I’m in a strange, unsettled period of my life at the moment, most of which I can’t discuss here.
Im a fixer a sorter, a rescuer by nature.
I’m also a people pleaser
And so when I’m feeling depleted, my go to position is not always a healthy choice for me.
For it depletes me further.
I’m not explaining this for anyone else but myself, I’m just reminding myself to regroup and to take stock
today,
My friend Polly is on a conference in Barcelona and she has just sent me one photograph
No words, no comments , just this photo
And viewing it, has nurtured every sadness, today has brought with it
I'm beginning to think I would have my time again if it were possible.
ReplyDeleteWouldn’t we all?
DeleteMe, too.
Delete🩷🙏🌈
Deletethat old saying 'you can't please all of the people all of the time') comes to mind - it's difficult with people pleasing to know where to draw the line and look after number one (you) I hope you will give yourself little treats and pats on the back and sometimes say 'no' when it gets too much, you need to be selfish sometimes! Betty x
ReplyDeleteI’m usually good at this but, there are more worries ( unshared) lurking betty
DeleteWhat a glorious and exuberant photo of sunshine through those lovely stained glass windows. It makes me wonder if perhaps I can fly!
ReplyDeleteHugs!
She sent me the photo similar to the one I took when I was there
DeleteJohn, I know that one well. You want to help but you know if you do it will knock you for six. Trouble is that in the nicest possible way if people know you will help and wrap them up in love when things are tough they will gravitate your way. You cannot fix all of the people all of the time. Sometimes they have to learn to fix themselves too. There are such things as boundaries and if you impose them some just do not understand. They do not see the other side of things where you know if you do help you will be scuppered and the pain that is carried on the inside when you say you cannot do; more so if it is someone you consider a good friend and that hurts too. I have lost many good friends over the years all because I have imposed boundaries. The people who are meant to be in your life will stay and where there are gaps new ones will come in. You count too and if you are not able to help because of what is going on in your own life at any one particular time so be it that is circumstances making the choice for you. For many years I have been an alternative health practitioner and one of the most basic rules for the technique of healing that I use is that if you the Practitioner are not well or not 100% for any reason the healing will not be as effective as it should be. Sometimes it is a case of "Healer, heal thyself" Learning to love yourself is a fundamental tool that you need to be able to use in enforcing boundaries and for you to be able to grow and flourish. You have done a lot of growing in the past few years, now it is time to take time for you. A little time now will save further issues later on. You can only do what you can do at any one time. A decision is not wrong at the time of making it, it is just the circumstances change and people review matters in a different light. Hugs I feel your pain, do what is right for you at this time. Hugs Tricia x
ReplyDeleteWise words which I have taken on board
DeleteI adhere to your boundary ideas , but I have to acknowledge that the Adrenalin which has fed me over the past 7 weeks has now dissipated and left me flat…I have looked at other jobs and other finance sources and things are tough x
Thank you for your words dearHeart
Did you know that colour healing is one of the most natural healing elements there is and so soothing. It reflects the light in the soul, it is always nearly understood just by looking as well. That photo is pure healing in itself; something particular about the light. Sometimes we choose a particular colour to wear on one particular day and that can reflect what is going on at soul level with you. You will get there and you will get through it. Although these things cause upheaval and angst, which we could do without, sometimes they lead to the right situation for us individually although you cannot always see it at the time. Sometimes though we can beat ourselves up with possibilities that may never happen, the What if's, instead of letting things unravel in their own time and place. I hold my hand up as being a chief offender, as you say it is when the adrenalin which is helping you through that drops. Sometimes you are not meant to fight, just be aware xx
DeleteWhen I walked into the cathedral my heart soared
DeleteIt is the most amazing experience of my life
Then it is meant for you. Follow the light it will never lead you astray nor will your inner voice. Trusting is a big part in the process. Let your inner light guide you. Always here xx
DeleteThank u
DeleteTakes one to know one. Which is probably why most of us are here and know what you are not saying.
ReplyDeleteThe most levelling thing is simply to give yourself time. Breath deep, get your shoulders down from around your ears and do whatever is necessary to try and decompress a little. And stop making the brain take all the strain. Try leaning out instead of leaning in, and make sure the people leaning in are doing so to support as well as to be supported. You do not have to always be everyone else's flying buttress. And sometimes it is just your turn to take a breather, to be helped, to think of yourself first. And none of this is easy, even though it all sounds like a bag of cliches. Because cliches are cliches for a reason!
