Monday, 4 January 2016

1000


Sometimes I have the fantasy of writing a book. 
It only happens when I read something like that I've had over 3 million pageviews
 I then realise that stats numbers seem to be all bollocks as
much of their numbers are automatically generated!
 And I also remind myself, I haven't the talent of Rachel or Tom Stephenson
for they write beautifully

I would however like 1000 followers instead of 917
I am shallow enough to want
 a nice round figure


119 comments:

  1. That's not shallow, that's good maths. A nice round figure...go for it!

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  2. Sounds a bit ' needy' if you ask me

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    1. Thats me all over Jace..........

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  3. I thought you were already at 1000! Who would leave???

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  4. If it will make you happy, John, I'll sign up for 83 pseudonymous accounts with which to follow you. But it has to truly make a difference to your mental state. Will it?

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    1. No shawn... I need 83 adoring new fans.. Can you get a few to follow next time you are down at the day centre?

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  5. Wow John, you have a lot of readers and comments and page views!!!

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  6. Hmm, be careful what you wish for ...

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    1. This obsession is already changing the way you write your blog. If this is some kind of contest, John, what is the prize? Where do you go after 1,000? 1,200? 2,000? At what cost to your integrity? I miss the old you already.

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  7. I have 52 followers; enough for me. and you DO write well and keep an audience. and you already have a nice round figure due to scotch eggs. ;-)

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  8. I have 119 on my blog .. but on my photo blog I have 1, 700 so I have learned that what I say isn't that interesting but my photos are.

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  9. All right, I did it! I'm under a pseudonym however...my wife's name! Your real follower is me - Susannah

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  10. John I have been reading your blog every day for a long time so count me in as a newbie. Meg

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    1. I am a needy blogger meg! Lol nice to have you aboard x

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  11. Count me in too. I've been reading you surreptitiously for a while now.

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  12. Count me in too. I've been reading you surreptitiously for a while now.

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  13. i also follow your blog for a long time and i think it great and if number of follwers you need you can had me :}

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  14. That's a lot of followers! I can beat you on the most views for a post though. Just under 9000 for a post about hedges.

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    1. You have a beautiful wife to boost the numbers!

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    2. She is sat opposite me and thanks you, and says 'It's all in the eye of the beholder'.

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  15. Perhaps you could put on weight and then you would have a nice round figure.

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  16. Never trust blog statistics. Indeed, as you say, many (if not most) blog visitors are robots (I know one such robot that visited me over 1000 times one month (maybe robots like me); some "followers" are also robots (ie software that generates fake people for various reasons) but also how many of your "followers" are now "dead", either metaphorically in having changed accounts but never bothered to unfollow, or... eh... dead as in dead? It happens. Indeed someone who I know is deadas in really dead is still listed as a follower on many blogs. Jason has a point about this neediness, does he not? Are you seeking validation in your life? Did not enough people talk to you at school? Anyway, I am not a follower but I am a reader.

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    1. I just like to be liked Andrew.......i will never apologise for that fact.....
      It makes me what I am
      A soft puddin'

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    2. My old blog had over 300 followers. My new blog is much better and has only 29 followers. I agree that blog statistics shouldn't be trusted. I've also noticed that the vast majority of "followers" never read the blogs that they follow.

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    3. Are you assuming people read because they like you? Hmmm. I know people who check up on me because they just want to ridicule me. On another point, is there not something odd about the number of views that can be attributed to one "Traffic Source" in reports like the one you supplied as an image. Anyway, I only visit because I like Albert and Winnie.

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    4. Albert and winnie ARE stars thats for sure

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    5. I admit that there are days that I think of Winnie and Albert and I hurry to check on your blog..

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  17. Mmm... a nice round figure like those big women in saucy seaside postcards by Donald McGill - "Nice marrows you have there Mrs Ramsbottom!"

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  18. Look- you could and should write a book. We all have a unique story to tell and you are a magnificent story-teller.

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  19. P.S. I entirely cut that "follower" thing out of my blog. It just made me crazy and weird. And I am plenty both of those already.

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    1. I tried that and then missed it too much. Obsessive compulsive tendencies perhaps .

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  20. If I could figure out how to join I would. Sorry John. Maybe I'll I will ask a 12 year old.

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  21. I must totally agree with Jon. Most people follow a blog cynically only to try to get the owners of that blog to follow them. This is far too complex a world for niave soft puddings like you say you are John.

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    1. or naive soft puddings even

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    2. I dont believe that u are such a hardened old twat that you like to portray

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    3. And I suppose I should not really tell you about the robotic software that will allow you to register to follow a blog then instantly and automatically ensure all intimations of that blog's posts get put straight to trash for evermore, the point being to draw traffic into the fake followers site? Oh... I just did. However... You do have a fair few genuine and appreciative commenters, that's for sure (although, as evidenced a few times here, there is also comment-generating software that wil...)

