts….yes

It’s a bit relentless after my holiday .

Thank goodness for Trendy Carol 

I Picked up the girls at dusk from her conservatory, to find that she had bathed both of them and brushed Mary to perfection . Carol ( dressed in so ring floaty ) also  reminded me that it was Mrs Trellis’ birthday today, a fact I had forgotten . So I popped around with a card ( I always have a selection in) .and slipped it through the letterbox .

Like many older people Mrs Trellis doesn’t like visitors after dark .

And To be honest I wasn’t quite up to a Trellis conversation .

I could see Mrs Trellis in the window of her living room

She was playing her piano with quiet concentration, her grey hair pulled back in a bun tied up with a pink ribbon

I could hear the music, seeping through the window as it started to rain gently

It was the welsh lullaby Suo Gan

It was a lovely little moment 

It wasn’t the only musical moment in the village tonight

On my way home I could see the hall lit up and the first socially distanced concert with Luke Johnson performing on behalf of Folk In The Hall  was in progress….

I listened to him singing from Chapel Street 

More sweetness

Organiser Kelda , and the FIRST village concert 

Since lockdown xx

A blog from three years ago

All the neighbour's lights have come on .

Walked bulldog in bare feet for last walk of the night. Stepped on frog

Frog screamed


I screamed even louder

Bulldog then swallowed frog

I then screamed again

Off to lie down in a darkened room

This still makes me feel slightly sick and vaguely hysterical all at the same time

I do so miss Winnie 

"... And I came flying"

In the 1990s I was fortunate enough to be enrolled on a six month course specialising in the care of the Spinally Injured patient. This was based at the Southport Spinal Injury Unit , which then had unique experience in caring for patients who had total paralysis of their bodies, including their muscles which initiated breathing. 

Many of these patients would be ventilator dependent for life.

I got very close to one man who I will call Jim.

He was in his thirties and had broken his neck in a car accident . The injury was so severe that he would need ventilatory support over night but could come off the vent during the day after which he could breath for himself albeit only for a few hours. He could feel his face and talk in a whisper but had no physical control over his limbs, body and head.

My shifts were always weekday mornings with afternoons off for study, and so every morning I would take Jim off the confines of the ventilator, wash, dress and feed him and prepare him for physiotherapy 

And every morning he would cry silent tears when woken with suction or the changing of his tracheostomy inner tubes.

One day I asked him about his morning bursts of emotion 

And I remember so well the conversation as we were alone in the hospital gardens, Amid the raised planters, which were specially designed to be viewed from a wheelchair.

They were full of lavender and rosemary as I remember

“ Every night I dream Im flying” he whispered “ And every morning I wake to this” 

And for the first time I properly realised the impact of injuries like his.

I couldn’t speak. 

What could I say? 

I just nodded and rested my hand on the side of his face, where he could feel the contact.

I was going to hold his cold unfeeling hand, but the gesture would have been lost, 

Jim killed himself a year or so later. One of the physiotherapists wrote to me to inform me.

He had simply stopped eating and had refused escalation of care when finally admitted to a general hospital with pressure sores and renal failure. 

There was no Dignitas back then and there was no where to go for a quadriplegic who couldn’t move his own hands to explore the usual methods of ending ones life.

He had to die painfully and without dignity 

Which is a place no one should go.

The above clip is from a film I watched last week called The Sea Inside  ( Mar Adrendro) 

It is about the struggle of a Spanish sailor Ramon Sanpedro, who fought for nearly 30 years to be allowed to die after his spinal injury accident.

It’s a hard watch 

This scene brought my conversations with Jim flooding back 

Of his tears in the mornings 

And his dream flying at night 

Freedom is Coming

I met my friend John from Sheffield this evening . He is on holiday in North Wales with his family. A family I know well but haven’t seen for a long time. His wife, a soft spoken Sheffielder I last saw at my wedding. His daughter at her wedding. 

