Going Gently

3 Years, 5 months, 7 days

I took off my wedding ring today......
....and tied a narrow ribbon to it, then put it carefully away........

I need to buy a car of my own.
Today was a case in point, as Mary needed a trip to the vets and the car was parked over in Bangor.
No joined up thinking and a Welsh Terrier with an ear infection, not a good combination
So , village Elder Islwyn, as usual came to the rescue and gave Mary and I a lift to the station so we could catch the train, to get to Bangor, to collect the car.....you still with me there at the back?

I drank coffee on the virgin train while Mary jammed her head between the seats in order to bum something from the middle aged couple sitting behind us.
I think she managed to beg the ham filling out of a cheese and ham sandwich

Packing

I spent yesterday dusting and carefully packing away my husband's large selection of books.
I wasn't angry or upset, I just wanted to clear the bookcase in the bedroom, clean it of twelve years of dust and repack it with my own , much more meagre selection of books.
All of the dogs and Albert lay around the mess in untidy heaps watching the action.
I'm not going to discuss my marriage here so please don't ask me anything, but I did wanted to talk about the peace and memories such a pastime brings to a person.
Books on politics and history , of queens long dead, of wartime and Art Deco whodunnits, the Mitford sisters and of Russian ballet dancers, all were wiped clean of soot and boxed awaiting sorting and tucked away behind them, in between them , were the flotsam of decades of ordinary life.
Train tickets dated 2007 to Bangor, a clock key, old wage packets , a half flattened stuffed platypus bought from Sydney Zoo. A few letters dated from when people actually wrote letters, a Christmas card list, dried flowers fallen out of a small family Bible ( a cutting from my Grandmother's wedding bouquet) my old Charge Nurse ID badge and a lady's handkerchief with a monogrammed K in one corner .
The pile of detritus grew as the books were packed away.
And I worked away in silence save for the chirping of the sparrow flock in the honeysuckle

No Words Needed

Central Station is a lovely film.
I've been clearing book shelves today and found an old copy DVD I thought I had lost
You don't need subtitles for this wonderfully moving final scene
Enjoy

I've never wanted to visit Mexico

I met a man who I was in school with today
We have not spoken for perhaps 40 years
He was with his boyfriend
I was dressed in a green tabard, flip flops and was holding a green plastic collecting bucket.
We had one of those odd public conversations that was all too much
I told them that I was separated
They told me that they have just been on a gay cruise around Mexico
Apparently you can sleep with everyone on a gay cruise they told me with a cackle
And they both did! ( what fun!)

I've never understood people in long term relationships that swing/ shag around/ or think it's ok to shag themselves silly on an ocean liner. To me shagging around is something you do when you are young and single or indeed old and single .....but single is the most important point of it all for me
Do what you like when you are single ....Multiple shags , to me when you are in a relationship are a sign of fickle immaturity.
But each to their own I guess

I've never wanted to go to Mexico either btw

Friday Chatty Kathy

Smiling Ann from the old Flower Show committee clamboured excitedly over the make shift gate in my back garden yesterday in order to discuss " an adventure" Winnie got all goo goo eyed and hysterical and caught a fat paw into Ann's lacy top which necessitated several minutes of unravelling but eventually we got them separated and Ann could discuss her ideas.

" would I accompany her on Velocity 2 - which at 1500 feet, is the fastest zip wire in the world?"

The zip wire is suspended over a deep blue lake which fills Penryn Quarry over in North West Wales

" We could do it for Charity" she suggested as she fended off Mary "A joint sponsored event for Alzheimer's and Samaritans?"

Now everyone knows that I am somewhat of an adrenaline junkie, its in the blood, so of course I said yes......so watch this space cos I shall be chasing you all dear readers for sponsorship on our just giving page.........

Hey ho

The " affable despot's" girls are on school holidays at the moment and have advertised their " odd job" services to locals around the village . I like this initiative as they are raising funds for their own holiday in France and are learning a valuable lesson in mini life skills budgeting for it

"You don't get something for nothing" .... I've paid them some money in advance and have booked them for a spot of dog bathing, grooming and floor washing on heir return

Affable despot Jason naughtily asked if Winnie's fanny flannel would have to be used reminding me

that his youngest daughter in only seven.

I couldn't possibly comment

Yesterday I caught up withblogfriend Sue http://ournewlifeinthecountry.blogspot.com/

for a coffee and came home smelling of pug dog ( bliss) and sporting a large bag of homemade goodies. I took her a small Edwardian glass jug which she filled with summer flowers and we drank coffee and chatted in the kitchen like nice people do

It was a sweet

Trendy Carol has just walked past ( nice jeans , floaty top, expensive sandals ) and has waved , and the postman is knocking on the window with a bouncy "I ve got one of those strange parcels from American again but this one has the right address on it!"

