Saturday, 31 March 2012

Squeezing A Rubber Chicken and Other Stories

For Lunch Chris and I went to a local antique centre's cafe/restaurant. The food was nice ( the antiques incidentally were grossly over priced) and most of the diners resembled Daily Mail readers, as they sat there over their two soups quietly ignoring each other!
I always have an over whelming urge to swear, belch or fart extremely loudly when I sit in a place like this. The terrible "English-ness " of it all, is excruciatingly difficult for me to cope with, and silliness seems the ideal panacea to po faced stiff upper lips!
Serious shoppers have the same effect on me...ask Chris
Every week he has to put up with me noisily squeezing the pet aisle's squeaky rubber chickens in the futile effort to inject some humour in the "death by shopping" experience .......
It's a small rebellion, I know.....
I'm not big on grand gestures


Welshman Luke Evans with John Cusack
The weather has turned back to a slightly chilly Welsh Springtime, so we went to the pictures to see the slightly odd British horror/thriller The Raven (2012) which mixed the life and loves of a real Edgar Allen Poe (played by a sad looking John Cusack) with a Gothic story of an 1840 Baltimore serial killer!

37 comments:

  1. Don't you mean that ALL of the diners resembled "Daily Mail" readers? What were you doing in the antiques emporium anyway?

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  2. looking at overly expensive AWFUL antiques YP

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  3. "It's a small rebellion, I know....."

    So was the Boston Tea Party of 1773 and they ended up kicking the English in the teeth and gaining a continent.

    Chaos, theory Mate. If a butterfly flapping its wings in China can cause a tidal wave, think what a fart in a Welsh antique shop could provoke...

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  4. .......at least one tut from the table next to ours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  5. Dropping the odd botty belch is a natural antidote to stuffiness of all nationalities.

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  6. I like to go into the toy aisles in department stores and push all the buttons that make things sing and dance. At Christmas time I start up all the musical displays for sale..all at the same time..what a joyous noise.

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  7. Now you've mentioned '2 soups' I have to go to utube and watch that hilarious clip again....
    Briony
    x

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  8. I suppose we can think that stuffy English propriety for the likes of Monty Python et al. Your chicken squeezing is the continuation of a very necessary and revered tradition. Vive le fun!

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  9. "thank," not "think." What was I thinking?

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  10. Sounds like you are just a kid at heart! You silly boy! Anyway, I thought you were suppose to squeeze the rubber chicken when perusing the pet toys. How would know if they squeaked?

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  11. Shw mae. Yes, I can quite understand stuffy English types not quite fitting in to the more robust Welsh countryside. Oh well.

    And I though "overpriced" and "antiques" were synonyms. Silly colonial Bear that I am.

    BTW, the favourite pet of thieves is the robber chicken. TTFN.

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  12. Luckily I rarely shop with the spousal unit. I work every other weekend and he volunteers every Saturday at a local museum.

    Overpriced antiques are a fact of life. All I want is my long dead Granny's china cabinet but none are to be found in this part of Canada.

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  13. I really have nothing to say except that my daughters name is Raven

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  14. I'll buy one and send it to you John. Then you can take it everywhere and give it a yank whenever you want!

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  15. I understand your rebellious impulses. My husband and I are such opposites in those respects. He likes to look at me as if I'm crazy.
    My husband is a Crawley and I'm a Murphy; so we have that English-Irish thing.

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  16. When I saw the pic, I thought this post was going to be about "choking the chicken" an expression I'm more familiar with than the image of a Daily Mail reader.

    So how was the movie? It looks doable after seeing the previews. You're recommendation?

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  17. opps...your not you're.

    I hate that.

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  18. I watch (old series) 'Antiques Roadshow' (mainly 'cos I like the views of many of the locations) and I'm always amazed at the long queues of people bringing in some 'orrible pieces' dug out of their attics or cellars to be told that "With a spot of cleaning up and restoration they'd be worth 300quid!" Rarely do I see a really interesting piece that I would covet and when I do its always worth 3,000 quid!

    Mind you, I like some of the "Between Wars" memorobillia .

