Thursday, 26 November 2015

Camilla Parker Bowles Takes To The Skies.

That's two and a half hours I won't ever get back.

Foolishly, I let Mary have a gallop around the field this afternoon.
Goo-goo eyed she chased the sheep, (undaunted by their brief show of horn and stamping feet ) and like a lunatic rounded up the remaining hens and boxed them into a coop before scattering them again  to the four winds.
She was impossible to catch.
I almost grabbed her several times, but like most puppies, she sensed the chase to be a game and bounced under the gate into the lower field where the geese had been hiding.
The domestic geese, Russell, Jo and Kate all stood their ground and hissed and honked their displeasure as Mary galloped around them , only Camilla panicked and in a fit of hysteria took off from the field.
Now Camilla, is essentially a wild Canada goose so should,on paper , retain her ability to fly, but since I raised her, she has more or less followed her adopted flock's sedentary grassed based existence.  In four years she has perhaps glided a mere 100 feet, and on two occasions has crash landed  into the fields next door on windy days.
Today, Camilla took off like a jet fighter. She circled the field in an untidy loop at a height of perhaps a hundred and fifty feet, then, buffeted by a gust of wind  she soared away over the Church and out of sight past the Rectory.
" Shiiiiiitttttttttttt!"
I managed to grab Mary and locked her inside a hen house before galloping like a loon through the Churchyard in pursuit but Camilla was no where to be seen.
I searched the livery stable fields, Pippa's field where the alpacas eyed me nervously , The Rectory gardens and the village green beyond, but there was no sign.
I even raised a few eyebrows down nearby Well Street by calling " CAMILLA!" down alleyways and driveways, but that part of the village was deserted too.
The lady from Abbott House looked particularly surprised when I told her that I was looking for a black and white goose called Camilla Parker Bowles.....like you do.
Systematically, I extended the search.
I checked behind the pub and the chapel and behind the cottages on London Road and still there was no sign, so I went up Byron Street and knocked on a few doors.
An  old chap who was washing his car told me that he had seen a " low flying goose" heading East
" she was honking like a train" he said.
I was onto something
Now on the far east part of Trelawnyd is an upmarket housing estate of say ten houses and beyond that are Basil the farmer's sheep fields. So I took a chance and climbed over a few fences and nearly two hours after the whole bloody mess started, I found Camilla sitting open beaked where she had crash landed in the centre of a flock of ewes.

Bruised and battered but ok, Camilla returning home

I carried her all the way home
And after I introduced her back with her flock mates I returned to the cottage for a restorative cup of coffee and a custard tart.
It was only then , that I remembered Mary locked away in the hen house!

71 comments:

  1. And an exciting time was had by (nearly) all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Never a dull moment in your life is there John?

    ReplyDelete
  3. This run is worthy of a scotch egg. lol

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'd think after all that you deserve the custard tart, and a scotch egg!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow! No one can accuse you of being a lard arse after that run around (referring to a previous post of course!) I am so glad that the story had a happy ending and hopefully Mary has leaned her lesson after 'thinking' about what havoc she had caused whilst confined to the hen house. I hope that an uneventful evening awaits you John:-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. We rescued a young dog a few years ago and took her on holiday with us a few weeks later. We let both dogs off the lead in a local forest. Rescue dog bolted, clearly on the scent of a deer. We shouted on her for an hour. I honestly thought we'd never see her again, especially as she'd never had a walk in that area before and was a long way from home. Fortunately, the forest was a long way from any main road. She returned exhausted with her tongue hanging out a mile, panting.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Haha what a sight that must have been!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I bet Prince Charles wouldn't go to as much trouble retrieving his Camilla Parker-Bowles who co-incidentally also honks like a train according to the night staff at Clarence House.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ah- the chaos of family! Human and other.

    ReplyDelete
  10. So happy to hear that you found her! I imagine her heart was pounding the same as yours!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I bet it took a while for your heart rate to get back to normal. I was pretty tense just reading this .. I have done that sort of thing, although thankfully, not a goose .. but searching far and wide, calling and calling .. it is dreadful, so hard on your nerves ... your heart is wondering if it should start breaking yet ...
    Minette the kitten did it to me in the house ... one minute she was there, next she was not. I searched and searched then sat down and wept .. a few minutes later she strolled in like she had just gone out to tea and returned.