Now the daughter has children of her own and I remembered when I first met her, the day I moved in next door to their terraced home in Hillsborough, when she was just a doe eyed beautiful child  

John’s wife hugged me when we met and I could feel her quiet affection for me. The fact that I hadn’t seen her since my wedding suddenly and strangely hurt a little and I jumped into slightly manic jolly mode to exorcise the feeling.

I was a fair way from home so didn’t stay late, 

But it was lovely to see them all.

On the way home found a lost CD in the glove compartment which Jamie out choir master ( with his RAF 1940s Moustache) had recorded for us two years ago now.

The South African song Freedom is Coming , was the one I found first

And I sang it at the top of my voice , for the three quarters of an hour drive home in the rain.

I so miss choir 

crocs

Dorothy chased Albert and knocked him over in an over exuberant moment of giddiness after I got home and so, tiredly I told her off quite vociferously, a wooden spoon waved angrily in hand.

She stormed off in a fit of pique, flinging herself dramatically onto the kitchen floor and without me knowing she has just chewed the heel straps from the back of one of my crocs

 

Whale

I have a new wooden whale in my kitchen I say

Of course you do you say 

Roses Around The Door

* thank you

I got home around 2 pm and found that I’d not stockpiled  antibiotics as I thought. It took me until 6 pm to  sort out a prescription from out of hours. 

I felt like shit until bedtime but I did sleep a broken , toilet visiting sleep

I feel better this morning

Washed out but better. 

I’m going to ask my urologist for long term antibiotic therapy.

I’m pottering around the cottage today.

The sweet peas look lovely on the wisteria arch with the  purple buddleia providing a striking backdrop. 

The climbing rose by the front door has burst into flower
 

I think I’m the owner of the only cottage that actually has roses around my door. Well to be honest roses and honeysuckle .

It looks lovely 

I’m a bit tired today…Dorothy and I mooched on the trendy couch…me reading , she snoring. 

Mary is upstairs on the bedroom window seat watching out for rabbits.

Then,only an hour ago.when I reviewed my junk folder emails , I saw that I was supposed to start an Opera Appreciation Course at the City Lit at lunchtime. I had forgotten about it as I was supposed to be travelling home from London today….what fun……every cloud has a silver lining ….

So fortified with a bucket of coffee, a big pee and another antibiotic I’m now set for some  culture 

* thank you to Keith from Sheffield for the t shirt you didn’t give me a return address for me to thank you properly ….I’m wearing it today x

Bloody Hell!

 Mave was right in his comment of yesterday

“ Rough” was exactly how I looked.

I looked rough because I was ill. 

Two long days on shifts on the hottest days of the year prior to almost two days walking around London had left me dehydrated. 

In the bustle of work and pleasure I had forgotten to drink and by Borough Market , I felt my lifelong nemesis, a rip roaring urine infection, set in. 

By the time I got back to my hotel to change for Nu’s get together I was passing blood and was shaky.

I am susceptible  to urine infections , for reasons I don’t need to go into here and I was angry at myself for the fuck up but I knew all I could do was to hole up in my hotel room and drink gallons of water .

So that’s what I’ve done, with around three hours sleep. 

An irritating end to a lovely couple of days and I’m feeling sorry for myself 

It always seems that I’ve pulled myself up by my bra straps only to come  crashing down in some sort of physical or mental jacuzzi ….

I missed Nu’s party and today I will miss a mutually flirty soho lunch and cinema at the Curzon  with my friend Alex which was a let down but the only thing I need now is to rehydrate, and take some prophylactic antibiotics I have at home 

….And rest

Hey fucking ho

Borough Market

 

The Photographer’s Gallery visited this morning.it’s tucked away just off Oxford Street. Then clothes shopping. Then Tate Modern briefly, before meeting my great niece Ellie at Borough Market.

I’m knackered and just having a coffee before tubing it across town to Ealing to meet Nu

I had a Ginger Pig scotch egg for lunch.

I could hardly carry it

"Prayer" from Come From Away

I have seen Come From Away before, but I haven’t seen an audience so hungry in their enjoyment on what was on offer. The comedy musical had a standing ovation first time I saw it but last night’s performance had everyone on their feet well before the last song had been sung.

