Thursday, 12 November 2015

Poo on a finger


Children notice everything.
We had just bathed and towel dried Mary and placed her back into her crate when Eve noticed a big blob of curry sauce on the oven glove which was looped over the oven door handle .
" Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhh! " she called out rather theatrically " Wot's that?"
I made a show of sniffing the brown lump and told both girls that I thought it " smelt of poo"
Suddenly I had both girl's rapt attention
I poked the lump with my finger and lifted it to my nose
" yes it's poo!" I announced and as  the girls looked on with surprised frowns
I popped my finger into my mouth
Screaming filled the kitchen.

Late in life , I have learnt the lesson that children love and need silliness.
And the " smuttier" and " dirtier" the silly activity...the happier they become.
Unfortunately I don' t recall my parents ever being silly.
When I picked the girls up from school yesterday afternoon, Eve asked if we could " smash the apples again" ....as " it was fun" We had picked apples from the orchard and had jumped on the soft apples with our shoes so that the geese could feed on the bits the last time they came around after school.

Last night , when affable despot Jason arrived to pick his girls up , he was faced with suddenly dipped curried digits  and shouts of "Dad!  I have poo on my finger" , and like all experienced parents he smiled a patient smile .
I covered the fingerholes before I replaced the curry in the oven.

The Prof never noticed a thing.


Wha's your " silly with kids" story?

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Postscript

on my way though the village , I noticed the membersof the village frindship group getting on the bus  
For a day trip out. Further up high street I bumped into Gwyneth in her electric wheelchair. She had a small Welsh terrier in tow. We gossiped that the house with the bin bagged windows now has roller blinds!
Standards appear to be rising I thought.

88 comments:

  1. The word bum had only needed to be said in any context and we kiddies would be in fits of laughter. Little did I know my future. Such innocence back in that time, but yet, a very popular children's book in Australia is called, The Day my Bum went Psycho. It pleases me that bum is still a naughty word.

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    1. " The Day my bum went paycho"
      Thats a blood funny title.....had me chortling

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    2. An Aussie favourite !

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  2. I was raised in a children should be seen - not heard family - kind of explains a lot.

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    1. So was i , but i have found the whole babysitting thing incredibly satisfying

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  3. I told you so about the bin bags. New arrivals can't improvise a brief privacy screen from nosy neighbours before their smart new roller blinds arive without some grumpy old gits getting all hoity-toity about them. I do hope your own blinds and drapes are up to the high standards the fine incomers have now set. And I hope their cannabis plants benefit from the more flexible lighting.

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    1. Bin bags on windows are NEVER acceptable

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    2. Whatever happened to windowlene, remember those swirly creamy circles that where artfully plastered into windows when a place was unlived in ?

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  4. Oh, John....I know I'm 40 years old and it's a bit late.....but will you adopt me?! I don't recall that kind of silly fun in my house growing up and I feel like I've missed out. I'll be a Good Girl...I promise!!

    (What lucky girls to have you in their lives.)

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    1. Its only anhour a week...so its easy on me .......and ive had fun thinking of things to do

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  5. You are SUCH a dear man, as much as you appear to be a bit tougher! You will be sorely missed in your village if you move! Those girls will be telling stories about you to their children in years to come! Wish you were my neighbor!

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    1. Im tough as old boots me

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  6. With bright leafy foods These products of the soil contain a high water content At lunch and supper make your serving of mixed greens with Pro Muscle Fit green lettuces crisp vegetables beans and plain vinegar Take protein and fiber content when selecting carbs for your dinners Search for the item which contains in any event grams of fiber and not as much as.

    http://www.healthybeats.net/pro-muscle-fit.html

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    1. Thanks john...whoever you are

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  7. Love the poo story John! My 17 year old son recently informed me that I am not a 'normal' Mum like other peoples. I was horrified. What did he mean? He said 'you are my Mum but you are also a friend to me. Sometimes you act silly and none of my friends Mums do that.' We do sometimes indulge in singing a rap together and dance around the kitchen and both share the same childish sense of humour! I leave it to his Dad to be the grown up.

