Tuesday, 12 May 2015

Final Words


At least I didn't fluff The eulogy at Bob's funeral this afternoon. I was a bit worried because I had a coughing fit during ABIDE WITH ME which pissed me off as I love to belt out the last chorus, but I got through it without burping, farting or spluttering
I sat on the last pew with Meirion Ellis and Auntie Glad and felt it had gone down well when the new woman in Bron Haul standing at the back of the Church gave me the " thumbs up" when I sat down.
Gaynor, the mad organist also asked if I would do her eulogy when the time came, I told her yes but it would " cost her" , I'm getting a dab hand at this funeral speech thing me thinks.

What eulogy would you like at your funeral dear reader?
I kind of like The final words of Joan Rivers ' eulogy which was penned by her daughter Melissa
It goes
In closing, I hope I have satisfactorily anwsered your complaints and queries. I love having you live with me and I am grateful for every minute Cooper and I have with you. You are an inspiration. You are also 30 days late with the rent!"

81 comments:

  1. I plan to have no funeral service and so no eulogy. Perhaps I could be remembered in the words of a loving and lovely Discalced Carmelite brother who used to say of difficult people, "Ah, he meant well." And perhaps a kind friend will add, "And sometimes he did well, too."

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    1. Are you going to be cremated?

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  2. I plan to have no service either. Wonder what that says of us?

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  3. My husband wants no eulogy just a moment of silence in which ppl can either thank him or forgive him. Me? I want the kind of eulogy you give I think, which makes the new woman give a thumbs up when you step down. Hmmm. I guess we better start getting to know each other better!

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    1. I like the " thank him/ forgive him " moment!

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  4. I also plan on no service. I would prefer someone toss my ashes in a pretty spot here in the hills. Words aren't necessary...

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    1. I guess its a service of sorts sharon

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. Add me to the list of no service. I wish to be quietly carried off to my plot, a few close loved-ones at hand, and wild flowers to be placed on my grave. On the headstone " It was all rather lovely".
    Well done with your eulogy, I bet it was a cracker.
    ~Jo

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    1. Jo..as with sharon.....i think yours is a simple service with no words

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  7. Eulogy? What eulogy? I plan on being immortal. Or is that "immoral?"

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  8. Well done. You'll be able to hire yourself out at this rate :-)

    I'm not fussed about an eulogy, everyone can just sob into their kleenex ..... and then pull themselves together and boogie out of the chapel to some uplifting music, then they can all drink too much wine and spill my ashes on a veggie patch somewhere.

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    1. ..........or in the polytunnell

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  9. The part I hate at funeral services is when people are invited to come to the podium and say a few words. 90% of folks hunker down in their chairs and look down, so they won't catch the inviter's eye. It's not that they have n o thoughts, it's just that most people hate to speak in public, especially when they may succumb to emotions. At my going away party, I want my son to say, "And now we'll go down the row and you can each stand and tell your thoughts." (Sort of like standing in church and telling when you were saved.) He'd wait for the proposition to sink in for a few seconds then say, "FAKE OUT!! No one has to say anything, my mom is just jerking your chain."

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    1. Asking for a cold call eulogy sounds dreadful

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    2. My relatives and friends would get the joke. We're all weenies about speaking at funerals.

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  10. no service for me either; cremate me and scatter me ashes on the ocean.

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  11. I try not to think too much about this and would not be able to hold it together even if I was doing a eulogy for a person I didn't know!

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  12. I will be cremated and some of my ashes scattered in the Pacific Ocean where my daughter Nicole's were. The rest scattered here in Tucson with my dog Kirby ashes and which ever Square Dogs I out live.
    Money will be left for a great restaurant dinner with who ever of my family and friend are left.

    cheers, parsnip

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    1. The dinner thing is a good idea ...i like that...........a good nosh with a good sob

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  13. Note to self ~ change funeral instructions to get JG from Trelawynd to do my eulogy.

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    1. Lol deal!
      I'll send you an invoice x

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  14. When mom died, her next to last words were "no notice." She firmly meant no published notice in the paper. Of course, we disobeyed her. People I didn't know came to her service. People I hadn't seen in sixty years. There were more than a hundred automobiles in her funeral procession. Which made me formulate this rule of funerals: leave your heirs and assigns in charge.