He watched me open it this morning ,

" No one ever sends me pigs " he remarked when I did so

you're not as Lucky as me " I remarked with a smile

A "Good Morning Miss Dove" Moment

a letter arrived yesterday from the Trelawnyd Community Association

Hi John

At our last meeting of the Association I was tasked with inviting you out for a meal to thank you for how you have supported village life since you moved here; this isn't just about the flower show this is about your overall commitment to the village.. As a fellow Yorkshireman I took the view that this isn't something we could spring on you as a surprise so I thought it best to ask you straight out what night you would be free -week after next. Once I have the dates you are free I'll organise a meal and drink in the Crown - nothing too elaborate and no surprises.

(The suggestions made if you said no did range from "Kidnap" to the group descending on your house with many bottles - a terrifying thought!!!)

Best regards

Ian

--

Ian Papworth-

How lovely

This Is Why........,..

Strangers can make a difference, I'm a firm believer in that.

He was young, just into his twenties.
Emotionally bright but terribly low, it was his first phone call to us and he was unsure of just what to say.
I heard the warning bells of despair from the first few minutes of our conversation.
This was an important call, I said to myself and I prepared to give it everything
It took just ten minutes for the subject of suicide to be acknowledged.

The relief of sharing such a deep dark thought safely was palpable.
It bonded caller to listener, and once out in the open he could move on to the tentative planning for help and support .

I didn't want the call to end,
I wanted to feel he was safe......but all I could was to hope that he was now safer
I offered him a follow up call to check if he was ok. He accepted and requested it for today.
I arranged for a colleague in another part of the country , a stranger to me ,to be responsible for this precious task.
I have to trust that this was carried out successfully this lunchtime.

I ended the call with the words " You matter" I wanted to sound warm,
a virtual hug
He ended the call with " Thank you for that" and then he was gone

And in well trained care my office buddy gave me time to share such an important forty minute phone call as I sniffed a tear away over a cuppa and a Jaffa cake

This is why I am a Samaritan .

Fall From Grace

One accidental snap
Taken from my iPhone as I tumbled over the field gate
Strange that the flip flop remained in place
I was winded on the floor for an age before the ponies ambled over to take a closer look and to eat the layers pellets I had scattered into the grass when I fell.
Layers pellets ? I hear you ask
Yes......layers pellets!!!!......two small bantam cockerels arrived at the Ukrainian Village this afternoon.
Hey ho!

A Load Of Young Bullocks

I've been sat at the kitchen table for much of today looking at nursing jobs and agency web sites.
It's an odious task
I literally went goggle eyed by midday and was only saved by the escapee group of young Bullocks who first darted up the lane then sprinted back down with gay abandon .
Glad of the distraction I caught up with them at the livery fields and herded them down to another field with the help of some woman in a small hatchback.
Herding Bullocks in flip flops is not for the faint hearted , and when I eventually got home I had to rinse feet and flops in a bowl of detergent.
The postman arrived soon after and pushed some more cards through the window
" This is bloody ridiculous !" he said showing me this

" More fan mail" he laughed then asked " Where's Mary?"
I panicked a little as she's always hanging out of the window feigning "I'll kill ya, I'll kill ya " when the postie comes, so I went in search of her....
She wasn't far away

Ta muchly btw

Walk Through Video

I used to do a great number of these kind of videos .
Years of walking around the field with a cheap camera
Today I revisited the vlog

The Bell

For some reason I had ( or needed) a lie in today.
It was only the Church bell that woke me up around eleven and the video I briefly took as I staggered into the garden was suitably blurry eyed as a result.
I've been invited out to a trip to Chester Races today by family and Sunday lunch at a friend's house but I have given my apologies to both invitations
So it's coffee in my bucket coffee cup and radio 4.......
These are two of my best friends on a Sunday Morning
They are here every Sunday morning
Constants........

Kicking The Cat

Of all of the mental mechanisms that we all employ to survive the brickbats of daily living, it is transference , that I think is the most common and the most easily recognised if you have a modicum of self awareness.
In the first few days after Finlay died I was a volcano of anger( to those newer readers Finlay was my first Welsh Terrier ). I kept things ticking over until I found myself walking down the high street in nearby Prestatyn. At one narrow point I came face to face with two teenage boys riding their bikes on the pavement and after a short stand off I found myself yelling " YOU DONT RIDE BIKES ON THE PAVEMENT !!"into their astonished faces like a banshee at full moon.
The pressure cooker needed to blow off some steam.

Yesterday, the old transference thing found itself bubbling away on Colwyn Bay Promenade .
I recognised the signs and felt the pressure cooker shaking away.
A bland looking woman with a staffie off it's lead suddenly loomed into view .
The staffie looked good natured but as it spied Mary it's head lifted into that stance that could go either way, so I picked Mary up by the scruff and bounced her onto my forearm.
" It's ok she's friendly!" The woman trilled but I wasn't having any of it as the staffie trotted round me rather too forcibly
" That dog should be on a lead " I said firmly but not rudely
and then the argument started .
The " mind your own business!" comment got my dander up as did the pointed " Little Hitler " reference but I reined it in at the eleventh hour of the row when I just knew I was just about to lose it bigstyle.
Instead of letting off the roar that was inside of me just screaming to get out
I took a deep breath as I lowered Mary to the ground with a dignified sweep of my arm ( the woman had by this time slipped the lead on her dog but was still bumping her gums ) and I pointed downward with well rehearsed practice stating loudly
" Take your dog and your VERY cheap shoes and get lost!"

