Monday, 6 March 2017

Marriage Two Years On


In a 'recent' interview, the artist David Hockney made it clear that he thought that too many gay men are now determined to lead boring ordinary married lives. I can understand ( but not agree) where he is coming from, for I suspect he feels that some gay men are losing their queer slightly subversive
edge in an attempt to be part of the mainstream.
I see things slightly differently.

Two years ago today we got married.
We got married  because we wanted to.
We wanted to publicly declare our relationship.
We wanted to celebrate that fact with our families and our friends
We wanted to, be married in the eyes of the law of the land with all of the legal benefits that allows us

We wanted to have the same rights afforded to every straight couple.
And we wanted to dress up and wear shiny shoes!

Our marriage also unearthed interesting feelings that we did not expect.
Days before the wedding, cards of congratulations and gifts started to appear. A bottle of champagne here, a bunch of flowers there. Hundreds of cards, scores of gifts, money and good wishes arrived and they overwhelmed us because neither the Prof  and I expected anything.
We didn't expect anything because, I suspect deep down, we didn't really felt that we deserved  anything. Weddings were for straights, and not for middle aged old poofs like us. It's a subconscious idea that we thought only existed in the minds of bigots.
And we and the " actors of the piece" we actually thinking it! 
Auntie Glad, in her own morally right way of looking at things made it clear as she dropped off a card and a wedding present " It's the law of the land! " she observed simply.
A 96 year old, a devout christian getting on with a huge change of thinking because common sense told her so.
If she could get her head around things, we could, I remember thinking.

The wedding was lovely. It was lovely because it felt right.
It was right for us and it was right legally
And morally it felt right. 

And if that's us selling our gay, subversive side?
So be it.
I never had a subversive side anyhow

Hey ho!

144 comments:

  1. I could never have imagined when I was young that gay marriage would be commonplace fifty years on. Glad you're still enjoying your "wedded bliss"!

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  2. Happy Anniversary
    May you celebrate many more-x-

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  3. Congratulations on 2 great years! You looked fab in your lovely clothes on the day. I also noted the shiny shoes when scrolling down!

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  4. Happy Anniversary!

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  6. Nice to reflect two years on. Happy Anniversary!

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  7. Happy Anniversary to you both xxx

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  8. Happy Anniversary. Auntie Glad sound like a wise old soul.

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  9. Happy Anniversary. Here's to many more years together.
    Lisa x

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  10. I suspect that more people than you imagine are perfectly OK with gay marriage. It's just that the bigots shout the loudest

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  11. Two years! Wow that has flown by - congratulations and here is to many many more years together. xx

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  12. Gay or straight, we're all just people.
    Why does anyone feel the need to make a song and dance about it instead of just quietly getting on with their lives?
    Best wishes to you both on your anniversary, and long may you continue to enjoy your life together!

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  13. Huge congratulations on your anniversary. Your words have moved me to tears, but then I've always loved a good wedding.xxx

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  14. Happy anniversary. May you and your furry family have many more happy years together. X

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    1. I didn't know the Prof was furry....sorry couldn't resist.

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  15. well I cannot believe it's been two years, time does fly when you're having fun! Congratulations on your Anniversary, wishing you many more happy healthy years together.

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  16. Happy Anniversary, from one old subversive to another.

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  17. Happy Anniversary to one of the nicest, funniest people in blog land and his husband.

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  18. Happy Anniversary to you both x

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  19. Happy anniversary to you and Chris! I do love that photo, particularly since the boy looks so happy. But not as happy as the groom and groom.

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  20. Happy Anniversary and congratulations on being committed to spending your lives together. x

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  21. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, you subversives! I LOVE that photo of you both!

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  22. Happy 2nd Anniversary to you and your lovely husband. Time is going very quickly....it doesn't seem two minutes ago....well to me anyway!

    Delighted precious Winnie is doing well.

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  23. Happy Anniversary! Put on some shiny shoes and celebrate. X

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  24. A very happy anniversary to you and the Prof! -Jenn

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  25. Congratulations on your 2 years....may you have many more.

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  26. It took awhile but hearts and minds can be changed. May there be many more happy years ahead for you and the Prof. Congratulations.

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  27. When I went to buy a card at Hallmark I was delighted to find that there was a section for same sex weddings. Then I discovered that they were so ordinary that they would have applied to any marriage. That seemed odd to me at first, but then somewhat appropriate, because it is marriage and shouldn't be treated differently.
    Congratulations to the two of you. And many more happy years together.

