A Difficult Brexit

The abandoned cockerel was rehomed today.
He remained incredibly bad tempered and I had to employ the duck egg blue oven gloves again, to manhandle him back into his cardboard box, so violent was his spur covered karate feet..
An old chicken experienced contact of mine had agreed to take him on and half way to his farm this morning  ( and on the A 55 expressway) the bugger started to kick his way out of his original cardboard box, much to the hysteria of the dogs who where bunched fearfully together in the opposite side of the back seat as the cockerel bellowed like bull.
I was forced to pull over in St Asaph and after a brief struggle I managed to hobble the cockerel with a dog lead then quieten him by pulling a hastily removed sock over his head.
He looked like the oddest of kidnap victims by the time we got to our destination
"Has he a name? "the gentleman farmer asked as he gave me my sock back with a look of incredulity
 " Brexit !" I told him and in way of some explanation added " He arrived last Thursday night! 
" That....doesn't bode well" the farmer sighed as he wrestled the cockerel under some sort of control
As I drove off, I could hear him yelling at Brexit as the pair headed towards a barn
" Whoooa yer bastard !" 
What have I done , I thought 

This afternoon, I met Cheryl who is an old friend from my psychiatry days for a long lunch in Chester
We have known each other over 34 years.
And we still can't take a proper selfie between us

And are wearing the same magnification Poundland specs !!!

Little Women

Prof Bhaer

Most of us know the filmed versions of Little Women.
I would guess the faithful 1994 and the more saccharine 1949 films would spring quickly to mind rather than the more unlikely 1933 movie but one way or another most of us would have our favourite Jo's and most tearstained Beth death scene.
I've always enjoyed the nineties version and bits of the post war one, and so I was a little sceptical about seeing Greta Gerwig's more feministly robust version.
I found the messages of women's empowerment slightly heavy handed much preferring Alcott's powerful original prose. Indeed one scene where the saintly Marmee ( a nice turn by Laura Dern ) gives advice to the headstrong Jo ( Saoirse Roman) by saying " I hope you'll do a great deal better than me. There are some natures too noble to curb and too lofty to bend."..Lingers long in the psychi.

I enjoyed this movie. It's worthy, lovely to look at and filled with some lovely performances by the four female leads.
But it is a tad overlong even though for my money so could have sat through another hour of the Professor Bhaer character on screen.
As played by the very sexy Louis Garrel he put his previous counterparts Rosano Brazzi and Gabriel Byrne well into the shade

The Mystery Guest

I've arranged it
If I die in the non too distant future my colleague has agreed to do something for me at my funeral.
Picture this.
A hall of sorts, ( Not a Church) 
Everyone ( and there is a full house) is seated
The coffin is a pretty wicker one with meadow flowers on it and is situated at The front of the central aisle.
The celebrant is just about to start his address when there is a bang of the hall doors
A mystery woman enters.
All dressed in black.
Large hat
Thick veil
In her right hand a single red rose
In her left a white handkerchief.
The celebrant ( who is in on the ruse) welcomes the latecomer and graciously asks her to sit
She walks very slowly down the aisle, her high heels clip clopping on the wood floor and she sits on the front row to the left.( where a seat has been reserved for her)

The service resumes ........with everyone muttering in stage whispers
" Who is she ?" 

( The Mystery guest may also be a similarly dressed man but That me be a difficult find at short notice )

Shouting Into The Wind

We all need to feel that we have some sort of voice in this strange world we call life.

One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.      

Bryant H. McGill

Surprise Cock

After nights I found a cornflakes box just inside the front gate
In it was a tall and VERY angry red and black adult cockerel
He has one in sours and knows how to use them.
It took me three attempts with a pair of baby blue oven gloves to get him out of the box and into the shed.
There I have left him with a bowl of porridge oats and Albert's water dish.
It's been two years at least since someone has dumped their unwanted fowl on me.
I just can't be arsed this morning as I am tired so...I'm going to soddin bed

Quotes of The Day

Mrs Trellis never puts her bobble hat on properly
It's one of her little foibles
She wears it straight up, pixie style, with the Pom Pom erect as if starched
Can you starch wool, I wondered as I approached
She was standing on her front lawn when I saw her and she looked cross
" My Lawn's a martyr to moles" she sighed cryptically

Trendy Carol ( lovely winter coat in brown btw) is worried too. Her lovely Welsh terrier Seren is poorly and is awaiting blood tests. I told her to text me when she has some news.

Mr and Mrs W, I saw as they emptied their car boot of groceries. Both complained that they haven't seen me for a while.
I apologied and Mrs W whispered that she was having Botox treatment for a dicky bladder the following week
" I 'm up eight times a night at the moment  !" She ventured
I sympathised  as I am only up twice

We have a new postman. He seems cheerful enough but I did catch him sticking two fingers up at Mary this afternoon as she barked at him through the window

really?

