Monday, 28 November 2016

The Führer's Penis

The hardest thing to do on intensive care is to care for a patient who is confused and desperately ill. 
They often seesaw precariously on the very edge of sudden and often disastrous  deterioration because they do not understand the need to comply with medical and nursing treatments. 
I looked after such a patient yesterday. 
I was somewhat fraught after 13 hours of it. 
Driving home , I thought of all of those unpaid carers in this country who deal day in day out with their confused and disorientated loved ones at home. Work which often has limited or no respite, and which may carry on for years and years and years. 
Thirteen hours of it, doesn't sound at all bad eh?

When I was a student nurse in psychiatry, I took an elderly lady called Jean out Christmas Shopping in Chester. 
She had schizophrenia and early onset dementia and although physically fit, she remained muddled and disorientated for most of the time.

We ended up in Browns of Chester which was the flagship department store in the city at the time and as we walked through the make up department we were approached by one of those plastic looking salesgirls who was offering " squirts" of perfume for ladies to trial.
" Would madam like to try?" The plastic woman said with a plastic smile
And Jean duly held out her wrist for a tester.
I watched her reaction carefully.
Jean took a sniff of the scent and nodded that she liked it, so.., sensing a sale the plastic woman moved in for the kill.
Jean then smiled a sweet smile and beckoned the woman forward and whispered the following statement in her ear
" I knew Hitler you know, he had a massively HUGE COCK,! "



I'll leave you with a big up of the Village Christmas Fayre which takes place in the Memorial Hall on Saturday.....hope everyone can make it


58 comments:

  1. I never know what to say to those perfume tester people -- but it probably wouldn't be that.

    (Especially since I doubt seriously that it's true.)

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    1. Hari ini saya ingin mengunkapkan tentang perjalanan hidup saya,karna masalah ekonomi saya selalu dililit hutang bahkan perusahaan yang dulunya saya pernah bagun kini semuanya akan disitah oleh pihak bank,saya sudah berusaha kesana kemari untuk mencari uang agar perusahaan saya tidak jadi disitah oleh pihak bank dan akhirnya saya nekat untuk mendatangi paranormal yang terkenal bahkan saya pernah mengikuti penggandaan uang dimaskanjeng dan itupun juga tidak ada hasil yang memuaskan dan saya hampir putus asa,,akhirnya ketidak segajaan saya mendengar cerita orang orang bahwa ada paranormal yang terkenal bisa mengeluarkan uang ghaib atau sejenisnya pesugihan putih yang namanya Mbah Rawa Gumpala,,,akhirnya saya mencoba menhubungi beliau dan alhamdulillah dengan senan hati beliau mau membantu saya untuk mengeluarkan pesugihan uang ghaibnya sebesar 10 M saya sangat bersyukur dan berterimakasih banyak kepada Mbah Rawa Gumpala berkat bantuannya semua masalah saya bisa teratasi dan semua hutang2 saya juga sudah pada lunas semua,,bagi anda yang ingin seperti saya dan ingin dibabtu sama Mbah silahkan hubungi 085 316 106 111 saya sengaja menulis pesan ini dan mempostin di semua tempat agar anda semua tau kalau ada paranormal yang bisah dipercaya dan bisa diandalkan,bagi teman teman yang menemukan situs ini tolong disebar luaskan agar orang orang juga bisa tau klau ada dukun sakti yg bisa membantuh mengatasi semua masalah anda1.untuk lebih lengkapnya buka saja blok Mbah karna didalam bloknya semuanya sudah dijelaskan PESUGIHAN DANA GHAIB TANPA TUMBAL

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  2. Now I want to know if Hitler did have a massively huge cock, not that I am size queen or anything like that. Just curious. So how big was it? Uncut, I should think.

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    1. She always indicated it was afoot long, but she also stated she knew Jesus and Harold McMillan

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    2. Hitler only had one ball,
      Goering had two but very small,
      Himmler had something similar,
      But Goebbels had no balls at all.

      Or something simlr. AH was not averse to S&M administered with a riding crop. Apparently.


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    3. All together now!,,,,!!!!!!!!

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  3. A great story, and I'll bet the sales girl has regaled people with this tale, I would have!

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  4. Was it part of your job description to take this lady out shopping, or did you just do it as a nice gesture? I've had more than my share of dementia and alzheimers in my life. There were times when my mother shifted into speaking inappropriately about physical / sexual topics that she normally would never have spoken about. It's a nasty disease and I take my hat off to anyone who can care for those who have it!! -Jenn

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    1. It was part of being a nurse in those days.....you took your patients out

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  5. those squirt girls are annoying; since I have severe allergies to most chemicals, I avoid that department.

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  6. I think I'll use that line the next time I get that hard sell in a department store. Except that I'd say it was unbelievably tiny.

    I have an aunt I adored. We used to fly her out every year with my mother for a 2-week visit. She'll be 94 in a few weeks and hasn't known anyone for more than 5 years, living with dementia. She was lucky to be able to afford live-in care, so is in competent and loving hands. I visit her every time I'm back in New York. That little half hour or so devastates me for days. It takes so much strength and patience to do that full-time.

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    1. Agreed...a thankless and upsetting job...it has never happened to me...I hope it never does

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  7. It's the sort of thing I say now. God help us when I have dementia.

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    1. LOL !!I me too.

