Friday, 21 April 2017

Faghags and fagmates


I was going to do a post on homophobia this morning, given that the unfortunate Petra has been posting again, but there was a baby rabbit under the bookcase,so I didn't quite have time.
William being rather dim thought it was still somewhere in the kitchen and led the charge with the other terriers in a bid to kill it. Winnie however , knew better and led me right to the baby in the living room with her worried brown eyes and serious expression.
Mothering instinct , even in a dog so old, is a strong urge to quell, me thinks.
Albert just yawned, and even when the baby started to scream ( just as I wrapped a hand around it) he  ignored the subsequent canine hysteria with measured alacrity.
He's seen it all before.

I'v never quite understood homophobia. Oh I get the somewhat hackneyed religious arguments and the 1970ish "nancy boy" disappointment of parents who wanted grandchildren and family stability but given the 'fluid" nature of how things are nowadays it just seems to be rather unfashionable  to be still prejudiced about such matters.
Petra's vitriol seems to be centred about my gay friendly following. The 'Faghags' as she likes to call them. I find this interesting as, in my view, calling someone a faghag is a compliment not a curse.
Women that tend to enjoy the company of gay men, to me are enlightened. They are accepting, bright, inclusive and generally are incredibly humorous.
Who wouldn't like to be surrounded by such creatures?
( I read recently that the new " term " for faghag is Gabe" ( gay+ babe) 
Now Going Gently has a few straight guy followers toon, I wonder if Petra realises that? What do We call them? Fagmates? 
It's just a thought.
A few years ago, in Sheffield, I met a woman at a work's night out who gushed on incessantly about
just how fun us gays were! She banged on so much that she missed my smiling comment of  oh we make lovely pets!" for what it was . It's hard to walk the right line here before stereotyping gets in the way....lol just like I did with the faghag comment a little earlier.

The upshot of this navel gazing?
Who fucking knows?
We like who we like.
I like people that make me laugh,that stimulate and challenge me and who are warm and generous. If they like dogs and zombie tv shows that's a bonus in my book.




114 comments:

  1. Talking as a straight male, I don't really differentiate between straight and gay. Having spent so much time living in Brighton, I't be bizarre if I was anything but accepting of all comers.

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  2. I am a straight woman and love you John because you are kind and caring and humorous and it is as simple as that to me. Also a love of dogs, chickens (particularly my nine sweet bantams) and The Walking Dead. This is a fun blog to read along with all the comments apart from the occasional trol. You only have to look at the shear amount of comments to see how popular your blog is. I always read, don't comment often, but compelled today. I loved the Kodak film too but have just read both posts together so ended up here.

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  3. My husband was a very worldly guy, lived all over the world, met all kinds of interesting people and was pals with the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi .. He was interested in everything and everyone. He was also a hair colorist for some years and had a large group of the most fabulous gay friends .. my sons godmothers.
    I was lucky, I never had parents who were prejudiced against anyone, at least not in front of their children. I met and became very good friends with various types of people when I lived in San Francisco, that young Southern girl with no pre-set hates or prejudices .. I met people, not gay people not straight people. I met people who were kind or not, funny or not etc ..
    Then I met my husband. A straight man who had quite a lot of gay friends. Some full-blown drag queens. These were my sons god "mothers" ... these large and flamboyant and gentle and kind men who gave and gave , love and laughter and kindness ..
    I don't know if I was ever a faghag, but I do know that if you are gay, that is just another thing I am going to like about you.

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    Replies
    1. You'll make a lovely fag hag

      Delete
  4. Your last paragraph, John, does sum it up. A person is a person. Why this fixation on someone's sexuality?

    Who knows what lies at the heart and/or bottom of P's irrational bursts of contempt? If we knew more about her/his inner workings we may feel compelled to have some empathy. Maybe that's what he/she/they crave.

    Unlike you I don't think the term "faghag" appropriate. Where does the "fag" come from? Faggot? I had some recently. And delicious it was. "Hag" - well, a hag is defined as either "an ugly old woman" or "a witch". Hardly a compliment. Never mind. All I need to grow now is a prominent mole complete with sprouting hair.

    As to the other definition that heterosexual women "deliberately" seek out gay men ... that may be so, but not exclusively. I didn't latch onto you because you are homosexual. I latched onto you for, drum roll, many of your qualities - not least your ability to deal with shit (both literally and metaphorically).

    Anyway ... as the Chuckle Brothers would say: From me to you, from you to me,

    U

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like the way many gay men and women reclaim the aforementioned words for themselves...gay, queer, fag....
      We use them and reclaim them rendering their ability to hurt and shame to nothing

      Delete
  5. What happened to the baby bunny?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Released onto the field!