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    1. 100 cars
      Wow that woman was respected!

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  15. Completely agree with Joanne above. I always think that a funeral service is for the benefit of those left behind not for the departed - it is they who need the comfort and the reassurance. Well done John - you obviously gave that.

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  16. 'Although she's in a box she's probably still thinking outside it'.

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    1. " snaps fingers"
      Classy

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  17. 'So now he's gone, and to be blunt,
    most people thought he was a ....'

    No, maybe not.

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    1. I'll shout the full version at your funeral
      If thats ok?

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    2. Fine by me. I won't be there.

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  18. I spoke a few words at a friend's father's funeral & was delighted to do so. It was an honour.

    My mother always said she should like Abide with me -tho not sure now. I'll ask her !!!

    I want Simple Minds, " Don't You forget about me " I also want a notice; " If you didn't really like me then F**K off from my funeral "

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    1. Love tge notice but that is the fun of some funerals...your enemies turn up to check if you are really dead

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    2. Ha Ha ! Imagine sitting up in the coffin waving your arms screaming " April Fools " !!!

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  19. Stick my bare bum in the coffin - someone else could need the use of those clothes. Close coffin. Pass out red clown noses. Play Edie Brickell's 'What I Am'.
    Have the after-funeral dinner at a local community hall, serve prawn quiche ala Dublin airport at the dinner, close only bathroom for 'maintenance', turn on BIG fan. That sound you hear? Me guffawing from the afterlife, or stratosphere.

    Dig a hole, plop my ashes in them, plant an apple tree with a big 'Free Apples' sign below so everyone can bite me for eternity. ;-)

    Well, I find the thought entertaining...

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    1. You can write my eulogy anyday.....you have the gift!

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    2. Aw thanks John. Actually, I've done so for several family members and kept my snark tightly reined, for the most part.
      I wrote my father's eulogy, at his request, but my cousin read it... I wouldn't have made it through. Neither did he, as it turned out. At one point he began crying, and right after he stopped crying, he started laughing hysterically and it took quite a while before he could read what was written...at which point everyone in attendance cracked up.

      Not a bad way to say goodbye in my opinion.

      You gave the family what they needed, and that is the best gift you could give at the time. Good on you.

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    3. Snark, especially witty snark is most welcome at my funeral

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  20. I want to be cremated and have no service. Although I wonder if, as a commenter has said above, that deprives my family of the support of other people. My parents have also chosne the "no service" route, and I think it will be a lonely time without the chance to see and talk with all those who loved them.

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    1. I guess the service is purely just there for the congregation ...........

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  21. I have decided to record a a few words about me to play at my funeral instead of some officiating person who doesn't know me calling me by a name I am not known by and saying facile things like "She loved her family and her garden" which in no way covers how I feel. My daughters tell me that me suddenly speaking out at my own funeral is a bit spooky, but I quite like the idea.

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    1. Its a cracking idea......the vicar talking about my mother at her funeral couldnt have been more insincere if he had tried

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  22. I am hoping for many young and fascinating voices saying "Wow, that's interesting," since I have donated my cadaver to a medical school (perhaps with an occasional, "How ever did he manage to father two children with just that!?"

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    1. Actually I meant "fascinated" voices, but I suppose they would be fascinating too, were I to hear them (and somewhat troubling).

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    2. False modesty sir!

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    3. Now you are worrying me. People may think you know me better than you do... Withdraw your unfounded affirmation!

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  23. No funeral, no eulogy no fuss no muss no bother...just roll me over to the hole and tip me in.

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    1. Well at least you want a hole

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  24. No service here either. If I get my druthers a quiet eco funeral, and then planted to feed a tree.

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    1. A biodegradable coffin?

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    2. Yup. No headstone, no embalming. And, if a coffin is absolutely necessary, biodegradable.

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  25. I've never thought about the service itself. I figure that's for the living, not for me, so whoever's around that cares about my passing can do whatever the hell makes them feel better. All I want is to be planted without a box, as food for a tree. Preferably a maple.

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    1. Wouldnt you even like a plaque?

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    2. Maybe a park bench so Miss Chef can come hang out and tell me about her day.

