Thursday, 13 July 2017

Duelling Banjos



Not everyone in the village is a smiling, happy character right out of The Darling Buds of May. In fact some are just downright mean.
Last night was a case in point.
I was selling raffle tickets door to door when found myself at the door of a somewhat prickly woman I had tried to conscript into entering the flower section of last year's show soon after she had arrived in Trelawnyd from a village further along the coast..
I should have known better, for as soon as she had bought her raffle ticket, she launched into what only could be called a bad mouthing tirade against her neighbours.
I tried to change the subject by complimenting her hanging baskets and planters but this seemed to infuriate her even more and she spat out that she would never enter anything into the show as one neighbour "always won everything" 
I should have walked away, but as she went on an on about how awful people that I actually know, where, I became so irritated that I dropped a grenade into the mix by smiling sweetly and adding " Have you ever thought It could be you?" 
She hit the roof
" Derek! Billy!" She called behind her " This man has just insulted me!" 
It felt as though we were in some strange movie as slowly two large stern rough looking men lumbered to the door behind her and I suddenly realised that the woman wasn't playing cards with a full deck.
Suddenly I had visions of being thumped out of my second best Walking Dead T shirt, so rabbited on a bit about how friendly I HAD found the villagers until the elder man slowly got bored and ambled back inside.
It was the oddest of confrontations .

70 comments:

  1. I don't like to be mean, but I hope she doesn't win the raffle. Erm . . have you marked her gate with a cross as a warning to other would-be callers?
    I'm glad your 2nd best Walking Dead T-shirt wasn't bloodied.

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  2. I wish there was some way to make sure she did win, only the prize would a tube of Smarties - or a tiny punnet of raspberries, preferably going mouldy?

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    1. She will win nothing believe me NOTHING, !!!!

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  3. you live in a dangerous place!

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  4. I was at the self-checkout in Waitrose yesterday, being served by an 'older' woman who works there. She began ranting on about the previous customers who she took a dislike to - on and on until she confused me about what I was doing at the till. She ended up saying, "So I just told them to fuck off," which was so unlike Waitrose that I laughed out loud.

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    1. Puts me in mind of a time, long, long ago when I was about 20. As I was going into a corner shop (remember them) a couple of yelling and laughing kids barged their way out passed me. The young lady assistant, maybe a little older than mI was said "D'you know what they just called me?" I shook my head. "A C*NT!" she replied. I didn't have to try very hard to look shocked.

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    2. Both stories made me laugh...the waitrose lady, i kind of hero worshipped x

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  5. Every neighborhood has a resident crazy.

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  6. Derek and Billy clearly weighed you up and realised that you were such a hunk that you could probably take both of them out with one hand tied behind your back. To be a prize wrestler you will need a sequined leotard with your wrestling name sewn on the arse - "FIFTY SHADES"! You can take on allcomers at The Flower Show - including "BALLCRUSHER" aka Mrs Trellis. This should bring the crowds in.

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    1. They were piss board more like

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  7. Whatever the problem was, I am surprised you accused her of being the problem. That never invites future warm fuzzies.

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    1. She got on my tits

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    2. Oooh Linda, Miaow!

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  8. Good grief.... imagine being her neighbours. Well waffled.

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  9. Well, at least you sold her the raffle ticket FIRST!

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  10. Who won the prize for best turnips?

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    Replies
    1. Aug5th and i 'll tell you

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  11. Sometimes a smile and a good anonymous revenge is best.
    Especially when you are dealing with a possible nutter with those sons !!

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    1. You know those fliers and coupons that come inside all magazines and Sunday papers ? fill them all out with her name and address ... she will be buried in a deluge of unwanted mail, perhaps that will either shut her up or send her over the edge to the Funny Farm. And the two goons will sit in the loo and read all the mail.

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    2. Lol, i wouldnt cross you old gal!

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    3. This happened to someone in the office, Tons of useless mail.

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  12. EEK..Better not knock on her door again. And for God's sake don't go in for tea or anything. You may never come out again.

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    1. I almost went back today to give her money back

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  13. Those 'should haves' will get you every time.

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  14. I had a neighbour like that. Summer was an absolute misery. She was always out. We ended up moving,life is just to short. Love my current neighbours.

