Monday, 11 May 2015

A Fanny In The Face


With Melanie Wilks still on his deathbed upstairs, I took the opportunity to sneak out on the field to write Bob's eulogy for tomorrow. Its blowing a gale but is strangely warm , so after I wrote the bulk of it, I indulged myself in a spot of cloud watching.
I love cloud watching in the sunshine, and so do the dogs who often tiptoe up, one by one , to lie in the crook of an arm  or snuggle up against a foot or a shoulder.
To passing cars, I am sure , I resemble the grave of John Gray with four Greyfriar's Bobbies standing guard!
It was only a matter of time before I started to doze,
And only woke when a sudden shadow blocked out the sun.
I opened my eyes just in time to see a massive bulldog fanny being lowered slowly and very purposefully downwards!
I feel defiled



51 comments:

  1. She wuvs you. What a good girl :)

    Your fella has been sick a long time. Hope he feels better soon.

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  2. i suppose it could be worse it could have been a neighbour jumping on board to offer a bit of CPR

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    Replies
    1. When i first started cloud watching years ago, two of them did hurry over to see if i was ok

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  3. The Prof sure has been under the weather for a while for a food poisoning illness. He must have some kind of virus.

    I think you need to sleep with one eye open!

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  4. If the fanny didn't leave a deposit on your face, you needn't feel defiled.

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  5. Funny how this song popped into my head...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkJnd9rSAQ8

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    Replies
    1. Lol.........i would have sung that but i had fluff in my mouth

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    2. OMB, I was thinking the same thing! :)

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  6. Chris has been 'off his feed' for quite a while now. Doesn't sound like food poisoning at all does it?

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    Replies
    1. Its the third day now....he has eaten today
      Corned beef hash ( homemade)

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  7. Miss Winnie has no manners.
    Have you posted Alfred by Miss Mellie, since all the dogs are gone with you?

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  8. ummmm, yuck, gross, nasty, dire, horrendous, appalling , hideous , dreadful and rather shocking. Winnie has no manners. She seems ruled by her lady parts.
    I love cloud watching but if I did lay down like you did, I could never get up ! I have to just sit and look up.
    Poor Chris I hope he gets better soon. This is hanging on far to long.
    So happy Albert is helping him feel better.

    cheers, parsnip

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  9. I could show you a fanny in the face John, make no mistake..

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    Replies
    1. No need to feel sick John, it is nice an clean.

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    2. I've got a headache.

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    3. How old are we?
      I'm just waiting for that old fart that comments on stephenson's blog to chirp up " hey ho"
      And i will barf for england

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    4. He wouldn't dare here.

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  10. Perhaps Winnie should lower her nether regions on Chris, that would get him out of bed :) hope he is soon better x

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    Replies
    1. That would put him on ITU

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  11. These things could only happen to you John - you are unique.

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  12. Another classic title. Maybe you should compile a top ten greatest titles through the ages of your blog.

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    Replies
    1. Bet most have the words fanny in them kev

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    2. Which, John I think, is irony at its best!!

      Jo in Auckland, NZ

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    3. Or maybe the word fart...

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  13. Nothing is sacred.

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  14. OMG! Spay and neuter your poor frustrated puppies!! Makes life infinitely easier for everyone... yes/no?

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    Replies
    1. No not winnie............

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  15. Oh the horror of fanny in the face LOL
    Your beloved sounds like he has a virus instead of food poisoning.
    While I may be across the pond here is what happened to my neighbors recently. They came back from Florida, husband got sick that day before flying home and was throwing up and bedridden for a few days. Then his wife got it. Now they are both better, but it knocked them out on their asses and they both originally thought he has food poisoning. Hope he is on the mend!!

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    Replies
    1. He's still not right yet miss F
      But he managed to hold down a home made corned beef hash

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    2. Poor guy. But if he can hold down homemade hash, he just might be to rights soon enough!

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  16. I actually feel sorry for Winifred's fanny, a lucky escape for it me thinks.

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    Replies
    1. It can look after itself john

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  17. It doesn't sound like Chris has food poisoning, it sounds more like some nasty bug or perhaps a parasite invasion.
    She wuvs you...
    I'm a cloud watcher myself, never lying on the ground though. Too many fire ants.

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    Replies
    1. I think it was food poisioning

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  18. It's all right. I'm sorry you live with Melanie, but at least Melanie is in love with John and not Ashley Wilkes.

    Love,
    Janie

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  19. Poor old Prof... Rub some goose fat on his chest, or would that upset the menagerie?

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  20. Poor Prof! As if a 24 hour tummy bug isn't bad enough! I've certainly had food poisoning that lasted a while. Guess what it was from? Seafood pasta at a very swanky hotel. Damn those evil prawns!

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  21. She lurvvvves you hehehe x

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  22. I'm glad you woke up!!

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    Replies
    1. I could have been smothered in my sleep

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  23. "There's a strange residue on the corpse's face Inspector..."

    "Not only that, officer, he smells quite distinctly of fanny."

    The sheer indignity of it!

    At least the Professor is able to eat again, and it is to be hoped that you haven't yet succumbed.

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  24. Did you stick your tongue out?
    Clearly, Winnie thinks you are also a bulldog! What will your dog name be? I am thinking Rover...or maybe Scruffy! A collar with brass studs in would be a suitable addition to your wardrobe - but you've probably already got one.

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  25. Ha! Melanie Wilkes! "Take care of Ashley...he loves you so..."

    Or Winnie, as the case may be...

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  26. I could not cope with your life. Too much dog bum...

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  27. Nurse Gray in the allotment with the Fanny - I don't remember those in Cluedo?

    Hoping a kiss from Ashley or the smelling salts will revive poor Melanie. :-)

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    Replies
    1. Pize for the best comment goes to you x

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