Wednesday, 23 November 2016

Tell Me A Joke

Tell me a joke this morning...please tell me a joke....any joke! .....anything to lift the spirits of a man faced with a gaggle of workmen decending on a small cottage on one of the wettest weeks of the year to replace a filthy stove, line a sooty chimney and "  replumb "  pipework hidden away in dusty recesses and under aged floorboards and cupboards.
They only warned me they were coming last night!
The Prof has the car and is away, so thankfully friend Eirlys has agreed to house the dogs for the day. When the workmen arrive, I shall vacate the cottage and walk the terriers up to her farm which is located a mike and a half outside the village, in the pouring rain!
Winnie shall remain..........there is no way, I would be able to remove her from a cottage filled with overall clad men!
Her hormones wouldn't allow it.

So please......tell me a joke , any joke!!!!!!!......Rachel in reply to one of her enigmatic one line posts, had losts of fish jokes yesterday which amused me , so please give it your best shot.. Tell me a joke and when you do think of our tiny cottage being ripped apart by a gaggle of heating engineers, think of the muddy footprints, the sooty fingermarks, the noise , the mess, the stress of a bulldog's vulva being wagged " enticingly" against the bars of her crate, the endless cups of tea and the crisis of the enevitable disasterous problem which no doubt will arise in the middle of it all.
Oh the calamity!

I will start the ball rolling by my favourite Holly Walsh joke of the 2015 Edinburgh fringe
" I was very old when I lost my virginity!  I wasnt as much deflowered than dead headed"

139 comments:

  1. I liked this one too
    "Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes ...."

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    1. Hari ini saya ingin mengunkapkan tentang perjalanan hidup saya,karna masalah ekonomi saya selalu dililit hutang bahkan perusahaan yang dulunya saya pernah bagun kini semuanya akan disitah oleh pihak bank,saya sudah berusaha kesana kemari untuk mencari uang agar perusahaan saya tidak jadi disitah oleh pihak bank dan akhirnya saya nekat untuk mendatangi paranormal yang terkenal bahkan saya pernah mengikuti penggandaan uang dimaskanjeng dan itupun juga tidak ada hasil yang memuaskan dan saya hampir putus asa,,akhirnya ketidak segajaan saya mendengar cerita orang orang bahwa ada paranormal yang terkenal bisa mengeluarkan uang ghaib atau sejenisnya pesugihan putih yang namanya Mbah Rawa Gumpala,,,akhirnya saya mencoba menhubungi beliau dan alhamdulillah dengan senan hati beliau mau membantu saya untuk mengeluarkan pesugihan uang ghaibnya sebesar 10 M saya sangat bersyukur dan berterimakasih banyak kepada Mbah Rawa Gumpala berkat bantuannya semua masalah saya bisa teratasi dan semua hutang2 saya juga sudah pada lunas semua,,bagi anda yang ingin seperti saya dan ingin dibabtu sama Mbah silahkan hubungi 085 316 106 111 saya sengaja menulis pesan ini dan mempostin di semua tempat agar anda semua tau kalau ada paranormal yang bisah dipercaya dan bisa diandalkan,bagi teman teman yang menemukan situs ini tolong disebar luaskan agar orang orang juga bisa tau klau ada dukun sakti yg bisa membantuh mengatasi semua masalah anda1.untuk lebih lengkapnya buka saja blok Mbah karna didalam bloknya semuanya sudah dijelaskan PESUGIHAN DANA GHAIB TANPA TUMBAL

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  2. What's the difference between a sewage plant and Donald Trump?

    Nothing. They're both full of shit.

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    Replies
    1. Im expecting lots of Trump jokes!xxx

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    2. He is a joke. But a lot of us are not laughing ...

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    3. Ain't THAT the truth

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  3. “How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, ‘Ribbit, ribbit’ and a horny toad says, ‘Rub it, rub it.’”

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    Replies
    1. Its not much past 6 am and i am just about to clear the airing cupboard.....i feel better already

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  4. Virginity is like balloons... one prick and it's gone forever xxxxxx

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  5. Winnie in a crate? You spoilsport !!

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  6. One of hubby's jokes:

    Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

    Hope all goes well!

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  7. If i knew a joke ....

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    Replies
    1. Go on Terry drag one up from somewhere!