      Delete
    2. oh good, I was worried. PS I read your blog daily because you're interesting, funny, and kind; and the life you live in your little Brigadoon village is so different from my world. I enjoy your somewhat snotty? rambunctious? attitude towards life. Your gayness is part of what makes you, you, but it's not what defines you. Stupid Petra gets too much attention, John, more than many of the folks who love you. She doesn t deserve a minute of your time.

      Delete
    3. Liz, Thank You I couldn't have said it better !

      cheers, parsnip

      Delete
  6. I've always wandered why everything must be labeled and I not referring to the milk carton. If you are gay you wear a label, straight labelled, if your a straight women friends with a gay man labelled, gay/bi and still in the closet labelled. Why? Does it really matter at the end of the day. Nothing should be more important, nothing should be looked at beyond the goodness, the love shared to others and to yourself in return. I am what I am, when I look into the mirror I do not see perfection, I do not see someone with all the answers and when I look at the people around me or the complete stranger on the bus beside me I see no label. Gosh, John, it seems like this comment ls going on forever so I will close with this. I am thankful for coming across your blog, I look forward to the past, I look forward in reading the comments by the people who visit and am honored in being surrounded with all of life's diversity shared here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes boxes help define what we dont want to be too!

      Delete
    2. Well said Stephen. We are who we are - man or woman. The difference between people is their integrity and kindness to all creatures.
      Name calling and being vitriolic only achieves identifying the type of person who does the deed so we all know what they are like and how toxic they are and avoid them by all means.

      Delete
  7. I would say much the same as Carol, apart from the walking dead bit!!

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  8. I had a boyfriend in high school whose brother was gay.
    Guess who I'm still friends with all these many years later?
    I have so many gay and transgendered and gender fluid people in my life and am the richer because of it. Why would someone like Petra deny herself part of the vast palette of human glory? She is sad.

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  9. Or we could just follow you 'cos we think you're a nice guy and we like the way you write....:-)

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  10. I think the upshot is that generalizing about groups of people is always hazardous! Fag hags are not a monolithic group any more than gay men are. You know?

    I'm not familiar with this Petra person.

    That poor rabbit. How terrifying to be a bunny trapped in your house with all those dogs and a cat!

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    Replies
    1. OK, I checked out Petra's comments on your last post. 'Nuff said.

      Delete
    2. This time of year albert will be bringing in a load of bunnies regulary!

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    3. Our three legged black cat celebrated Easter Sunday with an Easter Bunny, no one told him they were supposed to be chocolate. It was dispatched and mostly consumed before we knew about it (he did share the back end with one of the other cats). Today, the little bugger caught another one and was showing off on the front lawn, to the other three cats. Luckily my partner saw it. Happy ending for this bunny as I was able to rescue it and, after a quick walk up the lane, she/he hopped off to live another day.

      Delete
    4. Perhaps Albert just wants a pet to call his own?

      Delete
  11. Your dogs are wonderfully mad, sweet and lovely and as a fellow WT owner I appreciate the humour that comes with it (need to read it sometimes). Women who read your blog are faghags? Petra's weird obsession with sexuality is my humble opinion.

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  12. Homophobia is just another mindset, on a huge spectrum of fearing 'the other'. All humans seem predisposed to hate and violence. Only by self reflection, empathy, and avoiding 'group think', can we hope to counteract our basest instincts. (Winnie seems to manage it!)

    Probably not your cup of musical tea, John, but Chumbawamba had a great '90s song called Homophobia

    Petra seems to respond to my posts! I wonder why?!

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    Replies
    1. I suspect he's a subconcious gay!

      Delete
  13. I enjoy the company of decent human beings. Who they​ tend to fall in love with is whatever it is.

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  14. why is it so hard to understand that human sexuality is fluid, not either/or. a person's sexuality is not the defining characteristic of their life. it's how you express yourself and how you treat people. and Petra and people like her fall far short in that regard. she may be straight as an arrow but it hasn't made her a good person if she demeans others for who they love and those who accept someone regardless of who they love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What i do in the bedroom is the least interesting thing about me !

      Delete
  15. I've just read Petra remarks. What a hateful person. I'm no faghag. What a terrible term. I like who I like. period. She/he? must truly be a miserable person. If she truly feels that way, why does she continue to come to the blog. I visit because its hilarious, touching, and real. Can't you just completely block her? She or he is just plain mean.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blogger has easy ways to block ugly people .

