How it all started

A couple of days ago I received a chatty email from Jessica down in the West Country. She said that she had looked through the blog archives to my very first post hoping to find a sort of "how it all began" entry!
Unfortunately all she found was a rather underwhelming entry about a walk on the beach.

So today I will tell Jess and you,  just how and why we got here!

At forty I was enjoying the bittersweet challenges of ward management in a busy Sheffield teaching hospital where as Chris was consolidating his career at the city's University. We had a busy city life. We worked hard ( too hard!) played too hard (Oh how I remember those boozy Saturday  wine bottled afternoons in All Bar One) and we didn't stop once to question a city lifestyle that kept us burning the candle at both ends.

Chris had always maintained a fantasy of us living in the country at some "future" stage; a wish that I poo pooed at every discussion. Why would I possibly want to live in the sticks? , I would say ,when after all I had everything I wanted in Sheffield.
But things changed.
and they changed subtly

I could waffle on about how increased managerial pressures from a pushed health care system made a career nurse like myself , a disillusioned burnt out middle aged old fart, and that is why a new life in the country was so important but I must say that just didn't happen. Ok, the daily pull of managerial duties versus patient contact did have a part to play in my wish to leave The Spinal Injury Unit, but I think that basically I had "seen it and worn the T shirt" and the time was right to move on to something new.

When I was forty, Chris bought me the best Birthday gift I ever received. He bought me a spoilt,emotionally needy, lovable and demanding Welsh terrier puppy called Finlay and he totally changed my life

Finlay in normal "Christmas" pose

I had never had a dog of my own before. and so was hardly prepared for just how much a "baby" of my own ( and in retrospect I realised that he WAS my baby) would change my life.
In a matter of a year Maddie joined our family and my focus continued to change from a workaholic lifestyle towards a doggy lifestyle, where something else than me and Chris needed priority.....Over a period of months, more and more time was spent up at the green and isolated Redmires and Rivelin, walking the dogs and enjoying the countryside.and less and less time was spent around the table in All Bar One!

Weekends for us changed. We spent more and more time at our tiny "weekend" cottage in Meliden ( a cottage that my sister used to live in) and less time city slicking........The pace of the weekend slowed us down, and relaxed us, until for me, the pull of  adrenaline from being a Charge Nurse was lost altogether.

And so we moved.
Two dogs increased to four and two chickens were housed in a tiny run in the garden and that was the start of a lifestyle I never believed we would ever have or indeed originally wanted
I would have laughed if you would have told me I would be the Chairman of a village Flower Show Committee...and I would have scoffed if you would have told me that the life of a single  rescue Ghost hen, or bad tempered turkey would literally take over my life.....
But take over they indeed did


How things do change

Trelawnyd the word

Its a lazy blog day.
In response to Kate, I have left this video outlining the correct pronunciation of the word "Trelawnyd"
I hope you find it useful!
As I walked up through the village, small knots of people slowly made their way down to the Church for a funeral. I didn't know the chap who had died but I realised he must have been a resident for a long time as many of the older villagers like Auntie Gladys and Olwena were amongst the mourners.

When there is a funeral, I try to keep out of the field until after the interment as a mark of respect (the field for those that don't know lies right next door to the new Graveyard)
I just hope that Boris behaved himself.
Sometimes when there is a lot of mourners around a grave he will "gobble" his head off at the fence in order to challenge the strangers.
As you can appreciate an irate and noisy turkey can potentially change the solemnity of a such an occasion !

Day Dreaming

I am usually out with the dogs four times a day. ( The above riveting video was taken this morning as we descended into the village from the Marian Walk)Their morning walk is the longest, and apart from enjoying the view and listening to my Ipod, I often play "mind games" with myself to pass away the time.
Today I mentally answered a questionnaire that fellow blogger Maria posted in her latest post at Just Eat Your Cupcake
I don't usually find these kind of questionnaires interesting (I prefer the factual movie questions posed by someone like Alex Ramon (Boycotting Trends) but Maria was so interesting and honest in her responses, I thought I would give it a go!
Here are the questions:-

1) A book you've read that changed your views on something.
That's a difficult question, as most literature will prick your attitude to one subject or another from time to time. It's an old chestnut, but I remember picking apart Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird in school.
It was the first time that I really realised what injustice and racism truly meant and all this was was set against the background of middle class Wales in the 1970's where a black face was never actually seen from one year to another!
I think Atticus Finch was my first major hero in literature.

2) Your views on gay marriage.
I am supportive ( of course) because I feel that gay couples should have the legal rights within partnership that straight couples do. Of course gay "marriage" is not the same as the hetero version but it's a start!

3) What do you think of religion?
I will keep this one short.
Its OK, when it works for good

4) What do you think of politics?
I will keep this one short too!
Its OK, when it works for good

5) Your views on drugs and alcohol.
I drink and enjoy a drink, but I have been on the receiving end of a Mother who abused alcohol in a way of self medicating an anxiety problem. As a child, I experienced that dreadful guilt, shame and secrecy that the family of an alcoholic are forced to go through.........its not nice!
As for drugs...I have very little experience....apart from eating a pot "cake" which only hit home after I had gone to bed......(I had scoffed far too much as the cake was really yummy!)