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  8. Where did Napolean keep his armies?
    Up his sleevies.

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  9. A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and goes into a coma.

    After nearly six months, she wakes up to find that she is no longer pregnant.

    Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

    The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them, if you don't mind me saying he does seem a bit of a redneck!"

    The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

    "Denise," the doctor says.

    The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not such a bad name! I like Denise!"

    Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

    The doctor replies, "DeNephew."

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  10. John, I only remember jokes for about twenty seconds after they have been told to me, so I can't think of a single one - I'm sorry.
    But don;t worry (you didn't tell me yesterday whether you were a worrier or not) focus on next week when it will all be over and you will be back to normal

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  11. From Edinburgh this year:

    ‘Hello, Schrödinger’s cattery, can I help you?’

    ‘Yes, hello. We dropped Pebbles off with you, we just wanted to ask if he’s still okay?’

    ‘Yes and no….’

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  12. Just thought of an Ogden Nash rhyme which might raise a smile:

    Clad your lower legs in pants.
    Yours are the limbs my sweeting.
    You look divine when you advance
    but have you seen yourself retreating?

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    Replies
    1. I'll take this pat thank you x

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    2. candy is dandy
      but liquor is quicker

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    3. a bit of talcum
      is always walcum

      cheers, parsnip

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  13. Bad Pennie's was good. Below, a shrink was treating a group of women. It is an oldie but it made me smile.

    You all have obsessions, he stated. I am concerned that these individual obsessions are going to impact your children.


    To the first mother, Mary, he said: You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.


    He turned to the second Mum, Ann, Your obsession is with money. It manifests itself in your children's names, Penny, Goldie and Frank.


    He turned to the third Mum, Joyce: Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your children's names: Brandy and Sherry. You even called the cat, Whisky


    He then turned to the fourth Mum June: Your obsession is with flowers. Your girls are called Rose, Daphne and Poppy.


    At this point, the fifth mother, Kathy quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered: Come on Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Grab Fanny and Willy, we're going.

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    Replies
    1. Hahahaha.....Tom Stephenson would love this one

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    2. As a child I read Enid Blyton- Lots of Dick and Fanny.

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    3. And a titty as I remember

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  14. Men have two emotions ... hungry and horny .... if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich!! XXXX

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    Replies
    1. Lol what do you do if you see him with an erection

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    2. Give him a ham sandwich!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  15. Groucho Marx joke: "What's the difference between a duck? One of it's legs are both the same!

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    Replies
    1. Still thinking about that one too

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  16. What kind of cheese can you use to hide a horse?


    Mascarpone.

    (Badoom tish)

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    Replies
    1. Had to think about this one!

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    2. Does help if you're hearing it, rather than reading it!

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  17. A hypnotist was entertaining the people in an old folks home. Swinging his pocket watch in front of them ; Just as they had all gone under .
    the watch crashed to the floor. 'OH SHIT HE SAID'
    It took the staff three weeks to clean everywhere up.

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    Replies
    1. Are you a nurse joan...thats a nurse's joke! Xxxx,
      ( presently hading in spare bedroom surrounded by plumber's tools)

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    2. I'm Sue's Mum ... from 'Our New Life in the Country' .... I've just got a wicked sense of humour!!

      I would have loved to have been a nurse though :-)

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  18. I found a Justin Beiber concert ticket yesterday; it was nailed to a tree in the park. Anyway, I took it; you never know when a nail will come in handy!

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  19. I needed that cro.....one vital part has not been delivered, which potentially means no hot water !

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  20. A man goes to the doctor and says: 'Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.' The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.
    The man asks: 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies: 'I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.'

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  21. Another from Groucho Marx.

    Doctor taking a pulse:

    'Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.'

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  22. A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts,his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chania! And you seem such a nice gal xxxx

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    2. Her friends refer to her as Her Naughtiness <3

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  23. Paddy and Mick go to a lumberjack's looking for jobs. Paddy goes into the office and Mick stays outside. Two minute's later Paddy comes out. "It's no use Mick, seems they are looking for tree fellers and there's only two of us!".

    A man from Yorkshire went to the vet. "Cat's sick veterinary".
    Vet, "Is it a tom?"
    Man, "No I brought it wi me."

