Sunday, 10 September 2017

Bat 2- The Revenge

12.30 am The Cottage in darkness.
We are in bed
The Prof: " What is that noise?" 
Me ( sleepily) " Huh?"
The Prof: " That noise there! That STRANGE NOISE!"
We listen
There comes a strange intermittent hissing/ squeaking noise from somewhere in the room.
The Prof hunkers up under the duvet " It's that bat!" He hisses
" It's that effin bat!" 
The Prof hates bats, ever since we had one caught in the bedroom of our old house one night, he hates the thoughts of them. I caught the last bat in a pair of my used underpants which The Prof described as a "moment of abject cruelty" 
" The poor little thing didn't deserve that!" As I whipped off my sweaty smalls to cover it
I'm always practical in a mini crisis!

As usual it was me who got up to locate the noise. The Prof pulled the duvet even higher.
"Have you found it?" He hisses as I eventually homed in on the sound
" Yes" I told him " You are quite safe"
The bat was in fact the noise of carbon dioxide gently escaping from a bottle of coke that didnt have it's top screwed on properly! 
Domestic life!

49 comments:

  1. Hilarious! That would make a brilliant sketch on TV. I think you need to write all these things down so you can sell as a script.

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    1. Good job the Two Ronnies are no longer with us

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  2. Ha-ha! Haunted by a bottle of Coke. How brave of you to face the danger while Chris cowered beneath your Star Wars duvet.

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  3. Haha!! Brilliant! Bats are very hard to catch when they're trapped inside. Well done on only using underwear, i needed a large sheet!!

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  4. You snort Coke in Bed? Disgraceful.

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  5. Batman and Robin right enough!Hope it was Diet Coke!!

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  6. You couldn't make this up!!

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  7. Such a brave man you are, John but as for that Professor . . . oh dear! I hope he feels suitably embarrassed.

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  8. 7a sunday morning funnies...only from YOU, john!

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  9. In our house, I think we would have both cowered under the covers and waited for the dogs to find it.

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    1. I tried that the other night and it didnt work

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  10. I bet that earned you some serious brownie points, when my other half removes a wasp he is treated like a god. Did you tell the prof it was a pop bottle? x

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    1. He didnt believe me

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    2. Even better! honesty and brownie points x

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  11. Did you keep your superman status by not letting on that it was a bottle of coke?

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  12. I was expecting a high ending. Coke in the Welsh household? I am appalled.

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  13. You keep Coke in the bedroom? How vulgar.

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  14. You gave my husband and i a good chuckle this morning... Hubby said it would make a good coke commercial..lol Hugs! deb

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  15. M&S are obviously missing a trick. They should advertise their underpants as "ideal bat and small mammal catchers".

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  16. Hissing cola. You could have been in great danger. Glad you both survived

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  17. John to the rescue. Who knows what could have happened if you hadn't saved the night. Flat pop possibly? Drastic. lol.

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  18. That's funny! Picturing Chris all covered and trembling ...

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  19. Just lovely. Thanks. I can't counter Game of Thrones yet, but I will.

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  20. Sweaty kecks over the head, a great way to subdue almost anything I would think! Love bats myself, but not so much in the bedroom.

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  21. Now John.....that was the most hearty laugh I have had all week. You have me in stiches.

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  22. Well at least the Prof is back and snug in bed - so what is a bat or two between friends?

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  23. We had a bat caught in a lampshade once so let the kids and young cousin staying have a look before setting it free.
    The noise I had everyone up trying to locate night after night swearing they couldn't hear anything turned out to be my noise only - bloody Tinnitus.

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  24. omg, that's too funny and reminded me of the ginger beer we made one year. We left it under a table and it exploded, you can imagine the mess.
    Poor bat, was it groggy when you let it golol
    Briony
    x

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  25. And the sanctity of no underpants was harmed in the making of this post.

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  26. Enter detective North, if the Prof didnt believe you that means you are the secret midnight diet coke drinker!! Better than semi concious nibbling of scotch eggs I suppose. Naive as I can be the other sort of coke never occurred to me.

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    1. I love diet coke and he was already asleep when i came to bed miss marple. We had eaten a stir fry so therefore after all of the soy i needed my fix in the bedroom yuk yuk

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  27. So is Batty gone or not? Just hiding?

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  28. Anonymous9:43 pm

    Gripping page turning writing, I was on the edge of my seat until ... punch line had me in stitches.

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  29. First good laugh I've had in days! My cheeks hurt from grinning so wide at the mental picture your words painted. I can almost hear the sounds of your diet Coke passing gas in the night. Great story!

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  30. I am with the Prof . . .
    can not stand things like that.
    I go into a FREAK!
    (Thankful it was just a fizzy bottle.)

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  31. Action Man, Superhero, Creative Solver of Monumental Problems!!

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  32. I just saved a tiny frog with a really loud voice from the hurricane :)
    It's been a busy night here in Florida ..

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  33. Oh that happened to us once, it was such an eerie sound!

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  34. I can almost hear the sounds of your diet Coke passing gas in the night. Great story!


    หนังผี

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  35. Ha! Well thank goodness you didn't need to traumatize another bat!

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  36. Well, this post put the morning tea through my nose!

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  37. Thanks for the laugh, John! xoxoxo

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