Bring it On

Let Quiche Wars begin

" There's No one Flying The Plane!"

So sad to hear of the death at 74 of actress Karen Black

She was a pivotal part of my early teenage years

Playing the seminal role of Nancy the cross eyed stewardess

Who has to fly the stricken jumbo

In AIRPORT 75

She cemented my love of camp catastrophe

Btw

I think she was the first woman in a disaster movie to shriek

" Oh my God!"

101 things to do with a parsnip

Is it a sheep or a poodle.? Fucked if I know

I am knee deep in constructing vegetable animals, baking and flower arranging. My quiche is finished and appears firm bottomed enough but I was shocked to hear that my flower show nemesis -Terry Maltoff ( he was the committee member I accused of using furniture polish on his marrow if you remember) has just taken HIS quiche out of the oven!
I didn't even know he was entering one!
The gloves are off!
Bring it on big guy!

Handy Hints

Roland( Mary) listening to the fabulous Eddie Mair yesterday afternoon

I have a great deal to do today.
I have got to collect notice boards for the children's Flower Show art work , sort out some postal entries which have been left at the post office and make a Quiche Lorraine.....(.I am still smarting from getting SECOND place with my quiche a couple of years back AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE QUICHE IN THE BLOODY COMPETITION!)
With no Sylvia around, yesterday was filled with visits from villagers who had last minute " Show enquiries" Young Cameron, from Well Street had a query about apples. , Trevor E and Pippa wanted some raffle books, Peter Vincent had two fuchsia plants that needed collecting as he will be away for the day and animal helper Pat's historic " Male Voice Choir Cup" was reported by the cup expert to be in need of a soldering iron .

I suspect today will be much of the same, so I am glad that I have my trusty, knackered old radio protecting the animals on the field.
When I am not around, RADIO 4 watches and protects.
The sexy dulcet tones of Eddie Mair, (the thinking gay man's crumpet) , chocolate voiced Jenny Murray,Harriet Cass, Sue Macgregor,Paddy O' Connell and John Humpreys  echo around the kale and the carrot tops throughout the daylight hours , giving a passing fox the illusion that a group of articulate intellectuals are sat amid the chicken shit and sheep malteezer pellets , discussing the importand news of the day.
Quality Babysitters all told
And all for the price of three 1.5 v batteries
Cheap at half the price.

Ex Battery Hen

Oh. I am a battery hen, on me back there's not a germ,

I never scratched a farmyard, and I never pecked a worm,

I never had the sunshine, to warm me feathers through,

Eggs I lay. Every day. For the likes of you.

When you has them scrambled, piled up on your plate,

It's me what you should thank for that, I never lays them late,

I always lays them reg'lar, I always lays them right,

I never lays them brown, I always lays them white.

But it's no life, for a battery hen, in me box I'm sat,

A funnel stuck out from the side, me pellets comes down that,

I gets a squirt of water, every half a day,

Watchin' with me beady eye, me eggs roll away.

I lays them in a funnel, strategically placed,

So that I don't kick 'em and let them go to waste,

They rolls off down the tubing, and up the gangway quick,

Sometimes I gets to thinkin' "That could have been a chick!"

I might have been a farmyard hen, scratchin' in the sun,

There might have been a crowd of chicks, after me to run,

There might have been a cockerel fine, to pay us his respects,

Instead of sittin' here till someone comes and wrings our necks.

I see the Time and Motion clock, is sayin' nearly noon,

I 'spec me squirt of water, will come flyin' at me soon,

And then me spray of pellets, will nearly break me leg,

And I'll bite the wire nettin' and lay one more bloody egg

This single old battery hen was dropped off to me this morning

The last survivor of a batch of 6

Retiring in the sun

Me thinks

Rhymes With Bank

I love little moments of surrealism

Tonight was a case in point

We were doing " sex calls" during Samaritan training

And one trainer, who is a serious sounding and very elderly lady

Lent forward in her chair and said very very slowly

" Sometimes all the caller wants to hear .......is the word .....WANK!"

I looked at my fellow trainee with eyes like a bush baby

And we didn't stop laughing until we had to break for tea

Inner Voices

Most people employ their " inner voice" during their everyday, ordinary lives, do they not? It's not there very often,in many instances it is ignored but it can surface in the oddest situations to niggle at your psyche with a gnawing toothache kind of intensity.
Years ago I remember glancing at a seriously ill patient who had a visitor. On the surface, the scene was a moving one. Unconscious patient and partner who was moping a brow and holding a hand.out of concern and love.
It was just a glance, but in the briefest of moments I felt that something was not quite right. I felt uneasy.My inner voice screamed out that something was wrong even though what I saw was a perfectly reasonable scene . I remember saying to a colleague right then and there that something was not quite right and a year or so later it came to my attention that the relationship between that visitor and the patient was indeed an abusive and a violent one .
Last week I met another couple. The older more vocal partner answered a question that was directed a his younger partner and again my inner voice gave me a sharp slap in the face, so much so that I made a point of directing my conversation directly and pointedly to the younger guy. Again something didn't quite feel right , and all this surfaced during the most " innocent" of social interactions.
Years ago, I remember having a conversation with a police detective who could " smell a bad 'un" out of a crowded room. Another colleague who worked as an alcohol counsellor often referred to emotional " colours" she felt when she met people, Colours that described the person's internal   Personality to her.....
In each case " gut feeling" more often than not was right.

Now, where am I going with all this?
Well I shall tell you
This morning I needed to give Russell, the gander , some medication, and I wanted to confine him to quarters as his limp has gotten a little worse
Usually the big fella finds me hateful but today, as I moved him, he was watchful, quiet and almost gentle. It was almost as though he knew that I was there to help him.
Was his inner voice which knew I meant him no harm at work? Did he pick up on my benign " emotional colour"? Did his peanut sized brain latch on to my caring nature?
Or was he just too uncomfortable to be arsed to honk at me
Whatever the reason
He took the tablet

Roll On October

A deleted scene from series three

Carol you big cow you