Monday, 10 April 2017

I Need A PA !


The Prof has his own PA.
She is an affable, and exasperated sort who is always hidden away behind a desk covered with paper,
I sort of know her feelings this morning as today I have spent several hours catching up with paperwork and phonecalls and phonecalls and paperwork.
Half an hour of my life that I will never get back was on the phone to an ever perky " Matty" at my pet insurers, after an unexplained delay in Winnie's operation payment.
" How is she now?" He asked in a desperate attempt to court favour after my third thinly lipped complaint of the amounts quoted
"Sexually very promiscuous" I replied shortly
"Oh!" Was all he managed to reply, albeit weakly.
Another thirty five minutes was spent on the phone to a dopey so-and- so at the pension department ( more paperwork outstanding) ten minutes booking dog haircuts, five minutes to the vets, and fifteen soul destroying minutes hanging onto the phone in the fruitless hope of speaking to a sales rep at Sky ! ( I had to give up due to an overdue bowel movement!)
10 minutes booking a badminton court at a local leisure centre ( I didn't understand the card system) 10 minutes on Samaritan business and two minutes ringing Animal helper Pat about the flower Show Meeting and finally after another 20 minutes of on line banking, I spent a joyless time answering a short on line questionnaire about the BBC, a product of a recent complaint about the odious Jeremy Vine, I emailed the radio 2 website last week ( fucking hell get a life John!)

Oh, and It took me a further quarter of an hour writing this shite! 

67 comments:

  1. Oh my! I feel your pain! So funny though.

    ReplyDelete
  2. John - I am retired (very) and should therefore have a trouble-free life but many days read like yours. I have spent many hours on the telephone or e mail over the last few weeks doing various business to do with David's death - I find it so demoralising and so very wearing. The only plus is that when I have done it all I get a faint sense of elation for a few minutes - until the next batch comes along, I think you need to earn yourself the odd scotch egg to soothe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pat,
      The phone calling after a death is exhausting , I remember it very well xx

      Delete
    2. John is also retired

      Delete
    3. Not yet sweetie

      Delete
    4. I kid you not

      Delete
  3. I had to give up due to an overdue bowel movement! takes the cake. On to more enjoyable activities now that your phone shift is over I hope.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'phone shift'
      I misread this at first!

      Delete
  4. Do you want to swap? I am very good in the PA department but not so good in the housekeeper department, you could housekeep for me and I could PA for you! Shame we are so far apart!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ah amy, ya beat me to it. I was going to suggest the same thing.

      Delete
  5. But you write your shite so well!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why thank you miss Betts
      ( my English teacher was called miss betts)

      Delete
  6. Yeah, well try shopping in Tesco at lunchtime, in the school holidays, in a very Jewish area shopping for Passover. I need TLC.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I have my own PA, his name is Paul and he does everything. I just make the gravy.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Kay Miniver at the weekend; Victor Meldrew today. Who will you be tomorrow: Mary Poppins? Norman Bates? (And what's Jeremy Vine done?!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm going to be Talullah Bankhead

      Delete
    2. So you'll be bathing in champagne, snorting cocaine, and having rumpy pumpy with half the village?

      Delete
    3. Talullah, we all love reading your shite. I am very impressed you can remember exactly what you did during your day, my days blur at times!!

      Delete
    4. Peel me a grape!

      Delete
  9. Bit of a shite day all in all then John?

    ReplyDelete
  10. omg please tell me you were complaining about him baiting a woman on the radio about the terrorist attack in London? I heard him when driving in the car. Everything she said or the man that they had on to verbally fight this lady, he twisted and sensationalised. He could make the comment, "would you like a cup of tea?" in to twisted hatefulness. I know it is journalism now, but I much prefer Vanessa Fletz and her word of the day. I think it is about 5.55am most days and then on the Friday, people read out their poem. More sedate, more kind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No! Lol
      Of all things it was about the death of pets! One woman rang in upset at the death of her pig! She had placed its body in her freezer......Jeremy piped up " was it in a standing position? And was it covered in sausages?"

      Delete
    2. I think he is a bit of a pig himself.

      Delete
    3. Was that the same woman who had placed all of her dead pets in her freezer for when her time came and then they would all be buried together?

      Delete
    4. No wasnt she the one with the 100 dead canaries?

      Delete
  11. Id like to know why you dont like Jeremy Vine please ?

    ReplyDelete
  12. All those minutes we can't get back ...Part of being a homemaker ...

