Saturday, 10 October 2015

" I wish you were more like my mother"

I heard these words this morning just after breakfast.
Now, during yesterday's  supermarket run, I had purchased a load of stockcubes for the store cupboard.
With his Roger Moore eyebrow at full tilt, The Prof asked in a somewhat exasperated tone if I " could keep the cubes all together in an ordered pile" .
It's been doing his head in that I tend to scatter things of similar brands throughout the house.
I became somewhat haughty and promptly told him that I have my own very individualised system when it came to cupboard filling ( ie no system at all!) and we left the conversation very much there.
Yesterday morning, in a  fit of excitement and obvious giddiness,  I cleaned out the cutlery drawer and obviously the Prof noticed there were no longer scummy marks all over the place.....so he let out the involuntary
" I wish you were more like my mother" when he was reminded that my neat and cleaning brainstorm hadn't found it's way to our somewhat haphazard collection of spice jars.
Sorrel has a beautifully neat kitchen. It's small, so structure  has to be the order of the day.
Everything has a place and that place is clean and tidy and wonderful.

It's the first time I have been compared to my mother in law!

Now my lady readers who have a female in law, may like to chip in here....for I think I am right in saying that having your husband comparing you to his mother in a less than favourable light is definitely a marriage " No no"
Indeed , I once heard my father comment to my mother that his mother made better stew than she did and we all had to live with her thin lips for at least two full days.
Divorces have been initiated on less, but as the husband in a gay marriage it has never happened to me.
Does a gay husband get compared to the other's mother like wives do in straight marriages?
It's a knotty sociological problem.

Anyhow was I bothered ? Pah naw........The Prof is right...the cupboards are a bloody mess.....a bit of order amid the chaos of empty paprika jars and out of day mixed herbs would be a blessing.
So as he has gone off to Manchester for shopping with a friend and a curry with his PhD students, I thought about organising the cupboards......and have them all neat and clean and sweetly regimented

Then I thought .........fuck it.....I'm off to the cinema
Hey ho


107 comments:

  1. That last sentence made me laugh! Exactly what I would have done!

    My mother-in-law is very much like yours. And I'm like you regarding organization. When my husband complains, you know what I say?
    "You knew what you were getting when you married me!"

    (We lived together for about 8 years prior to marriage.)

    That shuts that nonsense down quick-like. ;)

    Cheers!

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  2. My husband is just glad that I'm nothing like his mother!

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    Replies
    1. Perfect !
      Made me giggle !

      cheers, parsnip

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  3. You wouldn't get Shawn saying that. Her mother said that she could see what she saw in me, but I was obviously a financial no-hoper. Now if I had been a doctor...

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    1. The reason for the post was really to debate if gay men compare their partners to their own mothers... I dont think that they do......certainly not like straight men do

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    2. I bet gay Italian men do.

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    3. You may have a point

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  4. I have never been compared to my late MIL; spouse knows better than to do that.

    yes, your cupboard could be better organised. but since you do all the cooking, the prof can raise the roger moore eyebrow all he wants - it's YOUR kitchen, dammit!

    and what a finishing touch - "off to the cinema (I'll think about it tomorrow. after all, tomorrow is another day.)!"

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    Replies
    1. AM .....YES you are right . Its a disgrace x

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  5. I don't know if I like the sound of Chris very much John - not that he'd care! If you are the one that does all the shopping, cooking and organising it is up to you how you arrange the cupboards. I don't have a M.I.L as she died when my husband was a boy. My husband told me that she had mental health problems and she liked her food cupboards arranged randomly but she knew where everything was. My F.I.L was the opposite to her. One day he decided to rearrange the cupboards in an organised way that made sense to him. Well, it upset and affected her greatly and I think she put them all back her way again. I think she saw him taking control of what she saw as her domain. How would Chris like it if you turned up at his place of work and criticized the way he did things? Don't let him take advantage of your good nature!

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    Replies
    1. Simone,.....you are wrong, he's lovely...and .i can understand his slight irritation i AM a messy bugger....well I am not messy just sloppy..............i even irritate myself sometimes....
      We laughed about this this morning because i put a plastic tie on the usually open bread bag
      ( an unheard of feat in this house)

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    2. I am glad I am wrong about Chris. I don't always put the tie back on the bread bag as it usually falls off again. I just twist the bag and tuck it under the loaf (just in case you wanted to know!)

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    3. Bag clips are your friend here. And for open bags of frozen peas etc.

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  6. if my husband dared to compare me to his fat slob of a mother i would kill him. fortunately and thankfully she is dead. she finally did me a favor.

