One Is Fun

 Back in the 1980s my mother, thinking she was kind, bought me a copy of Delia Smith’s One is Fun cookbook.

I was mortified .

She might as well have accused me of being the last spinster in the parish 

How sad I felt.

Tonight I decided to support the village pub with their takeaway initiative and ordered myself a minted lamb burger with a side of macaroni cheese. 

“ Is that the order in full?” I was asked professionally 

“ Yes it’s just me “ I replied suddenly feeling like a right sad sack 

Another singleton of the parish.

Do you remember that episode of Sex And The City when single Miranda felt judged by the Chinese takeaway lady? 

I was reminded of that today

The meal was expensive for a treat for one, but it was a treat and I’ve got enough macaroni for supper tomorrow .

The food was bloody delicious 

But I did feel a bit like a sad sack 

Cobwebs and kindness

 

I’ve only just finished sucking up the sooty Miss Haversham cobwebs from the beams in the living room.

Smoke leaves everything foul smelling and grimy. 

My chimney sweep turned up today to help sort my mini crisis out. 

It was his day off but he troubleshot the problem and kindly worked out that there is a kink in the lining of my chimney which has been constricted by tar.

He cleaned the chimney yet again and I’ve set up special cleaning logs to loosen the residue.

As he beavered away and I cleaned everything in sight my sister turned up and tidied up the front garden. She’s wavered her fee asking me to put it towards my speeding ticket charge which arrived today 

200£ 

Bollocks for the ticket but big thanks to her and again big thanks to the chimney sweep who helped on his day off

I met Chic Eleanor for a walk , she started to teach me mindfulness 

 

 

Smoke

My chimney blocked again tonight

Yeah right..........just after I got home after a long day and I lit the log burner!!!

As the cottage filled with smoke 

I opened the door and windows to let out the fumes and went into the kitchen to hide as the temperature dropped to just above zero 

I sat in the reading chair, with the dogs and Albert jammed all together on my knee and I covered us all with a wool throw as we listened to radio 4

My family

A feisty Welsh terrier, a sad bulldog with issues and a wide eyed black cat with a deformed leg

And we sat together in the warmth of my reading chair 

Four souls 

Together

Near Miss

 I got off shift early yesterday and took some time owing 

I rang the vets before I left work and organised they leave me some medicated shampoo for Mary .

The weather has been extraordinary wet of late and I drove up through unfamiliar roads to the country practice and hit a flooded piece of road along a deserted stretch .

Bluebell aquaplaned on the slick road and veered across the road with her backside into oncoming traffic and we slid for what seeming like an age before sliding the other way and eventually stopping on the drivers’ side verge with a loud bump.

I checked for damage and could only find a few strands of grass sandwiched into the bumper 

I was still shaking by the time I got home twenty five minutes later and I’d only just walked into the cottage when there was a knock at the door

It was my neighbour Mandy with cake wrapped in silver foil .

“Thought you could use some” 

She said 

And I said I really could 

I ate the cake with a coffee , in a silent cottage

We are all a fraction away from that accident which could change our lives forever I thought 

to myself  as I ate the cake whilst still in my coat.

Sat Night

This kind of warmed and broke my heart all together 

 

Hotel Mumbai

 

It’s bucket of coffee time before a 12 hour shift and I didn’t sleep well.

It’s a while since a film has given me nightmares ( United 93 was the last) so I should not have been so surprised to find out that Hotel Mumbai had done the same.

For those that don’t know Hotel Mumbai is a fictional depiction of the Islamic terrorist attack on the prestigious Raj Hotel in Mumbai in 2009. The hotel was effectively put into a siege by six heavily armed terrorists and for days those terrorists systematically killed as many guests and staff members as they could before being defeated by special forces flown in from the capital.

This film isn’t an exhilarating Romp Die Hard style.

It is a visceral, very real cat and mouse drama where the protagonists spend most of their time hiding under tables and in cupboards until their captors corner them. 

In once scene an elderly house maid is shot sat on the lavatory in the bathroom where she is hiding whilst in another the hotel receptionists are forced to ring the guests in their rooms telling them to come out to be saved by police who are not there.