    "... The most valuable item to ever appear on the show featured on 16 November 2008. This was an original 1990s maquette of the Angel of the North sculpture by Antony Gormley, owned by Gateshead Council, which was valued at £1m by Philip Mould. Glassware expert Andy McConnell later valued a collection of chandeliers at seven million pounds (their actual insurance value), noting as he did so that this beat Mould's record; however these were fixtures of the building in which the show was being filmed (Bath Assembly Rooms) rather than an item that had been brought in. Conversely, many items brought before the experts are worthless. However, these are seldom shown in the broadcast episodes, in order to spare embarrassment for the individuals involved. Value is not the only criterion for inclusion; items with an interesting story attached, or of a provenance relevant to the show's location, will often be featured regardless of value, and counterfeit objects are sometimes included to give experts an opportunity to explain the difference between real and fake items. ...

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  19. sean
    its an oddity... part serial killer chase movie. part gothic horror
    ok but not amazing!
    7 out of 10
    it passes the time!

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  20. Shouldn't that be 'Welsh-ness'? Or has the holiday season started already?

    The problem with farting and belching in these situations is that people make a point of ignoring you and pretending that nothing has happened. (They just tut to each other after you've gone.

    I've found the best tactic is to smile broadly, ask if you can join them (they daren't be rude and say no), then pull up a chair for you 'invisible friend'.

    Clears the place every time.

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  21. good point SP
    I should have qualified my thoughts by stating "British" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  22. When the children are in tow, we go to all big shops with a sound effects machine. Burps, farts, cash till, scream, breaking glass (brilliant in Homebase) etc.
    Best is they can activate it in a pocket and run away, so it appears that they have nothing to do with me whatsoever.

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  23. If I ever get to England, will you take me shopping? You sound like a load of fun.

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  24. David is like mybabyjohn. If there's something in a store that makes noise, he must turn it on. The more the better. Other than that, he's a great guy.

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  25. Any nice candlesticks?

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  26. I like teasing salespeople...by looking at really expensive things...one by one..then as they race towards me (Large bonus cheques in mind)I move onto something else in another part of the store...by the end of my game I could have three or four vying for attention.This works best in snooty furniture stores.
    Jane x

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  27. All that parental training down the tubes!!! Tut-tut! lol

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  28. I want to thank Steve for the term "botty belch". I'd never heard it before (I don't get out much.)

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  29. Personally, I'm a fan of the whoopie cushion. Doesn't add much to decorum, but it's impossible to keep a straight face when someone makes rude noises with one of those things.

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  30. Onwards with rubber chicken squeezing!

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  31. Now I hate the DM with a vengence, but I can't help thinking that maybe some diners in that restaurant were wanting to do something similar but lacked the guts (or a rubber chicken).

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  32. How right you are about that awful repressed, tut-tutting "Englishness" that pops up everywhere like weeds. It's so refreshing to be in America or Australia where people are more likely to say what they think and not be tying themselves in knots to avoid any possible offensiveness.

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  33. Hope the food wasn't antique too.

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  34. When we were in the lakes, we went to a very small italian restaurant where the tables were very close. The couple next to us didn't speak a word to each other all night! We were so close, I felt as if we were out with a couple who had fallen out with each other. Gaz said I was a bit obvious when alerting him to the situatuon. Well I had just downed half a bottle of champagne before we went out! xx

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  35. I sing in shops to relieve the boredom. People think I'm a nutter & my kids are mortified - great entertainment.
    I feel terribly sad for those people who obviously have nothing to say to each other any more. I'd giggle like mad if you let rip a fart !
    I adore John Cusack even tho he looks sad most of the time. Maybe he needs a good giggle too x

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  36. Antiques stores here in Ontario are also grossly overpriced. I am sure the few pieces I have will be sure to be used as fire wood for another someday when I am long gone, as the Generation after us only knows the "throw away" World. Shame considering how many years some of these pieces have weathered. Ha I do the squeaky Toy thing too ! LOL

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  37. " resembled Daily Mail readers"

    I am searching google images now, to see what one looks like :-D

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