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    Replies
    1. Well.........i'm speechless

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  7. Order versus Chaos. Why is it that orderly people arrogantly assume that neatness and order are inherently superior to disorder and mess? In an office environment a neat desk is probably a sign that its occupant hasn't got enough to do. It is perhaps more reflective of the human condition to have a bit of chaos in your life. We shouldn't feel guilty about being naturally messy. The Nazis were very orderly.

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    Replies
    1. Bloody hell......how did the Nazis get into the post! Lol

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    2. @yorkshire - my office desk is very neat and I have plenty of work to do. I am a virgo, organized and detail-oriented; everything has its place. besides, if something is moved about, I can tell that some bastard violated my personal space. :-)

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    3. Nazis? Festungswerkmeister Burton!

      And Anne-Marie, so sorry to hear that you are still a virgo.

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    4. @yorkshire - eh, someone has to be a virgo; might as well be me. :)

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  8. I get compared to P's mother when he says frequently to me "you sound like my bloody mother".

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    Replies
    1. Apparently when I am asking him every second what he is doing and why.

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  9. I so love your militant stance! My Gay Friends (yes, it's back on!) came round last night to administer a bit of TLC after a particularly fraught day I had, funnily enough at the hands of an arrogant little Greek shit of an Endoscopist (there are no would-be euphomisms in that sentence!). They noticed that my kitchen cupboards had recently been cleaned and emptied, more as a stress-buster than anything else! It is enlightening to be able to find anything at a glance instead of opening the cupboard doors and everything flying out on top of you! Try it after the flicks. What you seeing? 'Suffragettes'? lol

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    Replies
    1. Sicario......Chris taking me to see Suffragette tomorrow

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    2. Power to the 'X' Chromosome!

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  10. ps As an aside, I think some M.I.L.'s get a very raw deal!Just sayin'

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  11. comparison to MILs is an absolute no-no! I would have thought that being gay was hard enough without that

    i'm so glad you leave the bread open, i'm in good company

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    Replies
    1. Its not hard being gay
      I kinda like it!

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    2. Wasn't that a 'Kermit' song?

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    3. why cant blogger have a like button?

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  12. Unfortunately, my husband's mother -- dead long before he and I even met -- was an alcoholic with lots of problems. I have never been compared to her or to his father or anyone else in his family. I imagine he compares me to his former wife with some regularity, but he has the sense not to say it out loud. (I am too busy comparing myself to her, since they are on excellent terms and she often visits.)

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    Replies
    1. Now THAT s interesting being compared to a former WIFE.....the plot thickens

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  13. Ah yes...the 'mother -in -law" thing. We have been married for 41 years and I still occasionally hear him start out a sentence with "Well....MY mother....." I usually tell him "I'm NOT your mother. If I WAS, you'd be better behaved."

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  14. In 34 years, I have never been compared -- favourably or un -- to my mother-in-law. Anyway, I don't cook but I alphabetize cookbooks, spices, and make sure all tins labels face the same direction. Jerry is like you. But he claims my organization confuses him!

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    Replies
    1. Lol .......you sound like the bloke out of that julia roberts movie

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  15. Pity me instead. My husband has turned into his mother....but without the dress sense....

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    Replies
    1. The best one liner yet

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    2. Ha-ha - that's hilarious

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    3. Mine too - but at least it finally stopped him telling me that "my mother doesn't do it like that" !!

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  16. actually, I have some limited exposure to this situation. a co-worker once complained that his partner complained that he was not 'organized' like his mother in the laundry context. that relationship was on the rocks before it started but I suspect he still does not do the laundry correctly!

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    Replies
    1. Its a co operative i guess

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  17. Soon after Jay moved in with me in Florida, his mother came and spent two weeks with us. She reorganized the kitchen, putting things "where they belonged." I waited until she left and moved things back where I wanted them, when I had the house designed and built. She is gone now, we miss her, but from time to time I sound just like her.

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    Replies
    1. I guess at some strange time we all turn into our mothers and fathers

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  19. The only way in which I'm compared to the Great Scot's mother is when it regards cooking and it's always in my favour. Same with the ex.The kitchen is my domain... save when I win a bet and my sweetheart has to make roast tatties, lol.

    The darlin' was just SURE they'd have all left Alexandria by the end of last season. I said 'nope'. Mmmmm roast tatties! ;-)

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    Replies
    1. Omg 48 hours to go here!

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    2. I think we need a TransAtlantic Walking Dead party!

      We got an Amazon Fire stick recently, so we can purchase the series and watch when we can both are able. Working night shifts would make it impossible otherwise.

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  20. My partner has never made a comparison with his mother. I am greatly thankful for this as I really do not get along with her .

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    Replies
    1. Leisha.. I am lucky i love my mother in law greatly

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    2. And there lies the nub of The whole matter. If you hated your MIL it would all be totally different John.

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  21. I just keep thinking how did a picture of my cupboard end up on your post?!

