I 've never cried at a funeral!
This revelation came to me this morning after I recalled reading that Hitler loved watching Snow White and the seven Dwarfs
Both facts to me are mildly surprising, especially as I always thought that Hitler was more of a Gone With The Wind kind of guy!
Anyhow, as usual I digress
Yes, I have never cried at a funeral.
I have never found myself naked in pubic either, which, when you think of it , is more or less the same thing!
I also have have been called to Jury service, which is a real pisser! I have always thought I would rather suit than linen jacket Henry Fonda kept taking on and off in Twelve Angry Men.
I have never eaten Haggis or oysters !
Or ever had fight in the street.
and I have never once been on a protest march and waved a suitably ribald placard at the authorities!
I have never slept in a tent or had a shit in the woods
And I have not seen a hedgehog close up since I was 13!
I have never read Dickens, Proust or Chekhov
I have never been to Madame Tussauds, The Tower Of London or The Royal Albert Hall.
And have never waltzed with gay abandon on the sprung floor of the Blackpool dance ballroom!
I never said " I love you" to my parents. And I never heard them utter the phrase back to me
And I have never cried at a funeral!