Wednesday, 30 November 2016

" Kill, Kill, Kill Them All"


I am irrationally angry first thing in the morning.
The earlier I get up, 
the worse it is.
The Prof knows he exacerbates it all by tutting at my driving abilities, 
or like he did this morning , giving me unwanted advice about how the clear the windscreen of ice
I have to bite the insides of my cheeks to stop myself from
clubbing him to death with my crocs
He is like Julie Andrews on waking.
That is another thing that pisses me off.

I dropped him off at a dark railway station at some ungodly hour this morning 
And before. He got out of the car he showered my left cheek with kisses as I sat there looking like Walter Matthau 

I wish I could be different 
But I can't 
I'm a twat before 7am! 



75 comments:

  1. I think anyone who is happy and sane 24 hours a day, is either insane or very medicated.

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  2. If you go back in time you reach 7am of the previous day so when do you draw the "being a twat" line?

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    Replies
    1. What fresh hell is that statement?

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  3. Neither of us are morning people.......a pair of grumpy twats.

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  4. I am a morning person. But there is a rule. I don't want anyone keeping me company -- I just want my own company and to putter in silence, while I watch the business news, without running commentary. Just me a mug of tea and my English muffin. After that it's 6 o'clock and I go back to sleep for a couple of hours...

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    1. Is English muffin a euphemism?

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  5. LOL. We all have our moments. Dave doesn't like to be spoken to until he's had his shower. Then he's OK. I, on the other hand, am pretty normal in the morning, though not quite Julie Andrews. (I don't think...)

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    1. If the Prof would skip, he' d skip in the mornings

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  6. A great laugh to start the morning. Crocks are not a very effective weapon, a shovel would be faster.

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    Replies
    1. I didn't have one to hand...if I had, I would have used it

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  7. fuck all those cheerful morning people! don't talk to me before 9a AND after I've had my coffee!

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  8. I want complete silence, a large mug of coffee and reading the newspaper and blogs on my laptop....hence why I get up so early way before husband is awake. But sometimes he gets up early, and puts the TV on immediately AND talks nonstop - hell.

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    1. Another " what fresh hell is this!"

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  9. My husband holds on to the dash....irritates the crap out of me. I have never wrecked. He knows not to talk much in the morning as I'm best with quiet for a couple of hours.

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    1. Oh welcome to. My world ..........

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  10. I sympathise completely and know exactly what you mean. Just before I got married, my mother took my soon to be husband aside to warn him "she's not very good in the mornings". He was speechless - how could he tell her he already knew?!

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  11. Somebody beat me to the point that crocs might not work so well as weapons. I love the movie clip you added to your post and it got me to thinking, "she looks fabulous in that pencil skirt". I like to be alone in the morning with no noise, but that only happens on the weekend. -Jenn

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    1. I'm the first one to get up on the weekend apart from the cats. Our jobs don't require us to work on the weekend. Husband likes a chance to sleep in and 16 year old son sleeps the sleep of the dead. So I get to have my coffee, no radio on, just blogs and "me" time.

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  12. You sound like my wife. I, on the other hand, sound like The Prof.

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    1. Your wife has my sympathy and best wishes

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  13. Mornings? Oh, no thank you. Husband on the other hand, is like Tigger on acid. I'm surprised he's lasted this long, with his singing and whistling and conversation. Luckily he's learnt to hand me an industrial strength coffee and retreat to a safe distance.

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    1. I would have knifedhim in the eye

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    2. I would do, but I'm a fat old bag and he moves very quickly!

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  14. Actually you are normal - its the Prof whos not. I am not a morning person. I start work at 8 and patients think I am smiling at them. I'm not its a snarl as I have been plucked out of a warm bed and paid not much to be nice to them. We are the normal ones. Prof let you come too in your own time.

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    1. sorry crap at English too - should say "Prof needs to let you come too in your own time" tut

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  15. There! PROF , !!!!!! ARE YOU READING THIS?!!!!!!!!

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  16. It seems that more people belong to the Greta Garbo way of thinking before 7 am than they do to Julie Andrews.

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    1. Thank fuck for that.....