    ReplyDelete
  13. All those minutes you can't get back. Try this: draw a horizontal line. This is the length of your life, say 80 years which is about life expectancy in the U.K. Your 55ish so scribble off about three quarters of the line as that is your life used up so far and you can't get back. Next, of the remainder of the line mark it off into three equal parts. Scribble of the first third as this is roughly time sleeping (8 hours per day). Then scribble off the next third as this is time working (another 8 hours per day). The last bit of the line (representing the remaining 8 hours per day) - that's all you've got left.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG! I need to quit sleeping I'm 70 tomorrow!!

      Delete
    2. Thats cheered me up philip

      Delete
  14. I am good at waiting for everything EXCEPT when I am on hold on the telephone. You'd think a person could relax and read or make lists or write a book or have a nap, but I feel I need to keep the subject of the call foremost in my mind so I wait anxiously the whole time, trying to focus ... it's nerve-wracking! All that to say - I sympathize.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I watch youtube videos when i am waiting

      Delete
  15. I think the Prof may describe me in slightly more colourful language John ;o)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As i him Nyree
      He ate my half of a home cooked curry when I was at fat club tonight.
      I could quite easily divorce him tonight

      Delete
  16. I WAS a PA.I did all that. Booking appointments, picking up the children for their visit while their mama was lounging around somewhere, or actually booking her flights back to the UK to visit or work ... I got to be a chauffeur to out of town guests who were not allowed to drive in the state of California .. Booking posh hotels in beautiful places and waiting for my measly pay check each week , which I tried to save, so I could get the hell outtathere.
    Finally ... I did ... get outtathere .. yay !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was PA to Malcolm Bradbury for a while. His wife came in yelling at me that he had missed a dental appointment and it was all my fault. I said that was her department, not mine. She stormed about the office while Malcolm hid up behind the desk until she had gone. I carried on filing my nails just to annoy her. Eventually she left and I poured the sherry.

      Delete
    2. A cracking story old gal

      Delete
  17. Jeremy Vine has me screaming at the TV on Eggheads! I would prefer not to watch at all but the husband likes it!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Such is life John...thank goodness for the hands free mode on the phone. One can go about some of the everyday jobs while waiting and waiting and waiting.....

    ReplyDelete
  19. Having a cordless phone does help especially when my mum gets into a long dialogue as I walk around doing jobs but the boring calls turn me into a Zombie.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Good to hear you are staying busy.

    ReplyDelete
  21. You already have your own PA. It's called "Going Gently".

    (PA = public address system)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Have you seen 'The Secretary' with James Spader and Maggie Gylenghall(sp?)? It's hilarious but might put your good self off getting a PA!

    ReplyDelete
  23. I need a bit more than a PA this week. I need STAFF. We're moving house after 15 yrs. in one place... all of us pack rats. Already two paid dump hauls, a moving sale and multiple car loads to a charity drop off. We're "downsizing" fairly seriously. And I'm an old, worn out piece of ham two days before the movers arrive.

    But this, too, shall pass. Like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yokok there's always someone else worse off

      Delete
    2. Well, not really. My husband didn't eat my portion of curry. *That* was worse by far.

      Delete
  24. John, this is my day today plus add online tax payments sites for three humongous forth quarter tax payment ! ! !
    Just kill me now ! ! !

    cheers, parsnip and thehamish

    ReplyDelete
  25. I have a mental image of you whizzing from chore to chore like a whirling dervish.

    I wouldn't waste any time on Jeremy Vine if I were you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I dont he's a knob

      Delete
    2. Must look up who Jeremy Vine is now !

      Delete
  26. We love you John xx

    ReplyDelete
  27. A 'traditional wife' did all of the jobs you mentioned. And more.
    Somedays I would really, really like a wife.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I have no idea what PA stands for. In this country (U.S. Of A.) it means Physician's Assistant, and they earn a lot of money. What is a PA in the U.K.?

    ReplyDelete
  29. I made progress on the phone today. The waiting to actually speak to a live person gets me giddy when they say 💭 hello, or so and so. I had a beloved cat named Snowy. He got ran over and the taxidermist had 3 to do before snowy. I put him in the freezer in the garage for a few months which added up to a year and they a college friend just took care of it. I couldn't even open that freezer. Snowy didn't get stuffed.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I am rarely on the phone lately and I hate it when I have to make a bunch of calls. I wouldn't mind having an entire staff! Eliza, fetch my slippers!

    ReplyDelete
  31. I'm pmsl at sexually promiscuos Winnie :) and what's Jeremy done to upset you? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  32. I'm pmsl at sexually promiscuos Winnie :) and what's Jeremy done to upset you? ;)

    ReplyDelete

I love comments and will now try very hard to reply to all of them
Please dont be abusive x