Two Legs In One Hole

I didn't sleep well last night. A huge badger spent an age mooching around the animal feed bins during the wee small hours and as our bedroom window was open on one of the hottest evenings of the year, we could hear every bang,clatter and grunt as he manfully tried to remove the metal bin lids from their containers.
Finally I couldn't bear it any longer, so I grabbed a pair of shorts and t shirt and staggered off down stairs to see the intruder off.
I got dressed in the kitchen and hurried out onto the lane where I realised that I had somehow jammed  two legs in just one leg of my shorts.
Now, this has never happened to me before.
but I learnt very quickly that it is incredibly difficult ( but not impossible) to walk quickly and effectively in a straight line when you can't " spread your legs properly" so to speak.
It was 1 am in the morning, so I couldn't  be arsed re dressing myself properly, so I minced down the lane in a series of " baby-doll" steps to chase away a fat arsed badger with a taste for poultry corn.
Then minced all the way back to bed.
Thank goodness no one was around.
I looked like the worst drag queen on God's Earth