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  26. I'll employ you to do my eulogy, I want a good one and want to be sure that someone decent will give it. Plus I want lots of flowers, and hymns and a great bit party afterwards with champagne flowing. No black and no sobbing! Not that I will be trying to be bossy to the last or anything you understand!!! I am sure that you did Bob really proud! xx

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    1. Thank fuck amy
      A woman after my own heart
      ( you can book me through my agent)

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  27. Funerals are for the living. I shall leave it to them to work it out. :)

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    1. I guess thats the truest statement yere

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  28. I would be happy to have my family mourn me , have a good giggle over a few funny speeches and then a good get together where hopefully my family have a great time . Done and dusted!

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  29. I asked hubby if I go first to play Bring Me Sunshine by Morecambe and Wise at my funeral, put lots of cash behind the bar,so everyone can have a snifter on me and I'd like a bench placing out on Filey Brigg, with Sarah loved this view on it,I don't want much do I :) ?

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    1. i want a life sized statue

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    2. I worry about what Winnie might do to such a statue

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  30. After losing my husband at the ripe old age of 26, I realized why we have funerals. It's for the living, not for the people that are gone. It's the process of slowly letting go of a loved one over the course of several days surrounded by people that you love, respect, or maybe just shared a kind word with at some point. It's a way of allowing those left behind to honor you and remember the good stuff about you. I truly needed those days to slowly let go,...........so I'm going be kind enough to do that for the ones I leave behind. My final gift will be letting say goodbye to me in whatever way they choose.

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    1. Beautifully put kell
      Thank you

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  31. I have no desire for a eulogy after my death. Nor does my self-indulgent life deserve one. Jenny has strict instructions to bung me in the cheapest container possible, cremate me and then get on with her life.

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    1. Ask her, bet she will have a do for you

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  32. I hope you eulogize me. It will be the perfect opportunity for a vacation in Florida. In fact, let's just skip my death and funeral and take a vacation.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Deal....get the spare room ready

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  33. No service/eulogy for me either, John. I find it all a bit dreadful to be honest. Life will go on, as it should.

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  34. I want no service, no eulogy, don't even put it in the paper. Just scatter me about the farm much like the way I lived here...scattered.

    I knew a person whose husband had died, nice service big write up in the paper but when she returned all his fishing gear had been stolen from the carport!

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    1. sadly this happens a lot. I know a woman burgled during her husband's funeral - they even brought the flowers which had been left on her doorstep in to her kitchen. What a violation.

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    2. Some people can be true shit. Poor women.

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  35. Hubs and I have ours already arranged. No open casket visitation which is so popular here. Straight to the crem, then a memorial service, with just an urn, words from those attending optional. Music likewise, though I do plan to choose one catchy number for the event. We bought a niche in a columbarium, so no one else has to worry about it. We confused and confounded the cemetery man by walking around trying to find the spot with the best view. After all if I'm going to be there forever I want something good to look at. We had such a good time doing that, and ended up across the road from the house we live in.
    My widowed sister has made the exact same arrangements, and she wants mourners to file out to The Traveling Wilburys singing The End of the Line.

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    1. LOL My mom did that. She wanted the "penthouse" at the mausoleum and she got it.

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  36. As an atheist, I hope that no-one would start quoting primitive nonsense as they put me in my hole. Just crack open a case of two of good red wine and champagne afterwards.

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  37. There is a lovely eulogy at this blog:
    big fun in a tiny pueblo

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  38. I always said that I wanted to my ashes in a glass vase on the mantelpiece - to watch my successor reap the benefits of what I helped Grant build up. Now we're in our 60's I don't care about that anymore! LOL. I would love you to do my eulogy, John. Beautiful English accent - so hard to find in the part of South Africa where we live!

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  39. Well done John! I have requested that my funeral eulogy should be delivered by a couple of sheep. It will in fact be a ewe-logy and what they say will neatly sum up my life achievements.

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  40. I want to be freeze dried in a sitting position, holding up a glass of fine wine. I don't want to miss the party where someone else will make the arrangements and do the cooking.

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  41. I have written instructions form filed at the funeral home. No notice in the paper until all is said and done. Cremation. A minister friend do the funeral literature from the Book of Common Prayer. Family only at gravesite. Then a meal for family afterwards. Keep things simple.

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