    Very old joke... I went to a second hand shop and they had a big vase. "What's that big vase" I asked, "It's a Greek Urn" said the shopkeeper. "What's a Greek urn" I asked, "about fifty quid a week" was the answer...

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  24. If you remember Dr Finley's Case Book from the tv years ago....

    Dr Cameron walk's into the office and Janet asks:

    "Is anything worn under your kilt Dr Cameron."

    Dr Cameron, "Och no Janet, it's all in perfect working order".

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    Replies
    1. Graham ..king of the old fashioned jokes of ye olde tv shows!

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    2. I spent too much time watching The Two Ronnies and Morcombe and Wise on ye olde half timbered elizabethan tv set.

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  25. What's red and mushy and found between sharks teeth? Slow swimmers!

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  26. Chap walks into the Doctor's, stark naked, wrapped in cling film. What seems to be the trouble asks the Doctor. I think I'm going mad, says the chap. Hmm says the Doctor, well, I can see your nuts.

    Hope the mess is cleared up soon. 😱😱😱

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  27. Did you hear about the man who's whole left side was cut off? - He's all right now. 
    Greetings Maria x

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  28. I laughed loudest at Andrew's. This could be a great idea for a best joke competition!

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  29. This is the first joke I ever remember telling. Remember it's a 60-year-old joke....
    What's black and white, black and white, black and white? A nun rolling down a hill.

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  30. Hi John, I hope the workmen have almost finished the work by now. I don't have a joke as such; rather a funny housey story: I never move things around in my house. Until mid-October, when we moved to another province and house, I lived in the same house for 16 years. I never moved anything, not a table, bed or chair. My DIL moves her house furniture around at least once a week - and I'm talking heavy oak furniture here. I had a friend who changed things in her house so often her husband said he was afraid to go to the loo (toilet) during the night; he not know where the bed was when he returned! xx

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    1. Maybe finished on friday! Yikes!

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    2. Phew, how will you wipe up Winnie's drool after three days? LOL!

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  31. Two eggs boiling in a pan, one says to the other 'I've got a huge crack' 'Don't tease me' said the other 'I'm not hard yet'
    Briony
    x

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  32. Oh John i have no jokes in my repertoire... not a funny bone in my body.. But i did think of something... Cleaning up mud and dust has GOT to be better than cleaning up dog shite! or cleaning up after a dog in season... So... theres that.........Hugs! deb

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  33. My favourite joke of all time, still cracks me up but you have to be of a certain age - Salman Rushdie's next book, 'Buddha, you fat bastard!'...

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  34. I wondered if you would surface....you didn't let me down........
    Presently in the village pub with Winnie ......( drinking Diet Coke! )
    The cottage looks like Dresden AFTER the bombing

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    Replies
    1. You don't impress me - I've been living in a shithole for a decade, were just getting to the finish line now, except the back door is still an old shower screen and a couple of G clamps. If I never have to do the washing-up in the bath ever again it'll still be too soon....

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  35. I feel your pain. We just had our decorator in to repaint four rooms, and the upheaval and disruption was colossal. Luckily no soot though! As for jokes, nothing comes to mind right now. I'll be back if I think of something.

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  36. I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

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    Replies
    1. At last an academic's joke

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    2. two customers were in a restaurant. One of them suddenly slid off his chair gasping for air. When the medics arrived they asked the waitress what he ate. The waitress said he hadn't ordered yet she had just served their drinks; his companion ordered H2O and he ordered H2O2.

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  37. A nurse goes to write something in a patient's chart. He reaches into his pocket for a pen, but pulls out a rectal thermometer instead, and says:

    "Hey! Some asshole's got my pen!"

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    Replies
    1. Soooooo near the truth..believe me

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  38. Here's one an old man told me at work:

    What's the difference between a snowman and snowlady?

    Snowballs.

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  39. You got some good jokes, John. I'm afraid I couldn't remember any. Saw the pic of your (?) room. Good grief, that is one h_ll of a mess! They don't clean up when they're done, do they? My sympathies.

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  40. “Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?”

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  41. I have no jokes to tell, can't ever remember them. too stunned by the horrible joke going on over here.

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    Replies
    1. If you mean Trump.....I cannot quite believe the cheek of the man suggesting he picks our US ambassador !

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  42. A middle-aged man takes his 15 year-old daughter to the doctor.

