Friendship
"A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil; but it needs a little mulch of letters and phone calls and small, silly presents every so often - just to save it from drying out completely." ~ Pam Brown
Sharing crisps
I have spent most of the morning delivering the village Christmas Cards. The weather has been muggy yet dry and I have spied a score of like minded people in coats, scarves and a selection of woolly hats, all clutching small bundles of cards, crisscrossing back and forth , letterbox to letterbox.This afternoon with William in tow I dropped cards to the more "outlying" houses and farms and then treated myself ( and Boris above) to a packet of smokey bacon crisps from the garage shop,which we shared conspiratorially when I got home.
After complaining to this blog last week about my lack of social nights out before Christmas, I seem to be surprisingly busy! Tonight I am calling round to my friend Geoff's for a wine and chat, tomorrow Hazel and I are off to see an Italian film Pranzo di ferragosto (2008) - which has had some fabulous reviews. Friday we are off with the family for a meal and then the pantomime and next week Chris is treating me to the ballet!
I shouldn't have complained....
Memories
I mentioned that my friend John was instrumental in my decision to finally dispense with an abusive past partner in my previous post The Darker side of ChristmasAfter reading my words, he rang me today to wish me all the best for Christmas and to reminisce a little about what I had written.
John was a constant support to me when that relationship finished and it is strange that although I can and do occasionally remember the sad times, my overwhelming memory of that time was John, Ricky Martin and a seedy gay bar!
Sounds good eh? well I will elaborate! One night, when I was at a very low ebb I met John for a drink, and in an effort to cheer me up he took me to a local gay bar (an awful hole of a place called the "Cossack!") a few pints of beer did not lift my spirits, nor did the usual conversations, so John (and remember that this guy is straight) resorted to desperate measures!
When crossing the tiny dance floor, Ricky Martin's "Livin' La Vida Loca" thundered out and without a pause John, in his best linen suit started an impromptu Latin dance routine by himself, much to the surprise of several leather clad bears who were standing nearby .
I was gobsmacked and laughed until I cried....... and John, I am sure, got a hearty round of applause from a cross section of the gay population of Sheffield. grand stuff!!
The Saga of the Christmas gifts
Out of the two of us, Chris is the one that is "typically Blokish" when it comes to buying Christmas pressies. He often finds it hard picking the right thing, and whereas I am not fussy at all in what I receive (he has banned me asking for proper coffee, batteries for my digital radio and wellie socks), he often makes himself jump through the proverbial hoop, to get the right gift which doesn't always work.
This year I asked for a shed for my new piglets....but as I was offered one which was incredibly cheap, he was left "hanging" for the right gift. This is where the digital video camera came in! Throughout the year he has asked me three times if I would like one for Christmas and I have always said no! The reasons I have always given are:-
1. Too expensive
2 More importantly I would probably break it if it was to be used (go on Nige comment!!)
3. I really wouldn't use one
So this year, bless him, as he was working away in Glasgow , he "forgot" my thoughts on the subject and bought me one!.........Now the hints came when he said in the supermarket queue "you will have to care for the gift I got you!" and I easily guessed what he had bought me, He was crestfallen to be reminded that a video camera would not really be used by me!
Tee hee...the upshot of all this is.......that the camera has not been returned and Chris has spent an exciting afternoon yesterday filming everything in sight.,......I am so glad he has finally treated himself to something he will enjoy!
Most of our family and friends' gifts have been bought, I just need to get a couple more and of course I need to get Chris' pressies, but I don't get paid from doing my extra shifts at the hospice until the 21st!
Perhaps I will be the one that will be buying Chris a Christmas jumper or a set of chocs from the 24 hour garage?
Hummm.....I don't think so....I have a few nice ideas up my sleeve
Overload
After a particularly hard 12 hour shift I could not quite face the weekend marathon of cheeky chappie Ollie versus Geordi pudding Joe on the x factor. I have ripped my gusset out of my work pants and have a banging headache, so I am presently lying on the couch looking rather ravaged, as the result programmes drone on and on....and ON.
Last night the dancing hobbit, Chris Hollings won through to the final of strictly Come dancing with the tenacity of a Yorkshire terrier, and tonight I am just wishing that all this reality bollocks would end in favour for a nice old fashioned, uninterrupted (non phone in) 1940's movie......
The Darker Side of Christmas
This week I listened to a harrowing yet fascinating LBC phone in with the very talented Petrie Hosken , it centred around domestic abuse, which seems often to be heightened at Christmas time (see this BBC news article http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/8379798.stm)
Petrie is a warm, talented and assertive journalist, yet by her own admission she was subjected to a subtle, consistently controlling and quietly effective set of abusive behaviours by a previous partner that totally changed her life. Petrie's recollections created a tidal wave of personal stories and experiences from the station listeners and I was reminded of a time, long ago, when I was on the receiving end of a partner's abusive tongue.
The thing that you lose when you are with a controlling and angry partner is perspective. You are unable to see the wood for the trees, and over time, every little thing that makes you unhappy suddenly becomes the norm. Even though the "abuse" I experienced was not physical in nature ( although it did come to blows on one occasion I am ashamed to say), I was bullied dreadfully and I only had the courage to leave the control after two friends made their own individual interventions!