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    1. We had one also. She suddenly told us, that we were putting a fence on her property. We were enclosing a patio .. I had to get the man from town who measures these things ... we were totally within our rights, she was totally wrong. She and her husband hated us after that.
      We sold the house to people with children and dogs. ha ha.

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    2. That made me laugh!

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  15. I think I may prefer the neighbor that I moved away from. She would come out in her sheer teddies, strategically stuffed double G's burgeoning out of their constrainments, and sit on the wall while my husband mowed the law. I'll take loose over loose marbles any day.

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    Replies
    1. Oh dear god! I couldnt cope with double Gs

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  16. I am surprised that she bought a raffle ticket!

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    Replies
    1. Yes, ive had a few refusals

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  17. Oh my....I wouldn't advise going back to that door again.

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  18. Not related to your blog today but interesting none the less.
    Yesterday you mentioned Dyserth and it brought back some very happy memories for me.
    Many years ago (in the mid 70's) a dear Aunt and Uncle of mine ran a village shop in Llanasa. When we used to visit them my Uncle would take me into Dyserth each morning to buy bread from the local bakery to sell in their shop. Both were lovely villages.
    My Aunt used to sew cassocks for their local Llanasa church. My Uncle built an amazing stone fireplace from old gravestones that he found piled up at the back of the graveyard. Not very reverent but recycling before recycling became popular.
    Love your blog. I now live in Western Australia but still love your Pommy sense of humour.

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    1. We had a horse in llanasa in the 1970s and i remember the village shop and post office!

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  19. Love that you have a second best Walking Dead T shirt.

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    1. My best is seldom worn!

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  20. You are one brave man John.... selling raffle tickets is not for the faint of heart apparently... lol hugs! deb

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  21. That was a close one! Maybe she's not all that bad as she did buy a raffle ticket and not slam the door in your face as she could have done! Glad you lived to tell the tale! :)

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  22. You meet all kinds selling raffle tickets door to door!

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  23. You should bring your dogs along all wearing"buy a ticket" Tee shirts! At least the bouncers would think twice before attacking you!?

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    1. An obese bulldog, a half blind welsh terrier and an old scottie....? They wouldnt scare anyone!

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    2. Warn people that the dog will fart on them if they get too close.

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  24. I feel sorry for Derek and Billy. Stuck in the house, having to listen to her spewing out venom 24/7.

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    1. P.S. I'm fairly new here and so maybe I missed it, but may we see photos of your first and second best walking dead tee?

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    2. I'll dig them out....my best has carol on it, my second best daryl

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  25. Some people are just determined to hate everyone else. Presumably because it makes them feel superior. The hatred must eat away at them like acid.

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    1. I think this is a common theme in this case...for many years i understand

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  26. Replies
    1. She's probably telling Derek the same thing

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  27. "I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
    Please dont be abusive x"

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    1. Im late to settle tonight

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  28. Someone I'm very close to has a next door neighbour who makes terrible accusations due to dementia. It's so sad.
    I thought you were pretty familiar with everyone in your village ?

    I now get a smile out of the crankiest customer where I work. I wore her down with smiles & kindness !

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    1. I do " know" her ....i know her sister better....the one she fell out with

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    2. "Kill them with Kindness" :)
      My husband used to ask me how I always ended up talking to everyone .. when they were silent with him.
      I will talk to anyone man woman or cat / dog .. babies .. I am easy.
      And I guess there is something about me that makes people feel ok to talk to me, I lack that zombie look or something .

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  29. How strange! I'm glad it didn't end with you getting pummeled. Someone has some screws loose.

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    1. I havent been punched since 1997

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    2. That is good. Let's keep it that way.

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    3. Sounds like an interesting story John, do tell!

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  30. Good recovery on that dropped ball, John! And I too love that you have a "second-best Walking Dead T-shirt"...how many do you have altogether?

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    1. LOL

      Please don't tell me you're serious :)

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  31. Selling raffle tickets door to door - Here in SF that in itself is quite a tale.

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  32. What a wonderful gift! Anne Marie, you are a generous soul.
    ลา ลีกา สเปน

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