Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Nipple Talk


The Prof was poorly yesterday with a nasty tooth abscess.
It must have been very painful and he looked dreadful when he got home but after a bit of ' hands on' care he managed to weakly consume half a turkey lasagna, a tub of Marks and Spencer custard and a small bit of carrot cake.
So much for " starve a fever"
Yesterday afternoon I left him sleeping on the couch and took the dogs to the beach, where Winnie met up with a small girl on the promenade.
" Look Mum....big.....titties!" The girl chirped up pointing excitingly to Winnie's line of teats
and I suddenly felt somewhat deflated when the girl added " ewwwwwww they look disgusting ..she needs a bra"
I couldn't disagree

I'm not a fan of big titties.....and big nipples make me feel rather nauseous
I guess that doesn't come as much of a surprise to anyone.
This morning after sneaking back to bed after taking the Prof for the 6 am London Train ( he's back to normal today after a days worth of antibiotic) I got a facefull of Winnie nipples when she tried to cop a furtive belly rub when I was dozing. They have a strangely cold and slimy feel.
A bit like tripe fresh from the fridge.

Anyhow, my favourite " nipple" story hails from 1986.
I was a very new Registered Psychiatric staff nurse on a " mother and baby" unit in York and was attending my very first staff meeting in the day room which led off the main entrance . The ward sister was a phenomenally calm and obese woman  who never raised her voice even in the most fraught of situations and I remember that right in the middle of discussing a particularly knotty nursing problem , she stopped and raised her hand.

" now I don't want anyone to turn around, or to react in any way" she murmured quietly
" but some unfortunate lady is trying to push her nipples under the sash window"

Now that's professionalism !

71 comments:

  1. As a nipple expert (midwife) I can honestly say I have seen enough over the years to no longer phase me lol.
    As for the poor woman and the sash window I hope someone got there in time 😳
    Rare day off today - brother is improving slightly 😔

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    1. Re charge...you need to x

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  2. I'm shaking my head that you phrased it, "my favourite nipple story". Do you mean there are more?!?!

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  3. ...... I have no comment in my head after reading that last bit ... totally blank, and hopefully I will stay that way for a while ;-)

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  4. OF COURSE you are put off by nipples; they are girlie things, silly!

    glad to hear the prof is better. and winnie doesn't need a bra; she looks fine just as she is.

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  5. Well, Winnie isn't a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee... such is life. We still adore her. =)

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  6. My hubby (soon to be) would scream and run at the sight of nipples sliding under the window. He would likely say, "if those things get loose they could hurt someone!"

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    1. yes...yes they can. remind me never to show sweet bear mine...
      ;-b

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  7. I've never understood why males have nipples if they are not to breast feed ? Can anyone enlighten me ?

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    1. Early after conception all embryos are essentially female and possess the basis of female anatomy. After about 8 weeks those with a Y chromosome (destined to become male) start releasing testosterone. Little nipples stay little and don't develop into big nipples suitable for inserting in sash windows.

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    2. At the start of development a human embryo has characteristics of both sexes. A few weeks later on it becomes male or female. At this point the nipples are already made. (There was a good documentary on TV about this recently!).

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    3. Ah, Philip beat me to it...

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    4. " NIPPLE OVERLOAD!!!!!"

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    5. You started it !!!

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    6. Gdont i know it

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  8. Regarding nipples, having 2 of my own ( like the rest of the creatures on this planet .. except some have 6 or 8 ! don't they?) I long ago ceased to notice them. Now I will probably walk around all day, looking for a glimpse of one.
    There are a few creatures up the road .. Highland Cattle and goats and a horse .. I don't think I can see any of their nipples. Oh well .

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  9. quite frankly I never really thought that much about it, now I fear there is a "thing" in my head ( like a tune one sings over and over and cannot remember the title) that will haunt for days. I am going to stop reading these things.................

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  10. Thank you for my first laugh of the day!

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  11. Don't hate on Winnie's nipples! She's just a mature woman dog.
    I am glad that the Prof is better.

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  12. You live in a very different world to me.

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    1. I take it cro that you are a nipple fan

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  13. Sounds no more painful than a routine mammogram ...

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  14. They change color when one is pregnant...

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    Replies
    1. Yes, they go darker.

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    2. Oh god OH GOD MORE NIPPLE OVERLOAD....and its all my fault

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    3. You started it 'Nipple Heid'! lol

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  15. We middle aged and elderly women must stick together as far as nipples are concerned mustn't we Winnie.