Even the actors looked surprised.

I think Come From Away with its message about finding goodness in adversity had a resonance with a post lockdown audience. It’s a feel good sticking plaster in a sometimes ugly world 

Revisiting An Old Friend

On my way through Chinatown soho

Tomorrow, after some shopping I will meet up with Nu and a lot of old faces.

Today, I’m on my own

London was hot this morning, but not as drastically hot, by all accounts as yesterday.  I popped down the Northern line to Waterloo and ambled under the trees on Southbank’s Queen’s Walk, where I drank coffee and watched people for an age. 

From there I mooched back into town, had a drink in Soho and perused the bookshops and arty bespoke shops down the side streets of Covent Garden

I am now having an early dinner at Dishoom on upper St Martin’s Lane before I go to the theatre.

Dishoom was a favourite restaurant when I was married. 

It was nice to reclaim it again.

Going to a restaurant on my own is another milestone for me. Before I’ve always had the cushion of friends to buffer that feeling that I am a singleton. But today, I’ve grabbed the bull by the horns and booked myself a table…FOR ONE !!! 

It’s all rather New York….well that’s what I’m telling myself anyway.

Dishoom has delightful food.

I’ve ordered the spicy lamb chops, the house black daal, the gunpowder potatoes and a Naan.

My iPad is my buffer, but to be honest, I realise that no one gives a flying fuck if I’m sat on my own or with Sarah Jessica Parker. 

I’ve told you already that I’m returning for a second visit to see Come From Away tonight. The musical has reopened just yesterday and I adored its story of kindness and hope amid the chaos and destruction of 9/11, when I first saw it.

For those few that don’t know, Come From Away explores several themes and stories set during 9/11 where over seven thousand people were stranded from  38 planes in the small Newfoundland town of Gander. The townsfolk had to house and feed AND clothe the passengers during those very dark days in 2001 and that story makes for an uplifting, tale of the goodness of people.

Hot

The heat wave continues 

Little sleep….bit cranky 

 

Ruth

 God it’s hot 

I’ve just joined all of UK social media by mentioning this 

I can complain a bit because I’ve just done 12.5 hours in PPE 

I SMELL like a sumo’s nappy.

Thank you to manager Emma who arranged for some Italian ice cream to be dropped off for staff and patients xx it was bliss 

It was 9.30 pm when I sat down after work, the dogs are panting in the 21 degree evening heat 

The house is ready for Ruth to take over tomorrow when I’m off to London

This is my friend Ruth

A lifesaver, my dog baby sitter , hospice nurse extraordinaire, mindfulness advocate and loyal friend 

I love this photo of her and mary

Agapanthus

 Hospice flower Beds

Best Laid Plans

 

Come From Away

I’m going to London again on Friday.

I will be returning on Monday.

Originally the weekend was more or less sorted. 

Friday was geek day with my nephew Leo, ( we had obtained tickets for comic con for an exhausting 8 hours looking at super heroes and zombie killers ) and Saturday night was booked Nuala’s post covid friends from far-from_away…get together. 

Sunday I’m planning to meet a friend Alex for art house cinema and soho drinks…so the bare bones planned seemed an electric mixture which I could dovetail with some niche London on-my-own things.

Covid has meant Geek day is cancelled until November ( my nephew was incredibly sanguine about it all) and Nu’s party has been cancelled due to track and trace.

Undaunted I’m filling in the gaps 

So people give me some ideas…fucking hell I'm still going

I have pockets of Friday, Sat and Sunday to fill…..Friday night I’m going to see The musical Come From Away again and Saturday night will still be “Nuala” time but apart from a few hours on Sunday afternoon with Alex , I have lots of time to do interesting things….so what do you suggest? 

I’m working all day. tomorrow , so will have only tomorrow night to sort out my ( your) ideas

What fun….

Can’t wait …..

What do you recommend ? 

Hey ho xx

The gayer the better xx

Warm

 This was the view of Llandudno this early morning

Glorious. I'm back at work