6) Something people seem to compliment you the most on:
Me, me,me,me me,ME! lol
I get complemented on my blog (of course) and also I know I am a good bedside nurse.....
as Judge Judy says..."they don't keep me here because I'm gorgeous!"

7) A band or artist who has gotten you through some rough days.
I am not much of a musical person but We walk the Same Line by Everything But The Girl is a particular song that mirrors those awful middle-of-the-night worries we have all experienced when dealing with a death in the family

8) Something you hope that you never have to do.
Bloody hell that's cheerful
Hummm well perhaps the worst thing would be outliving all of my family

9) Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Chris of course

10) Someone who made your life hell or treated you like shit.
Although I did not know then, many years ago I was in a relationship that I initially thought was the bees knees. In retrospect I realised that I was constantly disrespected , controlled and undermined by a person who was never able to deal with his own demons and to this day , I can not still quite believe I wasted several years on this inadequate and damaged person

11) Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.
I had a very good friend in Sheffield called Vicky who suddenly decieded that our friendship was no longer important to her. To this day I still do not understand why she needed to change it as drastically as she did and I still retain some of the hurt I experienced then, when she refused to tell me why.
Some friends come and go quite naturally over the years, when you are not upset when it happens, it generally is for the best.

12) Someone you need to let go of or wish you didn't know.
No, I cannot think of anyone......which is pretty lucky I suppose

13) Something you hate about yourself.
I am far too sensitive and can be overly dramatic!

14) Something you love about yourself.
tee hee......
I like being mom!.......

15) Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I have already done this..... I forgave myself a long time ago for disliking my mother and father for their shortcommings as parents.

16) Something you have to forgive someone else for.
As in question 15!. I forgave my mother's alcoholism many years ago ( after I invested in a course of psychotherapy).....Maturity on my part led to a deeper understanding of my father's "more distant" behaviour and the two of us achieved some peace and resolution before his death in 1989

17) Something you hope to do in your life.
I would love a proper small holding....with two stables, a barn with a loft, all surrounded by a few acres of land we own!
I also want a group of goats and a cow called Mary

18) A hero who has let you down.
Perhaps it is my naive Shirley Temple outlook, but my all of my heros (My Grandfather,my first Nurse tutor-Leslie Brint and Matt Cardle) have always come up trumps!

Sleep apnoea ,Inbreeding and other bulldog updates

Through routine and hard work ,the training of a three year old bulldog seems to be working.
Everyday she goes for a walk with the other dogs and will walk to heel on a lead right next to the main road without her previous frozen awareness.
True the secret of this sudden improvement  can be put down to some simple mirroring of the pack's behaviour, but I think that "hiding" Constance away from the traffic next to the ever cheerful George has helped immeasurably!
Toilet training has improved tenfold too. OK accidents continue , especially when routine has been breached, but generally things seem a great deal better.
However, the very fact the bulldogs are undeniably inbred, means that Constance does suffer from obvious breathing problems.Sleep apnoea is her most common complaint ( for those that do not know, this is where the upper airways are effective closed by a physical deformity when the animal is asleep) and as in humans ( I am a sufferer) she suffers from broken sleep and I am sure over tiredness when awake.
Subsequently, when she does sleep, I suspect she occasionally sleeps very deeply and sometimes will actually wet her bedding without knowing it....Having said this...a strict bedtime routine has helped minimise "accidents"
(I have to say that although I suffer from sleep apnoea I have never wet myself in bed!)
Mind you I once peed on the radiator after taking two dihydrocodeine for a bad back!

Inbreeding in any animal species to achieve the "perfect" standard is wrong when it affects the physical well being of the animal concerned. Constance may have the typical look of a bulldog that ticks all the boxes, but she will be prone to entropean (ingrowing eyelashes), airway problems,tear staining, wrinkle infections and wetness and the more serious hip displacia,

I knew all this before we accepted her. I knew she would be more difficult to care for and to train compared to the others, but for me, her rambunctious  personality, her innate need to be fussed over and her "enjoyment" in being a part of something, all outweigh the odd pile of steaming poo in the kitchen

Albert giving Constance the "evil" eye

Having waxed lyrically over the virtues of bullsdogs, there is someone in the cottage that has not quite been won over by a set of piggy little eyes and a somewhat musical length of bowel.
Albert still remains unsure of Constance and still makes a point of not rubbing his face against hers when he greets the pack after their walks........
There is time yet........

Gawd Bless 'em

The King's Speech was a welcome Sunday Evening film choice. A clever British period piece, this story of the "bromance" between the psychologically damaged Prince Albert/ King George VI (Colin Firth) and his speech therapist Lional Logue (Geoffrey Rush) truly catches the  imagination from the get-go and gives the audience a satisfying, old fashioned and hugely enjoyable story of friendship, amid yesterday's Royal Family.
Firth and Rush make for two cracking leads who leap into their roles with some power and gusto. The Prince (Bertie),  angry and unhappy in his public role because of a dreadful stammer is desperate for what indeed turned out to be psychotherapy by the bitingly funny,instinctive and self proclaimed speech specialist Logue. However Royal protocol, snobbery and fear hamper the one to one interaction between the two men until the sudden abdication of Edward VIII forces  Bertie to face his demons.

