Ps
On the back of yesterday’s post, I will share these paragraphs from an email from a reader which rather moved me.
“I don’t need to shop for food items, but I pretend to. A chat to the teller can be quite engaging as long as they aren’t too busy to share a conversation. I try to alternate stores too because I don’t want to be known as the sad lady who chatters far too much.
There was a talk at the bookstore last week and even though I’m not a reader of fiction , I went for something to do. The author looked shy and ill at ease, so I spent time sharing anecdotes with her and she hugged me, with one of grateful hugs which made me burst into tears right THERE AND THEN. I’m not a crier John but I cry every day John, every single day.
I cry when I read of your village, and wish I was there. I cry when I will miss Mary, a dog I have never met and I cry when you do something kind for someone because I wish you were doing it to me.
Is that sad?
I read many blogs of worth which give me company but I don’t comment even though I was once a person of some minor note in the academic field. A wife, agood friend, a person of interest who could hold her own at a faculty cocktail party full of strangers.
Your blog touched a nerve with me yesterday, and if I wore a bra ever again. I would hike it up, like you have often done in Going Gently and will try to solider on as you do.”
This moved me greatly also. Thank you for sharing and thank you to the person that emailed you. I find myself with the same thoughts so perfectly described by you both.
ReplyDeleteI asked permission to publish her words , but she didn’t want her;name given ….i hope she posts again xx
DeleteDitto from me
ReplyDelete❤️🌈👍👀
DeleteI think anyone that lives in their own feels like this from time to time. Heather
ReplyDeleteHeather , and singletons often feel like second class citizens so it’s important to talk about
DeleteThis email made me cry. Life can be so fucking hard some days. I love that she no longer wears a bra, well done woman. Sending hugs to you John.
ReplyDeletePixie …it is hard , but made better by love and support
DeleteSupport -- isn't that what bras are for? Damn abominable things. -Kate
DeleteThank you John and the emailer. Sometimes it's hard to share our feelings, especially negative ones, but I'm convinced that, if we do, we somehow lessen the hold they have on us. Does that make sense? xx
ReplyDeleteThat was the conversation we had by email earlier…sharing dilutes things and problem shared as it were
DeleteWhat a treasure of a note - for you and for all of us. Spot on! I’m trying to hike up my bra straps right now and you help every day no matter what you share as do many of your community who share their comments.
ReplyDeleteBe brave dearHeart
DeletePlease comment. You seem perfect for John's on-line groupies. We're a friendly bunch.
ReplyDeleteWell apart from a troll with a heart of lemon juice
DeleteSome commentators have a valid point
DeleteSo they do
DeleteThat is very touching. I hope your e-mail writer feels at ease enough to comment now and again!
ReplyDeleteI do too, I suspect most of you know her already
DeleteYep, scratch the surface, there are many, many, many of us in this position. I lost the love of my life last year after 52 years together and l had known him since l was 13. Although l am chatty, outgoing and have found 'stuff' to do, to fill the days plus there are 4 sets of paws depending on me. Sometimes it just all gets too much and l just want to curl up in a ball and disappear.
ReplyDeleteI get this. Sometimes all I want is someone to hug
DeleteI was a shy solitary child, probably lonely but I knew nothing different---I didn't know/ experience loneliness until ''empty nest'' / Covid, now grief of losing my Pug. I have nothing useful to add, but I can listen and understand.
ReplyDeleteHaving someone to touch you on the shoulder in passing
DeleteThat’s all I would like
"No Bra Sundays": for those of us who celebrate the Saggeth.
ReplyDeleteLol👙
DeleteSending a hug to all who need one. xo
ReplyDeleteNational hug day would be nice
DeleteI refuse to accept that I am lonely . I refuse
ReplyDeleteI totally refuse
Lee
I know
DeleteWow. What a beautiful testament to this blog and your writing.
ReplyDeleteAnd to our connections with each other dear heart
DeleteThere’s nothing in my days to blog about so I do look forward to your blog and your blogger friends too.
ReplyDeleteXx
DeleteOh John, it’s posts like yesterday’s and the email today that make me love you sooo much! If I don’t get to Wales to hug you in person I will never get over it. I live to. Read your posts. Hearing about your 4 legged children, your wonderful friends and your village fill me with happiness! I’m sending a ginormous hug! Carol in Atlanta
DeleteHugs xxxx
DeleteHaving time on one’s own is good for the soul but being alone is huge step up. If you go to a supermarket after s hook has finished you will often see a number of aged people out and about.All day to do the shopping but peak time someone will talk with them
ReplyDeleteBless you, and bless your brave emailer, too. It takes courage just to live.
ReplyDeleteAnd to share your sadder thoughts
DeleteI hope your e-mailer comments more. I was aware that my mother was lonely as she aged. It broke my heart. Friends she had kept in touch with had died and her world had narrowed. She coped with heartbreaking bravery. I watched her chat with the bus driver handing him a chocolate bar she had bought for the occasion. A chemists was a regular stop exchanging some banter with a young girl she had come to know who was in charge of the till. She had a set route. She was aware that other people were lonely, and worked to strike up conversations in a bus queue. She did crosswords listened to the radio, had long conversations with me, but I knew it was not enough.Jean/Winnipeg
ReplyDeleteYour mother was a smart woman and knew how to help herself by helping others, reaching out to others. It must be terribly difficult when not only our parents are gone but our friends too. I hope to have some of your mom's chutzpah when I get there. -Kate
DeleteJean , beautifully remembered
DeleteThank you John. Jean
DeleteJG, your blog is a safe haven for all. Warm and welcoming. The conversations and shared experiences make it the perfect gathering place.