One friend John, overheard a particularly cruel and upsetting scene one night and the look of pain on his face the next day galvanised my resolve to finish what I had worked so hard to fix and accept. Finally I saw my relationship through his eyes, and it hurt!...and that was the vital steppingstone that helped me so much in letting go.
Nuala, reinforced this decision by stating simply in her own matter-of -fact way "if things are too hard, then why do them?"....and so my perspective returned alongside my self esteem and I moved on.
Last Christmas, 70 people A DAY! rang the Wales Domestic Abuse Helpline and I thought it was prudent for the agency to concentrate this years campaign on early subtle signs of abusive behaviour rather than just to give advice of what to do when this get unbearable. I just hope that the initiative helps!
In the end, Petrie Hoskin mirrored my own words today as I discussed all this with Chris....she said that in retrospect that she couldn't quite believe it had all happened.........she, like me learnt from the experience.....and both of us have never suffered the insidious, negative and damaging effects of an abusive relationship since!
We are the fortunate ones
I Am sooooo interesting....Not!
Randy from Chicken Boys forwarded this questionnaire for me to complete: so here goes
1. Name someone with the same birthday as me. My friend Nigel, Maddie (our Scottish terrier), Alanis Morissette, Morgan Freeman,Marilyn Monroe.......
2. where was your first kiss? in my imagination!
3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? I tried to hit some tiling below a window of a bungalow with a stone when I was around 9, and got bollocked by the house owner.
4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? No Never.
5. Have ever sung in front of a large number of people? No but I would love to do a Susan Boyle and do it properly.
6. What's the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? Nice Smile,
7. What really turns you off? arrogance and piercings of any sort
8. What do you order at Starbucks? do we have them in Wales? I just thought we had frothy coffee?
9. What is your biggest mistake? My previous partner!!!! never go out with a closset gay with anger issues!
10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? all the time! I am so ham fisted!!.
11. Say something totally random about yourself. Bossy yet kind.
12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? A man recovering from a liver operation once stated I looked like the fat Russian Jeremy Spaight from Airport!
13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? no......generally not!
14. Did you have braces? Red ones in 1980(!!!).
15. Are you comfortable with your height? It is a case of having to be.
16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? Chris took me on impulse to lunch at the Russian Tearooms in New York
17. When do you know it's love? When you pick up fragrant underpants in a morning!
18. Do you speak any other languages? Dog!.
19. Have you ever been to tanning salon? nope
20. Have you ever ridden in a Limo? yes a couple of times in New York from Aiport to the city- all very flash...wouldn't do it now..we just get a cab!.
21. What's something that really annoys you? Mother and baby parking spaces!.
22. What's something you really like? Being outdoors.
23. Can you dance? No, My mother always said that I dance like someone with learning difficulties (that is the polite version)
24. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency ? Yes once I was visiting a patient in the community when I was a psychiatric nurse and he had a heart attack at home, I helped doing CPR in the ambulance...the poor chap died!
25. What is your favorite breakfast food? Eggs Benedict
1. Name someone with the same birthday as me. My friend Nigel, Maddie (our Scottish terrier), Alanis Morissette, Morgan Freeman,Marilyn Monroe.......
2. where was your first kiss? in my imagination!
3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? I tried to hit some tiling below a window of a bungalow with a stone when I was around 9, and got bollocked by the house owner.
4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? No Never.
5. Have ever sung in front of a large number of people? No but I would love to do a Susan Boyle and do it properly.
6. What's the first thing you notice about your preferred sex? Nice Smile,
7. What really turns you off? arrogance and piercings of any sort
8. What do you order at Starbucks? do we have them in Wales? I just thought we had frothy coffee?
9. What is your biggest mistake? My previous partner!!!! never go out with a closset gay with anger issues!
10. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose? all the time! I am so ham fisted!!.
11. Say something totally random about yourself. Bossy yet kind.
12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? A man recovering from a liver operation once stated I looked like the fat Russian Jeremy Spaight from Airport!
13. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows? no......generally not!
14. Did you have braces? Red ones in 1980(!!!).
15. Are you comfortable with your height? It is a case of having to be.
16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you? Chris took me on impulse to lunch at the Russian Tearooms in New York
17. When do you know it's love? When you pick up fragrant underpants in a morning!
18. Do you speak any other languages? Dog!.
19. Have you ever been to tanning salon? nope
20. Have you ever ridden in a Limo? yes a couple of times in New York from Aiport to the city- all very flash...wouldn't do it now..we just get a cab!.
21. What's something that really annoys you? Mother and baby parking spaces!.
22. What's something you really like? Being outdoors.
23. Can you dance? No, My mother always said that I dance like someone with learning difficulties (that is the polite version)
24. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency ? Yes once I was visiting a patient in the community when I was a psychiatric nurse and he had a heart attack at home, I helped doing CPR in the ambulance...the poor chap died!
25. What is your favorite breakfast food? Eggs Benedict
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