The only person I spoke to today was neighbour Mandy
As usual she was rushing to get somewhere
"Any News?" She called out as she shot past the cottage
" I'm making a fat horse in pottery class " I shouted from Bluebell's bumper
Mandy stopped short with a puzzled look upon her face
" Really? " she said
"Yes!!!! the legs are a bit stubby but I'm rather proud of the rest!!" 
" Really?" Mandy called out again
" Yes!!! It does look more like a Shetland pony though" 
Mandy then laughed loudly and before she darted up they lane she shouted over her shoulder
"That's good ....I had a turn for a moment as I thought you said you'd made a fat whore!" 

Spring Cleaning

The Sooty cupboards are now empty and the mortuary type black plastic rubbish bags are in growing lines outside the backdoor.
Papers have been read and filed
Christmas decorations of happier times wiped clean and boxed.
It's therapy time for the old and the unused.
Old photographs will be posted away tomorrow.
I buffed the silver teapot my mother gave to me when she was drunk until it gleamed
And the Virgin Mary sent to me by Charles in the south of France has been dusted.
I'm not religious but I can't quite place her in the unwanted bin...it wouldn't seem right.
Twelve shelves in two faded green cupboards
57 years of someone's life
School reports, nursing certificates, and a graceful Staffordshire flatback greyhound bought from a Lincolnshire antique shop one romantic Sunday.
I polished him and placed him in the window
A Garfield with sooty eyes still smelling very slightly of 1980s perfume
Old pens, a screwdriver with a Scotty dog bitten handle
A pebble in the shape of a heart
£3.42 in change
16 old batteries
A cheap vase my grandmother once held, I saved that....
I could go on ..........
But I haven't the time

A Herd Of Fat Ponies

My pony is the rear one

 My sisters and I glazed our little fat ponies at pottery today. Mine should turn out a pleasing Art Deco earthenware green.
He will be ready next week
My sisters made heart shaped bowls while I messily fashioned a new cat bowl for Albert ( complete with his name on it !!!!)
Before class I went to the funeral of my Ally mcBeal patient. The dogs sat in Bluebell as I sat in the back row of the crematorium and I cuddled them when we went for a walk after the service.
The last time I sat on the back row of a crem was at my father in laws funeral and it was hard to have the reminder
I never wanted to sit in the cheap seats ever again

I fell asleep in the cottage arm chair when I got home and bloody well missed Choir which annoyed me
I woke up with clay in my beard, with it splattered on my trousers and with it dotted on the bridge of my spectacles

Oh, my love, my darling
I've hungered for your touch

Fanny-arsing

I'm watching the National Holocaust Memorial and cried buckets when the survivors of several world holocausts lit candles for the dead.
I've been pissed off on this day of reflection,
A day not to be selfishly pissed off I guess
I shouted at the irritating little man who uses his bad tempered husky type dogs pull him up the Dyserth Walkway on a skateboard.
As usual he made a big drama  play of telling them to be be good boys as they lunged to snarl at Mary and the crouching Dorothy and this morning I told him in no uncertain terms to
" Stop FANNY- ARSING ABOUT and move on!!" 
( For those that don't know, someone who is "fanny ars[e]ing about" is someone who is making a silly meal out of something)
The man started to argue but stopped when I waved him off with Benedict  Cumberbatch waft " Be off with you!!" 
What was I thinking?
I also had a bit of a falling out with my dog insurers on the phone and told two chattering women off in the cinema for talking......TWICE!!!
Like I said I've been out of sorts today.
I know why....but that's not for here

The film 1917 was an inspired choice of movie today.
A simple story of how two young soldiers infiltrate enemy lines in order to stop a foolhardy and suicidal British attack on the German forces was made into a first rate cinematic experience by its technical genius .
You will be simply blown away with the cinematography which gives the feel that the entire film was shot in just one long continuous take.
It's a revelation to watch Roger Deakins work on screen as at every step the soldiers make the camera is there swooping in and around the action with the agility of a hummingbird.
The visuals literally take your breath away.
From the visceral horror of no man's land, the audience " lives" the major set pieces with the actors. And so we are all trapped in an underground bunker,running scared in a burning and devastated Belgium town and are inserted into a crowd of soldiers who are listening to a melancholic prayer/song before they are sent over the top.

It's truly magnificent to watch.....and the wonderful cinematography is supported admirably by the film's editing by Lee Smith and its truly epic score by Thomas Newman
Go and see it on the big screen , you will be blown away
And don't fanny-arse around either!!!!!!