ReplyDeleteSupporting each other and exchanging experiences and views makes everything better.
Thank you susan
DeleteThis makes me cry. I lost my love after 60 years of being together and I ‘m hart broken but now I know I am not the only one.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs
DeleteI moved countries at age 76. My friends for decades were left behind and I miss the banter that only shared lives over time can mean. There is a shortcut to understanding that doesn’t need explaining. Maybe what I miss most is laughter.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read negative attitudes toward immigrants I think of how much lonliness and bravery it took to leave a familiar life and face the unknown. I came here legally, but the lonliness of the unfamiliar is the same for the illegals. I don’t look foreign. When I speak I’m often told they like my accent. I haven’t experienced any personal hostility. My heart breaks for those who face hatred after a perilous journey into an unknown future. Aren’t we all trying to live life the best way we can?
weavinfool
How people cannot be more kind and understanding to those who've found it necessary to leave their homes is beyond me. Such hardheartedness is an illness. -Kate
DeleteI was so moved by the email, what a lovely person,I hope she is doing fine. I echo the comment above mine about immigrants leaving their homeland. I used to ask people where they were from, but noticed how hesitant some responses were, they were worried that I was racist not curious, so I no longer ask. Sad state of affairs.
ReplyDeleteHer other part of the email. Was beautifully written and sadly not shared
DeleteAn email that touches the hearts of so many others is truly something special. I commend her courage to speak out, and to tap a quiet little well of loneliness within us all. And which becomes more noticeable and open as we age. Please reassure her that we all know this and understand, even though we do not normally talk about it ourselves. And ask her to keep talking! Not only does it help to express and share, but is something all of us in John's circle of blog friends knows and will appreciate.
ReplyDeleteYes to this. There's loneliness at the centre of all of us; we can all understand, can't we? -Kate
DeleteI think we all understand this email, in different ways
DeleteSo many people simply crave someone to talk with, and a hug. If you ever get a chance, go to Wales, buy John lunch and talk for a couple of hours, experience his bear hugs in person.
ReplyDeleteI remember yours
DeleteI thought that was me writing that email except for the crying. I only cried when my husband died and my last dog. We had a “smoke shop” or “variety store” for many many years and lots of customers stayed and chatted after buying only a newspaper or chocolate bar. Only now do I realize that most of them were single and probably lonely. Most days I talk to no one have a text with daughters to let them know that I am still alive and have not fallen and can’t get up. I don’t think that I am lonley, just that circumstances have changed and I just get on with it. I do talk to my dog a lot. I read blogs, yours being my favourite and consider you bloggers my friends even though we have never met. And I stopped wearing a bra a few years ago. Now I can breathe. Hugs to you John and to the blogger who wrote that email Gigi
ReplyDeleteDear Gigi , I teared up reading this and I’m honoured that you follow me first xx
DeleteLast summer I spent time with my mother in a small village in central England. One day she disappeared and I wondered where she had gone. I found her sat by the gate at the end of the garden. She was quite disappointed that no one had gone by, she had been bored and had hoped to have a chat with someone.
ReplyDeleteShe was well known in the village - she would walk to the church, up past the chapel and then back down high street. I don't think it really occurred to me that one of the reasons for walking every day was to meet people.
Sadly she died in February, I hope that some of the villagers miss seeing her taking her daily perambulation.
Helen
A bittersweet but lovely memory dear Helen
DeleteWhat a wonderful email to get John. It makes blogging regularly all the more worthwhile doesn't it. Sometimes as bloggers we can sort of forget that we have so many readers quietly enjoying our words on a regular basis. She sounds like a lovely lady and a very empathetic soul.
ReplyDeleteThe more personal part of the email isn’t shared , this moved me the most
DeleteWhat a moving email. Thank you and its author for sharing. xx
ReplyDeleteLj
ReplyDeleteA lovely reply
I only posted part of the email at the writer’s request , so much more of it was moving and relevant
Your replay was perfectly judged
Johnx
What a sweet person to send you that message. I wish I could know her. She treasures your existence as much as I do.
ReplyDeleteI feel for the author. What she said is very moving and true for so many. Thank you for sharing her words. / I also like the idea of 8 minutes, maybe I will use that code.
ReplyDeleteVery sad. I just wish I was down the road to be a friend. I was at A & E yesterday, where a one-armed young man was trying to get a paper cup for some water. No-one helped him, and I was incapacitated, so I couldn't. So many small acts of kindness are ignored; we should all be kinder and friendlier. I send your correspondent my very best wishes.
ReplyDeleteJohn, this was very touching. Thanks for posting it. Life can be quite sad at times, and I am fortunate that there are a lot of kind bloggers out there who can make things feel a bit better.
ReplyDelete