    Helen

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  28. A very happy anniversary to you both, and may you have many more boring ordinary married years together, and enjoy every single one of them x

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  29. I had it on my calendar so I would not forget to wish you A Very Happy Anniversary. Of course you deserved best wishes, cards and gifts....good grief.

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  30. Happy anniversary to you and the prof. xx

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  31. Lovely post. Happy anniversary!

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  32. Sincere happy anniversary congratulations to you and Chris with the hope that you enjoy many more happy, healthy years together. xx

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  33. Happy anniversary! May you continue on as you have started - in love.

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  34. Many, many happy returns of the day, with love and good health to wake up to every morning.

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    Replies
    1. I was a child when I married my husband. it was my second marriage lol
      We were married by a judge in his chambers .
      We were not being rebellious hippies, not marrying, I was worried that we were so happy, getting married would ruin it. He had to talk me into it .
      I am so glad he was the most persuasive man I have ever met.
      We were married for over 40 years.

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  36. Happy Anniversary! I think it is easier to be subversive and creative and wild and free, if you aren't worried about being jailed for loving someone.
    All the best!

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  37. Happy anniversary John and Chris... it still breaks my hear when you use that phrase .'Two Poofs'. John love, marriage is for two people who love one another and you and Chris very clearly fit that category nicely. Change does take time and one day no one will even give it a second thought about the gender of the people getting married. Can it really be two years ago that you married. I remember reading all about it as if it were last week. How time flies.

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  38. Only 2 years?? I've been hitched for 30, but it's still all good. Happy Anniversary.

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  39. My Rare One says she misses the Old Days when being gay was exciting, what with all the sneaking around and underground bars and thrill of forbidden sexuality, etc. I say good riddance to all that bullshit. I'd much rather have civil and human rights and be able to be openly gay. We agree to disagree, lol.

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    1. Besides, I think what she REALLY misses is being young. And gawd knows THAT ship has sailed.

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    2. For so many of us, Debra :)

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    3. Well put, Debra.

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    4. yeah, my ship sailed 20 years ago.

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    5. I don't even know if I have a ship anymore :(

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    6. I think when my ship came
      I was at the bus depot!!

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  40. Happy anniversary. You can't beat dressing up and wearing shiny shoes. x

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  41. Waking this morning I had a feeling there was something special about 6 March. But what? Thanks for the reminder. A moving "ode" to taking that monumental plunge two years ago you wrote there, John. Great choice of photo to illustrate what it was and is all about for the two of you.

    Heartfelt commiserations (only joking; though the heartfelt I do mean). I am so very happy for you, John, couldn't have happened to a nicer guy/nicer guys. Let the years roll on - not too fast, mind. Best to the Prof too. I know little about him; yet, clearly a man of discerning taste, a man who knows how to bag his luck when it falls into his lap.

    Hug, before I burst into tears,
    U

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  42. I wish this post could be seen by everyone in the world.
    Exactly and this simply and right and good.
    Happy, happy anniversary!

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  43. Happy 'wood' anniversary! And many many more!

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  44. congratulations. there is something to be said for standing up before family and friends and pledging yourselves to each other regardless of what benefits the law allows.

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  45. Oy, you are as you are. Why stress.

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  46. Happy anniversary.

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  47. Happy Anniversary - may each year bring more happiness if that's possible - you two seem made for one another.
    Digging the shiny shoes out for an anniversary evening out perhaps? Have fun doing whatever.

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  48. Happy anniversary John and Prof. Hope Winnie is recovering ok. Xx

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  49. Congratulations!
    Arilx

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  50. Well, I think you hit the nail on the head with your last line. Not all of us aspire to be deeply subversive or revolutionary. We just want to live our lives! I admire the politically active, the edgy, the angry, the movers and shakers and demonstrators. But that's not me. I'd rather go home and watch "Star Trek" with my husband.

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    1. The Prof WON't watch The Walking Dead with me!
      Lol
      His loss

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  51. Happy Anniversary, you two. Here's to many more.

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  52. Has it been two years already? How marvelous! I am hoping that our new Cheeto in Command and his Force of Darkness does not undo any of the common sense decisions that were voted in during the Enlightened Age.

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  53. Here's to many more, John and Chris.

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  54. Happy Anniversary!

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  55. Happy Anniversary to you and Chris. xxx

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  56. I think this means that wherever we are, whatever we are doing, we need to lift a glass and toast you two... tonight ..or today .. wherever we are in the world, so those toasts will come your way all day <3
    "“One man by himself is nothing. Two people who belong together make a world.”

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  57. Happy Anniversary! The husbear and I tied the knot 3 years ago this July. I always mumble under my breath "seems like 30" just to keep him humble. But, I love him and cannot imagine life without him.

