Tuesday, 4 April 2017

Fat Club!


There were more people queueing up for fat club than I expected yesterday morning.
As usual there was posters advertising just how effective the programme adorning the hall and on a table there was boxes and packets of diet cookies, cakes and anaemic looking pasta all ready to be bought.
I know the routine, I've been there before.
Most of the " clients" were women and most disappeared off to the toilets before joining the weigh in line in order to squeeze that last tiny bit of urine out of themselves before they jumped upon the scales. There was only one bloke in line and like me , he was the newbee.
He flashed me a sympathetic look.
The woman behind me had a handful of dogeared paperwork and told me that she had been coming to the meetings " for years" 
" They are my social life" she admitted " they gets me out of the house"
I asked her how well she was doing with her weight loss and she laughed
" I haven't lost anything since Christmas"  she confided "But I am on diuretics now so things may start moving" 
I nodded
" How long have you been big?" She asked me after a pause
I thought I'd be honest
" I was born big" I told her.

80 comments:

  1. I also was born big. But have added to it. Substantially.

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  2. The first walk through the door and step on the scale is the hardest! Going every week seems to help a lot of people.

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  3. Losing weight seems to be easier to take when you have others struggling along with you,(I used to attend weight watchers meetings) but in the end, it is every individual who has to make daily choices. I hope you had a successful "Fat Club" yesterday! -Jenn

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  4. Oh, that, "How long have you been big?" was cringe worthy. Ouch!

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  5. Myself being a NOT big person it's very hard (and rarely forgiven) to comment on a BIG person. I wonder how big you really are. In my experience people vastly overestimate their girth. I'd say once you can't see your feet any more you may start to worry, unless you are eight months pregnant, in which case the elephantine look does become you.

    What I am going to say now is not to demoralize you, John, it's just stating a fact: The older you get the more your metabolism will slow down, the less likely you will lose weight without Herculean effort (try felling trees in Canada). It's an unfortunate fact for those who don't have my mother's side of the family's genes. Thus, I find it quite hard when my father clasps me, in embrace, to his vast stomach. I CAN'T STAND IT. Doesn't make him a lesser man, a lesser anything.

    Good luck anyway. First you gave me: What fresh hell is this? Now I'll paraphrase the old saying of "Hold your horses" by replacing the equestrian with "Scotch eggs".

    U

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  6. When I commented about my weight, my favorite doctor said, "are you healthy, can you do what you want to do? Let's focus on staying active and ignore the numbers."

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    Replies
    1. Yay! That doc is a keeper!

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  7. You were "born big"? What a boastful fellow you are.

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  8. No criticism, but 'fat clubs' do seem just a temporary, yo-yo 'solution'.

    A chubbyish kid, two things ultimately 'saved' me: never learning to drive (walking miles), and becoming vegan (less fats).

    Easy to say, but some kind of 'lifestyle' change probably offers a better fix. Good luck.

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    1. Anonymous1:13 pm

      Rebel, do not pander to this 'self effacing' whimsy. He is BIG because he eats too much as most Western men in middle age do. Going Gently is a story- nothing more.
      It has nothing to do with real life, and as far as I can see it never has.
      I was shot down in flames for standing up to the bile of tree hugging commentators before, but I strand by my previous comments of old.
      You are all being suckered in by this man's false modesty

      Be real people.

      PETRA

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    2. And your point is ...?

      What's wrong with being told a "story"? Sure, for all we know, John is a figment of his own imagination, a Mormon with ten wives, somewhere in the middle of nowhere, feeding us morsels of a non existing Winnie's many problems, not least poo, and a much welcomed feel good factor courtesy of Wales.

      What's in it for you, Petra?

      Real,
      U

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    3. Anonymous2:28 pm

      Another bleeding heart ass licker

      PETRA

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    4. I realize how true the saying "I am in two minds" is.