    ReplyDelete
  12. It won't do her any harm to be locked up for a while...you are such a good Canada Goose daddy John.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I love your stories and I love your headlines. Camilla Parker-Bowles Takes to the Skies - hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  14. So glad you found her

    ReplyDelete
  15. Do you ever have a day when absolutely Nothing happens?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yesterday was piss boring

      Delete
    2. Ha ! we should have a Who Had The Most Boring Day contest ... I know I would win.

      Delete
    3. Think I might beat you Notes, The most exciting thing in my day was the postman not turning up, not that I was expecting him!

      Delete
  16. You really are the best story teller :)
    For the rest, I cannot help but echo Sue from Suffolk's comment.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thank goodness you got her back, well done.

    I think if the confinement in the henhouse doesn't serve as a warning not to chase geese and hens, a few minutes in a pen with an angry cockerel is your only way of training Mary to show the feathered members of your family some respect.

    I giuess that's your exercise done for the weekend then ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  18. I love how you are hugging Camilla x

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh, the poor thing. Never a dull moment, eh.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I would love to live in your village and watch all the shenanigans.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Wonderful story with great comments. I particularly like YP's. Camilla is a lucky goose and Mary, well Mary is quite contrary. But she's just a puppy.

    ReplyDelete
  22. You are one of a kind, John, and a couple hours in the hen house didn't hurt Mary. I can see her terrier mind, countinig the cost of a wild ride and deciding if the price was worth paying again. I think we already know the answer.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Life lived in the fast lane John, and now Mary's found a new game.....

    ReplyDelete
  24. I've just searched for two hours, after my old dog went 'missing' on the basis that I'd better feed the horses before it was dark, I found her. I'd managed to shut her in one of the stables, with the biggest horse we have. She wasn't bothered at all. She was happily eating sh*t! ANIMALS!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Turn your back and EVERYTHING will happen

      Delete
  25. I'm laughing too hard to know what to say! I'm glad you found her.

    ReplyDelete
  26. That sounds like a work out for you; ah, village life chasing a dog and then a goose.

    ReplyDelete
  27. What an exciting, energetic life your animals give you! Naughty Mary - I suspect she thought being locked in the hen house was great fun - all those smells and stuff to roll in! - I hope she was there long enough to get thoroughly bored! Unfortunately puppies take f-o-r-e-v-e-r to get a brain, so she'll probably do it again if you let her off any time soon!
    Thanks for a wonderful story.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Well, after another of your classic adventures (they do seem to happen regularly in Trelawnyd), I think you deserved that custard tart - and at least it wasn't a Scotch egg. Our Tess ran away a couple of times when she was a pup - after rabbits both times - and when she returned she was very chastened.

    ReplyDelete
  29. You just couldn't make this stuff up...sometimes I worry when I think about us eventually being at the farm full time, when things will, presumably, go wrong but then I think WWJD ("WHAT WOULD JOHN DO") and I smile and know it will all be OK....

    ReplyDelete
  30. Your life is never dull.
    Chaotic, exhausting, messy, sad and glad in turns - but not dull.

    ReplyDelete
  31. I should be feeling sorry for you but I'm crying with laughter.

    ReplyDelete
  32. I wish she would have returned to her true and native land, O Canada. I would have looked after her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We have hundreds and hundreds (no exageration) of Canada geese living here 365/24/7. If only we COULD ship them to you. What a mess....

      Delete
  33. That reminds me, tell her about the Canada Geese who fly over my house every week .. squadrons of them ... honking .. I thought I heard one calling for "camilla" but I might have misunderstood.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Poor Camilla. I hope she will soon recover from her ordeal.. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  35. So glad you found her.

    ReplyDelete
  36. such an adventure! must keep the puppy on a leash, eh?

    ReplyDelete
  37. Oh my goodness, I had a vivid flashback of running around the nearby hockey field trying to catch Chester when he was a puppy. Airedales and welsh terriers have a lot more in common than their looks! Actually I seem to recall we all just gave up and left the gate open for him as he was too fast for us.

