tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post6927731727525433845..comments2024-03-29T14:46:21.682+00:00Comments on Going Gently: Saying The Wrong ThingJohn Going Gentlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14958171262765033946noreply@blogger.comBlogger76125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-25880612524413693562017-09-18T01:41:29.694+00:002017-09-18T01:41:29.694+00:00This comment has been removed by the author.Jane Karwathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10873112386908974146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-76092059075007425482016-07-26T19:27:05.741+00:002016-07-26T19:27:05.741+00:00I had stage 3 breast cancer 12 years ago. I went t...I had stage 3 breast cancer 12 years ago. I went through the strongest chemo available and then had a radical mastectomy and reconstruction on the same day. Basically, my whole torso was cut apart and rearranged. It was brutal. While I was recovering from that and doing radiation treatments, my sisters and brother had a come to Jesus intervention dinner for me. We sat out on the patio of a restaurant so that they could all smoke (I don't, never have). They told me everything that they thought I was doing wrong and that they felt that I gave myself cancer. Even while it was happening, I knew that the reason was they were afraid of the cancer. If they could name the reason I had it, they felt like they could avoid it. Still, it more than effectively destroyed the relationship that I had with any of them. I love them, but I can't have them in my life. We almost never talk anymore. Lisa https://www.blogger.com/profile/09324961653370110887noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-928073948553939202016-07-26T18:28:29.220+00:002016-07-26T18:28:29.220+00:00Blimey what happened there? Must be the weather ge...Blimey what happened there? Must be the weather getting to me. Soz for repeating myself - myself - myself............Sandycathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06814344959991272496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-2923121365225034882016-07-26T00:23:11.847+00:002016-07-26T00:23:11.847+00:00How horrible Doc. I think he might have dementia ...How horrible Doc. I think he might have dementia or something. It is why I don't really trust anyone; you never know who they really are, just what they show you. And that is sad too.donna bakerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13507579686738843451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-67636520711982963952016-07-25T22:31:09.142+00:002016-07-25T22:31:09.142+00:00Being told that my partner had no problem thinking...Being told that my partner had no problem thinking of me dying was the beginning of the end.<br />Sitting at the dining room table with things being thrown at me and hearing a voice screaming "You're going to fucking do what you're fucking told from now on or things will get a lot fucking worse" echoing over and over in my head was the breaking point. It was get out or die; I'm a survivor, I got out.<br /><br />The Crankyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11482237436135513483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-35185090070188652752016-07-25T22:22:59.659+00:002016-07-25T22:22:59.659+00:00Sending you oceans and oceans of love EC.
My step...Sending you oceans and oceans of love EC.<br /><br />My stepdad once told me that I was so stupid, ugly and lazy that I'd better get pretty good at sex or no one would put up with me. Both he and your mother should have had their mouths glued shut.The Crankyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11482237436135513483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-92188284484749332852016-07-25T20:40:35.671+00:002016-07-25T20:40:35.671+00:00One word crops up again and again in the comments....One word crops up again and again in the comments. "Ex" well done for leaving exes who bring you down and add nothing constructive to this world. I see many people who haven't got strength to leave abusive relationships. Well done and hope you find happiness. John you are a great writer funny,compassionate and caring. I really enjoy your blog. You talk a lot of sense. Sandycathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06814344959991272496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-34660344648184205402016-07-25T20:40:08.610+00:002016-07-25T20:40:08.610+00:00One word crops up again and again in the comments....One word crops up again and again in the comments. "Ex" well done for leaving exes who bring you down and add nothing constructive to this world. I see many people who haven't got strength to leave abusive relationships. Well done and hope you find happiness. John you are a great writer funny,compassionate and caring. I really enjoy your blog. You talk a lot of sense. Sandycathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06814344959991272496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-3697427118478269202016-07-25T20:39:12.550+00:002016-07-25T20:39:12.550+00:00One word crops up again and again in the comments....One word crops up again and again in the comments. "Ex" well done for leaving exes who bring you down and add nothing constructive to this world. I see many people who haven't got strength to leave abusive relationships. Well done and hope you find happiness. John you are a great writer funny,compassionate and caring. I really enjoy your blog. You talk a lot of sense. Sandycathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06814344959991272496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-8329249620430797842016-07-25T20:38:49.753+00:002016-07-25T20:38:49.753+00:00One word crops up again and again in the comments....One word crops up again and again in the comments. "Ex" well done for leaving exes who bring you down and add nothing constructive to this world. I see many people who haven't got strength to leave abusive relationships. Well done and hope you find happiness. John you are a great writer funny,compassionate and caring. I really enjoy your blog. You talk a lot of sense. Sandycathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06814344959991272496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-7688989887553751582016-07-25T20:20:15.647+00:002016-07-25T20:20:15.647+00:00:)