The film depicts the courage of many of the Hotel staff who stayed behind to protect their guests, but it’s a real and downbeat film which underlines the savagery of the indoctrinated.    

It game me nightmares ..... hey ho...off to work 

Trim

 

Needs must.

Mary had a haircut this morning. She will also have a shampoo once the knots and clingons have been removed.

Mrs Trellis spied her through the lane window and mouthed that she was going quite mad due to lockdown. 

I’ve made spiced butternut soup ( before the clingon removal ) and this afternoon will watch the movie Hotel Mumbai 

Tonight it’s the big gay quiz and I’m working all weekend 

So that’s my itinerary 

Bra

 The Ghost stories of followers have yet again proved more interesting than my original post. I’ve read most at lunchtime at work and shared some with my workmates who found them highly entertaining .

I finished work at 8 pm 

When I’m on day shifts I don’t get home much before a quarter to nine. By the time I’ve collected the dogs from Trendy Carol, fed and walked them, fuelled Albert and lit the fire, I don’t get to sit down until 9.30pm or so. 

It was a bit after that tonight because Dorothy didn’t want to leave the warmth of Trendy Carol’s trendy sofa.

That upset me

As I sat down my phone beeped cheerfully 

It was a co worker from today 

She is my age 

The message simply read

“ I’ve found my first bunion, I’ve ran out of Bacardi  and my bra is now a dirty grey...I’m too old for this shit!”

The Fast Ghost

I didn’t tell you all but I think I saw a ghost the other week.

I wasn’t shocked or frightened, just rather intrigued. 

I was at work. 

It was around four am in the morning and I just told my colleagues that I was going to pop out to my car to collect some paperwork. 

When I got up, so did they for when I returned we had a succession of turns and syringe driver checks to do, and as I exited the unit through the electric doors I felt and sort of saw Ruth , my fellow nurse,  move very quickly behind me to enter a patient’s room immediately to my right. 

I collected the paperwork from my car, and as I returned to the hospice , I felt strangely unsettled by the “ quickness “ of Ruth’s movement, so much so that I asked if she had indeed entered the patient’s room so rapidly. 

She denied that she had. Nor indeed had our fellow fellow support worker, the only other able bodied person inside the unit .

But I knew what I felt.

I felt and half saw a figure move behind me into the patients room with some gusto.

Last week I worked nights again but this time with another nurse. This nurse is well known for her spiritual experiences and comically is referred to by her colleagues being a bit of a white witch. 

She is also one of the most pragmatic and talented hospice nurses I have ever had the pleasure of working with.

I asked her about her experiences on nights without explaining any details of my own “ visitation’  and 

she told me that knew only of two recent ‘visitors’ . 

One she described as a man , who stands quietly on one corner of the hospice away from any other activity 

“ And the other? “ I pressed her

“ oh the other is an odd bod” she said cheerfully “ it’s a figure that moves from this corridor into the first of the  patient bedrooms” she pointed to where I had seen my “ ghost” 

“ she really IS  a odd bod too ,” my colleague added

“ why’s that? “ I asked gingerly 

“She always moves very fast like a bullet ...always from right to left” she told me with a gentle smile

This used to scare me shitless as a child 

Shame

 

The exceptional Russell T Davies series It’s a sin, has brought back many old memories of the gay world from the 1980s. 

I wasn’t officially gay then .

No, the hatred and misinformed ideas of gay plagues and gay lifestyles shamed me into the closet so deep that not even my emotional intelligence could reach it.

This was the story of many young gay men of my generation .

We would be destined to come out later when the 1980s gave way to a more enlightened 1990s.

There was no internet then, no phones no apps ......if you were confident and ‘serious’ in having a relationship you met another man in a gay bar or from adds in the newspapers. If you weren’t you trolled around the same gay bars or else ambled around the parks after dusk.

I met my first proper boyfriend through the Sheffield Star.

He was closeted and angry and was generous and exciting and the relationship was a real abuse disaster waiting to happen. 

The abuse did happen and a couple of years I walked away with my head kind of held high and my mind firmly fixed about what I would and would not accept from a relationship with a man. 