    Doctor asks how he can help, and the man says, "I want to arrange contraception for my daughter."

    The doctor says, "I see. Is she sexually active?"

    Man: "No, she just lies there just like her mother."

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    Replies
    1. Dreadful , I wouldn't expect anything else

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    2. So, I'm offended by this joke and surprised you would give it notice by commenting

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  43. The Princess had three suitors. Her father the king says, "The one who brings me the most ping pong balls shall have my daughter's hand in marriage." The first suitor brings a shopping cart full of ping pong balls. "Very good," says the king, but let's see what the two other fellows bring." The second suitor brings a Mack truck full of ping pong balls. "Even better," says the king, "but we still have to wait for the third fellow." The third suitor finally shows up with one big hairy thing under one arm, and a big hairy thing under another. "Where's the ping pong balls?" asks the king. "Ping pong balls?" says the suitor. "I thought you said King Kong balls!"

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  44. Woody Allen:

    The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.


    ps- I've been there too. I was inside her head.

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    Replies
    1. One of my all time favs

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  45. A man went to his doctor because he was suffering from a tape worm. The doctor told him to go buy a hammer, three apples and two cookies, which he did. Then he followed the doctor's instructions each night before bed.

    The first night, he shoved an apple up his ass and then followed it with a cookie.

    The second night, he shoved an apple up his ass and followed it with the second cookie.

    The third night, he shoved the apple up his ass.

    The worm stuck its head out of his ass and said, "Where's my cookie?"

    And he hit with the hammer.

    Ba-da bum, ching! Thank you ladies and germs! I'll be here all week!

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    Replies
    1. I thank you and good night!

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    2. I was trying to remember this one. . . .

      cheers, parsnip

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  46. This is one I came up with last Halloween looking at my washing hanging on the line:
    How can you tell a witch's house on Laundry day?
    By looking for the Striped stockings!

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    Replies
    1. ,!!!!!????!!!!!🤔🔔

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    2. Ever since Judy Garland's Wizard of Oz, witches in the States have stereotypically had stripped stockings. I was a witch for Halloween last year and had hung my stockings on the line. Guess it's one of those had to be there things. I hope things are going better now!

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  47. A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play.
    He asks a priest for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says "My son, after an exhaustive search I am positive sex is work and is not permitted on the Sabbath."
    The man thinks: " What does a priest know about sex?" He goes to minister... a married man with experience, for the answer. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and not for the Sabbath!
    Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority -- a man of thousands of year's tradition and knowledge: a rabbi. The rabbi ponders the question and states, "My son, sex is definitely play."
    The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"
    The rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JoAn Rivers would be proud of that one

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  48. A duck walked into a bar and hopped on a bar stool.
    "Got any grapes?" he said.
    "No," said the bartender, "we serve alcohol only.'
    The duck hopped off the bar stool and left.
    The next day the duck came into the bar and climbed on a stool.
    "Got any grapes?"
    "No, I told you yesterday we only serve alcohol", the bartender told him.
    And the duck jumped down and left.
    The next day the duck came back into the bar and climbed onto a stool.
    "Got any grapes?" he asked.
    "We don't have any grapes, and if you ask one more time I'll nail your beak to this bar!" said the bartender.
    The duck left.
    The next day the duck came into the bar and climbed onto a bar stool.
    "Got any nails?" he asked.
    "No, we do not have any nails", said the bartender.
    "Got any grapes?"

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    Replies
    1. Jenny, this is the exact one I was going to tell!! check out our names :)

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  49. What the hell did I do with my pencil and what is this tampon doing behind my ear?

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  50. Old man being interviewed by his doctor:
    "I haven't had sex since 1943"
    Doctor: "1943, that's a heck of a long time, are you sure?"
    Old man: "Yes, we had to hurry because Coronation street was on at 20:00 hours".

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  51. The only joke I can remember besides the one Jenny told, above, is this:
    Q What's the difference between the bagpipes and an onion?
    A No one cries when you cut up the bagpipes ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't give up your day job xxxxx

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    2. Okay, okay! Here's another Scottish one, then (I'm from east coast Canada, where we have many of Scottish descent, remember):
      A helicopter loses power over a remote Scottish island and makes an emergency landing. Luckily, there’s a cottage nearby, so the pilot knocks on the door. "Is there a mechanic in the area?" he asks the woman who answers. She thinks for a minute. "No, but we do have a McArdle and a McKay."
      Thanks, Mr Google :)

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    3. Boom boom xxxxxxxx

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  52. A crocodile walks into a bar and orders a pint of bitter. Then it orders a meal. Then it orders another pint of bitter. The crocodile gets up from its chair to the depart. The landlord asks the crocodile if the beer was OK and if the food was OK? The crocodile says: "Yes the food and drink was very good". So the landlord says: "Why the long face?"

