Tuesday, 9 June 2015

A Chutney Jar Full Of Shit

I decided to take Meg to the vets after she had the squits at 5 am this morning. After waking me up, I let her squat in the front garden and in a moment of nurse based inspiration I followed her round on my hands and knees collecting a stool sample in an old chutney jar.
Be prepared for anything the vet wanted to know, I thought, even when I was creeping around the garden in my underpants.
I left for the vets after 1pm, after stuffing the jar in my pocket, alongside with poo bags, spare tissues and a list of questions for the vet! Years of  experience with sick animals has made me a little over zealous with items that  " I may need" when away from home.
My vets is 16 miles away from Trelawnyd so finding myself just a little early for the opening time, I stopped briefly at a rather nice tearoom and antique centre to see if I could see something for my Sister Ann's birthday.

The place was full of genteel ladies having tea when I got there, so I had a quick mooch, used the loo and was on my way within ten minutes or so.

The antique Centre

It was the rosy faced Irish vet that saw Meg and I could tell she was impressed when I gave a comprehensive handover of Meg's symptoms. 
After a long physical examination, temperature taking, blood tests and the like, I chirped up that I had a stool sample if she needed one for testing.
The Rosy faced vet raised her eyebrows.......I obviously had every base covered

Only the jar wasn't in my pocket.
Meg's kidney and liver  function proved to be normal and the first port of call is a short course of antibiotics....

Apologies to the good people visiting the Avonwen Antique Centre in Caerwys today.
It might of come as a bit of a shock for some, to find a chutney jar full of shit on the sink of the gents toilets

106 comments:

  1. Actually crying with laughter, too funny for words. The things we do for our beloved animals x

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  2. Replies
    1. That is exactly what I was thinking!!

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    2. Hah! Exactly what I was thinking as well!

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  3. I do hope those genteel Welsh ladies don't visit the 'Gents'.

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  4. Oh my goodness! What you do get up too!

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    1. It was an easy thing to do the jar in question was only an inch ir so high and i left it on the sink with my spare tissues

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  5. Only you! I promise my response was original and not copied from Jan! Very good to hear Meg seems ok, otherwise...liver and kidney function showing as normal. Hopefully the antibiotics will sort out her problem fairly swiftly.

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  6. One could only read it here!

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  7. Seems to me it could only happen in Trelawnydd - expect if and when you move for the Prof's job all these adventures will move with you. Does sound good news about Meg though. Expect you were disappointed it wasn't your favourite, very glamorous vet.

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  8. Hope the antibiotics do the trick for Meg. That's some chutney!

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  9. Hahaaa....oh well...stuff happens.
    Hope Meg is feeling better.
    hughugs

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  10. We often visit Afonwen, have a mooch about followed by lunch, I can recommend their veggie burgers, they're delicious!
    However, neither of us has ever found anything untoward in the 'loos', I almost feel disappointed!
    Hope the anti-biotics do the trick for little Meg! X

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    Replies
    1. Dont tell them it was me!

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    2. What's it worth?

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  11. Do you think that The Antique Centre will keep the chutney jar in lost property until someone claims it ?!!!!!! XXXX

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    Replies
    1. I've already run them to apologise......the man I spoke to didnt find me in anyway funny

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    2. If you spoke to the person I'm thinking of, then I'm not at all surprised! No sense of humour and an overabundance of arrogance!

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    3. Yeah, he's a total tw*t!

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  12. oh my! I hope no-one opens the jar to have a sniff!!!

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  13. I have no words.........for this.........because I can't..........breath. Laughing. too. hard!!!! Dear Lord that's hilarious.

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  14. Is it just me, or is there a recurrent scatologic theme to your posts?

    Getting 'holterized' today for 24 hrs to look at some pvc's.......

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    Replies
    1. Let us know how you get on mike

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  15. Thank you for providing me with my first chuckle of the day.

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  16. Thank you for providing me with my first chuckle of the day.

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  17. You have been labelled as the perv who came into the shop, used the toilet and left the shit in a jar.

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  18. With a similar jar as ballast on the other side this never would have happened.

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  19. Have they got cctv there? you may be a marked man!

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  20. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  21. Normal liver and kidney function - what a relief. Hope the antibiotics do the trick for sweet Meg.

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    Replies
    1. She's eaten a bit more tonight jenny

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  22. Well, at least you didn't leave it at the table ...

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  23. John you really should write a book

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  24. OMG I think you must live in some sort of time wharp where things happen to you , I tried to read this to my Hubby but I was laughing too much . Hope Meg is ok

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    1. Chris I agree.......
      To be honest it was only a tiny jar of poo

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  25. Oh John, you are awful... but I like you !

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  26. don't you know that made for some indignation and a good story.

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  27. you're so funny, no one could make this stuff up!!

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    1. Some stories indo embellish
      This one i havent x

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  28. "Bronwyn! I found a scotch egg in the Gents when I was cleaning!"
    "A scotch egg Myfanwy! Where was it?"
    "In a jar on top of the urinal. Look, here it is. Dai can have it in his pack up tomorrow."