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    Replies
    1. I think you may find that it is my cupboard..... :-)

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  22. My MIL was an angry woman and I often felt sorry for her because she chose to be unhappy. She was a great cook and neat as a pin. Nothing was ever out of place. I am nothing like her (for good or bad) and my husband has the good sense not to compare me to her.

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    Replies
    1. I wondered when I typed this , this morning whether it would touch a few nerves...and it did

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  23. Just putting something away is organization enough.

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  24. "Anyhow was I worried ...." is he trying to please the Prof etc. etc.

    "then I thought...." Good for you. How was the movie?

    Never been compared to my MIL and for the most part my husband as the good sense to stay out of the kitchen.

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    1. Yi went to see SICARIO it was very good

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  25. Them's fighting words! Kidding. Hubby knows better. It's a hurtful thing to be compared to anyone when you are on the negative side of it. It hurts for a second but no use hanging onto it.

    If I hear a complaint I simply go on strike. Since I am the one organizing his work shop for the last two weeks he appreciates my organizing skills.

    Oh, the other hand, I have asked Hubby to tell me if I am acting like MY mother. That is NOT good.

    Enjoy the movie and for Pete's sake, get those cupboards in order. Teasing again!

    Happy weekend.

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    Replies
    1. I went on strike once to prove exactly what the house would look like if I did the 'nothing all day' that the hubs seemed to think I did. I left all the dirty pots in the sink, the vacuum cleaner in the cupboard, didn't make the bed or fold the laundy (that was the next thing to 'not get done') I only had to put up with two night's of him saying 'would you like a slice of toast? several hours after his tea would normally be ready. Poor bloke got the shock of his life and never said it again. They don't really take much training do they :-)

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    2. Hmy mother used to do that all of the time......somedays she just lift anything that was left out and throw it in the garden

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  26. My MiL is a strict Catholic who believes sex is a sin, so in the early days of our marriage when I got shouted at and told 'My mother's never done that in her life!, I just said, 'I bet there's a few other things I do that your mother's never done in her life but I don't hear you complaining about those'.

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  27. It's called married life John. The farmer always leaves the teaspoon with which he stirs the bedtime drink of Horlicks in the washing up bowl in the sink. The dishwasher is directly underneath but he never puts the spoon in there. He knows it irritates me - it is his little show of independence.

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  28. No. Worse is being told I am like my mother. It is the ultimate insult. But I hope I have her longevity genes and not my father's who died young, even though I look like him, less the handsome factor.

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    1. Unfortunately i take after my mother... My father was a handsome man

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    2. Both of you stop that at once!

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  29. Here is the most ridiculous thing my husband ever said to me in our thirty-two years together:
    "If I did clean the bathroom, I would do a really good job."
    I am still waiting for proof of this fact.

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    Replies
    1. The proof in the pudding...............

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  30. My mother in law drove my husband up the walls so I was secure in the fact that I would not be compared to her ... and she also happened to be a fabulous cook. Which is why I was delighted at the times he would say " this is better than the way my mother made it " ... I loved my MIL so it was an honor .

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  31. PS - But ..... I will kill anyone who says I am like My mother.

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  32. Oh lordy, that's a pain in my side. My first probably twenty years of marriage my dear other would compare me to his grandmother, his father, himself. I've heard it all. To this day..I do not know how to fry eggs correctly. After years and years of letting that bother me...I ignore it now. Seriously, I'm with you...off to the mall, or to work on my blogs or genealogy. Who gives a flying flip?! I dare say the other will not ever volunteer to cook that egg himself...or wash clothes or dishes or clean out cabinets. Oh grr....this one hit a sore spot. LOL!

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  33. It's good you are the easygoing type because if you weren't, Chris would be in hot water. Even if you are messy, er, sloppy, why does it matter as long as you know where everything is when you want it? And unless Chris helps you with the cooking and cleaning, he should not have a say. (He can have all the THOUGHTS he wants; he just shouldn't voice them to you so readily because "it's the little foxes that spoil the grapes").

    Don't mind me -- I'm an old guy (soon to be 75).

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    Replies
    1. To be fair he does some of tthe cooking......

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  34. Sweety we cannot be our husband's mother ... gay , straight, or otherwise... If he thought he married his mother... well.... thats a whole nother story for another time...lol ... I have to say my husband has never compared me to his mother... well... at least not outloud... the prof must not have been in his right mind when he let that comment pass his lips... lol ...I think the prof should pick up some flowers on his way home today... :) Hugs! deb

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    1. He always brings me back something when hes out shopping!

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  35. We all dance to our own drum don't we....With a bit of defiance thrown in!