Ps. It's dry, warm and slightly overcast morning...Ideal for The Flower Show which was originally scheduled for today..hey ho

I'll leave you with something happier

A lovely dancing dentist

The Power Of A Film Scene

I was asked recently just why I love the cinema so much.
The answer is a complex one, but I think the main power of film is that it often captures tiny moments in time, moments that we so often never ever able to see and understand.
I was reminded of such a scene last night.
The movie Hostiles has one of the most powerful endings of any film I have ever seen. Shot in slow motion we see the film's traumatised anti hero ( Christian Bale) slowly walking down the platform of a western train station as a train steams away. The audience knows that on the train is an equally traumatised Rosamund Pike which whom Bale has had a relationship with , and only minutes before had the opportunity in joining for a new life away from the brutality of the Indian wars. Bale rejected the chance of salvation , his expression sort of indicating that he will return to his life of violence and savagery, but as the train moves away, right at the very final moment of the film we witness him stepping on the back of the train to physical and mental safety.
It's a lovely moment.

Like I said last night I was reminded of such a pivotal cinematic moment.
Winnie and Albert and George and I were over in the field checking on the ponies. I'm especially fond of the little gelding who is quite over friendly at times and I love blowing into his nose, taking in that musty nutty smell horses often possess.
We were standing not far from the little cemetery behind the church and I'd already noticed that a young couple were sitting on the grass in front of a grave. The young woman, had long blonde hair and was drinking from a small bottle. I heard her laugh and watched her for a second as she gathered up some flowers to lean against a gravestone.
It felt as though she was visiting a loved one , informally and with a relaxed warmth.
And as glanced over again past the curve of the gelding's back.
I saw the girl lean over and gently kiss the top of the gravestone.

A little cinematic moment, captured in my head forever.

Where Is Mel Giedroyc when you need her?

I had a mini melt down this afternoon
A phone call gone awry
What I needed was the comic actress Mel Giedroyc to be there standing in the living room in a lurid pink jacket
Does anyone remember her comparing " The Great British Bake off" a few years ago..?
It was the one where the pouting Ruby lost it over her complicated bake in the semi finals
Ruby was getting all flouncy and bad tempered when Mel went all Women's Institute on her.
The younger woman needed a firm hand as she was being all snappy so the ever pragmatic Mel turned on the sulky young woman with a sharp
" Ruby ...get a grip ok?...get a RUDDY grip!!!!"

Class

Research

" I have another blog question! How old are they and what sex are they?"
So asked Mr A when I stood paying for petrol at the village garage and shop.
( Mr A, as you may recall asked the where are you all from ? blog question earlier in the year, the one that gained nearly 700 comments in 48 hours!)
This second question not only caught me unawares but confused Margaret the cashier somewhat
" How old are who? "she asked " and are who having sex?"
It got all a bit confusing after that

And so, Mr A in one of his more vague posed questions wants to know dear readers

How old are you?( you can give a wide demographic here if you wish eg " over fifty , over sixty etc"

What sex are you?

And thirdly ( for the bemused Margaret )

ARE YOU STILL HAVING SEX?

Should be an interesting read
( let it be said that Mr A suggests that I have an 80 % female readership of ( and I'm quoting) " a more mature demographic "
He also suggested that most of my male followers are "LGBT" ( I didn't correct him as he was on a roll)
We have a bet going ( a few quid ) that I have no followers under 25! ( I said I must have at least 5)

ta Muchly

After some reflection I removed yesterday's post.
It's time to generally diversify the conversations if I can
Having said this I looked at my blogger stats this morning and was surprised to see the numbers of people returning to Going Gently for a look during July.
Thank you all for popping in . Your support has been fantastic.

The Clock

I initiated one of those elephant in the room conversations today
They are never easy ones to give or to hear.
I asked if my husband could start to think about items he wants to take from our home.
Items of personal importance .
I don't want ambiguity and spats over shared and loved things further down the line.

However I had to be honest when I told him I wanted to keep our grandfather clock.
It's a magnificent locally made Welsh clock from the mid 19th century

He had bought it , but my sister and I had bid on it in a local auction sale many moons ago now and it was , as I recall an exhilarating and stressful twenty minutes out of our lives
The clock had be owned by my best friends' parents for many years and by their family for generations . It was sold when their dear parents had passed away, people who I cared for deeply.
It stood by their front door and I knew and loved it well when I was growing up.

The clock will stay with me.
And....It's a comfort.

Runs

Three of the dogs have diarrhoea
Stupidly I used a non known batch of tinned food last night as I had run out of their usual
I have just returned from a four hour mentoring stint and now realise that Albert has let them in from the kitchen to have the total run of the cottage .
"Runs in the cottage" more like.
And to make things worse the postman has been.
The dogs love galloping around like fools when the post comes!