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    4. You misjudge me John. I am much more of a hardened old twat than my words betray.

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    5. In my experience some people find it hard that others may like them ......

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    6. They pretend to be hard

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    7. Good God. Now you've got me worried... I am shuddering at the thought that anyone might find anything to like in me. I thought shutting down comments on my blog and not allowing followers might protect me from such horrors, but you have gone and put a little doubt in my mind. I'll go and say something nasty to my lady right away!

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    8. If it helps
      I dont like you

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    9. Thanks. I can now sleep sound. Goodnight.

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    10. Sorry for butting in but I kind of like you Andrew .. of course, I like John more. and the pups .. and Yorkshire pudding and the gang.

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    11. Now I will lie awake all night worrying.

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    12. :)
      Did you get any sleep last night Andrew ?

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    13. A few fitful hours while I tossed and turned and had nightmares about people being nice to me and smothering me with kisses and killing me with kindness, in-between worrying about whether John's figure was round enough to satisfy his shallow desires. Then a lady started saying "You are such a lovely man," to me, and I was trying to shout "I am NOT a lovely man! I am a horrible hard bastard!", but I just could not get the words out. And then I woke up and gave my wife a kick in the kidneys.

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  22. Recently I lost seven followers overnight. I have no idea who they were. Willy Dunne Wooters says they were spam-bot, because if seven people had been angry enough to stop following me, at least one of them would have said something snarky.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. My record is three. I lost three followers in one day when I said that I don't like Hillary Clinton.

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    2. I lost 10 when slagging off the US gun laws

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    3. I missed that one .. or did I just forget it ?
      *I won a turkey at a police range turkey shoot *

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    4. Only 10, trying slagging off the Trumpton and see what happens

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    5. LOL He might get the most posts agreeing with him Ever !

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  23. A nice round figure? Eat more Scotch Eggs. Seriously, you should write a book.

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  24. I think your blog is wonderful.
    Who cares if a few leave you or not. But for the getting to 1000 ! Wish I could follow you again. to help your numbers.
    @Jon I write 2 rants a year if they can not understand a different opinion from theirs they are the losers not you.
    I don't like Hilary either and I am for stronger gun control.
    So where does that put me ? Smack dab in the middle.

    cheers, parsnip and thehamish

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    1. Unfortunately some blog readers are hyper-sensitive and over-analyze what we say. If they leave, it's their loss, not ours. Jon

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    2. Do people say why they are leaving when they go or do they just not turn up ... ever ? How does anyone know they are gone or why ? I certainly don't take it as an insult ..

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  25. Not only do you write a great blog post, you have great supportive readers who write very thoughtful comments. You have actually created a small community. That is kind of scary ...

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  26. I presume you would not be averse to a few camp followers or even a redcap like me ;) ??

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  27. I read your blog but I am not a follower. Does that count?

    Helen

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  28. You make us laugh, you make us think, you touch our hearts. That is what makes a good writer and one that people are drawn to. You will get your 1000 followers easily and many others who read your posts but who do not want to officially sign up. You are a treasure, John, and I am so glad that I was lucky to find you years ago.

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  29. Hey, I had 550 and was excited and then blogger did some crappy stuff on all blogs' followers and deleted about 2 dozen of mine. Ugh. Some blogs I follow lost 100. I'd join you 10 more times if I could luv!

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  30. I'm not a follower but I pop in here most days. I don't really follow any blogs, but go and look at the ones I have bookmarked as it suits my fancy and spare time on any particular day. I figure it's a compliment to you that I don't need to be prompted to come check on your blog so often. :)

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    1. John, you have long suffered from insecurities surrounding your insatiable appetite for more followers. You say you would like to add 83 additional followers to your stats. Say you achieved that round figure of 1,000, what then? Do you really want us to believe that you would come poking around looking for 2,000 or 3,000? If only you would focus on quality of your current followers rather than the quantity you would never want for a single additional follower.

      P.S. - I wonder if Blogger's Insufficient Followers Syndrome will make it into the DSM-VII as an official diagnosis? You are proof it exists.

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  31. A few more scotch eggs will help you get that !!

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  32. I have no doubt you will reach that number.

    I have not topped six hundred in the eight years I have written and even lost a few. You should be very proud of your numbers and views. You are very talented. I know I would buy your book.

    My views would be much higher but I kept deleting the tracker and beginning over at one...silly me.

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  33. Anyone achieving around 3000 page views per day, needn't really worry about follower numbers. You're doing pretty well.