      Delete
    2. Not so easy it would seem

      Delete
    3. I have a couple blocked. Of course, I forgot how I did it but if I remember I will let you know lol
      If I remember to let you know :D

      Delete
    4. you can't block Petra, who would we bitch about, then?

      Delete
  16. Not sure I would like being associated with cigarettes!

    Dave Smith

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  17. I read your blog daily John, because it's a great read - always something interesting/funny/thought provoking/profound or heart warming to say. I like you because you're a good bloke.

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  18. Not sure I would like to be associated with cigarettes though!

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  19. "I like people that make me laugh, that stimulate and challenge me, that are warm and generous, that are enlightened, that are accepting, bright, inclusive and generally are incredibly humorous."

    THIS IS IT! THIS is why I choose my friends carefully.

    as for putrid petra, it can fuck right off and die!

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    Replies
    1. Anne Marie why do your comments always cause me to burst into laughter? Agreed.

      Delete
    2. because we are fellow pennsylvanians? because philly chicks are tough as nails? because I'm funny (looking)?

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    3. No, Anne Marie, it is because you are so much more honest ... not to mention being so ladylike lol

      Delete
    4. I never said I was a lady...(hee hee hee)

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  20. Tits or tackle? who cares. Just be happy x

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  21. To me gayness means nothing. Defining people chiefly on the basis of their sexuality seems a rather trite and superficial thing to do. I prefer to know about the places folk have been, their formative years, their preferences in art and music, what they like to eat, what they value and what they fear, their creativity and so on.

    What two people get up to in bed (or in a phonebox) is of very limited interest. There's so much more to being human than sex which, when all is said and done, only takes up a tiny amount of our time.

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  22. I really don't understand why a person's sexuality is of anyone else's interest? Unless you're trying to bed them?

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  23. Wait....you're saying you're gay??
    Cheers,
    Mike

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  24. It all seems like a load of shite not worth talking about to me. We are here because we want to be and we mostly like each other. What anybody else outside the party thinks is of no interest to me. I have never heard the expression faghag but I have had gay friends all my adult life so I have been a faghag for a long time I guess. I will print a photo of me and a gay friend in celebration on my blog.

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  25. Your experiences with Petra make a good case for enabling comment moderation and deleting rather than publishing them. I read your blog because it is a snapshot of daily life quite different from where I live and I enjoy learning about other places and people. That comes from a lot of traveling in my youth. You may not care to read about a woman in a wheelchair who is busy taking care of her chronically ill cat (and there is much more to me, just as there is to you) but I always enjoy reading here.

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  26. Faghag and proud of it!!!

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  27. "I was going to do a post on homophobia this morning, given that the unfortunate Petra has been posting again, but there was a baby rabbit under the bookcase,so I didn't quite have time."

    Um...I could swear you just DID a post on homophobia. Today's post. What I just read.

    Is there something else you were going to say that you left out?

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    Replies
    1. No i wrote this, this afternoon!

      Delete
  28. I've had a lot of gay male friends in my life. And I hate the term "faghag". It's crude and nasty and such talk has no place when I'm talking about friendships. :)

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  29. This morning a strange dog wanted to follow me into the urinal in the park or the poissoir as its called here when I was caught short halfway round my 2 hour run. It looked like the 2nd from left in the second row of your doggie photo. A lady called loudly: Nein!
    Her pooch obeyed.

    I was thankfully left in peace to complete my business.

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    Replies
    1. The women's urinal has a door, but the men's is open to the elements which I much prefer.

      Delete
  30. I agree with what everyone else is saying about enjoying personality over sexuality. I don't remember how I stumbled upon your blog but I stayed a reader for your stories of your life in Wales. My husband's mother was Welsh and the most uptight woman I have ever met - your opposite.
    I also want to mention that women are attracted to interesting gay men because the element of sex is off the table. They can be friends without an undercurrent.

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    Replies
    1. "women are attracted to interesting gay men because the element of sex is off the table." THIS! plus my gay male friends see me as confident and intelligent; many str8 men are intimidated by a woman with brains. I am NOT a piece of meat for str8 men to shag and dump like a cheap whore!

      Delete
  31. Poor Petra, she must have had horrible parents and she must be jealous of all the love, humor and caring we all find on your successful blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spoiled brat throws tantrum to get attention. the end.

      Delete
    2. the spoiled brat needs its arse kicked HARD!

