I am a terrible swearer.
No , I don't actually mean that I don't do it with any feeling or gusto..the reality is quite the opposite.
When I get going, I will admit that I can sound like one of the less attractive guests on Jeremy Kyle.
Yesterday I caught Irene and Sylvia happily ensconced in " old bosoms"
Somehow they had got past security , tiptoed around the old veg beds and zeroed in to the dozen or so raspberry bushes tucked away at the back of the old plot.
Last year my raspberry crop was a cracker
This year ...well.....you can see just how much damage two small sheep can do during a morning's shenanigans .
I caught then just as the last raspberry cane was nibbled down to the quick.
And I saw red.
On reflection I now do feel a little ashamed of myself as I recall the way that I chased both girls out of bosoms yelling at the top of my lungs " YOU GREEDY FAT SCRUFFY BASTARDS "
And it was only marginally satisfying that I galloped after the pair shaking my fist in the air like I was an extra on some 1970s sit com.
The neighbours who were pottering around in their gardens didn't batter an eyelid as I lumbered too and fro shrieking like a banshee.
I think they must be used to it by now
|The Greedy Fat Bastards|