      In one mind I should ignore you. That would be reasonable and advisable. Unfortunately, my other mind is of a combative nature and therefore wins - every time.

      You tell me that I am "another bleeding heart ass licker". Considering that I am neither a dog, a cat or have licked anyone's ass in my considerably long life, let me ask you a question: What are you? A shit stirrer? The more shit the better? What temperature does it simmer at to maximum effect? Do you add a chili or several to make your motion a little bit so much more painful to pass?

      Don't worry. Once you have eaten I'll make you a cup of camomile tea and your world will pan out Zen. Just let it cool before you take your first slurp.

      U

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    5. Anonymous3:00 pm

      Did anyone understand any of those words?
      I, for sure, didn't.

      PETRA

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    6. Oh i see you are back on that old chestnut of a complaint....no new material Petra?

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    7. You didn't [understand any of those words]? Really? I had you down for a lot of things but not lack of comprehension.

      Why now appeal to those of John's readers who you insult and are wise enough to not give you the time of day? You don't know how lucky you are that you have me - spoiling NOT for a fight as spoiling yours.

      U

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    8. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    9. OMG! This is like the battle of Internet Giants. Results so far:

      Ursula: 1
      Petra/Anonymous: zippety-zilch

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    10. 'Mise en abyme' Ursula and her alter ego Petra.

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    11. Rachel, I think we have long established, and it's well documented, that you can't abide me. At first I was a little surprised how unyielding, how unforgiving you are. No more. For that I have gotten to "know" you too well.

      You know what the difference between you and me is? If you were drowning I'd try to save you. If I were drowning you'd make a fine show of trying to save me and let me drown anyway.

      I rarely take offence. yet to call me someone's "alter ego" (someone whose identity you and I don't know - or do you?) transgresses.

      Let's just leave it, Rachel. I am sure there are many merits to your person. I trust John on this since he keeps contact with you and is protective of you. So please do not show yourself up for something/someone you may not be.

      Do try and soften, Rachel. Hard feelings are so unbecoming.

      U

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    12. Iris, you do realize, don't you, that your endorsement has potential. Not least for the opponent (Petra), having been put into a corner, to erupt like a ripe pimple. Pus everywhere, so very pleasingly on the mirror. Not, of course, that people will let pimples ripen. For that, on the whole, we are all not only too impatient but vain. We tend to "force" issues. Yet, gently does it.

      Will now go and apply Witch Hazel, the antidote to many a pimple and other nuisances.

      Thanks for the band aid, Iris.

      U

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    13. Nice little scenario, defend John, tell Petra how horrible she is and get some brownie points in the bag. Good continuity in use of capital letters. Nice one Ursula.

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  9. The fat club is making loads of money off folks John.....maybe it doesn't work as well as they advertise? Maybe they don't want it too?

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    1. Hear hear! Billion dollar industry that manages to blame the client when it fails them over and over. Eat the fattening favorites in moderation, do exercise that your mind and body enjoy, and however you end up is how you were supposed to be (medications and weight-affecting illnesses excepted but taken into account before bashing self.) Ever seen that diet-parody cartoon of all the Poodles trying to make the St. Bernards etc be Poodles? We aren't all born to look the same. You're no poodle, John!

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  10. My son weighed almost 9 lbs at birth. He is 6 ft tall now and weighs about 140- on a fat day ... it makes no sense.
    You can do it John. I know someone who tried every trick, every diet and then one day, on her own she , from all those diets , decided not to eat another carb for months ... "nothing white" .. so there went bread, rice, pasta and sugar etc.
    She ate fresh vegetables and fruit and the weight came off .. she lost it all and is very healthy.
    I wish you the same luck ..

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  11. I hope you have tremendous (groan) success. The dog-eared woman doesn't sound like the best promoter. I was born skinny and remained that way (and not happily skinny) much of my life. My mother described me as a long noodle.

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  12. Anonymous1:27 pm

    I find it strange that I have not yet been attacked by the FAGHAG
    AnneMarie.