      Delete
  32. Last time I looked we were all part of the same tribe- human. I'm far more interested in the actions of others. Frankly I couldn't give a fiddler's flute about a person's sexuality. With a sibling who's gay it wasn't a lifestyle choice. Just the way that person's wired certainly in our case genetic. We can trace it back at least three generations.
    Arilx

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  33. Well, I was long winded, but deleted it all. John, we identify with you. I don't like labels. A person who loves animals and is kind to humans; they are in the good book!

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  34. One of my favorite quotes: "Labels are for canned goods."

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  35. You made me chuckle with the Liver enzyme I was playing around and changed my user name and then could not find how to change it back to annie b which I replied to your post yesterday as. Oh well a liver enzyme it will have to be. The 'P' problem is playground stuff really. I liken it to me going onto someone's blog and screaming blue murder because they don't have the same thoughts and ideas as me. If we were all the same what a boring life that would be. In fact who is the boring one in all this constantly coming back with the same circular thought patterns. Keep writing

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  36. Simple, I like you because I like you . . .
    I wonder what the letters PETRA stand for . . .
    He/she/whatever needs "to get a life" and enjoy it!

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  37. Silly me, I thought that it was acceptable to be friends with people you liked, irrespective of sexuality.

    ReplyDelete
  38. I know, I'm slow, forgive me, but who or what is Petra? I don't see any comments by that author. Another inquiring old queen would love to know what he, she or it had to say.
    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See previous post and all will be made clear

      Delete
    2. I get it now John, I don't read comments much so I missed. I come to see your posts. I hope you are feeling better.
      Sadly, people like Petra are powerless, weak people who come to places like this in hopes that if they make a loud enough noise someone will pay attention to them. I feel sorry for them because of what they miss in life.

      Delete
  39. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  40. As I said yesterday, love is so much
    easier and more satisfying than hate.
    I suppose I could be called one of
    your "faghag followers" now.
    Honestly, I started reading your blog
    because of your dogs and your cottage.
    Like you said........
    we like who / what we like.

    Anyway, I'm so sad over all the hate.
    I have lost two family members to hate.
    Homophobia kills.

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  41. I love being referred to as "accepting, bright, inclusive and generally are incredibly humorous"! I also love dogs but don't have tv so don't know the Zombies. I'm glad you rescued this particular bunny. xx

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  42. well, as my husbands gay friend said when we were out with my baby son , in NYC ... when a woman said to her friend - Look, look at the fairy ... And our friend turned and said
    Madame, IF I were a fairy, I would take out my wand and fix your nose."
    I sure do miss that lunatic.

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    Replies
    1. hee hee hee! great rimshot line!

      Delete
  43. We love you for WHO you are not WHAT you are!!

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  44. I had to google "fag hag",so many new things to learn in blogland.Who cares about Petra, so many people love you for who you are, me too.

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  45. I only just caught up with things. Oh, dear, I did not like the commercial. Not because of its content but, then again, because of its content. I didn't like that the subject matter was used for a camera commercial. That's what it was, unless I misunderstood?

    As far as Petra goes and Ursula's suggestion that the name might be an acronym - maybe 'Petra' needs to be translated. Doesn't it mean stone?

    But regardless of 'who' Petra is, we know 'what' Petra is - a chickenshit! bock,bock,bock,bock,bock,begowwwwk

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  46. Albert must be a chill cat indeed, if he can yawn at both a screaming bunny AND the terrier hysteria that followed!!

    I like people based on their character and personality and qualities - especially the quality of kindness. A sense of humour helps, too :)

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  47. I don't understand why people have to be male/female/straight/gay/catholic/jew...why can't we just be people? And why oh why can't we all just get along.

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  48. A bunnies scream is a piercing call. I couldn't yawn.
    Labels, shmabels. They rarely fit well (or comfortably). And are supremely unimportant to me.

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  49. I like people who are honest and kind; also if they're interesting and fun.

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  50. Whatever the name, the women who grace my blog are simply wonderful people; wise and witty and know the ways of the world.

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  51. The good thing about PETRA is that he/she reminds me of how nice everyone else is. I enjoy reading your blog, particularly having been brought up in Wales, but I really am not a Walking Dead fan. Other than that, more power to you. ������ ������

    ReplyDelete
  52. John, I love you for being GAY! There, I said it! We have to stick together!!!

    Lol. Just kidding, of course. But, still, we do need to watch each other's backs in this weird world.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Wow, I love this blog simply because of the funny things that seem to happen with you and all the animals. Otherwise, I think your married life is as normal as any straight couple.
    I would be happy to add faghag to a list of names, it would go well with cheesehead (I live in Wisconsin), Packerbacker, and Badgerfan, or Sconnie. Thanks Petra, whoever the hell you are.