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  34. In this game shallow is good! x

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  35. I'm happy to oblige. Have been reading your blog for a while anyway, love it and look forward to your posts. You have a wonderful writing style, it reads like a chat with a friend.

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  36. The only nice round figure I'm interested in is Nigella Lawson's - "Feast your eyes on those plumptious beauties..."

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    1. Anyway, shallow might not be so bad - it's harder to drown.

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    2. Nothing wrong with shallow. Some of my best friends are shallow.

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  37. you are 10x more interesting than i am on a daily basis ...lol

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  38. You could write a book and publish it on Kindle quite easily :-)

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  39. You have about a zillion more pageviews than I do, but like you, I'm sceptical of all those stats anyway. I don't know what the hell they mean.

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  40. Been reading long enough to remember when you were BEGGING for the round number of 600, You are a greedy sod!- In the nicest way possible of course ( better get that in quick before all your followers leave strange comments on my blog like they do on yours)

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  41. Hello John,
    you can count me in as your 918th follower. I've read your blog from the very start and am now following it almost daily.
    I like the way you write about your family, both two- and four-legged, and your everyday life.
    I don't miss long ponderings and philosophizing - you talk about important issues straight and short. Thank you for that !

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  43. I remember when you begged (demanded?) to get up over 600 followers. Now, it's 1,000. (Ha! I just looked above and saw "Sue in Suffolk's" comment.)

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    1. I know, im such a whore

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    2. Yeah , we all are ... well .. maybe not All ... just some of us. OK .. I am not a whore but I am easy.

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  44. A photo of Stat Counter gets 87 comments. Magic!

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  45. You shameless, rounded whore. I wish I could remember when I began to follow you. I know WHY I did. You made a comment on Down To Earth, Rhonda's blog, and I was intrigued. Have been sucked in ever since. LOL Here is to 1000!

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  46. You should be able to get the numbers up easily, I remember not so long ago you were about 20 away from 900 and you had a little needy whine, et voila over 900 in a shot and we all got a bit of peace ;-)

    My numbers seem to have gone up over this last week or so, so at least I'm not hovering on the round numbers going up and down around them like I was, that drove me mad!!

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    1. Thats why i was wining sue....

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  47. Done! I'm number 923! ...but I already follow you through "Bloglovin" which sends me a daily digest and a link to your post .... so you do have more followers than your meager "followers" list indicates. And I adore your words. Write a book and I'll read it!

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    1. Thank you lauren...will you design the book cover ?

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    2. and my son will edit it ( he works for Random House)

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  48. I have told you before John, your blog contains enough material for a fantastic book. I shall now go and sign up as a follower.

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  49. and there's me getting excited when my pageviews go over 50 - what do you mean they're not all real people reading my wondrous prose? Cue huge sigh....!

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  50. John I have often commented that you should write a book but another reason I read your blog is the interesting comments of the faithful readers. I'm glad you can read an interesting comment and go directly to their blog! Your blog always leaves a question or door open for comments...brilliant!

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  51. Nothing wrong with wanting a nice round figure! :)

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  52. I'm starting my 8th year and have never been able to break 250. I had 242 and then one day last week it dropped to 232. 10 gone in one fell swoop.

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  53. I think the idea of you writing a book is fantastic. You have a way with words that often times touches the soul... at least mine. Plus, you already have a wonderful cast of characters, two-legged and four legged alike.

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  54. You provide a lot of joy to my boring life.
    A little pay back.....I follow you...

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  55. 927. I read you on Bloglovin', but now I'm following you as well just because you are such a lovely man.

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  56. Good morning John. Just dropping in again to say that I am still not following you.

    I am, however overjoyed that the comments were sufficient to get us down to Albert's photo again. I am sure Albert the evil gratuitous mouse, bird and rat torturer would get along famously with me.

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    1. All these people telling you how lovely and wonderful you are are making me feel rather queasy, by the way. You must be a tough cookie to withstand all that.

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    2. Just because no one says anything nice about you

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    3. They bloody do though! That's the problem!

      By the way, whatever you do don't write a bloody book (Ach ok... I'm joking...)

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  57. Thanks for writing such a good article, I stumbled onto your blog and read a few post. I like your style of writing...

    __________________________
    Scarlett Johansson HD Wallpaper 2015

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  58. With those stats, publishers would love you! You've got a great platform! You write well, you're consistent in your postings....why NOT a book??

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  59. There you go Jonno, 928, greetings from Oz, have been enjoying your ' Tales of a Village Life' for a while, a book would be entertaining to say the least!!! I haven't commented before so I feel like I've come out...a lurker no more!

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  60. A dear friend went from a blog following of 75k--accumulated over a couple of years--to writing a book, actually. Published and all.

    I enjoy your writing, and, judging from the screen shot above, I am not alone. No. America is reading!

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