From time to time loneliness will feature in Going Gently. It invades one’s life like the process of osmosis dampens a piece of blotting paper, and brings you up short when it is least expected.
It is insidious, and evil sometimes. Other moments it’s a minor irritation that can be shrugged off by a radio programme, a knock on the lane window or the ping of a phone message.
I hate Sunday afternoons on night duty. You wake up to a silent cottage around five. The dogs have already been collected that morning by Trendy Carol’s husband, and the cats are mute.
Asleep on the sofa, where the dogs are not present.
It’s that first buzzing of silence when awake, which is the worst thing
It’s louder than any noise known to man
It’s a lonely sound.
I shower, and brush my teeth loudly.
Today I make eggs on toast and coffee and Pick of the Week and The Archers will be on Radio 4 soon.
I reclaim my isolation slowly. I look at the thirty birthday cards still standing on the kitchen windowsill . A message. From Chic Eleanor requesting my company at the Theatre on Thursday, is welcome. And there are more notes waiting to be read from Nu and The German and more Sheffield old friends.
I collect the dogs, it’s the village dog show on Saturday and Roger needs a haircut…. , so I’m out on Wednesday ( cinema) Theatre on Thursday and show on Saturday with long days at the hospice Friday and Sunday
The week is full and Mr Loneliness is thwarted another week
Beautifully written, as always. Loneliness has nothing to do with being alone. It is a deep insidious feeling. I'm glad you were able to boot it into the long grass. xx
ReplyDeleteIt comes and goes. Sometimes I feel I need to acknowledge it, so it goes away quicker
DeleteI don't know anyone- single or partnered, who doesn't feel a deep sense of loneliness at different times. I wish I had some magical words to share but I don't. What I can say is that I hear you. XO
ReplyDeleteBeing heard is important, boy have I learned that in counselling.
DeleteYep , I second that John . Some days I have the energy to work at dispelling it , but sometimes it’s just too overwhelming .Well done on managing the loneliness today and for writing about it . Shelly xx
ReplyDeleteShelly, most of the time …I think it reminds me of pointing at an elephant in the room
DeleteI used to say.... in my younger days... now 60 that i never get lonely... i never get bored... and its true to a certain extent.. I enjoy being alone... for the most part and with all my hobbies i'am ... almost... never bored... but once in a blue moon it does creep in... I wonder how in this whole big world is there only one for me.. no one like me.. why am i such an oddball... i never 'grew' out of it.. Thank God there is one man.. a husband of what is soon to be 37 years of marriage... but even he and i are polar opposites... but theres love between us and that means an awful lot.. I hope this soon washes away from your soul... Hugs! deb
ReplyDeleteYou have someone there, I know you don’t take that for granted
DeleteMany do
I agree w/Shelly. Some days the loneliness is indeed overwhelming. Thank god for my dogs and my cats.
ReplyDeleteNo pets here, just a few old friends and 🍸
DeleteLee
And dirty martinis lol
DeleteWell written, John, and I think that most everyone at some time or other feels unseen, unheard, and all alone. It seems to me that working nights and sleeping in the daytime when others are out and about being sociable, kind of makes loneliness all the louder. You're not alone. We're here but just too far away to put our arms around you for a real hug. When will Scottie make the Transporter actually work?
ReplyDeleteHugs!
I do miss hugs …and cuddles more ;
DeleteI was never lonely until my husband died. The long dark nights of that first winter took some getting through. I found solace in a patchwork quilt making lady's Youtube videos, and it was like having a friend in the room with me. It helped. I still get some days where being alone, and lonely, takes some shaking off. Thank God for my family and friends, onlne or otherwise.
ReplyDeleteYes messaging, zoom, video messinging all help
DeleteI wish my loneliness was as easily thwarted. I try but hardly anyone around after I go to gym each morning….TV on so noise in house. Weekends are the worse……usually family time but not for me.
ReplyDeleteI understand the phenomenon of family time
DeleteX's and O's from across the pond, buddy.
ReplyDeleteX
DeleteDeep loneliness usually drives me outside into sunshine to work on my yard, to go hike, to sit in the sun and soak in the warmth. I even go out to be among people - the library, shopping, the park, etc. Then I have something to think about when I return inside that drives the loneliness away.
ReplyDeleteI go out too, it feels that something has been achieved
DeleteI do have spells of loneliness but not because I am alone. I sense loneliness when I miss my children who I don't see as often as I would like. My daughter now lives over an hour away and my son will be moving to Tennessee late this summer (nearly a 12-hour drive if one is capable). Otherwise, I have a close circle of friends to do things with or to call for a chat, so my social life is fine. Sometimes I think we have to approach those feelings of loneliness as a chance to regroup, rest up, and make up as in making up something new to fill our time. Of course I have never worked nights.
ReplyDeleteNights over lockdown almost finished me
DeleteYes, it’s insidious and doesn’t get easier as we age and outlast our friends and family. You are amazing.
ReplyDeleteAmazing no…I’ve always thought long and hard at sharing such feeling, as a culture we don’t tend to admit to such weaknesses
DeleteI saddens me too to know you experience loneliness. I wish I were nearby to drop by for a cup of tea and a scotch egg, something I have never had.
ReplyDeleteI’d treat you to both
DeleteBeautiful and haunting.
ReplyDeleteHaunting?
DeleteInsidious is a good description.
ReplyDeleteUsing the radio on low to cut the silence...going to town on the bus just for some human contact when I get there, even when I should stay and get things done!
Lots of us , on buses all over the world
Delete((hug))
DeleteBeautifully described. I love "reclaim my isolation".
ReplyDeleteCan be such hard to fend off that feeling when it creeps up on you and you try to keep busy and not notice the empty silence. Hope it passes soon. Missing a loving physical presence at home is hard to replace.
Impossible I do feel
DeleteLoneliness is such a difficult thing (yes, insidious). Many of us feel it even when we’re not physically alone. It’s good to admit it and talk about it, I think. You do what you can and sometimes it works. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteGood point, u can be lonely anywhere
DeleteAs a single man, single meaning non partner. I understand and concur with your assessment of Loneliness. I am confronted with that monster a lot, now, as I grow into my time here on Earth. Thank you for posting this topic.
ReplyDeleteWelcome Tommy sending us both a big old hug
DeleteVery well described. Somedays we just need to get out, to move, to reach out to others.
ReplyDeleteAnd be thankful be have a partner if we have one
DeleteSometimes the feelings of loneliness need dealing with by any way that will keep them manageable, other times they can be relished as just alone time. It's knowing the difference that counts isn't it. I always find fresh air helps, even if it's just reading my book in the garden.
ReplyDeleteA change of scene
DeleteBeautifully and movingly written. TQ
ReplyDeleteAlison in Devon x
Thanks Alison
DeleteI think solitude, so different from loneliness, is best enjoyed when it comes with the knowledge that it's temporary.
ReplyDeleteAmen
DeleteJohn, I wish there was something I could do to alleviate this creeping feeling of loneliness. Perhaps I'm lucky in that I prefer to be alone in many ways, and lived alone for the first two and a half decades of my adult life -- but I did know when it was time to reach out to a friend for support. You are fortunate that you are so involved in your village and have such a support network of friends. It's not the same as a marriage but it's better than what many can say.
ReplyDeleteYou have a partner . With respect you will never be alone
DeleteI’m rare
ReplyDeleteI’m rarely bored, but have noticed loneliness feelings have been more evident since all of my close famiy members have passed. So many memories of them and our happy times.
That’s the way of things
Delete