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  54. You need to add Scotch eggs to that last paragraph!
    Dear John - you are the kindest, most sympathetic person and you have been a tower of strength to me over my last few months of bereavement. Your sexual
    orientation means absolutely nothing to me - and that is true of my many gay friends. You are who you are and I appreciate you for that, bless you.

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    Replies
    1. You have been a star throughout weave x

      Delete
  55. PETRA always makes me think of Animals .. PETA ...

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  56. Excuse me, on a completely different subject for one second ..
    Sir Richard Hale (Sir Knight de Halys)

    Anyone ever heard of this man ? aside from Google ..

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  57. If my hairdresser is gay (love him to bits) what business is it of mine what he does in his private life as long as it is between two consenting adults. In fact I was talking to a French colleague today about who she was going to vote for on Sunday in the elections and when she said she wasn't voting for Macron or Le Pen I assumed Fillon. She almost shouted and said that if that "bastard" gets through to the last two she will vote for the other candidate even if it is Le Pen because of Fillon's attitude to women, gays, the "authority" of the church etc. Luckily we were all 3 on the same page but it was an interesting discussion, that she would vote against Fillon simply because of his stand on gay marriage. You go girl. Anna

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  58. Jerry and I were just having a similar discussion this morning. We have some acquaintances here who visit from England several times a year. Amazingly, we're their first gay acquaintances we've been told. The other night we were told that now that they know us they love all gay people. We're so clever and handsome and cultured and funny and... yada yada yada. She then told me she still can't stand lesbians. I asked her how many lesbians she knew. "Oh, I've never met one." "That you know of," I said. I continued, "You know, many lesbians are really wonderful and many gay men are jerks... In that way, we're just like straight people."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I overheard an old guy talking about his lesbian neighbours once
      " big strapping gals" he said " loved rabbits"

      Delete
  59. i've been the best faghag for as long as i can remember.

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  60. If only we could all see the world through the eyes of little people....my two little grandies see me as being funny, loving and kind, someone who listens to and plays with them and indulges them in baked delights...when I'm with them I don't feel fat, old, inadequately attired, boring....or invisible....and they love our two best friends who are gay, for the same reasons....shame on the world for tainting our children as they grow up.....and people like Petra would definitely not be welcome to come and play.....

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  61. Perhaps the best comment of them all

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  62. Interesting. I don't have an issue with labels, because they aren't labels really are they - gay, straight, queer, transgender, these are definitions and to say everyone is the same really ends up, everyone is the same as the most anodyne definition and the rest get erased. I want to celebrate diversity, even though it is difficult and takes more work - but that's democracy for you in the end.
    I've been a faghag for most of my life. My only issue with the term is that it implies a woman who seeks the company of gay men. It does not imply a woman whose company gay men enjoy and seek out. It's, as so often in our society, quite misogynist. Ho hum. We claim labels that others have assigned us with scorn fat, queer, faghag - yup whatevs. xo

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  63. What drew me to your blog, John, was your header picture. Seriously, I saw the chicken face and thought, I need to read this. I kept chickens at the time and I adored reading about your assorted flock and other animals. I love your sense of humour which truly (not just an expression) causes me to laugh out loud (to the point where my husband calls from the other room, "Are you reading that blog again?") Your sexual orientation is neither here nor there. I think I'd like to spend time with you because you like animals and you are funny. I enjoy your clumsiness, your inability to keep your lunch off your clothes, your ability to tell the tales of your village, however I would have to bow out of Walking Dead discussions. -Jenn

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  64. I have no room for haters in my life. What miserable lives Petra and others like her must have.

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  65. John, from where I stand, your last three sentences in this post are all that really matters.

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  66. I began reading Going Gently because my wife kept reading bits out to me, and I became intrigued by this person who had such a wonderful outlook on life coupled with the ability to create an interesting tale whether the event was exciting or humdrum.
    To me the gay thing is irrelevant because as far as I'm concerned people are people whatever their sexuality, but 'fagmate'? OK, I'll take that.

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  67. I read your stuff out to hubby all the time. Being Aussie, maybe he is a Fagdag? :D

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  68. This fagmate can't see what's wrong with faghags. Some people like making a huge fuss over nothing.

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  69. I love reading your blog John I read it out to my partner he laughed when I read about the lady you talked to about the pegs the other day x we are also both mad about dogs x what the heck your sexuality has to do with it I don't know! People like Petra need to find a life of their own !

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  70. oh John this post breaks my heart!, It's so sad how people are so opinionated and judgemental and uneducated, just because of what sexuality people are !!!. Alana xx

    ReplyDelete

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