I would never again accept that it was alright to be denied, to be hidden away, to be lied about.

I deserved better than that.

Before I met my husband, I dated a guy from chesterfield . He was a lovely, big teddy bear of a man, a broad country speaking animal feed wholesaler who worked through the Pennines and for several months we were happy with me visiting him , mainly at weekends or visa versa. One week day he unexpectedly found himself working in Sheffield and we met up for coffee and before we sat down I saw the wedding ring on his finger.

It wasn’t one of those he’s married kind of scenarios  at all

But it was a case of him wearing a wedding ring to pretend he was straight in the eyes of his colleagues and his customers. 

I reluctantly walked away from the relationship and didn’t look back 

Shame has no place in being gay

Shame has no place in being anything

Three Hours later x

 Three hours on zoom and messenger 

And I’m back to some sort of supported normality 

My friends ........the gold bars of covid 

Typical Lockdown Day

 

“Oh Darling John, I am now invigorated for the day!”

Chic Eleanor was on good form this morning.

We met in McDonald’s car park and drank our coffee in our respective cars 

No pashmina but in place was looped a long dark green woollen scarf.

Her hair looked glorious

Later Ive seen The German Lady and The Uber Couple out on my walk and said hello to all 

At home I’ve made vegetable soup spiced up with horseradish 

And I’ve lit the fire early, it’s cold and wet and miserable 

I will go to zoom choir tonight, I haven’t been for over a month 

I’m a bit lonely today

It’s a Sin

 It’s a sin

The reality of this 1980 s based Russell T Davis  tv Drama  set in the gay world during the aids crisis wasn’t part of my world and indeed of my history but boy is it a powerfully emotional glimpse into a piece of history where a whole generation of men were failed

A wonderfully evocative, moving and important piece of filmmaking 

I sort of recognised myself in the characters but boy did I recognise Nu 

Rubber Chicken Abuse

Somehow Mary has gotten hold of Winnie’s rubber chicken

For the last 65 minutes she has been attempting to kill it in the East Wing upstairs

The calm of the evening is lost forever 

Negativity

 I love this photograph 

The character in the blue could be anything...it could be covid, a toxic relationship or just life at its very worst, but we have all, at one time or another, felt it’s pull and experienced it’s draining feeling.

“ She could suck the lifeblood from out of a lemon” was a saying my mother would employ about a negative and chronically pessimistic friend oblivious that she would act the same with confines of her own family

What do you think of when you look at the photograph 

Answers on a postcard please 

Beautiful

 The view from the Gop above the village today 

Bloody Hell

 

Night shift, so it’s sleep all day.

Everything goes tits up in that 45 minutes in between waking and leaving for work.

Dorothy had projectile vomit all over the bedroom and landing ( probably due to a large piece of her leash that she had managed to chew off and SWALLOW ) 

I found the offending article amid a pile of steaming stomach contents  lying at an astonished Albert’s feet in the east wing. 

Another job for the carpet cleaner on my days off, I told myself

The vomiting thing made me late, so I just managed to grab my uniform and a pre made salmon salad from the fridge before emptying the post box and setting off for work.

I wish I hadn’t collected the post for in it were two ...yes TWO !  speeding fine documents 

Apparently on one of the few day off I had, when I ventured to the supermarket I had been clocked doing 35 miles an hour in a 30 zone TWICE !!!!

Once on the way to the supermarket and the other on the way back twenty minutes later.

Now before Miss Angry from Tumbridge Wells Leaves a snotty comment, I KNOW, I am to blame, but I do think it is a bit rich, certainly given the area I was caught in.....

  

Hitchcock, Wind and A Night Train To Venice

 

I’ve missed last Big Gay Quiz because of work but I shall return to the zoom session next week.

Last night I did some research in the quiet corners of the shift and took a leaf out Rachel’s book and booked myself some online study lectures from London’s City Literary Institute   

And so over the next few weeks I shall be looking at the Spy Thrillers of Alfred Hitchcock and how the spy genre responded to changing political and cultural contexts as well as exploring The Wind In Film ( which strangely speaks for itself) 

I’m a bit tired of tv box sets and crap tv.

