Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Twatface

There is nothing more satisfying than someone turning the  tables on a bully. You just need to log on to YouTube and type in the words to see a million hit video of a Russian drunk getting bitchslapped or a fat  American schoolboy getting his own back on the class psychopath.
It has to be said that Karma is satisfying.
This morning I was going to post a photo of some donated veg. (I am planting out " Bososms" today and thanks to the "screwdriver wheeling  lesbians from Prestatyn" I now have  a plethora of seedlings to transplant)  but What I will do is share a little story of about karma.

Now for several weeks now Albert has been bullied by a scruffy feral black and white longhair Tomcat, who I have nicknamed Twatface. Twatface is based for the most part in the churchyard and surrounding fields and like Albert seems to be an expert rabbit killer. I see him daily, sitting in the long grass,giving me the evil eye. He never looks a happy chappy.

Now several times a night, Albert will come into contact with Twatface. There is no yowling, no growls no spitting ( or not much) to be heard , just the suddenly and loud clatter of a panicked Albert bouncing through the kitchen catflap with all the speed of Shelley Winters doing a bungee jump.

So far, Albert has been lucky, for Twatface has not been able to catch him on his gallop home, but the constant daily gauntlet must be wearing on the old nerves, for a black cat with a slightly deformed leg

This morning, as I was hoovering fluff from under the bed, all hell let loose in the cottage downstairs.
I hurried down to see a wide eyed Albert standing on the back of the armchair and with the dogs baying somewhere down the garden path.
Twatface had been ambushed.
Obviously he had caught Albert somewhere out in the garden. Albert had bolted for the catflap, but with the kitchen door being left open he had galloped through the silent cottage followed closely by Twatface, who thought all his Christmasses had arrived at once.
Adrenaline had perhaps clouded his mind somewhat

I would have paid 10 quid just to have seen his face when he ran into the living room, right in front of four dozing dogs on the couch.

Albert with his " smug bastard" expression, after the hysteria

56 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Sarcastic bugger

      Delete
    2. Fucking hell, you sound like the Norfolk woman. I was genuinely cheering.

      Delete
    3. I AM the Mad Norfolk woman!

      Delete
    4. I am beginning to think that's true. Beware the full moon, that's all.

      Delete
  2. Bravo and smiles all around!

    ReplyDelete
  3. The bully got his comeuppance big time.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Always nice when your big brother (or in Albert's case 4 big doggy siblings) really ARE bigger than the bully's.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I would have loved to have seen that!

    ReplyDelete
  6. It pays to have four staunch canine friends...although, a little disquieting to see firsthand what they think of your race.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Excellent. Albert must be feeling very happy! And I do agree, when someone gets the better of a bully, it's most enjoyable.

    ReplyDelete
  8. and the pups come to the cats rescue! good for them! i live in fear that one of the 'bad kitties' will run through the back door. it would be like the squirrel scene in chevy chase's xmas vacation.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Worthy of a Tom and Jerry cartoon. Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Would have loved to have been there to see the bully cat get his come-uppance. I do not like bullies on our patch, and have been known to grab the broom, or anything else to hand, and chuck it in the general direction of the culprit. I always miss, but the principle is there!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Let's hope he is smart, too and has learned a lesson. Good for the pups!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I bet he has learned his lesson!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. There was a cat bullying Adam's parents cat recently. She (their cat) is over 20 years old and has been so scared that she was afraid to go outside. We found the bully dead in the road last week. Karma!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Twatface won't be doing THAT again!
    Jane x

    ReplyDelete
  15. No one messes with Albert in your house and gets away with it!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I love that Albert has some back up through the dogs!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I sure as heck hope I don't have the problem of unwanted visitors, once we move into the new house with two doggy doors...
    I am surprised the dogs hadn't taught Twatface a lesson while out in the yard.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I bet Albert has been training him, knowing full well that one day.....

    ReplyDelete
  19. Brilliant, John. Pity I am so attached to Albert. Feelings make one vulnerable.

    Don't be too hard on Twatface. Cats are territorial. The number of stand offs, stare downs (particularly stare downs) I have witnessed over the years ... They can go on for hours. Till one of the players runs out of patience.