    PETRA

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    Replies
    1. Becareful, in a bitchfight my money is always on anne marie

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  13. Iמ a few months, when you retire,you'll be able to dedicate yourself to loosing weight. Yes, it requires dedication, time, patience, strategy, good sleep. You'll also need the cooperation of your partner.
    Weightloss is no light matter, but it's possible and it's individual.You have to find out your own way. Your medical background can be of great help in dealing with the issue. Good Luck!

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  14. I think if I were to join 'fat club' I would make sure I put a one pound weight on each pocket for my first weigh in, that way I would lose at least two pounds in my first week when I left them at home for the second weigh in ... or do they check you over with a metal detector to catch cheats like me out ;-)

    I see your 'friend' Petra is back ... obviously short of attention in her 'real world'.

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  15. Anonymous1:42 pm

    And so it starts! As far as I can tell Sue, your lifestyle magazine of a blog is as banal as this one

    PETRA

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    1. Not nice potty mouth

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    2. Well you have obviously read it on lots of occasions Petra, there must be something that makes you read. It's quite apt that you are named after a dog on Blue Peter ... she was a bitch too!!

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  16. Whoa. You sure have gotten some interesting comments on this one.

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  17. Always remember that 'Fat Clubs' are designed with built-in failure as part of their commercial plan. If everybody who attended achieved their goals and stuck to them there wouldn't be a business model. They actually thrive on people who go, lost a few pounds - in weight and cash - and then start over again six months later.

    Like the lady said, for most of the people who attend - and I do think that's mainly women - it just becomes another social club and unlike sitting in the pub you can fool yourself that you're doing you're body some good, when actually yo-yo dieting is very bad.

    The secret to losing weight surely has to be proper exercise and eating better food and less of it.

    And by the way - I've known you a good many years now and I've never felt the need to describe you as fat (apart from that hilarious moment in the TV documentary when a rather large arse filled the screen - oh how we laughed).

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    1. Anonymous2:30 pm

      More advice from the gays!

      P

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    2. Anonymous (such an evocative name), why don't your come out of YOUR closet (prison by another name)?

      U

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    3. Anonymous3:02 pm

      Ah. Another faghag

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    4. Whats wrong with faghags?

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    5. Ps bel ami is one of the straights that visit petra!
      I appeal to everyone you see xxx

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    6. Faghags == sad lonely women

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    7. I remember my husband's old friend, out to dinner with us one night, a large homely woman walked past our table, with a companion, seeing our friend, she said in a loud nasal whine, Look So&So, look at the Fairy !
      And my husbands friend turned and said to her in his operatic voice ( the one you could hear miles away)
      "Madame, IF I was a Fairy, I would pull out my wand and fix your nose."
      Applause was heard , she scurried away ..
      Faghags _ women with imagination, open minds and open hearts.

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    8. Well said , i agree totally! But also wanted to add " good taste!"

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  18. John, the struggle is real! Many of us know exactly what you are talking about. Carry on, friend, and do what makes you feel good -- whether that is losing a few pounds or eating a scotch egg. Just stay healthy.

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  19. At least you don't get asked if you are pregnant.

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    1. LOL, really, you made me Laugh Out Loud !

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  20. I leave the place for an hour or so and tge kids run riot!
    I am tempted to leave the comment settings alone, especially as Petra calling Ursula an ass licker did make me laugh out loud but i have re ammended it .
    Petra ( sorry PETRA) please feel free to comment but under your own blog name etc....hey ho

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    1. Being fairly innocent in the blogging world, what the hell was that anyways? An arch enemy?

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    2. Linda, I am not an ememy but a person who says what they think. John is a self publicist and a storyteller.
      He hides behind quips and false modesty and craves attention from weak silly women.
      Blogger is filled with such crap

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    3. Linda, they are called Trolls. Nasty little things that hide and pop out now and then to be unpleasant.