Sorry Wrong Number

It's been a quiet day.
Got up at 8 ish and walked the dogs, then we all went back to bed until 11...
Avocado on sourbread toast for breakfast
Then the beach with Dorothy and Mary.
Winnie is now too old for a sand walk
I didn't speak to anyone until 6 pm when I rang my friend Nigel for a natter
The village was dark and cold just now after Mary and I ventured out with a thank you letter to post
The letter was addressed to the manager of the building society who employed the wonderfully professional ( and heavily made up ) Leanne . The woman who after much pouting and computer effort sorted out my mortgage for me.
Her wonderful false eyelashes, which battered away like two pairs of butterfly wings always reminded me of Betty Boop's
She went beyond the usual hoops such works go to, in order for me to secure the cottage

I was reminded to send the thank you letter of praise after Friday morning's coffee and text break at work. Worrying that Dorothy was a bit loose in the bowel department I texted Paul , the sexy bearded dog walker with the following message

" Can you let me know if Dorothy has the shits today? She's already left a bloody skid mark on the bedsheets!" 

Only I didn't send the message to the " Hound"  hotel !!!
Oh nooooo..........
I sent it to Lianne at the Halifax  building society

Fair doos
Lianne was plucky enough to text me right back

" I will ask around the office for you but I don't think she will own up to anything as embarrassing!" 

How Lovely

Do you remember me telling you about the patient I " Ally mc Beal "danced with ?
Her relatives brought me in a gift organised by her today
Gin, proper tonic and a load of lovely fresh lemons with a covering hand written card

Dream Dinners

Yesterday I was sent a copy of a newspaper cutting from 1998
It was from the Sheffield Star 

What are your answers ??

Who would be on your guest list?

What would be your ideal venue?

What food would you serve?

What music would you play?

Who would you have doing the washing up?

Anyone you would not invite?

God I Looked young!

Damp

The cyclamens I planted out  atop the garden wall are struggling to bloom in their water soaked pots and everything outside looks a sad and wet brown/green
This winter has been consistently damp  and depressing and today's day off ( sandwiched between long work days) has found me pottering.
I had half arranged to catch up with Jason the affable despot at the pub, but what  I think I need more is some soup making, a long hot bath and a few telephone calls and so we've made a raincheck until the next pub quiz night.
From the kitchen window I can see Albert braving the drizzle as he sits quietly watching a mole hill growing in the graveyard.
He's got a thing about the moles since their recent and rather surprising arrival at St Michael's.
The evening mist shrouded the village in an anti social blanket as dusk fell
And the smell of spiced butternut squash filled the kitchen

Ally

A little while ago a patient asked me if I had a bucket list of my own

They died a day after our conversation 

" I want to have the confidence to be able to dance spontantiously in public" 

I told her

"Like they did on Ally McBeal" 

She replied

Understanding perfectly 

and we both did a version of this silly dance

In her sideroom

Me in my uniform and she in her pyjamas

Good Morning!

I wanted a lie in today

No way

Now I want to get to sleep

Fat chance

Before that I burnt my tea

And after a promising start

Had A very busy day

And now, I just

Want to

Kill, kill kill them all........

Soot

I got the forehead soot off for choir but missed the moustache bit.
( no hot water until later..)
Gentleman farmer Peter told me I looked like ageing Welsh Hitler!!!!
It was great to be back at choir tonight we learned another Norwegian Reindeer clapping song
And Jamie ( with his 1940s RAF moustache ) had us stepping in time again which amused Hattie no end

Dirty day

Today has been a dirty day
Ive swept the chimney , threw my first pot and still covered in soot and clay am just about to go to choir
The interbet is down and the chimney is still smoking

Jojo Rabbit

A comedy where Jojo, a Nazi obsessed ten year old German boy (Roman Griffin Davis) and his invisible best friend Hitler (Taika Waititi) have to deal with the prospect of losing the war, a Jewish girl hiding in the attic, his mother's secret resistance work and the normal problems of growing up, doesn't sounds very likely but Waititi, who wrote and directed this odd little piece has crafted not only a very funny satire of every Nazi film ever filmed but has produced a gentle and an incredibly warm piece on growing up and the loss of innocence .
I am glad it was a comedy , for if filmed as a straight drama it would have lost buckets of charm as well as gaining an overload of trauma and misery.
The movie, at times is laugh-out-loud funny,
However when the reality of true horror of the story needs to be shown then Waititi shows them with such subtle power that those scenes literally rip your heart out

Johansson, a lovely turn

It took at least ten minutes for me to settle down after the quite amusing Hitler character charms himself into the action ( boy did this feel wrong) but after this the wonderful acting and sensitivity by Davis in the lead role and the performances from Scarlett Johansson and Thomasin McKensie ( as
Jojo's mother and the girl in the attic respectively) all drag you in to a story which is all about how a child sees his world .
I must also say something about the child actor Archie Yates who pops up as Jojo's overweight but relentless cheerful and pragmatic best friend. He almost steals the show. His final scene where he and Jojo experience the front line against the advancing Russsian forces is incredibly poignant especially as his character puts down his machine gun and admits that all he wants to do is to go home to cuddle him mother.

The delightful Archie Yates

Jojo Rabbit, like every satire of horrendous real events, has a great deal to say
But it also works as a simple story of a little boy growing up
And on both levels it succeeds in bucketloads .

Lazy Sunday Post