Gifts

 Have I told you it’s my birthday tomorrow?

It’s all me me me , lol

My shift is going ok, and my weak arm is holding up, to be fair the night is quieter than usual but I have taken the “ heavier” patients in order to stretch myself physically

I’ve been thinking what my most favourite birthday gift has been……

Finlay….

Hildegarde

 

The FedEx delivery man liked my dinosaur

“That’s Cool” he observed as he posted the envelope through the open window

I preened

It’s always nice to have one’s dinosaur complimented. 

I thought it was a birthday card.

It wasn’t 

It was a gift of banknotes with a kind message which said “ a graduation gift…”

I was moved into a shocked silence

It was sent from a faceless Hildegarde

A name which conjures up an interesting accent, a round kind face and a mysterious past.

Sometimes it’s hard keeping upbeat

I’ve had to resort to bra strap pulling on many an occasion, 

Fake it to make it, 

When ill health has compounded those loneliness of days or self doubt has questioned the validity of the last piece of academic work I handed in without someone on the other side of the kitchen table to say “That’s not at all bad”

Hildegarde’s gift has come at the most opportune of times. 

I’m working tonight and don’t really want to.

And her gift has boosted me today. 

As had my video presentation on Grief Therapy result, 

which has just undergone its second marker check

Another A 

How wonderful is that? 

I’m  sharing that with you all because I have no one else to share that with.

I’m sharing Hildegarde’s kindness because it was kind and much appreciated 

A birthday gift from Nu arrived today as did a smattering of cards, 

I took the Welsh for a walk and out for breakfast 

They shared a cheesy flatbread and I had my coffee and porridge 

And we ate in Bluebell overlooking the sea

Together

Man Crush

 Did I tell you that I’m 63 on Sunday?

Am I too old to have a man crush?

Well I have

Jason Mantzoukas

Hair like an unmade bed,

Beard like a rabbit nest

I’m smitten

Have him wrapped up and sent round 

Giselle

 

Sometimes we limit ourselves because of effort and boxes which we construct around ourselves. The broken handle on the back door is a case in point, I’ve lived with it for months now, and only recently has it got on my tits enough for me to fix it today.

And that’s satisfying as fuck! 

Today I’ve decided that things need doing.

I read with interest that the National Ballet Company of Japan is guesting at the Royal Opera House in July. It performs Giselle and I’m bloody well going to the Saturday matinee, I suspect it will be a delightful experience so bish, bash, bosh , I’ve got me an ok seat and an early train to London.

I’m on a roll today. 

Patterns

 “John does find positive comments difficult to hear and has a tendency to be more comfortable with negative feedback, this continues to be work in progress for him.”

I am reflecting on this sentence. Just one from an excellent three page report from my supervisor , she’s perfectly right, that this continues to be a work in progress for me.

My 1970s childhood was devoid of parental praise and that’s why it feels awkward when I’m praised by authority figures. I’ve always understood that dynamic it’s the go to dynamic of me returning to negative praise that’s I’ve now understood more and more, even I though I’m a man rapidly approaching his 63rd birthday 

Stopping yourself returning to what you know ( but also what you despise ) can be difficult but it’s perfectly doable with practice. 

I’ve reread my supervisor’s report and have accepted the positives therein  

Hey ho

It’s my birthday on Sunday ( Janet’s too) I think her birthday gift will feature another London trip or somewhere further afield .

Mary is back home, where she should be, Trendy Carol and her hubby, loved having her, I have a sneaky idea that they would love to adopt her

But she’s home Roger watching her carefully

Garden

As requested a video of the garden

Everything is incredibly dry

A Good Day

 

Sometimes you make your own good day

Other times it’s made for you.

Today has been a bit of both.

I got up early, and amongst jobs cut roses and honeysuckle and euphorbia from the garden  and put them in a gaudy Welsh jug that was doing nothing.

Roger and I went for a sausage breakfast on Colwyn Bay Promenade then went to the hospice to retrieve my emails as he tottered around the staff, bumming treats.

At midday I met up with some of the hospice staff for lunch and a haircut and a gossip . 

They are a nice bunch, and I could feel their good ( and very black) humour lift my psychi

This evening it’s two video calls with friends in Manchester and Sheffield

It’s been a perfect day

Quite lovely 

Pottering

 Im sat in the forcourt of a busy garage and shop in St Asaph waiting to meet with my counsellor and her hubby who have my final report documentation for university. 

Im feeling a bit like an over the hill drug dealer but they dont, im sure, eat McDonald's porridge with a cardboard spoon when waiting to meet

Ive bought her a pretty yellow lilly as a thank you. 

Today has a flower theme as im delivering flower show programmes with Randy Roger in tow. Mary is resting under the gentle eye of Trendy Carol's hubby, a man who will spoil her rotton.

Ive had a long chat with my boss at work yesterday and have we have agreed to a phased return starting next Friday. This means I will effectively work one shift and two study day shifts in three weeks, enough time to see how I feel and more space to review my options.

My supervisor reflected that its been an awful year for me so far, which I disagreed with. I do however think that it is a pivotal one where work and choices are concerned

This weekend will be useful to contemplate my options