8 Miles out

Ok picture the scene
Dr Chris- professional trainers, breathable lightweight trendy running jacket, designer dark shades
                Moustache immaculate....looking like the middle aged Athelete around town
Nurse John- grubby t shirt, knackered trainers, chicken shit stained combat pants ...looking like Rosie O'Donnell before she was famous

Off we went on cycle ride number two..this time an 8 mile round robin following the River Elwy down to the new harbour west of Rhyl.

I did contemplate inserting some ladies sanitary towels into my undies as further cushioning

( this had been suggested by an experienced cycle rider we know)

But in the end my arse coped quite will with the 8 mile jaunt

We stopped halfway for a coffee 

( look at Dr Chris not a bead of perspiration in sight)

And had a look at the harbour view

Then we cycled back up the riverside

And I must admit ,I rather enjoyed myself...

The only slightly embarrassing thing that happened was that I broke wind rather loudly

when trying to change the gears before negotiating a troublesome cattle grid 

My Arse

My first time on a bike for 40 years

A five mile or so jaunt along the Dyserth to Prestatyn Cycleway.

I could just about cope with the balancing bit,

But my arse now feels as though it's been beaten into shape 

by a pair of steel butterpats

Saddlebags

Part of Chris' mid life crisis is a slight obsession with exercise

 Tomorrow he is buying us matching bikes

I have not ridden a bike for over 4o years

God in Heaven Help me!

He's forgotten I'm slightly dyspraxic 

A pinch and a punch for the first of the month…a slap and a kick for being so quick!

 * the video has little to do with the text but it gives food for thought on so many levels

I wonder if the one off "slap across the chops" for lewd and "lascivious" behaviour is more a product of cinematic folklore than a real social phenomenon.
Did it ever really exist?
Last night I witnessed a young woman squaring up to a young man outside a seedy bar in Rhyl.
As I stopped at the traffic lights the girl gave the bloke a couple of theatrical slaps ( to which he didn't retaliate) then launched in with a folly of kicks and punches , to which he did.
Friends of the couple then intervened before things could escalate further.

It seems that between the sexes, The Queensbury Rules no longer apply.

A few years ago, I had to deal with a patient's elderly father who became sexually "fresh" with other female visitors. The situation was complicated by the fact that the man in question was non English speaking, An Iraqi citizen and a guest of the British Government.
He also had little respect for any female nurse he came into contact with.
The situation came to a head when the relative  tried to grope one of the  ward nurses as she was in the middle of a nursing procedure. The nurse, an assertive Yorkshire girl, turned around and instinctively punched him hard on the jaw. A punch that had his Keffiyeh flying against the wall and had him sitting dazed and confused upon the floor.
He was still crying into his beard when I came lumbering into the room

From that moment, until he was returned  to Iraq a couple of weeks later we never heard  another peep out of him.

Yesi

After the shenanigans with new hens and American amblers I was slightly late going to auntie Glad's to meet with the reporter who is doing the piece on " Gladys and The Flower Show" for the Evening Leader.
In the end, both reporter and photographer didn't turn up ( a mix up on their part which they should rectify today) but the three quarters of an hour waiting for them to turn up proved to be a surprisingly entertaining time out in my day.
Sat at her spotless table in an immaculate old fashioned kitchen, Gladys and  I were joined by Islwyn  Thomas, who at 90 is a sprightly five years Gladys' junior. He had been out and about selling tickets for the forthcoming Trelawnyd Male Voice Choir Summer concert, which takes place on the 19th.

Islwyn

Islwyn is a man who never stops chortling. Most of his sentences are punctuated with the very Welsh word " Yesi" ( pronounced as yessssss-i) which can be translated loosely as " Jesus" and this seems always to be followed with a smile and a laugh.
He is one of life's naturally happy individuals.
Islwyn and Gladys have been friends for a lifetime and it shows. In a matter of minutes the two of them cackled and laughed over memories shared and village news.
I just sat back and watched.
They recalled a mad Irishman who lived in High Street who once drunkenly threw milk bottles at the men from the choir when they took refreshments in Auntie Glad's garage.
They laughed at the way Islwyn used to deliver canisters of paraffin to the outlying village farms on the handlebars of his bike.
And they laughed like drains at the helium balloon with the phrase " congratulations you are 80" on it that Gladys found floating by her back door only that morning.
She brought the balloon in from the scullery to show us, and the pair laughed happily again.

Laughter... I suspect it's just one of the reasons both have lived so long

Be Nice To Strangers

I caught two lady ramblers in the front garden this afternoon. Both were peeping through the cottage windows. And both looked incredibly shocked when I bellowed out a lusty
" Can I help You?" from the field.
The younger woman was bright red in the face and very apologetic and explained that she wanted to know if we had natural ceiling beams  or painted ones. She had been told that " proper Welsh Cottages " always had painted ceilings.
Both women were American, and both were on an organised walking holiday. I think the younger woman said they were from Columbus , Ohio.
Of course I invited both in to see the ceiling for themselves
and there was much 'oooohhhhing'and 'arrrhhhhhing' when the ceiling was presented

The older woman saw our collection of gaudy Welsh jugs that I have displayed between the ceiling beams and squealed excitedly that she would love to own one.
This tickled me , and I remembered that in the kitchen cupboard I had put a cracked and chipped jug that I had bought from ebay for just a few pounds some years ago. As the woman took a couple of photos of the beams ( I never asked them just why they thought the subject was so important)  I found the jug and offered it to the woman who thought all her Christmases had arrived at once.
It was no skin off my nose as the jug was more or less worthless, but it seemed to make the woman's day

The Happy Americans left when I got sidetracked with another visitor

( a woman who wanted me to take in her five hens..which included 

a lovely

black Orpington who I have now named Bunty 

Bunty ...the size of a bowling ball

When I returned to the cottage after sorting the hens out , I noticed a scrap of paper wedged in the letter box

Wrapped in it there was a Crisp £ 10 note

And written on the paper the words

Two nosey Americans say thank you

Time Out

When I am at home, there is just one two and a half hour window a day when

I am totally " animal free" and

I feel like a suddenly " freed" parent who has just dropped the toddlers off at nursery

It is a time I am not followed by the patter of little feet

It is a time I can have a bath without little eyes peeping over the bath tub rim

And it is a time I can bleach the kitchen floor without someone demanding a shit or a wee

From around 8 am and 10.30am

the animals  take themselves off to bed,
It's a daily treat they look forward to

Albert is in the middle of all this

I am typing this at 10.26 at the kitchen table
I have just completed a load of Chris' paperwork
and right on time, the animals are starting to stir upstairs
Creatures of habit

Pussy Pad

 My cousin has recently opened up a cattery

I dropped her off a flower show schedule today and had a look at her very impressive " pussy pad"

It has all mod cons

And looks very impressive indeed!

When I got back to Trelawnyd I recommended it to a neighbour who has a cat he may like to board

He was somewhat intrigued when I offered to show him a photo of" my cousin's neat little pussy pad"

It's been a funny old day

I could do with a large martini