      They stopped those girls in the big stores in NYC because of the allergies/complaints from customers. But they still stand there, squirt bottle ready, if someone asks for a sample.My husband would refuse to even go into that department with me , he hated the overwhelming scent of the place .
      Wasn't Hitlers c**k supposed to be in a bottle of formaldehyde in some mad museum of some sort ? It was said to be very small .. a micro c*ck of a sort lol

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    2. Maybe that's another similarity between Trump and Hitler: tiny cocks.

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    3. Band very bad hair

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    4. Everybody is different.

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  8. As I age, I worry so that the time will come when I will need someone to care for me. Whether physical or mental, being debilitated takes such a toll on loved ones.

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    1. I guess if any of us suffer......the only ones that eventually are hurt are the healthy ones we left behind

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  9. That's just the big laugh I needed this morning, thanks!

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  10. I'm starting year 5 and the dementia Mom has is growing worse. Thanks for understanding caregiver stress .

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    1. It must be a long long road to tread Jan, you have my sympathy

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  11. Where did Jean meet Hitler? She must have been a little girl at the time so it is likely that Hitler exposed himself to her. Dirty git. Was she able to discern whether he had two testicles or just the one as is rumoured?

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    1. She also new Jesus as I recall

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  12. too bad hitler didn't have a massive dick. then we wouldn't have really had hitler.

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  13. My village is having a community bazaar on that day. My granddaughter has saved her money to buy presents.

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  14. Many years ago, I did some work for Prestwich psychiatric hospital in Manchester and was given a tour of the place. It was in the days when elderly dementia patients were confined to massive institutions like that one of the nurses introduced me to one of the residents' "This is Jack. He comes from a long way away." I smiled and asked him where he came from and he simply replied: "Mars." I was lost for words as to where the conversation might go next.

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    1. I live in Florida .. I have lived in NY most of my life, not counting Argentina .. I kind of feel like I am from Mars too :)

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    2. " he comes from a long way away"
      I liked that answer

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  15. Of course the obvious answer would have been "I think you're mistaken, madam. I knew him too, and believe me, it was tiny."

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    1. The plastic woman smiled a plastic smile

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    2. That sir was the best line in the whole post.

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    3. I agree the best line of the whole post !

      cheers, parsnip

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  16. Even if it was true that Hitler did have a huge cock as we all know he only had one ball.

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  17. God love her....must be great to just say what you think and what you want to say wherever you are.

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  18. I have a feeling that I could be a real bother - I hope my body goes before my mind goes completely.

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  19. Well, now we know what to say next time we're approached by a plastic sales girl selling perfume we don't want to buy !

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  20. I fear I have already reached that point, although it might be aided by people who are able to be anonymous online, then it starts to leak over into Real Life..where people know you and you still say things that might have been better left unsaid .. or at least said anonymously :)

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    1. I know, that made no sense at all.
      Too much coffee this am. I will now go annoy sales clerks.

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  21. It was my, mostly happy job, to take residents on outings. About eight of us went for a meal and four of them had the Christmas special which included a toblerone bar with their coffee. The other four instantly had tantrums because they didn't get chocolate. I remember most the sweet little waitress we had, very young, who had been patient and kind through the whole meal. She immediately told them they could all have a bar and quickly returned with them. Everyone was happy. I gave her a huge tip and told her she was wonderful.

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  22. Giggling madly here John x

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  23. I accompanied a young lady who had Tourettes to the local Agricultural Show. It was raining hard and our heads were down as we headed towards the refreshment marquee. Unfortunately, the Mayoress and her entourage were also heads down, heading across our path and we almost collided. "Fu**ing Bas***s!" yelled Michelle, who looked about 12 years old even though she was in her 30s. The Mayoress was shocked to the core and cast aspersions on my abilities as a mother!!! Oooops!

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    1. Tourette's....was that a syndrome before the 1990s.?

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    2. Indeed it was, more usually given its full name: Gilles de le Tourette's syndrome. A succession of TV documentaries has raised its profile. Similarly, although the incidence of bi-polar disorder has not changed, every celebrity with problems seems to have it nowadays.

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    3. Iinteresting point......mind you certain conditions have always proved to be " popular" over the ages

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  24. I know exactly what to say when approached by someone asking if I need any help in a shop. Let them find an answer for Hitler had a big c**k. I can't wait!

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  25. I know exactly what to say when approached by someone asking if I need any help in a shop. Let them find an answer for Hitler had a big c**k. I can't wait!

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  26. Ah, to have been a fly on the wall when Jean let loose with that observation! Not nearly as funny, but related in nationality--I was reading a book about WWII at the train station the other day when a homeless woman pushing a trolley stopped to tell me that Angela Merkel wants me to ring her. I told her I would and kept on reading.

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  27. I had a client once who told me he was 200 years old, I commented that I didn't think I had ever met someone that age, he responded that I should meet his mother. His reality, was his reality.

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  28. Sometimes those perfume ladies don't even ask....they just spray. That young lady got what she deserved lol.

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  29. A hard job, and those who do it well are special indeed.

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  30. I have said it before and I will say it again John - your fund of funny stories would make a fantastic book - get them all written down.

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    1. I just have Patricia xxx

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  31. Please, please. for the sake of my health. My ribs are still aching from the CPB revelations. I wonder if it was true about Hitler. My next door neighbour's cat is called Adolph. I think I'd better stop that thought right there!

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  32. Bwaaaaa haaaa haaaa haaaa!

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  33. If you don't win an award for 'Blog Title of the Year', then I don't know what!

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  34. I never thought I would ever read an article called The Fuhrer's Penis. It would make a good title for a book.

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