Friday, 3 February 2017

The Ghosts Of Boyfriends Past!


The room felt oppressive .
The walls were painted badly in the primary colours of the Brazil flag. Garish Yellow, Green and  Navy blue. With strange " tropical " symbols clumsily hand painted over the yellow borders around the tall old fashioned victorian windows.
Curtains with cheap gold tassles were hung around those windows and an immersion tank hidden next to the fireplace and in each dark corner, at ceiling height, a fat gold painted cherub looked down on the flimsy ikea bed set against one wall.
I hated that room.
I hated it with a vengeance .
I hated it as it was the Prof's bedroom when I met him.
I hated it as it was decorated by his previous, much younger partner.
A partner who obviously had no taste whatsoever, but whose ghost lived on in every badly painted piece of woodwork and smudged gold effect stencil!
My first morning there, after we woke up, I started as I meant to go on!
As the Prof prepared coffee and french pastries in the kitchen
I found one of my shoes under a pile of clothes on the floor,
And knocked every soddin cherub off the wall before he came back to bed with a tray!

71 comments:

  1. Go on John, tell us what you really thought. It sounds ghastly. You must have given the Prof a very good time, to receive coffee and pastries next morning.

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  2. I take it the Prof had decided to go for someone completely different.

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    Replies
    1. He knew what was good for him

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  3. I would have "accidentally" knocked everything to the floor, too. I don't know what I would have done about the walls.

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  4. ...continued
    Upon noticing that the cherubs were now broken, Chris flew into rage.
    "What the **** have you done? You're a ****ing mad man!"
    He was seething with anger and he whacked me with the tray as hard as he could.
    "GERROFF!" I yelled, fearing for my life.
    Soon I was cowering in the corner surrounded by broken chunks of cherub as Chris continued to whack me with the tray.
    He was so...so masterful!

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    Replies
    1. Was i singing " muletrain " at the time?

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    2. You were there mate. You shoUld know.

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  5. I didn't take you for the jealous type! Judging by the sound of the decoration it was very Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen!

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  6. i had a similar experience waking up to purple walls and bright green carpet!! i went on to marry that person and now divorce that person ..hey ho i should have known from the start lol
    sammie xx

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  7. Make yourself at home, John! LOL!

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  8. You must have been very sure of the Prof's affection for you to take such decisive action as early as your first morning together.

    Far be it from me to defend previous boyfriend (I take it he was Brazilian with a fondness for the baroque - an amazing combo if ever there was one) but the fact that the immersion heater was right next to the fire place (what a beauty of an observational detail) was hardly his fault.

    One question remains: Does the Prof give you similar free rein over the cottage's deco?

    U

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    Replies
    1. It wasnt our first night together, just our first night there

      And to answer your question
      Yes

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  9. sounds hideous...at least the prof was a great catch!

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  10. I will ponder the image of you smashing cherubs with a shoe

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  11. It must have been quite the first night if you felt comfortable smashing up his stuff the next morning! While he made you breakfast, no less!

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    Replies
    1. First night at his house not our " first night" if you get my meaning

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  12. That room sounds horrible...no matter who decorated it.

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    Replies
    1. My first visit to my husbands apt was the first night of our lives together, we were never apart after that night. I was a young girl from NC and he was a well traveled worldly man ..his apt was full of things he brought home from his travels, India, France, London ... artists that we see in museums and cheap things bought at flea markets that turned out to be treasures.
      No wonder I stuck to him :)

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  14. Haha! That's great!

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  15. When you say 'prepared' French pastries, I presume you mean he took them out of the packaging and heated them up?

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    Replies
    1. I was not privvy to his shopping habits back then mz ami

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  16. That cherub is a disgrace. You can console yourself with his bad taste.

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  17. Hopefully, after the spat - you are now reconciled.

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    Replies
    1. 'spat' awkward vomit. "reconcile" make love again. why the ??

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    2. We didnt have a row! He laughed when the cherubs came down!

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  18. I have to rein in the husbear when it comes to decorating. I go for neutral similarity. I once had the same berber carpet installed through the whole house. I said it would be easier to fix a stain, burn etc., not that it ever happened, BUT it would have been easier to fix if it had. The wildest I get is painting one wall a different color from the other 3 and it can't be too wild a color. Before you think I subscribe to the early American Holiday Inn school of decorating, I hang vintage advertisements, shelving of things we collect, salvaged tool box trays used as shadow boxes, industrial cabinets and the stairway is lined both sides with political memorabilia from Franklin Delano Roosevelt. No one should ever try to take a shoe to that collection. I love your style, John. Prof got the better end of that deal for sure.

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    Replies
    1. The prof's style is indeed more like mine.........generally

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  19. the prof had an immersion tank in his bedroom? ever used it? were it me not only the cherubs but the gold tassels would have been gone as well.

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    Replies
    1. They were next on his list!
      He sold his house only a few months later

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  20. It's always so good when they come to their senses, isn't it? Cherubs? Really?

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    1. Yes! Cherubs! I can feel the bile rising at tbe very thought of them

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    2. You would have been perpetually gagging if you visited our friend in NYC ... a few years ago. He is an artist and also loved to scavenge the city streets for things people were throwing out. His favorites were anything with wings .. angels galore. He painted a fantastic portrait of our son when he was just a toddler.
      Yes, our boy has wings ..