Liz, I love your advice here, and your words are my words ( spoken to others)
DeleteI value them
Beautiful photo! Wishing you strength & healing, plus sending virtual hugs John.
ReplyDeleteI need to use Pattypan’s comments myself, not always easy to do. WI Dee
I had planned a date on Friday and cancelled ,
DeleteI have to think carefully just why I did that
This, too, shall pass.
ReplyDeleteIndeed it will dearHeart
DeleteI think we have similar experiences although I also think you tend to go much further and do much more than I do. I hope you can be kind to yourself right now. Aren’t we always at least a bit unsettled?
ReplyDeleteAgreed…I’m feeling better tonight, I’ve let friends in
DeleteI'm so sorry you're feeling off-kilter. As others have said, and as you already know, you sometimes just need to say no, for your own sake. The photo is beautiful. I'm not religious at all, but the sight of that rainbow of colour touches my soul. xx
ReplyDeleteGaude wanted the colours of the sea and the sky through different windows
DeleteBeautiful photo. Hugs for you, John. x
ReplyDeleteHugs taken gratefully
DeleteI often look to my cats for comfort. If I had a dog I’d hug him too.
ReplyDeleteRoger is searching the night sky through the cat flap , Mary is next to me as always
DeleteYou're a thoughtful and honest man. That's part of what's hard to cope with.
ReplyDeleteI’m sharing my shit because I know it’s safe t do so here , you are my friends
DeleteGorgeous photo from within La Sagrada Familia!
ReplyDeleteHugs to you, John dear, and head scritches for sweet Mary, dim & delightful Roger, lovable Bun, and warrior Weaver!
Roger is in the kitchen with his head through the cat flap , mary is asleep next to me, bun in in front of the fire and weaver is our killing small children
DeleteGood advice from Pattypan. Gorgeous light.
ReplyDelete🙏
DeletePolly’s photo is beautiful and the blessing is that she wasn’t on the Funicular. Wishing you small steps forward as you work to refill your cup. Witness is sometimes the only thing that be done and that, too, is precious to the receiver. Take good care of yourself. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThe photo fed my soul today
DeleteI just look at that photo and remind myself that there is beauty behind the sadness.
ReplyDeleteAnother cliché I know...
Understood
DeleteYes, I totally get that
ReplyDeleteX
DeleteJohn, the picture is stunning! I’m sending you love and the biggest hug in the world !❤️. Carol in Atlanta
ReplyDeleteThe photo reminded me of when Jane and I walked into the sagrada and the organs planted a surprise welcome
DeleteAnd I cried
I am sorry you are sad or struggling, it seemed just the past few weeks you are doing so very well. Especially after the job threat resolved and your health is managed and improving. Hang in there. You are loved and supported by so many of your fans. Sending a hug and a G&T, tho I ll take mine w vodka/ soda American style. Xx lizzy
ReplyDeleteI think I was travelling along on Adrenalin lizzy , and now I’ve come down with an unexpected bump ,
DeleteWith a few unpublished new worries x
We're here to listen, to offer a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on. You have my email if you wish.
DeleteAnd I value that offer dearHeart
DeleteDo whatever you need to do to get yourself back to your even keel.
ReplyDeleteLovely photo an amazing building site :-) Josie ( )
I’m doing exactly that , alcea, x
DeleteThe redundancy scare and subsequent financial worries would have floored me jonno…but you have had to work and “ smile and glide” through it all.
ReplyDeleteYou have experienced delays in your counselling as well as health issues and have yet again stepped up in Trelawyd to sort the show out.
Who looks after you John? If I was there, I would pay for Russell Crowe to rub his fingers through your hair; get King Filipe of Spain to rub your feet and would personally drip a dirty martini down your “ gob”
Talk to up your old lady counsellor
I love you man
Lee
Oh I so agree with my Mamaleh Lee
DeleteHave you been trying for jobs outside the hospital ? If you have at 60 that’s a tough road to negotiate , I. Understand that tale all too well and it’s an exhausting one.