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  58. John - may your shoes always remain shiny!

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  59. Happy Anniversary to you both

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  60. I just wish I could remember that poem you had me reading during the ceremony. One of my more memorable performances....

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    1. Your rendition was perfect you big actress you!

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    2. Here it is!
      How falling in love is like owning a dog by Taylor Mali

      On cold winter nights, love is warm.
      It lies between you and lives and breathes
      and makes funny noises.
      Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs.
      It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.

      Love doesn’t like being left alone for long.
      But come home and love is always happy to see you.
      It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
      but you can never be mad at love for long.

      Is love good all the time? No! No!
      Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love.

      Love makes messes.
      Love leaves you little surprises here and there.
      Love needs lots of cleaning up after.
      Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.
      Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper
      and swat love on the nose,
      not so much to cause pain,
      just to let love know Don’t you ever do that again!

      Sometimes love just wants to go out for a nice long walk.
      Because love loves exercise. It will run you around the block
      and leave you panting, breathless. Pull you in different directions
      at once, or wind itself around and around you
      until you’re all wound up and you cannot move.

      But love makes you meet people wherever you go.
      People who have nothing in common but love
      stop and talk to each other on the street.

      Throw things away and love will bring them back,
      again, and again, and again.
      But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
      And in return, love loves you and never stops.

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    3. Oh I love that so much :)

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    4. Oh that's what the funny noises are.

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  61. Happy Anniversary to you and the Prof. My goodness, has it been two years? I bet it doesn't feel that long. When you've found your soul mate time does fly by! Best Wishes to you both.

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  62. A very Happy Anniversary to you all! xo

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  63. Happy anniversary. May the warmth of the sun be forever in your hearts.

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  64. I love that photo. The young lad's exuberance says it all.

    Two drifters, off to see the world
    There's such a lot of world to see.

    Happy anniversary to both of you.

    Alan xx

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    1. Thats leo Chris' nephew!
      Its a great photo!
      Thanks for your best wishes very kind of you

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  65. Happy anniversary.

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  66. Happy Anniversary! Hope your day is wonderful with many more fabulous years together ahead!

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  67. Happy Anniversary John and Chris! May you have many, many more!

    I would hate to be so jaded that I thought marriage was boring and ordinary and worthy of contempt. Marrying my husband was the best thing I've ever done--almost 11 years in and I'm still completely in love with him. I can't imagine not having him as my legal family with all the rights that come along with that. And I'm so happy that gay marriage is finally legal in the USA.

    Love is love is love.

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  68. Happy-happy-happy.
    Love is the answer. When Dimi and I got married, in New York, our friend gave us tickets to two Broadway plays. We got married at city hall, had our wedding day feast at Starbucks a few blocks away, but that afternoon attended Spiderman and Priscilla Queen of the Desert. What an awesome day.
    May you have many more anniversaries to come. Our boring wedding life, NOT, is now 5 years old and counting.
    :)
    Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Two plays AND marriage! Now THAT's Class!

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  69. Happy Anniversary. Hàaaaaaaaaaaapy Anniversary.

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  70. Happy Anniversary and a very intimately reflective Post. I think that Society and it's views shapes us all in many ways we don't expect or recognize right away. My Parents had an interracial, intercultural, international and interfaith Marriage... not so accepted in their day either and loads of Social prejudices and bias against it. How others viewed us did have an impact, one not always recognized internally all of the time until we had reflective moments of how it had indeed made us even feel deep down on so many levels. It is however a Wonderful thing when you can not allow it, the sentiments of Society at large, to rob you of your Joy and your Right to Love and be Loved, however that plays out in your individual lives. Regardless of acceptance or rejection of it by other. Blessings to you both... Dawn... the Bohemian

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    1. Thank you for that lovely comment....im feeling the lurve!

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  71. Happy is good, John. You wear it well. Happy anniversary.

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  72. Happy Anniversary. I hope you are doing something nice to celebrate x

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  73. Two years already? Wow! Have a fantastic anniversary!!!

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  74. Happy Anniversary to you both, can't believe how quick the two years have gone.

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  75. Bonne Anniversaire xxx

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  76. Happy anniversary! One day I hope my son has what you have. When he came out I never imagined that gay marriage would become the same boring norm. I'm looking forward to it :-)

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  77. awwwwwwwwww beautiful !
    Love that sweet photo.

    cheers, parsnip

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  78. I enjoyed the sex lesson you once gave me. Happy anniversary and may your married life together long continue.x

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    1. That really is a good photograph.