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    1. Simone " you are down with the yuff"

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  8. I was at my Nana's house, mainly because their cat had six kittens and I was 'kitten smitten'!
    My Grandad came in from work, went upstairs to get changed, Nana plated up his dinner, put it on the table........then just as we heard Grandad coming back downstairs, one of the kittens jumped onto a chair and launched itself straight into the middle of Grandad's plate of dinner! Nana grabbed the kitten, thrust it at me saying 'wash it, quickly', and hurriedly scraped lamb chops, mashed potato and peas back into shape! This was about 20 years before Grandad died, and he never found out! X

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    1. I love this story!!! :-)

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    2. Somewhere on going gently is a story of Albert walking over rolled pastry after using the litter tray

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  9. When my daughter was about 2, I covered the kitchen table with paper and plopped a cup of chocolate pudding in the middle. (She thought it was finger paint) We painted for a long time then I put my finger in my mouth and said "MMMMM good!" The look on her face was priceless and the chocolate on her face after she got the joke was too!

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  10. Silly kid's stories... love 'em! Let's see if I have any.

    Oh yes, my Gran. She was a dear, silly woman who I absolutely adored. As I was growing up, streaking and the song 'The Streak' were wildly popular. Gran had me meet her in the back garden at midnight after one of the hottest days of the summer, but wouldn't tell me why ~ it was a secret. Intrigued, I showed up in a timely manner only to have Granny tell me we were going streaking! After shucking our clothes we danced and sang, were just generally silly for a good hour or more. She finally declared us 'drunk on moonlight' so we got dressed and retired to her kitchen for ice cream. Gran was also the person who took me skinny dipping (or chunky dunking in my case).

    The year the Great Scot and I were married, my oldest stepson spent the summer with us (and was the best man). We had a lot of fun, silly times that summer but the one I remember most was the first time I ordered he and the kidling outside and told them they weren't allowed back in until they were both filthy from top to tip. Jenn, of course, was used to that, he, however took a bit of convincing... but the look of absolute joy and delight on his face when he realised I meant it will stay with me forever. Jenn carried on a fine family tradition that day; she taught him how to mud slide, just as I'd taught her.

    Huzzah for roller blinds!

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    1. I love the thought of mad gran
      Social services would be involved nowadays

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    2. Gran saved my sanity; I absolutely adored her.

      Speaking of 'smell my finger'... it's not a kid's tale, but it's still funny. Several years ago, while working in California, my friends John and Jess invited me to spend a long weekend with them at their home in Palm Springs. (A delightfully tacky place, Palm Springs that is.)

      John and I were partners in crime, always up to something; Jess was more.... dignified. John and I were off in the kitchen making a triple chocolate cake for Jess' birthday when I grabbed a handful of frosting, planning to plaster it over John's face. He, however, had a better idea...

      Sauntering into the study, where Jess was on the computer, John sat down at his own desk and I made gagging sounds in the kitchen, then ran into the study, pretended to trip and smeared both of them liberally with chocolate frosting...

      John yelled "oh crap, it's crap!" and wiped his face off on Jess' shirt... Jess wigged out. John and I were rolling in the floor, laughing so hard we were crying. Jess finally started laughing when he realised it was just frosting and, rather than committing the murder he threatened, pulled off his shirt and started smearing us liberally with it. Good times!

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    3. Friends become family eh?

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  11. Roller blinds in the windows? Obviously not a meth lab. Bordello maybe?

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    1. At least the crack head black bin bags have gone

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  12. My son and his dad used to do things like that ... walking up to each other and saying Smell this . The other would either do it or laugh and say go away .. boys ...

    I can't wait until the new neighbors start planting their garden which will win prizes next summer ..

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    1. Smell my finger!
      Hummm not a game I could play with the prof

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  13. Me doing the Jaws music...dur duh... dur.. duh when my two didnt want to get out of the bath when they were small, delighted screams and lots of splashing ensued with Mama waiting to pluck them from the dangerous waters and wrap them up safe and warm in far too big bath towels. Like you John there was no silliness when I was growing up, I now specialize in silliness. X

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    1. I can just picture it ... the look on their faces, anticipation and glee. adorable.

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  14. My Welsh granny was a very dour lady so not much fun there. My dad more than made up for it though. I remember going on holiday to Swanage and he took all the eggs from the kitchen and hid them in the sand dunes so that we kids could "find" seagulls eggs - you know the ones with the lion stamped on them! All good fun until one of the kids ran crashing into him with the eggs in his pockets - mom was not best pleased I can tell you. I always thought mom was rather serious but I don't think she was allowed to shine until dad died. But we have pictures of her in her wheelchair on a ski slope and pole dancing at 90, and a lovely photo of her on my brother-in-law's motorbike on her 93rd birthday - complete with matching slippers. God bless her. Actually we are all a bit silly (which I think is great) and that is partly why I started my blog - because I wanted to put all the silly stuff down in writing for my kids.