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  21. Sounds revolting.
    Place large tin of white paint on a step ladder in the middle of the room.
    Insert explosive charge, light fuse and run.
    Hey presto, blank canvas.

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    Replies
    1. As i remember the whole house needed bulldozing

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    2. I know I'm quite aged, and you might not remember, but your comment immediately brought to mind the Mr. Bean episode when he exploded paint in his living room. How I loved that show.

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    3. I found a Mr Bean extravaganza on one of our tv stations recently. He doesn't really have to do anything, just stand there with that silly face and I am helplessly giggling.

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  22. This post has given me a good laugh and brought back a memory. Several years ago I visited an American friend when she was living in London. Deidre was an opera singer and in the middle of her living room was a cherub-like figure which she explained very proudly she had just purchased from an antique shop in Florence. Only she didn't call him a 'cherub' but rather by the Italian name Putto/putti. It was very expensive. I did not like it at all, but made no impolite noises as you wouldn't. A 'putto' is apparently a figure of religious significance, while the amorous cherub is called an 'amorini' -- just do you know! xo

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    1. Cherubs are camp as chrstmas......to me they are the height if bad taste

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  23. So, I take it he approved your improvements and did not brain you with the tray of pastries?...

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  24. He wasmore interested in research back then

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  25. There's got to be a morning after...

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  26. If we can hold on through the night
    We have a chance to find the sunshine,
    Let's keep on looking for the light" ........

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  27. At least when he came back with the tray he knew exactly what he was getting into in choosing a life with you :-)

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  28. You sold those cherubs to my monster-in-law, didn't you? Oh, wait. Her's are made of plastic. They accompany her Spanish fans on the walls (she's never been to Spain) and her 'silk' flower arrangements (they are made of polyester). Not that I would ever say a bad word about her. 'Bless her heart.', as they say in the South.

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  29. Were there Scotch eggs on that breakfast tray?
    As for the cherubs - you obviously started as you meant to go on.

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    Replies
    1. I felt a statement was in order

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  30. This room sounds so scary besides being so crass.
    A livid nightmare.
    shudder.

    cheers, parsnip

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  31. This was a three snicker, two snort post! I'm glad the prof approved of your "renovations"!

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  32. One of my favorite posts. Never have I been fed breakfast in bed after the first night...(Nor can I remember ever having a man serve me Breakfast in bed). I love that you had the confidence to break the cherubs after one night... you must have had a premonition that this would be "the one". So glad you found each other. I would have waited for at least a week to start redecorating. Cheers from the rocky USA Ruth in Oxnard Calif.

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    1. It was our fourth or so sexual date !

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  33. Mr Bah Humbugs ex wife painted all the woodwork mouldings and coving with primary colour gloss tester pots , it looked like a clown house . I have no decorating abilities whatsoever but it had to go , that's a lot of years ago

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    1. How awful and how much like the Prof's old house it must have been

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  34. My guess is that the Prof probably never even noticed the blasted decorations, certainly mine doesn't. In our last (lovely, arts'n craft house) we had awful 1970s carriage lights - dead wrong of course. Bill never could be brought to see they Needed To Go.... so when we went on a sabbatical I left instructions with a tame electrician to come and replace them all with very simple brass candlabre-type fittings. Five of them... entranceway, main hall, formal living room, upstairs hall. When we'd been home five days I finally couldn't stand it any longer and asked "Have you noticed anything different?" Of course he hadn't. And was perfectly happy with the vast improvement......
    Heads in their work 24/7, just want a peaceful life! Is Chris like that too?

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    1. General home decoration bores him..he has bigger things on his mind. Having said this he does now participates in decisions re decoration, but the titivation is left to me

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  35. It can be so delicate to reject our new lovers' decorations! I was so gobsmacked at my new gal's home that I immediately invited her to move in to mine, where I would have more say in the decor. Ha! Who am I kidding! We're lesbians! It was a forgone conclusion that sleeping together meant living together! But, if we were in my house then it would be my rules. Sort of.
    Anyway, glad you two have worked it out. xoxox

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    1. Even though we had just starrted courting ( in my home) i sort of already knew he was going to leave his old home.....call it a second sense

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    2. In my limited experience of lesbians ..i have noticed that they get together romantically very quickly x

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    3. Hence the old joke: What does a lesbian bring on a second date - a U-Haul!

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  36. I would have lied and told the Prof that I woke up and thought I was in an LSD induced nightmare and the Cherubs were after me.
    Marvellous when one comes for a quiet read and runs into old mates, hi Andrew and Davoh. (a real lesson in bad taste, those two)

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  37. Courting? I thought I was the only one who still used that word! Must have been fun to break into bits the ghastly cherubs x.

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  38. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  39. I am left wondering what Ron thought of my little hovel of an apartment on our first date.
    He's still around so I guess he didn't notice!!

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  40. Hilarious! My hubby had hung army camouflage netting on the bathroom ceiling, luckily he left it in that house. Wish he'd hung on to the muscles that got left behind somewhere too. Sigh.

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