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  79. A very happy anniversary to you both.
    I live in hope that soon those rights will be extended in my country.

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  80. Here's to many happy returns of the day!

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  81. Happy Anniversary, John and Chris! I'm glad you could - and did - marry!

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  82. Happy Anniversary to you both! We celebrated our 41st yesterday (6th March over on this side of the world) and the memories of a lovely day, surrounded by those we loved and shared our lives with remain special. We too, wanted all those things you wanted, and the declaring in public our commitment to each other remains the highlight for me. Why would anyone forbid such a declaration... thank God the law has changed.

    BTW, how is Aunt Glad? At 98 she must be frailer?

    Congratulations to you - hope you are doing something good together?

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    1. I saw her recently frail but chatty!

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  83. Happy Anniversary to you both.

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  84. Happy Anniversary and may you enjoy many more.

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  85. All right then - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY - sheesh. (That boy looks like he is wetting himself with the thought of it).

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    1. P.S. - The symbolism of chucking rice has become a bit complex. I have been to parties like that, and I wouldn't want to be the one who has to clear up afterwards.

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    2. Better not. J.O. parties are supposed to be a secret, and I was lying about ever having been to one...

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  86. happy anniversary! are you doing anything special to celebrate?

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  87. Wow, time flies! Congratulations, you make such a lovely couple!
    Greetings Maria x

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  88. Right you are! And those shoes are wonderfully shiny!! And I love the happiness on your nephew's face!

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  89. Best wishes! May you have many more happy years together.

    lizzy

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  90. Happy Anniversary to you and the Prof. I love the look on that little lad's face, says it all really! Love the 'Love' poem too xx

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  91. Happy Anniversary to you both x

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  92. I have to thank you all for you cards and gifts and best wishes.......lovely

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  93. Happy Anniversary to you and the Prof! Those two years flew by!

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  94. Loved this post. You talk such good sense. I hope you've had a lovely day. Happy anniversary.

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  95. When Jerry and I met 35+ years ago, we WERE a bit subversive and the idea of marriage was ridiculous to us. As time passed, we realized how much we were being denied by not being allowed to marry (healthcare, taxes, income, access rights, etc.) and our subversive side came out to fight the injustice. We're still subversive and there's nothing wrong with an ordinary life -- nor is it boring.

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    1. You can be both as long as you pick you battles eh? X

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  96. There is nothing spectacular and everything spectacular about love!!! When you choose to share life with another person it's great, grand and good for everyone. Ordinary life can be both boring, plain and spectacular. Happy Anniversary to you, long may you live and long may you love!

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    1. Perhaps the best epitaph here thank you

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  97. Happy Anniverary John and Prof! It must be very close to my second anniversary of visiting here too, because I was led here by a fellow blogger congratulating you on her blog!

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  98. Here here! I started reading you in the month or two before your wedding. Glad I did!

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  99. Love those shiny shoes. Congrats.

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  100. Happy Anniversary . . .
    Loved this . . . right, good, legal, happy . . .
    Shiny shoes too . .

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  101. Crikey ...... look at all these comments. Seems to me your marriage is VERY accepted by everyone that knows and loves you. Happy Anniversary!! AND I love the shiny shoes and the pure joy on the little bloke's face.

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  102. Happy anniversary John and Chris!!!

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  103. Happy Anniversary! Great post!

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  104. And many more...

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  105. Two YEARS?! Blimey! Sure it isn't two months? - or even weeks? Whatever, many congrats to the couple who know what bliss is like when others of us can only guess.

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  106. What a wonderful thing to celebrate! Better than birthdays I think!

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  107. Congratulations to you both. You are not two middle aged old poofs John, you are two lovely chaps who are living a dream that a few years ago would have been impossible. No one should be denied a life of love and companionship. Have a lovely day. Bev x

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  108. The days leading up to your wedding were where I began following your story. I'm very happy I was able to look on, and wish you many more happy years!

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  109. We all need a day when we can declare our love .... and wear shiny shoes :-)

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  110. What a great story. I never thought in a million years that I would see this in my lifetime. It is morally right, and as you said, it is now legally right, as it should be. I am a newbie here...thanks for your post.

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  111. Happy Anniversary to you both... I loved this post.. and the "LOVE" poem. May you have many many more years to enjoy.

    Jo in Auckland,NZ

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  112. A belated but still heartfelt Congratulations to you and the Prof, John! Thank you for including us in your lovely gay life!

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  113. People who become 'old' and 'boring' will do so whether they're married or not. Like you, we got married for the legal advantages and protections, and to feel equal to our hetero counterparts. Happy anniversary to you and the Professor!!!

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