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    1. Being silly is something that has to be learnt dont you think?

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  15. I had one silly uncle and one silly aunt. I've sent my grandchildren out to play in the rain. The swing set sliding board was slick as glass in the rain, and the mud pit landing improved with every splash down.

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    1. Everychild should have a silly uncle and aunt

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    2. Mine were teenagers when I was born so you can imagine the fun times I had at a young age. Not to mention the Marine Drill Sgt grandfather who would take me, the colicky baby driving in the car ... all night .. he never slept. Aunts Uncles and Grandparents are really gifts.

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  16. It would be the half term holiday in October 1974. It was wet, wet, wet and dreary. I was living in London and not working just then my third child would be about ten months old and the other two were on school holiday. As most parents do I also had a houseful of other children, friends of my older kids and the usual "Could you justs". They wanted to make tents in the front room, why not, all the old blankets and sheets, airers and anything that could be used to hold up the sheets etc., I left them all playing and answered a knock on the door,the Health Visitor stood there in the rain. She had come to look at the baby, well I did try, but I could not find her at first, big brother came to the rescue, and dragged her out from under all the tents. Health visitor barely checked the baby, had a cup of coffee and declared that it was the happiest home she had been in all day. So forget keeping things pristine all the time and let the children play, like you did yesterday, John, my kids would have loved you. Love Andie xxx

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    1. A nice story there........and a esson in not to worry eh?

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  17. To be sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies:

    There's a smell of cow poo floating in the air
    It's going up my nose and I don't know where.
    Wish they'd pull the chain coz I wanna breathe again.
    There's a smell of cow poo floating in the air.

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    1. Have you been smoking drugs again andi?

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  18. There's not enough men like you John. You are truly a treasure.

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    1. I'm only good at think kind of thing for an hour or so.....
      My hat comes off to mums and dads that can be fun for 24/7

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    2. no mum or dad is always fun, John! fun times are like stars in a sky of mundane

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  19. I love all of these stories. Yours and everyone else's.

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  20. Hilarious - bet the girls didn't want to go home !
    Did you remember to film Mary's bath ??

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    1. Sorry , i was too busy trying to keep little sleeves rolled up and little school uniforms clean

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  21. I trust that no undesirable 'seeds' have been planted in those young, fertile, female minds. If they develop into a pair of coprophagists we'll know at whom we can point the finger, curry-stained or otherwise. :-)

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    1. I'd like to think you can, J.G. ;-)

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  22. My mother was a lot of fun, laughing, joking, singing silly songs with us until I was about 7 1/2. I remember most of those silly songs.

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  23. This has made me miss having a child around the house :)

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  24. My Dad never grew up and I don't intend to do so either. We might get older but we don't have to grow up. Fun is there for the having in every place you look.

    Me and Lovely Hubby have a race most times that we go into M&S in Llandudno .... I take the stairs and he goes up on the escalator right next to them, his way is usually blocked by someone just standing still, whereas I can run :-)

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    1. I like this,..we all should do this more often me thinks

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  25. When my son was little we used to fill up the waterguns and stage water gun fights throughout the house. Soaked to the skin and what fun was had.

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    1. Nothing like a good water gun fight. My husband usually did a dramatic dying scene so my little son could stand over him and look tough. .. then squirt him while he died.

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    2. Theres nothing worse than being squirted when you die

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    3. LOL , sitting here all alone cackling like an old hen.

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  26. In 1987 I had just bought my first little house - a tiny two-up, two-down with a small courtyard garden. I excitedly invited the parentals over to inspect my one and only ripe strawberry on the plant only to find they had secreted a tin of cream amongst the leaves!
    Another story - a few years ago I was a supposedly sensible teaching assistant, working with a year 5 class. The Literacy Hour book was 'Swallows and Amazons'. Try keeping a straight face when the entire class are sniggering about a girl called 'Titty'......

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    1. Sweet.........very sweet....

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  27. When I'm emptying my chemical toilet on a campground I always find it funny that there's often a crowd of kids analysing the contents!