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  21. I was also born big. Apparently I looked like Winston Churchill in my pram. As I got older the fat dropped off me. But I gained a bit when I moved in with Jenny and she started feeding me enormous evening meals.

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  22. Follow john like the sheep you are. The Internet breeds sycophants
    Sad lonely faghags all of you

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    Replies
    1. Miserable bitch. Get a life and cut this nasty shit out.
      Xoxo
      Barbara

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  23. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  24. Honesty sets you free

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    1. You poor thing, you really should seek help or at least take your meds on a regular basis.

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  25. Petra, blogger has been contacted. Anyfurther comments will be deleted quietly like they were done before.
    I hope you eventually find what you are looking for

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  26. John you're not fat - just big boned!!! :)

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  27. Oh dear, it is sad that an evening at Fat Club can be considered as social life. Just goes to show how people can be brainwashed !

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  28. Maybe PETRA is an acronym: Pitifully Excreable Troglodytic Ranting Asswipe.

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    1. I think im the object of her many frustrations!

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  29. Wow, this one's a can of jealous worms. Anyway, my money's always going to be at the gym: the more calories you burn, the more you can eat.

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  30. Such excitement! Petra is SO Hollywood! Here we all are, harmlessly enjoying dog stories and comedy vegetables (not enough of these just lately for my liking John) and out .of nowhere, we get a bunny boiler! Is it any wonder I live my life vicariously through bloggers. The most exciting thing to happen to ME today was I forgot to put the bins out.

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    1. Tomorrow I'll do a dog story just for you wanda x

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    2. Can I be your faghag John? x

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    3. I thought you already were wanda

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  31. I was nick named The Michelin Man when I was a baby due to my rolls of fat. I was so slim as a girl / teen & twenty year old & Ok into my thirties. Now in my fifties the rolls are coming back. Bummer. No way am I a " weak silly woman " though x

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  32. Oh my gosh, I needed a good laugh today. Being in a fat myself, humor goes along way. And...I just don't give a damn what other people think anymore. When I was a size 10, I say myself fat. I do want to be able to hike the woods and do things with the grandson's. My own personal mantra started in January but June is nearby. I need to get off my fat arse☺️

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  33. Admit it - you love this stuff eh?

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  34. Well THAT was a journey through to Wonderland - starts ff about one thing and went WOOOHOO allover the place. John you are amazing to see what is going on for what it is. I too was wondering what is missing in someone's make up that they feel the need to do this stuff.
    John have you ever seen Nearly a happy Ending, which was a TV play with music written by Victoria Wood? She plays Maureen, who has lost her three stone at Fat Club and wants to go out and celebrate, with her best mate played by Julie Walters, natch. It's delightful. When they pop into the FC meeting en route to their night out, the assembled do a song and dance routine called Don't get Cocky Babe, You're gonna be back next month!

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  35. I have never understood how the fat club works. How do people lose weight on it and, if they can do it by joining the club, why can't they do it on their own? (I have just eaten three (or more) marshmallow filled eggs. Thought I'd 'keep it real'.)

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    Replies
    1. The first rule of The Fat Club: You do NOT talk about The Fat Club.

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  36. Cheeky bitch! Lol 😂

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  38. We woman also take off our shoes before getting weighed, and wear light clothing and try to keep our heels off the scale.

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  39. Have never been to a fat club, though not for lack of the basic requirement, if you get my drift. I did read something a while ago that made me laugh in recognition:
    "I wanted to lose 10 lbs - I've only got 15 to go."

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  40. Well that was an entertaining read !!!! Had to google 'faghag' as I had no idea what one was. I do hope you continue blogging when you move to pastures new John as I love reading your blog each day. I also go to fat club SW in Prestatyn and people can criticise as much as they like but Slimming World simply teach you how to balance your diet with out counting calories which makes food choices so much easier. How's Winnie now after her op ?

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