Your friend
Keith
Xx
DearHeart Keith , a wise old bird you are
DeleteAnd dearest Lee, we have to meet one day , we really do, have Filipe wrapped up and sent around
DeleteI’d scare you to death if we met , but like I once told you , I’d buy you a cocktail in Docks 3rd avenue
DeleteLee
My best friend is nuala , you won’t frighten me
DeleteA virtual hug coming your way xx
ReplyDeleteThank u , I need one today
DeleteHope all will be well, John. xo
ReplyDeleteI hope so too my friend
DeleteThat photo seems to have almost mystical/magical qualities and I am not a woo-woo person.
ReplyDeleteYou know well that so many of us out here are in your pocket in case you need us.
I know that , and I love u
DeleteImagine the genius to understand how the light would burst with color [in the cathedral]. The talent, the creativity, the engineering skills. Gaudi must have been a rare gifted man.
ReplyDeleteGaudy wanted some windows to reflect water and then Forrest’s , and u get that feeling so well , god I loved this building so much
DeleteI would love to go back there to see that light. (There was still no roof when we were there 25yrs ago!) Take it easy, things will iron out in the end.
ReplyDeleteIt’s almost finished my friend just a few spires to go
DeleteDuring stressful times, I often take one day at a time and tell myself, tomorrow is a new day.
ReplyDeleteThinking too far ahead just brings to many unknowns.
In the US there are lots of people doing online counselling sessions. Is the same true in the UK?
This too will pass
DeleteHealth comes first, everything else is secondary. Veggie soup with a touch of curry and crusty bread soothes
ReplyDeleteLee’s chicken soup with Matzah balls
DeleteThat photo is amazing. The left half could pass for an Impressionist painting.
ReplyDeleteIt’s exactly how I remember it , and that experience was sublime
DeleteDear John, coming down with a tremendous thump was totally predictable, after such a ghastly month or more. So, curl up with friends who can be leant upon, and believe a new day will dawn and the sun will shine again. I'd supply a flying buttress from New Zealand if I could. XX, and more XX.
ReplyDeleteChic Eleanor texted today with the offer of theatre , how lovely
DeleteI hope you find some things to make you smile this weekend. A movie, a Scottish egg?
ReplyDeleteI’m working all weekend and that’s ok, I will be busy
DeleteHang on! Sometimes all you can do. Kathy
ReplyDeleteXx🥰
DeleteI think you understand yourself well. You are truly depleted and running on empty after a stressful time and need to protect and strengthen yourself at the moment before you have enough for others too. The words of "Pattypan" are so helpful and also those of all your wonderful commentators here. Bathe your inner self in healing light and the photo reminds of exactly that. Take good care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteMy nerves have been battered by several issues recently .some I can’t share here
DeleteI don't have the words that will make a difference to how you feel, but I sincerely hope your worries are resolved - life always seems to serve up cold showers when you least expect them. I hope yours warms up soon, xx
ReplyDeleteSharing some of it here helps my friend
DeleteI think it’s our age, John . We just get one lot of problems sorted and then along come the next lot ! Look after yourself Shelly xxx
ReplyDeleteShelly. Ain’t THAT the truth 😕👍
DeleteStunning picture, John. It is mysterious and enchanting. I can see how it would heal you. Mental health, as you well know, is a soup of sorts - so many ingredients, and each day's batch is different. I used to want to feel great every day, and worried when I didn't. Now I know that just isn't possible, and I can mostly just go with the flow.
ReplyDeleteA good tact , and one I’m trying to adhere to
DeleteA very large hug to you from London. Look after yourself, in fact cherish yourself. We're all thinking of you and wishing you well. Jxx
ReplyDeleteJan I wish I could share, my worries at the moment, but I can’t x
DeleteI understand that you can't. Too far away to deliver an actual hug, but all the same.... We are there for you, whether or not you can share your worries right now. You matter to me. Jxx
DeleteWhat wonderful light. Sending hugs from afar.
ReplyDeleteThank u xxx
DeleteIt takes a special friend to know that sending you a simple photo will be just what you need at that moment. You have a lot of special friends that are there for you. xx
ReplyDeleteI do indeed and I count you as one of them , I remember well your pragmatic support soon after Chris left
Delete