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  28. We have a Canadian children's author Robert Munch. He is very popular with elementary school children. The book the kids actually roll on the floor laughing at is 'Good Families Don't'. Of course it's all about a fart and I have to say it is hilarious. The kids had to be really good to have that book read to them because they'd have you reading it all the time.

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    1. I think ill like that one too...as well as the psych bums

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  29. Bin bags to roller blinds in one fell swoop - a mighty big leap if you ask me.
    As for sillies. I too come from a family where sillies were not the order of the day. So really can't think of any. Sad.

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  30. Fun was banned in our childhood even at 80 my mother can suck the life out of any trace of pleasure, me and the grandson however know all about the attic troll and the cuddle troll , but we keep it our secret

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    1. Remember the good forget the bad

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  31. I always told my young cousins, then my own children, and now my niece and nephew that I am going to take them shopping - and I will buy them anything they want. Then while loading them up into the car, they ask where I am taking them - and I tell them to the grocery store to buy vegetables. Any kind they want. The looks of sheer horror are too funny for words....

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  32. Great post - in the reading of it I "almost" screamed with laughter along with the two girls. If I had been alone in the house when I read it I might have! Reminds me of how much more fun life is when we can manage to remember how to laugh, squeal, play, and be silly.

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  33. My son will be 21 years old next month and I'm still silly with him. I don't ever want to grow up. Why should I? I've gotten away with it this long.
    Anyway, your story reminds me of my favorite Cheech and Chong routine.
    Two cavemen are walking through forest. First one says "What that over there?" Second caveman say "Looks like dogshit." First caveman say "Smell!" Second caveman say "What?" First caveman say more emphatically "Smell!!!!" Second caveman smells the pile, gags and says "Smell like dogshit."
    First caveman say" Taste!" Second caveman say "What?!!??!?!?."
    First caveman say "Taste!!" Second caveman tastes the pile, gags and says "Tastes like dogshit". First caveman say "Good thing we no step in it!"

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    1. Ive created a monster here

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    2. lol, gag gag lol gag

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  34. When my daughter Frances was just a small child, I invented a fairy called Miranda. From time to time Miranda would leave tiny notes for her in the garden. I also invented stories for Frances in which Miranda came to life and did nice fairy things including the granting of wishes. The logical part of her mind knew that Miranda didn't really exist but another part of her mind relished the fantasy with glee and she kept all of those little fairy notes. They are still somewhere in this house.

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    1. I thought u were going to share that miranda was sex crazed 40 something from new york

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    2. How perfectly perfect of you .. we did something similar with my son. He was convinced there was an invisible friend named Googy living in our house. My husband wrote notes to my son from Googy that reminded him to do homework, clean his room, etc ... I miss Googy.

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    3. John - If Miranda had been a sex-crazed forty something from New York, I don't think it would have had the same impact on my 4/5/6/7 year old daughter and may well have sullied her childhood innocence.

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  35. I was hoping for a photo of Mary either enduring or enjoying her first bath. How did it go?

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    1. Oh bless her heart, did she think you were trying to drown her, or did she just want to drink all the soapy water ?

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  36. Years ago when my two nieces were small we had quite a ritual of cooking together. All the things we cooked had vile names like poo custard in a simmered sauce of vomit. Ooh I feel quite sick now remembering this. The girls, all grown up now, often remind me of our cooking lessons.

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  37. Ooh ooh ooh. Skateboarding. New hobby for Winnie. Get away from the puppers. Picture this. Winnie skateboarding under thirty Welsh legs.

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  38. The best one I heard lately was my 6yr old grandson at his other Nanna bonfire and when all was quiet a loud voice could be heard singing Do your balls hang low? Do they swing to and fro?
    Can you tie 'em in a knot? Can you tie 'em in a bow?

    Went down a storm lol

    Sue R

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    1. LOL !!!! helplessly giggling here.

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  39. I couldn't not share this with you. https://www.facebook.com/skynews/videos/1206062576075004/

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  40. LOL, I loved it , especially the very last ... tired skate boarder :)

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  41. I was offered a child minding job on the strength of playing FISH at a childrens' party ( a race of flapping newspaper fish over a line ) as the girls were asked who they'd like as a childminder & they asked for me !

    I once got my children to walk home from an evening out with our eyes closed... luckily husband was there to make sure we didn't get run over !

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