It is a story that is refreshingly new to most people and remains satisfying because we recognise the "smaller" characters within the story!     Helena Bonham Carter ( not an actress I like) is just perfect in the role of Elizabeth, the Queen Mother as she gives one of the most loved true life characters, a steely strength, an innate snobbery (which cleverly she never apologises for) and an ironic dry as toast sense of humour. You are instantly forced to like the character of the Queen Mum, It is a nice move as the strength of the movie lies with how she and indeed the King drop their guard to embrace the warmth, and friendship of  straight talking commoner Louge.
Having paying homage to Bonham Carter ( Oh and the wonderful cameo by Michael Gambon as the gruff then senile King George V) this movie IS Rush and Firth's baby.
The scene where Bertie finally opens up his heart to Louge about his unhappy childhood is immensely powerful and dreadfully moving to watch and by the time the two men work together to face the wartime Kings Speech, there was not a dry eye in the house.....
An excellent 9/10
Go see it.

Mrs Trellis from North Wales

Living in the village, I have learnt to glean pleasure from the smallest of situations.
It is not a hard thing to do.
I enjoy people watching. and have always noticed the minutiae of  frailties and idiosyncrasies within people since my Psychiatric nurse days way back in the 1980s.
One villager I ALWAYS enjoy watching is MrsTrellis (not her real name)
She is a diminutive, white haired and vital lady, with a ready smile and a gentle nature. She loves animals and makes a huge fuss of the dogs when she meets them, a thing she did yesterday , when she met a rather non plussed Constance for the first time.
The essential humour in Mrs Trellis' behaviour is that she just cannot control her huge black and white sheepdog when out for its walk. Often when I am walking up High Street, heading towards the Gop, I may just spy Mrs Trellis ambling down the hill without a seeming care in the world.
Then she will spy me and more importantly the four dogs with me and noticeably she will go into what I can only describe as a minor controlled panic.
 Before her dog actually starts that "stiffening" gait that all dogs do when they are unsure of others, Mrs Trellis will do a tiny dance of shortening her dog's lead, adjusting her clothing for a bit of a tussle and then will try to bolt for the nearest escape route, whether it be a field gate, an open driveway or a behind a handy bush!
Of course her anxiety is immediately transmitted to her dog, who realising that something is afoot will bound forward to challenge whatever threat that is ahead and then I am faced with the spectacle of small  rather deadpan old lady being effectively dragged around like Stephen Boyd in the Ben Hur Chariot race, whilst yelling "whoa! stop! STOP! WHOA!!!!! Noooo! steady!!!

It doesn't perhaps sound very funny, but every time it happens I could literally lie on the floor and chuckle my pants off.
I think what I actually find funny is the juxtaposition of huge hairy barking dog and tiny sweet old lady, with her heels "clacking" manically on the road...
or perhaps it's just me eh?
To me she is the spit of actress frances sternhagen (right)
When I met her yesterday, she was alone , so she could make a fuss of the dogs without any fear of confrontation.
Wistfully, she always comments on just how well behaved the dogs are.....and I always curb the urge to suggest that she buys a Yorkshire terrier!

Time to read

Yesterday was not  a good day basically because I would not bow to my innate need to be in control!
I could not ensure the dogs were walked
I would not ensure that the birds were fed
and I could not ensure my patient did not drop his pulse rate as much as he did.
I know I am a control freak
Nothing new to learn there.

However, lying in bed right now, after taking the dogs out for their early morning pee, I had a sort of epiphany of sorts. No it was not a sudden wish to let life wash over me and to relinquish control to others...no don't be friggin daft, no it was a more important realisation than than.
I realised that I have not read a book in an absolute AGE!
I used to be a voracious reader.

mz Cornwell

Fiction (in the guise of dyky Patricia Cornwell  and the benign Jonathan Kellerman) would be devoured in an evening, and my book shelves are filled with scores of real life non fiction accounts of wartime daring do, disaster stories and the odd police real crime caper

And so this morning as we lay sipping our tea I have decided to buy a pair of reading spectacles and a bedside light and have just informed Chris that instead of watching re runs of "chopper coppers" ( I know it sounds like a gay porn film ( Police reality show), I will be coming to bed a little earlier from now on with a book!

my guilty evening pleasure reality cop shows!

There! Back in control again!
Tonight will be Cornwells first ( and best novel)
Post Mortem!

Right need to get up now!
I will leave Chris and all of the terriers in bed. ( He is watching Antiques Road Trip on his Ipad) they are trying manfully to creep under the duvet
Time to don wellies and anorak yet again

Calon Lan

This video made me smile as much as the next one did....but smile with a rather sweet natured tear!
Crying easily means a bad day at work!!!