    As to catflaps and tearing through them: Let's just say replacements had to be made every so often.

    U

    ReplyDelete
  20. Yay for Albert! Muahahahahaaa!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I really must protest. NO cat (or any animal) deserves a name like T***face. Remember that they have feelings too.

    ReplyDelete
  22. There probably was a collective chorus of "WHAT have we here?" from the dogs when Twatface barreled into the cottage. Oh, what I wouldn't give to have watched that scene unfold. Then again, the video playing in my head seems quite wonderful. Bravo and well done to your canine family.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hahahahaha!!!!!!! I had hoped for such as this, after your mention of the cat flap. I wondered what kept Twatface from following Albert.
    I wish I could have seen it, too. Thanks for the smile, John. ♥

    ReplyDelete
  24. You've made my day, my vivid imagination is running riot, what a scene - would have loved to have been a fly on the wall :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. I hate bullies human or cat - great that he got his comeuppance

    ReplyDelete
  26. Ho! Ho! Take that Twatface!
    Twatface is now receiving counselling for PTSD.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Sometimes it is very good to have your family of friends all around you.

    cheers, parsnip

    ReplyDelete
  28. Pity you didn't have your camera ready to snap Twatface's priceless expression!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Sad to see bullying isn't it? our two cats are scared of one of the local smelly tomcats....we chase him if we see him...but they are constantly looking over their shoulders.....I do wish they could see him off themselves though......

    ReplyDelete
  30. Ahhwwwww ….. poor Albert but, he's had the last laugh. It will be interesting to see if ' Twatface ' appears again.
    We've had three cats over the years and there was sometimes that horrible moment when, being chased by another cat, they arrived at the cat flap only to find it was locked by mistake !!!!! Splat !!!! They all survived though and were Lords and Masters of our garden.
    Hope that the wedding preparations are going well { if you need anyone to write your invites, feel free to ask ……. because of my curly, wurly handwriting, I have lost count of the wedding invitations, place cards and seating plans that I have done. I'm sure that you have someone who will do it but just thought I'd put it out there !!!! …. I don't charge anything either !! } XXXX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is so sweet of you... I will do just that!

      Delete
  31. I think Albert is practising his 'Don't mess with the Family' stare. He's probably round the stables now, sizing up a suitable horses head.

    Watched 'The Godfather' at the weekend... can you tell?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or organising for Twatface to be " swimming with de fishes"

      Delete
  32. Brilliant stuff, what was equally brilliant was that I made Scotch Egg this weekend, I just had to know what all the fuss was about! (we don't have Scotch Egg in Holland, we do have other fascinating snacks like "broodje kroket" and " frikandel" .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Broodje kroket...I want one

      Delete
  33. great for albert can he show my dog who is 16 years old how to stand up for her self as a cat up the road jumps out at her with claws out and jumps on her back then runs away leaving my dog on her back crying soo sad i walk across the road but it hides their as well

    ReplyDelete
  34. It is about time he got his own. When I was a kid I once cornered the neighbor’s big yellow tom and purposely tossed him on top of the village bully tom that was sleeping in a sunlit doorway. That was the last time he bothered any lesser cats, mine included. I will rot and go to hell, but something about all that hissing and spitting cracks me up.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Genius! Take that Twatface! :) x

    ReplyDelete
  36. It will be interesting to see what happens next. Will TF keep his distance? We'll see.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Beautiful! And you are such a great storyteller, John. "Not a happy chappy" made me chuckle, and your description of Twatface galloping into the midst of four slumbering dogs brought to mind the very best of Loony Toons.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Oh, speaking of cats turning the tables...have you seen this video yet? Amazing--Albert would be proud!

    http://ohmyyy.gt/T2pdQ9

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I saw it last night...what a genuinely heroic cat

      Delete
  39. The next time Willy Dunne Wooters annoys me, I think I'll call him Twatface. Excellent name.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  40. Beware of Albert's Posse !

    ReplyDelete
  41. I'm thinking about starting a 'T***face Supporters Club'. Seems like I'll be the only member.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Role reversal...
    http://themetapicture.com/dog-attacks-boy-cat-saves-his-life/

    ReplyDelete

I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
Please dont be abusive x