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  16. Many years ago when I was hosting parties we had a regular attendee with nipples like Rolo's, as most people used false names (and frequently forgot them) I nicknamed her Miss Rolo.

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  17. I never thought about the colors of nipples .. god help me. I know young girls are more pink then after birthing, they change, darken .. I don't know how I feel about thinking about nipples this early in the day .. or any time of day .. I need to get out more.

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  18. For some reason this one has left me very uncomfortable….my little nipples are tender and my teeth hurt. I’m going back to bed.

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  19. 29 years in health care and I've never heard a story like that....thanks for the morning giggles! :)

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    1. The joys of mental illness nursing x

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  20. I have a young friend with the perkiest little breasts. Not more than a handfull, as my brother would have noticed. On to the nipple part: her nipples are dark and embarass her when they show through garments, at which time she wears a bra. But here's the part that dismays me--she can just pull a bra over her head and situate it and throw on the rest of her clothes and leave home looking a million dollars.Some women have all the luck.

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    Replies
    1. Tom will be salivating all over his red wine at this entry x

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  21. God bless the sister and god help the poor lady....and what sort of party was hard up hester hosting? and no answer about the cartoon John?..funnily enough we had a conversation about nipples only the other day...must be something in the air or ether..x

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  22. Men seemed to always appreciate my bigger than average boobs much more than I ever did. x

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  23. Nana , they never got a backache carrying them around ...

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    Replies
    1. Playtex Cross-your-Heart was your friend back then....could've shored-up the Forth Rail Bridge!

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  24. I just thought of something when I saw Going Gently on my Blog list and under that, the words Nipple Talk.
    You know, whatever you throw out there into the internet ... stays there Forever ... For Ever ... nipple talk ... remember this.
    forever !

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    1. I've blogged much worse titles old gal

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  25. You can milk a bull, but it's a dangerous occupation for a man of any persuasion.

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    Replies
    1. Or a skill worthy of riches

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  26. What I've never understood is that if a man sees a woman's nipples protruding when she is clothed it's worth noting, and sometimes pejoratively, but not a mention if his show.

    In my bank teller days, there were any number of times male customers would ogle my bust line. One day I had had enough, and when I saw the man staring at my breasts, I broke his reverie by saying, "Looking at them isn't going to make them grow. Or dance."

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    1. Megan, queen of the sassy one liner!

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  27. megan, that was so perfect, I am speechless. sort of.

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  28. Ouch! Winnie can't help her nipples, but maybe a little bag balm would help.

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  29. What the hell is bag balm

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    1. It's a cream a lot of farmers used on cows' teats.


      http://www.amazon.com/Bag-Balm-Vermonts-Moisturizing-Softening/dp/B00P17DHEI/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1444172621&sr=8-2&keywords=bag+balm

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  30. Many years ago I worked with young adults with severe intellectual disabilities and complex and challenging behaviours. I discovered one of the young people in the men's bathroom trying to jam his penis under the window and close the window on it .,... I can relate to this incident indeed .

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  31. I had Lilly spayed when when she was young so her nipples are teeney weeny.

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    1. Oh lord....never again a nipple post

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  32. I can't decide what is more horrible to contemplate, gigantic multicoloured nipples or saggy stretchy balls down to the knees. Queen sized pillow bras or those old man saggy pants hiding the swinging equipment. I notice John, when you get bored or down in the dumps the shock value rises.

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    Replies
    1. I have to stimulate myself x

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    2. That sounds a bit dodgy John ....

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  33. My Rosie has stayed fairly boobiferous after her litter of puppies. I would be most offended on her behalf if someone was so rude to her in public! Reminds me actually of one time at a retrieving trial. My GWP bitch had recently been in season and one of those loud voiced women was walking along behind us and called out, "My god, look at the twat on that!" A classy lady, all the way, as you can imagine!

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  34. Why don't you stick to dog shit.

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    1. Why dont you have a drink and lighten up

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    2. Some times you annoy me too.

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  35. And once again John, I must profess my undying love for your blog and thank you for making me smile. xx I'm glad the Prof's recovered.

    as to nipples - do they really need to make the frozen food isles in supermarkets so cold. It's hard to shop with your arms crossed! :-)

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  36. The female nipple is one of God's finest inventions. Some fellows go bird watching or take up stamp collecting but I have always been an enthusiastic nipple spotter. My notebooks recording all sightings date back to the nineteen sixties.

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  37. Never mind Winnie needing a bra, a lot of men have such prominent breasts, perhaps they should be wearing bras as well....

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  38. Breasts and nipple abound! Great stories

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