A New Furry Pencilcase

My pre work shopping trolley 

I'm feeling the lurve this morning
Tomorrow is my first shift at the hospice...at last

I was in the supermarket when a couple of texts, an email entitled " Bra Straps" and a Twitter message came in together alongside an invitation to tea
All more or less said the same thing
" Good Luck for the new job"
Which is nice.

I'm feeling, today, is a kind of " Dear Diary" sort of moment.
Going Gently has been a dear confidant to me
Over the past 18 months
Week by week, It, and you it's readers have soaked up my distress and celebrated my milestones, with a mixture of sweet positivism, pithy humour and occasional exasperation and I can now see how things have changed even though over the past year I often lost my perspective.

I thought about this, only this morning when one message I received was from an acquaintance who has recently split up from his partner who also, rather unfortunately, works in the same University department.
I asked him how he was doing and his choice of words stabbed at me like a knife
" I'm struggling" he shared honestly
And I realised gratefully, that I am no longer struggling with that awful pain, and need for honesty and truth I felt so many months ago.

Now don't get me wrong, that recent emotional battering I gave myself at my father in law's funeral was the most painful episode I have experienced since the day my husband actually walked out of the cottage.
But I can remember things more affectionately than I once did

Something I did this morning at the supermarket.

When Chris changed jobs from Preston to Leeds and from Leeds to Sheffield, I often bought him some silly things to mark the event.

Once I bought him a new pencil case complete with shiny new pencils, pens and a rubber , one like your mum would do before your first day back at school.
Other time it was a gift of a homemade pencil desk tidy made from a cat food tin.
And this morning I treated myself to my own " furry pencil case"  in the shape of a new lever arch file in which I can organise my documents, training, learning objectives and correspondence from the hospice.
I even bought myself a set of posh new pens to go with it
A gift to myself.......

Tomorrow, that first shift will mark my final steps towards self determination and self sufficiency.
It's going to be a struggle, and the T 's are yet to crossed and the I's dotted but I feel proud that I have finally done it with only one or two queeny moments of silliness

And I apologise for banging on so much and for so long.

This week, I start work.
This weekend I also have a date with a bloke !
A nice , ordinary , interesting bloke who will, I am sure, become a very good friend if we just get on as friends.
I am, at last , Going Gently
Going Forward........Going Forward gently