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  36. My first husband's mother, nope scratch that, I really want to sleep tonight.
    I loved my MIL, may she rest in peace, and I got on famously. If he had compared me to her, I wouldn't mind a bit.
    BTW my cupboards look like yours, nothing wrong with that, as long as you know where everything is.
    I hope you enjoyed the movie!

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  37. As the kitchen is your domain I think the Prof should allow you to have your cupboards how you like them. Withhold puddings for a week and he will not care what the cupboards look like. lol
    Briony
    x

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  38. If you're doing research and taking notes, let it be known my husband has never compared me to his mother, in either a good or a bad way. And my cupboards look just like yours and I didn't know there was anything wrong with that!

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    1. I've just rearranged the spice jars AFTER the movie x

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  39. This post is absolutely hilarious. You cheered my day.
    I am guilty that I told my husband that he is just like his mother.
    My husband did compare me to a random woman on the street, hub said "I wonder if she is a better housekeeper"

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    Replies
    1. That opens it all up to anoter level
      Men like their mothers?

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  40. My mother in law was a fabulous cook so if I ever made something and there was a comparison made, the husband in all his diplomatic goodness would say that it was even better than the mother in laws.
    Whether he meant it or not, I adored him for saying it.
    Actually- I am a pretty good cook though ..

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    Replies
    1. ps- my mother was the worst cook in the world. The good news is, she lives somewhere that she doesn't have to cook.

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  41. Only today I was compared to my late Mum in Law, my Lovely Hubby said "this soup is as good as Mum's" as he tucked into his lunch ... the biggest culinary compliment he could give me. She made THE most delicious pot of soup out of plain ordinary ingredients and lots of love. Now in her pan and in her way I carry on the tradition.

    Your response to the criticism of the spice cupboard was exactly the right one .... if Chris wants it neat and tidy and you don't mind him doing it, he can have a good clear up whenever he wants to.

    When we first met, my little food cupboard (I only had a single wall cupboard for food in my tiny kitchen) was a danger to anyone who opened the door, you had to be ready to catch the item that was guaranteed to fall out when the door was opened, and closing it up again was even more treacherous. I've changed a lot since my transition from town to country ;-)

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    Replies
    1. Ive just cleared it out...50 spice jars!
      I am such a slut

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    2. You may be a slut but you are a spicy one !

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    3. Thats been saida few times over the years

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  42. I have never heard this. My husband would never do that as his mother drives him demented. Mind you I am very untidy!
    Is there any reason why Chris can't tidy the cupboards himself? Division of responsibilities?
    Here's a tip though - I have plastic storage baskets in my cupboards, put all the bags and things into them and just haul the whole basket out if I need the rice or the icing sugar. The spices live in another one, bottles of oils, soy and worcester etc. I am not sure if it keeps things tidier but it stops things being lost at the back. :)

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  43. mmmm welllll at my house if DH told me he was not pleased with how the cabinets were kept..... I would say well knock yourself out honeyman...... I am pretty sure if the Professor doesn't like how things are kept he has two hands and two feet and can organize and clean till his heart content :O) ....

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  44. My dear mum in law was the gentlest person you can imagine. I laugh every time when I remember her getting this twinkle in her eye once as she asked my hubby if he could remember who used to make them lamb's fry and bacon on sunday mornings. He said it was his dad. She smiled in such a cheeky way and said that that was because he had once said his mum did it better, and she never cooked it again. She didn't say a word. She didn't start a fight. She just never cooked it again. I bet he never said that again about anything! She taught me a lot, that gentle lady. :D

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  45. I keep stock cubes in screw top jars...and use a plastic clip for the bread. I really hate those little plastic ties.

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  46. I love the way you are not perfect John. My kitchen cupboards are a bit ... casual.....but I'm busy leading a life and they are not high on my list of things to do. Loved your last line (and we are off to see that film this week) x

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  47. My husband's mother was a stickler for manners and correct behaviour. My husband often shakes his head and smiles as I am tucking (messily) into my food, "Thank god Phyllis can't see you, she'd be turning in her grave".

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  48. Jenny and I compare each other occasionally to our respective mothers. Definitely guaranteed to cause an outbreak of sulks, tetchiness and righteous indignation. "I am NOTHING like my mother, NOTHING like her at all" etc etc.

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  49. Oh, you just have to watch this: Michael MacIntyre, Herbs and Spices cupboard...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75r7UflPoNw

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  50. When my husband has made the same error, he's been reminded that he knows where she lives if he'd like to move out. He soon shuts up!

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  51. My husband wouldn't dare - it'd be more than thin lips he'd have to contend with. But on the other hand, my spices are all aligned in my cupboard. I tend to get a bit OCD with my kitchen organizing skills....

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  52. Your cupboards are tidier than mine,and as for carrier bag mountain under the sink, well.

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