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  29. At least that is where a jar of shit should be!

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    1. It was only a small jar around an inch high

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  30. Do they serve ploughmans ?

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  31. I wee'd ......your a terrible man...lol

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  32. Well, at least you didn't leave it on a table in the tea room for some old lady to spread on her scone.

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  33. My husband saw the title of this post over my shoulder and says it would make a good song title!
    Lisa x

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  34. I was taught to always label a bottle or jar with the contents if they were not the original product, "Meg's shite" would have been acceptable.
    ~Jo

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    1. A label reading "Meg's Shite" would not really clear up the mystery though, would it?

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    2. Probably not Andrew, but it may help in identifying the contents, were John to reclaim it from the Lost and Found cabinet.
      ~Jo

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    3. The jar said onion chutney!

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    4. Oh dear... I hope nobody is tempted.

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  35. Hahahahaha!!!!!!!! Too funny John. :-)

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  36. Oh, John, you always make me smile!

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  37. Oops.
    Hooray for normal liver and kidney function.

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    Replies
    1. Yes i was pleased about thst
      Funny how the vet practice got the blood results quicker than i would have done on intensive care

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    2. Here at least a lot of them do the basic testing in house nowadays.

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  38. I lean towards using ziplock sandwich bags for carrying around dog poo samples as we always seem to be in short supply of empty chutney jars around here. You are a class act John. You're writing this down, right? X

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  39. Thank's John, best laugh of the day.

    Seeking cure for Meg John traveled afar,
    equipped with a sample shit in a jar,
    he called off on the way for tea and a leak,
    at a teashop that also did sell the antique,
    refreshed they went onward to visit the vet,
    who said he thought she'll be fine you can bet,
    but John then realised the embarrassing bit,
    he'd left in the antique shop the jar full of shit.

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  40. Did you go back to collect it?

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    Replies
    1. No i rang them about it
      It wasnt a funny conversation

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  41. Nelson's/Napoleon's/Aunt Glad's doo-doos. Print a label.

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    1. Ihavent heard the phrase " doo-doos" since my granny died in1979

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  42. Oh blimey! I come over here nearly every day now but I don't think I will ever get used to these amazing tales - like the others have said, it could only happen to you! Why ever didn't you leave it in the car?! Hope the antibiotics help Meg though xx

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    1. It was in my pocket..and as i needed a " sit down" i tok it out to make me more comfortable

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    2. Ok ok, that's now, far too much information he he

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  43. Good news re Meg. Really John re the jar of shit , this is a pretty good outcome . With your flair for drama the potential for what you could have done with that jar of shit is endless.......

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    1. At least it didnt break in my pocket!

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  44. Where's your man bag? Definition, copied directly from google, "A rather large, usually canvas, bag aka purse, made especially for men.
    Cuz hey, guys need something to carry their shit around in too."

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  45. Oh I forgot to add that the vet thinks meg has senile dementia

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  46. Oh John I just read your comment re Meg and Dementia. Sad news indeed . Any treatment options ? Xx

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    1. Not much... But she will re review meg after this episode

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  47. Your blog is the perfect light at the end of a long dark day of data migration. Yes, it is just as boring as it sounds. Hope Meg is on the mend.

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    Replies
    1. She is sat on my knee as I write this
      Asleep and peaceful

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  48. O...M...B...

    good news about meg though!

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    Replies
    1. " I was creeping around the garden in my underpants." - good thing there are no photographs of THAT! ;-)

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    2. If you want one....it will cost you 50 $

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  49. Oh John, this story had me laughing so hard and then the comments had me laughing even more. Shame on the man at the shop who didn't see the humour when you rang back (I wouldn't have been so brave as to ring!) You do tell a good story. Love the way you build up the anticipation until the zinger of a last line. Bravo!

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  50. Been through hell and back today and turned to have a read of your blog. Thank you for making me laugh outloud about the jar!

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  51. I'll go in to pick up the shit and make up some sort of story.

    Love,
    Janie

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  52. Oh dear, but oh so funny! :D

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  53. I have an over-active imagination at the best (or worst ) of times, this tale nearly had me incontinent with the laughing!

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  54. Hope the antibiotics take care of it all....I know vets are expensive but I always feel so much better about my little guys after been given some answers. Hope little Meg gets to feeling better.

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  55. Only you..... next time to pop into the centre you should spy a poster advising people not to serve you!!

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  56. LoL, I needed that!

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  57. If I lived closer, I would be tempted to pop into that tea shop, to ask if they sold specialty chutneys......😇

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  58. Brave honest man for ringing that shop back..think I would have taken a pass on that. Hope that sweet Meg perks up. We'll all get forgetful one day..she is lucky to have you.

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  59. Brave honest man for ringing that shop back..think I would have taken a pass on that. Hope that sweet Meg perks up. We'll all get forgetful one day..she is lucky to have you.

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  60. Brave honest man for ringing that shop back..think I would have taken a pass on that. Hope that sweet Meg perks up. We'll all get forgetful one day..she is lucky to have you.

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  61. OK, THAT. IS. HILARIOUS.

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