I’m tired today.
It’s all due to the Queen and an unfortunate encounter with weaver the psycho cat .in the middle of the night.
The Queen ( Gawd Bless her) has spent the last five years staring up the lane into the village from my spare bedroom window. The lifesize cut out was a gift from my friend Jane which she presented to me at Manchester Airport before we left for Barcelona .
She’s a talking point, and I find her presence amusing.
I’m also rather fond of the old gal .
Around three am this morning Mary and Weaver had a spat . The yowling woke me and I got up to find Mary cornered helplessly by the airing cupboard after a crafty old lady pee on the bathroom shower mat I was in no mood for silliness so I gabbed a pair of damp underpants from the radiator and threw them at Weaver who stalked angrily into the spare room
Here she had a tantrum
I’d just got back into bed when an unholy crash thundered filled the night
Weaver had knocked the Queen from her window seat complete with the large wooden box which I’d used to prop her up with.
The Queen , now lay helplessly, face down in the cats’ litter tray
Leaving her felt strangely treasonable especially as her face was smeared with the end product of a can of whisker’s chicken bits .
I searched the bathroom for a packet of wet wipes and finding none proceeded to dampen toilet paper with soap and warm water
It all felt suddenly very surreal, as I wiped my former monarch’s cheeks clear of cat poo in the wee small hours of the morning
Goodnight your majesty I called out when I had finished
God Bless
Hahaha! This was a great story John. Poor Queen E!
ReplyDeleteFrothy rubbish Jennifer but we all need a silly story sometime
DeleteOMG this made me laugh, John! Thanks for another wonderful vignette in your inimitable writing style!
ReplyDelete😀🤪🤪🤪😀❤️🌈
DeleteI almost just spit my hot coffee all over computer screen reading this right now! Nothing like a good belly laugh first thing in the morning! Poor Queen!
ReplyDeleteSusan M/ Calif
That’s my job x
DeletePoor old Mary.
ReplyDeleteShe was curled up asleep soon after 🐕🐕🐕🐕
DeleteIf there is way to cause trouble, Weaver will find it.
ReplyDeleteShe is something else.
I hope Mary is okay.
Both are fine, my Disney wish that she and the dogs will be friends remains misguided , but I’m hoping one day they will at least pass each other on the stairs as housemates
DeleteCertain cat foods can cause behavioural problems in cats. Cheaper food like Whiskers are full of fillers and sugars which cats cannot digest because they lack the enzymes.
ReplyDeleteApplaws, Encore, Lily's Kitchen, James Wellbeloved, Royal Canine, ect. Dry and wet meat can be bought on subscription at Amazon, Zooplus, Pet@home, and many other places.
Gradually add the foods to their usual daily one(s) until they are eating the new food.
I’m getting them on quality dry food , it keeps the dogs away
DeleteWeaver has no respect.
ReplyDeleteShe doesn’t give a fuck
DeleteHaha ! This made my day! X Bernie
ReplyDeleteA silly story but thank u
DeleteI'm glad my cat is so old that this nonsense has stopped. Hope you were able to go back to sleep.
ReplyDeleteNothing stops me sleeping pixie
DeleteWhat a hoot! As Roseanne Roseannadanna's father used to say, "It's always something." He didn't even know Weaver and the mischief she can always find to get into. Am glad you saved and tidied the Queen and I hope to see this episode in your book (in due time, of course).
ReplyDeleteStill frozen here. Sigh.
Hugs!
I’ve watched them both and who I thought was weaver in the field or churchyard was infact bun. Weaver has had a big fight with the cream feral cat who is based near the riding stables
Delete“ Mary cornered helplessly by the airing cupboard after a crafty old lady pee on the bathroom shower mat“
ReplyDeleteThe best line of the day
Keith
Xx
I liked it too
DeleteIt could only happen to you! I hope you don't get dragged off to the Tower for defiling the late monarch's image.😲 xx
ReplyDeleteI promote the Windsor brand HH
DeleteWhat disrespect for her elders. First Mary, then the Queen. Treason, no less.
ReplyDeleteIt’s a frothy post andi x
DeleteBest giggle so far this year, thanx John. Jan in Castle Gresley
ReplyDelete🌈👍🤪😀❤️
DeleteDamn that cat. Good thing you love her.
ReplyDeleteI don’t really but she intrigues me 🐈⬛
DeleteHow far can Weaver push things????
ReplyDeleteShe’s sat in front of the fire at the moment , butter wouldn’t melt
DeleteWell at least it was only a picture, not the lady herself on a visit. 🙂
ReplyDeleteSince you were not present when the first spat occurred why blame Weaver? It's likely that she is afraid of Mary, and Mary got too close trying to be friendly, and Weaver felt threatened.
I also wonder about the weeing, and wonder if it is stress or maybe something was affected when she had her hernia operation, like perhaps muscle walls. Just pondering why she feels this way, she wasn't born like you describe. Hugs to them all.
Jean. X
Weaver does not like either dog upstairs and vocalises the fact daily. , she also physically swipes at Mary, who can’t see any “punch” coming.
DeleteThe vet asked if she was aggressive to bun which she never is and told me that some kittens from feral litters ( the kittens were 2 out of 6 feral farm kittens ) just are resistant to change and physical contact by humans ) the vet told me to be persistent with trying to touch her, which I do in the middle of night when she does sit on the bed ( for warmth ) she only tolerates a touch when it’s too dark to see her properly
That Weaver is something else! Doesn't she know that abusing a royal might lead to the declaration, "Off with her head!"
ReplyDeleteShe doesn’t give a stuff
DeleteHowling with laughter.
ReplyDeleteAnother story for that book.
Mildly amusing at best lol
DeleteYour respect for the Queen is admirable, you do what you can to maintain dignity. A nobile obligation for Queens to cover for one another.
ReplyDeleteQueens together 👸🏼
DeleteIt could have been worse. From the heading, I thought you'd taken a tumble and ended up face down in the litter tray!
ReplyDeleteHummm it has happened before 🐈⬛
DeletePlease rehome your cat to a loving home where it won't be shouted at or have things thrown at it.
ReplyDeleteWhat you describe as a "tantrum" is fear.
Get stuffed xxx
DeleteUnlike Queen Victoria, I rather suspect that our late and much loved Queen Elizabeth would have been highly amused by this comical incident.
ReplyDeleteShe would have preferred a corgi as the main protagonist
DeleteSurreal incidents like this always happen in the middle of the night. You sort it, go back to sleep, wake up in the morning and for that fleeting second of comfort decide it was all a dream. Until the evidence shows it wasn't. We have all been there. It's called having livestock.
ReplyDeleteYes I wondered if it was a dream this morning
DeleteI was also going to say I think the Queen would have appreciated it all
ReplyDeleteShe would have booted weaver up the arse
Delete