Anyhow all is now booked and debit card has been emptied yet again.

I’m also looking to book the night train from Paris to Venice for later in the year.....I’ll tick that fantasy of sleeping on a train very soon.......

Recipe and The German Lady

If you want a full proof recipe for a heart winter soup here’s mine for Broad Bean & Chorizo Soup 

 Chorizo and broad bean soup

Three large tins of broad beans

Vegetable stock

1 large onion.

2 cloves garlic

1 small chorizo ring

Large tablespoon low fat Creme Fresh.

Black pepper

This is the best of homemade winter soups!

Gently fry off the onion with chopped chorizo, 

The oil will ooze out of the sausage and stain the onions .

Add garlic and fry off.

Add beans with their tinned juice and stock and bring to boil

Then simmer gently for at least an hour

Liquidise, add creme fresh and season 

Bloody lovely

I’ve turned into fucking Nigella ....

After making soup I took the dogs for a walk and as usual bumped into Uber Couple and after them German Lady. 

I like German Lady

We only say hello, but I like her genuine smile, her jaunty terrier who is always ready for a row with Mary and her flared jeans .

Her hello is friendly and almost overwhelmed by her thick German accent 

Today she said Hello, then added “ Your old Bulldog? Has she died?” as she stopped.

I told her that she had and the woman nodded sympathetically 

“ She alvays made me laff” she said “ You must ave many good memories of her” 

I liked the fact that the woman immediately went for the positives of the situation.

Further down the lane my best memory came back to me and I almost turned to look for German Lady in order to tell her about it. 

It was just over two years ago.

Christmas day late morning 

I was sat on an empty Promenade by the sea

It was a grey cold day and I was newly separated from the Prof and grieving not only him but William, who had died in his sleep a couple of weeks before. I remember George and Mary were sat on my left pressed hard against the cold and Winnie sat on my right sulking.

Winnie was annoyed in a way only bulldogs get annoyed , 

She was livid .

I had not only brought her out for a cold walk on the beach and not her usual sheltered railway walkway, but I had made her walk, far too long along cold concrete , then made her sit with her fat face facing the wind. 

She wanted to go home and she “ Harumphed “ loudly when I started to play with my phone, in order to get the best of Christmas selfies 

Twenty minutes later she finally lost it

And grabbing my shoulders with her massive paws she heaved herself up and looked me square in the face.

Eyeball to eyeball

Her expression said it all

“Now Fuck off ...Im Cold.....I want to go home”

I snapped the “ look” in a selfie

I miss those knowing looks and those quietly authoritative temper tantrums of hers.

 

Nominations & Big Ups ( village social media)

Today’s blog feels very community and social media based....

Our Hattie has reached the final of a National Heroes competition !

See  https://www.leaderlive.co.uk/news/19022389.flintshire-woman-reaches-final-national-urban-jungles-heroes-competition/?ref=fbshr&fbclid=IwAR09fqMvlIoUkRjVIf6V2IOLYGResEjk-yeSW8qT_wDMw6xQR30DIMyJxG8

So the news shared our local paper! How lovely is that ? She sooo deserves to win

The villagers have been busy voting the pub The Crown one of the top businesses in Flintshire too, a business that is facing a bloody hard time due to the covid restrictions . The new landlady and hubby chef just reopened the pub to much adulation a short while ago, only to be forced to shut , days after the successful re launch, and both have battled hard to come up with a takeaway service to keep the wolves from the door. 

The takeaway menu is wonderful and eclectic  

Storm Christophè has caused some local flooding here. Pippa from the rectory  posted this photo on the wardens social media page yesterday and messages bounced around from village leaders ian and Helen’s home which is called y felin which means Mill in welsh . Their house lies down the valley from me and was the position of an old water mill. 

It is surrounded by water. 

Sandbags may need to be moved there in the morning ......watch this space...

The lane just around from my cottage

More social media news. I got a tag from liv Randa yesterday evening who finished and loved the book I bought for her

It was Little Women 

The family  Sent me a photo of happy baby sitting days ....well with old William doing the babysitting 

Liv and the book

Covid has increased community spirit here...as it has done globally