Update

" Who is doing what?" I ventured

The subject was sandwich filling for the Flower Show catering

" I 'll do cheese and pickle" said Pat the Animal helper

" I'm doing ham !" Trendy Carol said ( she was wearing a very nice floral top with matching pumps btw) 

" Tuna!" Sailor John sang out

" I'll do egg" Irene offered.

Meirion and Daphne offered to make fruit cake which confused me slightly and Ann added to the general din by suggesting her and Terry do ham also but with mustard in little pots! 

The bunfight which is the Flower Show Meeting was in full swing.

Auntie Glad sat quietly in her arm chair next to the aga.

She couldn't hear the debate but delighted in the fact it was going on. 

She was dressed neatly in a peach frock with white trim.

She looked bright and happy but had forgotten my surname for the first time since I've known her.

Ann beat her to the steaming kettle when it was time for tea, and helped with frail hands when the large teapot needed pouring .

But again, in her 97 th year, Auntie Gladys enjoyed her umpteenth Flower Show meeting in her spotlessly clean kitchen of the oldest house in the village.

Cro's French Cabbage

Joyce's Zombie Melon

Keep your entries comming! 

jgsheffield@hotmail.com

Gayle from Arizona's tropical parnsnip!

Jungle Drums

I have to strim the field today, the recent wet and warm weather has made it look like a jungle. It's a massive horrible job and I was just getting ready when there came a tap, tap tap on the kitchen window. The window facing the lane.
It was Pat, the animal helper, I thought it was about the Flower Show Meeting which takes place at Auntie Glad's tonight.
In actual fact Pat wanted me to check on Auntie Gladys. She had heard that she had " fainted" in church on Sunday and had spent an overlong and fruitless time in A& E before being sent home and was now a little worried after seeing Gladys herself at Bingo last night at the Memorial Hall where she had seemed very slightly confused.
I had a sense that the village ranks have been marshalled to close somewhat, especially given the fact that Gladys' family are away on holiday.
So before I start work, I am now off to see Gladys now, I am sure I won't be the only one.
I hope things are ok.

The International Novelty Veg OR Fruit Exhibits

This made me titter like a drain

I have to remind everyone that the Novelty Veg or Fruit entry should be a vegetable or a fruit

And not the arsehole of a chicken 

Mz Hoonagle hasn't quite  grasped the rules

But I shall enter her photo for a laugh

Remember send your entries to me at 

jgsheffield@hotmail.com 

Use The Magills!

I had a nice rambling post planned about the new Independence Day, The People's Court and the old guy in the village ( the one with the shit scared shitzu ) who has just bought himself the box set of The Walking Dead. But events transpired against a nice coffee in front of the ipad.
First I had to run around sorting out the loan of a strimmer ( from a local who borrowed and broke mine last year) then I had to drop the cod cakes I was making back into the bowl when a neigbour from down the lane banged on the window with the news that Albert was choking to death in the lane.
Luckily, he wasn't choking to death but he was choking on something so after a fruitless swipe around his throat I bunged him into the back of the car and shot up to the vets like Starsky & Hutch.
There  the staff removed what looked like a gristle bone from a rabbit with a delicate pair of magill forceps .
He sat like one of those 1960s nodding dogs on the hatchback shelf all the way home.
I've been running late all day because of it all.
So, before I blog later , and after I finish the cod cake supper then pick the Prof up from the station, i  will leave you with the latest International Novelty Veg Entry
This one is from Joyce

International Novelty Vegetable Photo Number Three!

Thank you Heather! Wonderful

International Novelty Vegetable Entry Number 2

A bloody clever entry from our Rachel! 

Keep em coming 

jgsheffield@hotmail.com

Father's Day

My father died back in 1989.
He was telling a joke at the breakfast table, or so the story goes.
I never knew what the punchline was.
Anyhow I guess I've saved 27 years' worth of father's day card costs.

Over the past two decades I have sort of inherited a new dad. My father in law is a genial, self effacing old buffer, who has a easy manner, and a rather small selection of terrible jokes .
Richard often reminds me of Nigel Bruce's Watson in those 1940's Americanised Sherlock Holmes, films, for he is a cheerful, slightly bemused and sociable old guy, a character which perhaps belies the fact he has the chutzpah to be able to drive over the entirety of Europe and beyond without batting a single eyelash.

So today, when Dads all across Britain are opening a card with a picture of a golf trolley on it, I send my father in law very best wishes for the day!
Have a good one Richard........

What are your best father stories? It's over to you..........

Dirty Little Secrets

I have a confession to make.
I have kept a secret for weeks now.
It's a dirty little secret.
Every day, I sneak out. Sometimes at dawn, sometimes at dusk and I creep out of the cottage and into the churchyard.
No one is about at these times.
No one can see my dirty secret.
I rummage around my pocket for the things I need. And I scan the churchgate for any sudden movement. I Cannot possibly carry out my secret activity when any living soul is around.
Only when I am alone can the deed be done.
The dirty,dirty deed.
I am ashamed.
I am worried I could get caught.
I am disgusted..........

So do you want to know my dirty, dirty secret?
Do you really want to know?
Do ya?

Well, I'll tell you.....
For weeks now, Albert has been tip toe-ing off to the graveyard to have a sneaky poo in the only grave which has a rectangle of earth on it, instead of turf .
I caught him several times and now have to sneak to the grave daily to give it a " spring clean"
Hey ho