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  53. I needed a password 8 characters long so I chose Snow White and the seven dwarves.

    (Nick Helm, 2011)

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  54. What's the difference between and egg and a wank?

    You can beat an egg!

    X

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    Replies
    1. Fast cat? I was expecting "dirty slut" anyhow, a personal reply from you is great and I'll take fast cat. X

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  55. Well, one I tell on stage relates to my very tall Beehive hair: "Now some people have asked about my hair and how to copy it. It's very simple, one Viagra in each ear and half an hour later, up it goes!"

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  56. Hi john Paddy goes to a building site and gets a job. He goes home and tells his wife how good it is "they even gave me wellies with R and L on to help me put them on right. Ah "so that's what the label in my knickers mean C and A"
    You have to be certain age to maybe get it? Su

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  57. Three samurai go up to their lord for a test of skill

    The first draws his sword and chops a fly in half from a chest the lord had opened.

    On the 2nd, two flies fly out and he only gets one

    The 2nd samurai goes up and gets the first fly. Then the next two at the same time. But fails to get the third chest which has three flies in it.

    The final samurai walks up, the chest is opened and he draws his sword on the one fly and it flies away.

    He then says he's won the contest. His lord utterly confused asks "but the fly still lives?"

    and he is told by the samurai "yes but he will never have children"

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  58. I have two dogs and I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till.
    A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
    On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 ...pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
    I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
    Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.
    I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
    Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're on a roll my dear xxxxx

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  59. There was a bit of confusion at the local sportswear store yesterday morning.
    I selected a new jogging suit and went to the checkout.
    As I placed the suit on the desk by the till,the cashier said,"Strip Down, Facing Me",
    I did as she instructed.
    When her hysterical shrieking finally subsided,
    I found out that she was referring to my Credit Card
    They Really need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer

    ReplyDelete

  60. 'Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'
    'Okay then,' Fred said and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'man thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery.
    Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then fell laughing to the floor.
    Ten minutes later she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure, 'I'm so sorry,' she said. 'I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?'
    '...It's swollen,' Fred replied.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I laughed out loud at this one. With a mouthful of Diet Dr. Pepper. You owe me a computer screen.

      (Just kidding. I loved this joke.)

      Delete
  61. Be Careful what you drink.
    Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as Aircraft mechanics in Melbourne .
    One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
    Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'
    Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
    You wanna try it?'
    So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
    The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
    In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects.
    Nothing!
    Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'
    Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'
    Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'
    Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing.
    We ought to do this more often.'
    ' Yeah, well there's just one thing.'
    'What's that?'
    'Have you passed wind yet?'
    'No.'
    'Well, DON'T, ' cause I'm in Perth

    ReplyDelete
  62. A woman brought a very limp duck into a vet. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
    After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said,
    "I'm so sorry, your duck has passed away."
    The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm quite sure. The duck
    is dead," he replied. "How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
    As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
    The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed
    delicately at the bird. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
    The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
    Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!", she cried.
    "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead?"
    The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry." "If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150."

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  63. In the recent cold weather a man in a small town went missing. After his friends and neighbours searched they became more and more worried. Then a call went up that his body had been found in his green house. In a statement to the press it was revealed that the poor man was frozen to the marrow.

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    Replies
    1. Love jokes like this......reminded me of the flood story where a woman was washed out of her house on the dining room table.
      She was accompanied by her husband on the piano

      Delete
  64. The workman said it would only take two days.

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  65. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
    A hippo is heavy and a zippo is a little lighter.

    Had to ask 10 year old grandson for that,I never remember jokes.

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  66. Here's a quote from Ellen Degeneres:
    Walking is really good for you. My grandmother started walking when she was 60! She's 97 now and we haven't seen her since.

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  67. Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows?
    Yeah, the're making all the headlines!

    ReplyDelete

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