thank you, dear. and I have no regrets about &...:)<br />thank you, dear. and I have no regrets about "moving on" either.anne marie in phillyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11765140782182605141noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-80678916068253462162016-07-25T20:14:44.517+00:002016-07-25T20:14:44.517+00:00That's so cruel. They must be sad, nasty peopl...That's so cruel. They must be sad, nasty people, and you don't need them.<br />yellowtulip118@gmail.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07457341621335533009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-45027984988277350312016-07-25T20:00:10.835+00:002016-07-25T20:00:10.835+00:00That is just stupid cruel and not sure I would wan...That is just stupid cruel and not sure I would want to be "family" with them. <br />What is that old saying "you can't pick your family but you can pick your friends"<br />Just go out and find yourself a family of friends.angryparsniphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17236094827257446781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-62481006505577885112016-07-25T19:25:40.926+00:002016-07-25T19:25:40.926+00:00I have been told by two aunts on both sides of my ...I have been told by two aunts on both sides of my family that I'm not family as i'm adopted.<br />A Thifthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01966541672889273783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-2030809694863158632016-07-25T19:05:28.731+00:002016-07-25T19:05:28.731+00:00My husband told me once that if I ever tried to di...My husband told me once that if I ever tried to divorce him (tried, mind you), that I might convince a judge to give me the house or the kids, but that he would make sure he took my dog, Clancy. Clancy meant the world to me, and my husband knew that. I swear I felt my heart stop as soon as he said it. It told me all I needed to know. <br /><br />Clancy passed away on this day 3 years ago. I think it is time to stop "planning" on how to leave and just do it. I think the time has come. <br /><br />As always, John, your posts are so thought-provoking.<br /><br /><br />Elle<br />Elle Clancyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11563633298659967269noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-84236013425188194822016-07-25T18:14:20.612+00:002016-07-25T18:14:20.612+00:00Susan I don't know where you live but my divor...Susan I don't know where you live but my divorce was in California, everything is straight down the middle. The x served me divorce papers on our daughters birthday. But then she is gay so in his eyes who cares.<br />Anyways he wanted a mediator but as I am not really great with math, I knew I would be screwed. I had some well connected friends and got the best highest paid lawyer in Orange County (stars, sports stars ect,,, ) The x had to pay my lawyers fees and he hated that.<br />He got the season tickets, the condo , blah blah bla.I got the children, dogs, my car, the Meiji period kitchen god and enough money if I am careful to live on. Children were in school I packed up my car and moved.<br />My illnesses have progressed , have to use a walker, lost most of my hair (meds) and the years I have left I am so happy everyday I wake up without him.<br />Talk to someone about YOUR rights and how the law can protect you.angryparsniphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17236094827257446781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-25104867036617933562016-07-25T17:02:14.925+00:002016-07-25T17:02:14.925+00:00I am horrified at some of the things I have read h...I am horrified at some of the things I have read here, but I suppose I shouldn't be really. Having been brought up in a loving family I thought it was normal to speak to each other with respect but apparently not. I guess that's why my ex' behaviour so shocked me. His rants and insults were legion and even though I think people who try to put others down are really only trying to make up for their own inadequacies, after years of listening to his crap you do start to wonder. I mean, who do these people think they are that they have the right to speak to you like that. I do remember asking my ex if thought he was some kind of catch to entitle him to speak to me like that (8 stone weakling with acne anyone?). I remember sitting at my in-laws' table when they set his retarded brother to be the fall guy for about 15 minutes of "Mike baiting" and asking my ex if he thought what the whole family had just done was right - get a cheap thrill out of it? He would just say that he had a temper and it was soon forgotten - but not by me it wasn't. Like you said, you can't "unsay" something when it is out. AnnaTreadershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08613671137557939083noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-83302491333229117182016-07-25T14:53:54.839+00:002016-07-25T14:53:54.839+00:00I have forgiven but I long to have a relationship ...I have forgiven but I long to have a relationship with my brother. I pray for him and my daughter daily. The flashbacks continue to haunt me. I deeply love them both. Gabrielle Howard Genglerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14944071372544950237noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-58049459730733167252016-07-25T14:47:33.462+00:002016-07-25T14:47:33.462+00:00Interesting. My mother said the same thing to me. ...Interesting. My mother said the same thing to me. She said that when she was young there were fewer opportunities for women and one didn't really think about not having kids. She said with the opportunities available to people my age she probably wouldn't have had kids.mitbdidnt hurt, I understood her view.<br /><br />She also said that you meet a few people in your life where it doesn't matter how long since you have seen them, when you do see them again yiu just pick up where you left off and there is no awkwardness. She then went on to say that she had met two such people in her life and I was one of them. I felt the same.Travellerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04074252019053387130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-5722042828245756052016-07-25T14:20:55.373+00:002016-07-25T14:20:55.373+00:00I am also shocked at how cruel people are especial...I am also shocked at how cruel people are especially to an innocent child.<br />SandyExpathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05316783738190871773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-86857444675376385802016-07-25T14:07:16.502+00:002016-07-25T14:07:16.502+00:00Years ago when a previous employer thought I might...Years ago when a previous employer thought I might amount to something, such as being a mindless, heartless corporate drone, I attended a Dale Carnegie. He was big here in the US in the 40's and 50's maybe 60's. He taught about how to deal with people, how to impress them, how to be a public speaker etc. One thing I remember is that you never regret what you don't say. Some things needs to be said when things come to head but the moral is to keep yourself and your temper under control. Once it's out, you can never take it back. I've had people say and do awful, mean things to me. One day I realized that I'd read in the Gospels that Jesus told his disciples that if any town did not welcome them, they were the shake the dust off their feet and move on. I have the cleanest feet in town. <br />anne marie in Philly - Bravo!!!!!!!!!carlnepahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05840845700615739547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-23875193945848842922016-07-25T14:04:05.048+00:002016-07-25T14:04:05.048+00:00my husband told me I was worse than useless once. ...my husband told me I was worse than useless once. it was at a bad time in our marriage, he was suffering from a lot of emotional pain from his upbringing that he had convinced himself that he had dealt with. he finally went and got counseling and worked it out and the anger and rage stopped. during one counseling session with the both of us I told him how much what he had said hurt and he apologized but the wound is still there. we're still together but of all the things he said in anger which he directed at me because he wasn't able at the time to direct it to his parents, that is the one that still hurts. worse than useless.ellen abbotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00535475792150335186noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-9167322173649661132016-07-25T14:00:40.633+00:002016-07-25T14:00:40.633+00:00My mom had been abused growing up and was raped at...My mom had been abused growing up and was raped at 18. My dad also abused her. I gave her a bit of a past on most things because she was loving and fun 95% of the time. But as we both got older and she drank more, we had my uncle over and in a drunken haze she announced she wished she never had me. Yeah, that burns through you and never goes away. I attempted to run away that night, but knew not where to go. She passed away in 1998 of renal cell carcinoma. We were past that, but to be honest, for all the love she showed me and told me, I do wonder why that had to be said.MissFifihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09948141818594611257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-40666950731493806682016-07-25T13:09:47.588+00:002016-07-25T13:09:47.588+00:00OH MY! I hope she had a sense of humour, Kim!!OH MY! I hope she had a sense of humour, Kim!!Jimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11199777195853274898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20303812.post-82523038625057568882016-07-25T11:18:00.336+00:002016-07-25T11:18:00.336+00:00So many things that my MIL has said but probably t...So many things that my MIL has said but probably the worst was when my daughter aged 4 was in BCH being treated for leukaemia, my MIL was very dismissive telling everyone that she just had a virus . Worse still in the two years treatment she never visited offered to help or sent my daughter anything to cheer her up . MIL is 83 now and to a large extent has mellowed and though I am pleasant for my husband's sake I can't forget that .Sewing mamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01740102593148905237noreply@blogger.com