    ReplyDelete
  38. So happy that you found Camilla. Puppies canbe so full on !!! Glad it all ended well.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Oh dear everything turned out right in the end. Maybe an extendable lead for Mary :) and the goose lol

    ReplyDelete
  40. A bit like Marlon Brando calling...."Stellaaaa"!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In a dirty anorak rather than a sweaty vest

      Delete
  41. As I read the post "Learn to Fly" was playing on the radio. Rather fitting.

    Helen

    ReplyDelete
  42. when mary is an old dog who sleeps all day this will be an especially lovely memory.

    ReplyDelete
  43. When I was a young lad my dad kept chickens, amongst other animals. He had a small field at the side of the house that he'd bought from the farmer who owned the surrounding land. Beyond the fence was the farmer's field. Beyond that a small lake and at the other side of the lake another field and then houses.

    One day the chickens had been foraging in the field and we were rounding them up when one hen decided that, being a bird, it should fly. We didn't think those birds could fly and, up to then, they had seemed to share the opinion and had no inclination. She took of with a huge amount of laboured flapping and was over the fence flapping across the field. We abandoned the rest of the flock and took set off in hot pursuit. The field was downhill and the hen managed to glide across it and over the tail end of the lake. By the time that we walked around the end of the lake she was nowhere to be seen. We came to the houses and split up to search. Ten minutes lated dad appeared with the wayward bird tucked under one arm. It had been found in the back garden of one of the houses. He said the owner had seen him in the the garden and said "what the bloody hell do you think you're doing?". "Trying to catch this chicken" dad had said. The owner told dad he was trespassing to which he had replied "don't be daft and help me catch this chicken". Which is what they did.

    Reading about escaped Camilla brought the memory back to life. Thank's John.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Im glad, im not the only one this happens to......

      Delete
  44. I so long to see these shenanigans in person... Whooping with laughter would be good as well. =)

    ReplyDelete
  45. My dear dear John, what a hoot of a story. You have excelled yourself. Such dedication. And there I was - going by the headline - thinking poor Camilla had met her flock in the sky. Oh, the relief.

    Happy endings. It also occurred to me that - with your real life workouts - you don't need a gym. Just a sofa and some respite.

    Hugs (where is Albert when I need him?),

    U

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He is presently sleeping in Winnie's arms ( or legs)

      Delete
  46. Extendable lead anyone ?

    ReplyDelete
  47. Glad you found her, I bet she is glad also. J loves custard tarts, they are hard to find in the states and I have never learned how to make them.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Oh that Mary! She makes things quite interesting! (She really is a sweetheart)

    ReplyDelete
  49. So glad you found Camilla! What fun thought Mary.... :)

    ReplyDelete
  50. I read this to my husband as we drove home from dinner, and he said that you should write a book about your experiences with your jobs, your patients, and your animals. He said you were a gifted storyteller!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Now what would you sooner do, have pets or join a gym?

    ReplyDelete
  52. They don't call themTerrors for nothing! :) Glad Camilla was ok!

    ReplyDelete
  53. Bahahaha... an epic tale, to be sure! Glad Camilla is okay!

    ReplyDelete
  54. what a wonderful story! what an adventure for camilla and for you!

    ReplyDelete
  55. Hen houses are excellent 'time out' spaces for sassy pups! Let me know if Camilla needs xanax from her potentially PTSD-inducing experience!

    ReplyDelete
  56. This goose on the loose situation happened frequently when I was a kid and the neighbors' hen yard (which featured a green pond) population included goslings from a 'mixed marriage'. These geese could get air-borne, given sufficient motivation, but they could not maintain level flight or manage banked turns. They favored an altitude of approximately 8', exactly right for crashing smack into an adult running around the corner of the barn in pursuit...ah, the memories of the noise...

    ReplyDelete
  57. LOL!!! Now THAT was a wild goose chase, indeed! I rarely comment, but as it is the Thanksgiving weekend, allow me to say thank you for all the pleasure your posts have brought me.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Now that Camilla has 'found her wings', so to speak, I'm wondering if there will be more tales of cross country runs and . . . . will she teach the landlubbers how to get airborne? Oh no!!!

    ReplyDelete
  59. Now that Camilla has 'found her wings', so to speak, I'm wondering if there will be more tales of cross country runs and . . . . will she teach the landlubbers how to get airborne? Oh no!!!

    ReplyDelete

I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
Please dont be abusive x