Somebody I know died suddenly in the village this morning.
Apart from knowing who it is and the fact they were young and liked , I am aware of little else , but like ripples on a small pond the news is spread not out of gossip or salacious interest , but from concern and self reflection and as I’ve cleared the back patio of detritus and slime, villagers have stopped, then passed some with sad faces and in hushed tones.
In my experience a death, any death, makes people seek others out. There is a reaching out, a sort of sharing which is needed. Contact has to be made.
Maybe it’s a grace of god go I thing….? Or maybe it’s an innate thing where neighbours stand shoulder to shoulder, a comfort to each other rather than just being the witnesses to an event.
I have some nice boxed paper with my name on. Nu gave it to me for Christmas. I will write to the deceased’s partner with my ink pen over the weekend. The ink and the paper says I’m thinking about you more than any words do
Well in my mind they do
I’ve planted out long stem polyanthus in planters on the kitchen wall and will buy more from the supermarket late
Hey ho
Oh, John. I send my condolences to your village. Yes, death, probably more than any other life event, brings people together. To support, share, reminisce and console. xx
ReplyDelete❤️
DeleteA shallow thought to think your words will mean more due to being written on "special" paper and with an Ink Pen.
ReplyDeleteWritten with care..is to my mind a kindness..you obvious cannot understand this concept
DeleteAmazing how people love to demonstrate their ignorance and lack of empathy by pretending the very opposite. When my husband died suddenly I took great comfort from the notes people took the time and trouble to write. In pen. On particular note cards chosen with care. They have a connection and comfort no email could ever replace. And they remain in my family file to connect with those who will see them later, and reflect on the feelings of other people and what my husband meant to them. Neither I nor John should have to explain or justify respect and grief to emotional pygmies who think they know everything. And so clearly do not.
DeleteEvery post this bitch finds fault…she needs to get a fucking life. I’m here every post because I like John and find his writing of interest , to be here and hate him, well that’s fucked up
DeleteVERY fucked up
Lee
Lee it baffles me why she tries everyday , she hasn’t got much in her life if she’s here to complain daily I agree
DeleteSadly your comments and those of some of your more vitriolic readers don't acknowledge the fact the Anon commenters may be going through a terrible time in their life. It can happen to any one of us. Perhaps deleting the anonymous comments without saying anythng would be kinder.
DeleteThis may explain her negativity but doesn’t excuse it
DeleteNicely put John
DeleteMy sympathy to all and I agree that caring letters, cards, flowers, food, and hugs (when appropriate) are meaningful to the partner who was left behind.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
I will pop the card around tomorrow
DeleteI agree totally John. Your choice of pen and paper shows caring. For me (and everyone I know) a hand made card from a friend or my family, means so much more than a shop bought card, even if it's words are more poetic.
ReplyDeleteWhen you are in pain a thoughtful touch goes a long way
DeleteNever underestimate the power of a heartfelt letter.
ReplyDeleteI never have
DeleteYou are a thoughtful friend, John.
ReplyDeleteThe deceased was well liked and supported many
DeleteA beautiful note written with a good pen on special paper will be undoubtedly appreciated. Our condolences to your village
ReplyDeleteArchie xx
DeleteThere’s also such a difference between handwritten and typed. Now I type 98% of the time, I’m loosing confidence in my handwriting skills - they’re so rusty. A couple of weeks ago I had to practice before I wrote!! In the end I remembered the finger exercises I used to teach my Junior School children, and that helped.
ReplyDeleteWhat a supportive village you have. I’m sure Trelawnyd will go on supporting that young widow as she navigates the next difficult months.
I didn’t say it was a man x
DeleteOops! how deep lie our preconceptions.
Deletedarn,,, that was Virginia, not Anonymous. XX
ReplyDeleteAfter losing my husband, close relatives and friends over the last five years, I've spent a lot of time thinking about how very fleeting our lives are, in the final analysis. It is a sobering thought but has made me appreciate the folks I still have. And I can say the notes I received after my husband's death are precious to me. So sorry for the loss of this member of your village.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your observations Jenny
DeleteGrief happens, even when the person is not related to us, not a part of our sphere, there is still an absence. I hope their partner will be ok in time. A young death always seems so much more painful to everyone. It's not the way the world is supposed to be.
ReplyDeleteWell said pixie
DeleteA hand-written note is so rare these days and will mean so much.
ReplyDeleteThere will be lots of notes and flowers me thinks
DeleteThis simple observation has a lyrical feel
ReplyDeleteKeith
Xx
A sad day indeed
DeletePerhaps it's an inborn sense that a death in our community diminishes us all.
ReplyDeleteAn interesting thought dear friend
DeleteWe are experiencing the same situation here on our little street of 5 homes. I agree and appreciate your words John.
ReplyDeleteIt’s a weird time nell isn’t it ?
DeleteMy heartfelt commiserations. 💕the loss of anyone in a small community is a great loss and felt by all of them. I;am very sad for you all 😢
ReplyDeleteThank u
DeleteHow sad for the village, and those close. Verbal words are forgotten at times of grief, but written words will be kept and reflected upon. I know.
ReplyDeleteThank you Andrew
DeleteSo sad. Handwritten is special--- my mom treasured the cards and letters she received after my dad died. She'd hold them and carefully read and rereaad each written word.
ReplyDeleteA sad day xx
DeleteSudden and young, every death is difficult, unexpected maybe more so. A handwritten note will mean a lot. Take care,
ReplyDeleteAmen
DeleteThat is so very sad. Am sorry to hear the news and send condolences to all.
ReplyDeleteHow very sad. Death is always awful but when it is a younger person it seems tragic. In a hurried world a handwritten note will mean so much more. My friend lost her husband suddenly and I know the messages and cards were a consolation to her.
ReplyDeleteI never know what to write. It always seems impertinent because how is one to even implicitly (the con in condolence) set up one's own grief in comparison to that of people who are closer to the loss and whose grief must be keener. There is nothing original to be said. But I've come to realise that it's more the fact of offering condolence rather than any particular form which is appreciated and entirely formal words are appropriate. An email can be fine especially at a distance but if you are in a position to do it with some stationary which is a bit special all the better. And, though trivial in comparison to that of the principal bereaved, you do have your own feelings, which are possibly not just about the deceased but also about death more generally (especially untimely death; you have been no stranger to death because of your work), to work through. It's a ritual but not, I feel, an empty one, unless you let it be.
ReplyDeletePS: omg, back to year 4! Stationery! not stationary! I would prefer if you could just amend my spelling.
ReplyDeleteIt's sad when part of a community passes, it is a loss that is felt in all corners. My condolences to you all.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear this. May you all comfort each other and share the sadness
ReplyDeleteSusan M/ Calif.
The card I treasured most after my husband passed, was a handwritten note on a beautiful card with words written about how she felt about him and our wonderful relationship. It was so beautifully crafted that I cried. You always seem to do the right thing. Your note will be appreciated. Gigi
ReplyDeleteI also feel a note (hopefully hand written if still legible) shows real concern for the recipient . I don’t think anyone finds them easy to write but the effort & thought that goes into them is remembered. I think it is an important part of grieving for the family when they feel a community stands with them in their hard time of grief. Anna in mid Wales
ReplyDelete