Vets

The twelve year old vet examined Winnie in the car park.
He agreed that the sudden lump on the old girl's neck looked nasty, especially as she has lost weight recently . He was also surprised when she gave him a wet kiss as he knelt in front of her.
" She's a friendly old gal" he said in an broad Irish brogue
" You will never know!" I told him
Winnie went off with him without looking back.
I had already agreed that we were not doing any heroics if things looked bleak.

I've not long picked her up
No cancer this time
Antibiotics and cream and a vague worry of future deterioration is a bonus as she is already on borrowed time and making the most of the necessary trip over the Welsh Hills we stopped briefly at an isolated  beauty spot layby and shared a shop bought sandwich

Our sides touching firmly like only old buddies can do.

Bits

Outside my solicitors office this morning

When I am not working, home routine has found its own level.
In the morning the girls and I now go down Gypsy Lane which is part bridlepath part livestock path hidden between fields that leads out south Westward of Trelawnyd towards Dyserth.
I make brunch when I return ( in an effort to cut down on one meal a day)
The girls often go to Trendy Carol's in the afternoon for a change of scene, she has a big garden, ideal for galloping around.
Mornings the same Village characters pass by.
Terry from the flowershow microwaves his breakfast when out with his dogs and it's perfectly cooked by the time he gets home
dapper Tim ( bright but not dim) stopped to have a brief chat about humanity and divorce
Pippa from the rectory , Mrs Trellis with her erect bobble hat.
I see them coming down the lane and suddenly find myself sweeping the patio in order to have an excuse to say hello.
I recognise the behaviour in some older, more isolated people of the village, before all this virus thing came forth .....
Note to self to be a little kinder with my time in future.

In Llandudno, the quiet streets have encouraged the mountain goats to come down from the Orme
This morning they have run amok in the buisness side of town ....
How things change when the dominant species hides away for a week!

As you can see from the previous post, I managed to get sorted my own personal protective equipment in the shape of the PAT tested facemask. I saw three people I used to work with on ITU and they all asked if I was going back.
The hospital looks tense and ready for action

Out of the blue, Winnie has some sort of growth on her neck.
I'm not sure if it an abscess or something more sinister
She's booked in for a review under sedation tomorrow

Life goes on

Masks

I'm waited in line  to get my PPE mask to be fitted at local hospital!!

And here I am all properly masked up.

We Are All In This Together

This is a visual metaphor for how things are for us all at the moment

Mary, Winnie and Dorothy share a chair with Albert ( yeap he's in there somewhere!!! Tucked right in the back!"  )

The Walking Dead

Sweet and sad

The global virus threat has even affected the season finale ( how ironic is that?)
So I have only one more episode until waiting for the all clear to see who survives into season 11
If The Walking Dead can illuminate anything on corona it is that humanity and kindness is the way forward
The series has been Easter egging corona for years 

Going Gently

I was worried about my job yesterday. Hospices all over the country are in dire financial need at the moment and I worked hard getting my job in order to keep the cottage .
The prospect of possible redundancies was almost too much to bare

Today, it's best foot forward.
I've cleared out my bookcases this morning and tucked away was a book , which has always been the inspiration for the blog

Most people think Going Gently derives from the poem by Dylan Thomas

" Do not go gentle into that good night,

             Old age should burn and rage at close of day
 
             Rage, rage at the dying of the light"

But it is the novel Going Gently by David Nobbs that is the true inspiration
"The novel is a series of memories, memories recalled by an eighty odd year old stroke patient Kate Thomas, who is paralysed in a hospital bed.
Isolated and unable to communicate , Kate plays in her mind the video of her turbulent life as a welcome relief from the sad and bad old women around her . But it is more than an escape . It is also the search for the truth about life,death , the acceptance of death and which of her three sons murdered her fifth husband...."

The book was a gift from a patient , I thought I didn't get on with very well
Her name was Julia
Paralysed in a car accident , that was in essence her own fault, she was a patient who wasn't patient  at all . She's moaned and complained and became so negative in her rehab that staff started to avoid her. I remember that her son once described her as being able to " suck the lifeforce out of a saint " so difficult she was but I also remember that she was plucky enough to follow the gaggle of younger male paraplegics to gym every morning without fail and to be able to put up with their colourful ribbing and telling off if she complained too much to them, disabled men who would not accept self pity and "kvetching"

I remember one day she called me  " a hard hearted bastard"  to my face , I can't really remember just what it was about , but I suspect I had " encouraged" her rather robustly to do something for herself
" I've been called a lot worse!" I shot back
"I bet you have!" Was Julia's reply

I looked at the book and dusted it off , planning to read it again , in this period of isolation
I hadn't noticed, or indeed remembered that Julia had written in the front of it,
A dedication of sorts
" You Gave Me my life back"
It said
Funny I never got that impression when I nursed her

Keep Yourself Going

I'm having a bad day today..living alone isn't always easy you know?

I think we all have the occasional bad day given our present situation 

I knew I was shaky when I shared something with a Going Gently follower and they emailed me with this statement

" At times you write, I respond, and you and I share a moment glimpsing into a place within your heart."

I valued this understanding and intuiative support...Mary x

This morning Rachel and I talked and laughed. At lunchtime I received a note of support from  my Australia buddy

Words acting as a duvet on a very cold night

Tonight I caught up with some Sheffield friends on video

I've just finished chatting with Jane, who carried on when Mike's link went down 

And we metaphorically held hands for an hour as only some old friends can do

Zoom Again

My patient died peacefully just a half hour before I finished my shift .
I said goodbye to his partner just as I was leaving the building and hugged him before getting into my car for home
You can't employ social distancing in a hospice...you just can't

I got home, collected the dogs from Trendy Carol , and set up the iPad just in time to meet up with the family on Zoom.
We had arranged to catch up with drinks
My nephew Chris, his partner Rebecca and daughter Evie, my sister Janet and hubby Ned, my sister in Law Jayne, sister Ann and brother in law Tim and great niece Ellie down in London had a bunfight  of a meet. Lots of shouting, lots of " We can't hear you!!!!" And lots of looking around flats and houses and artwork with lots of " ohhhhhss and arrrhhhhs!" 

It was a touch of base that was oh so needed, a grounding meet , a funny catch up.
Nothing sparkling, everything normal
And I am so lucky to have a dear family
After today's shift , and a review of life in Britain in general,
It is a family I am not about to take for granted
Hey ho x