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  17. At first I was disturbed by the man trying to kill the giant testicle, but then I got distracted watching the woman in the background enjoying herself.
    I'm a morning person myself, so I have limited sympathy I'm afraid :-)

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    1. But what is she actually doing??

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    2. She's playing with an invisible hoolahoop

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    3. Not where my mind was going...

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  18. My sweet husband who said Mornings were the Best part of day .... ????? was he crazy?? used to quietly come into the bedroom, put a cup of fresh hot coffee on my bedside table and kiss my head, then quietly leave the room.
    He was very easy to train.
    My mornings changed forever and I look back on how very lucky I was.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I should be more sanguine x

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    2. Instead of getting cranky, grab him and kiss him every time he starts to irritate you. Both of you will benefit.

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    3. Lovely words *Notes*. I moan about my husband, but he is my best friend and one of the kindest people I have ever met. Plus his smile does funny things to my knees hehe x

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  19. Walter Matthau and Julie Andrews, a match made in heaven, LOL!

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  20. my husband and I try not to speak to each other for at least an hour after waking. sometimes two.

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  21. I'm not a morning person but hubby is. We both wake up early, but he goes down, makes me a cup of tea, then leaves me alone for an hour.

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  22. I used to be a morning person, and then I got old. I'm crabby when I wake up, no matter the time. DH is a man of many moods, I never know which one is going to present itself, and that's not good when I sleep in and he's a crab.

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  23. Since I can be much the same way - especially on days I teach or have a dept. meeting - I see this behavior as a sign of intelligence, discernment, and character. You are to be congratulated on your good sense. If God wanted us to wake up in the morning, he would have made us alarm clocks.

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    1. You are a wise one kelly

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  24. Just found your blog on Anna of the Mutton Years. I like it. I live with The Philosopher, whi was/is also a Prof... see Hastings Battleaxe.

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  25. Maybe he just likes to see your cheeks go all pink when your blood pressure goes up.

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  26. My L&M is obnoxious in the mornings until he's on his 3rd cup of tea.

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  27. Somehow I have a vision of the Prof running up the nearest mountain and greeting the dawn with a quick chorus of "The hills are alive with the sound of music" !

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    1. He's got a lovely whimple

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    2. Christopher Plummer supposedly had a dim view of Julie Andrews' perkiness. He referred to the movie as "The Sound of Mucus."

      He considered it his most difficult role: "Because it was so awful and sentimental and gooey,” he explained with a laugh. “You had to work terribly hard to try and infuse some miniscule bit of humor into it.”

      Definitely not a morning person.

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  28. Just standing up to be counted among the early morning crabby people. But you should see me at midnight! Julie, move over!

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    1. I'm more cheerful later on, he's a right sleep grump later on in the day

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  29. Twat before 7am - life and soul of the party after 11pm - have just made up a new proverb especially for you.

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    1. Seeing you swear is like seeing a nun with a lacy bra

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  30. I am just hunky-dorey when I get up - at 3:30A - as long as I don't have to talk to anyone without four paws.

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    1. I'm never pissed off with the dogs all of whom I walk around 6 am

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  31. I think you are unappreciated by the Prof... now you are going to defend him aren't you ? !

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  32. OMG just realised what I said earlier today and realised you have dirty mind!!! Naughty boy!

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  33. We would get along just fine, John! Now sh-h-h-h.

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  34. "Oh, what a beautiful mornin',
    Oh, what a beautiful day.
    I got a beautiful feelin'
    Ev'erything's goin' my way."

    That's how I flow in the mornings....I'm with the Prof. I get grumpy at night when I'm tired and the bf is bothering me. Night time is when I want my down time.

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    1. Yes he can be a real cunt when he's tired at night

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  35. Ooo your man sounds so sweet - in the morning that is. My husband is an old grump until he's had his first coffee, me on the other hand I'm all sweetness and light but reverse that for the evening, I'm all grumpy and my old man is gorgeous and happy. Guess it's the old ying and yang. How lovely to be showered with kisses so early.

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    1. But he's just a twat when tired later in the day

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  36. I'm like you. Mornings need to be quiet ordered affairs. But my new bloke is so, so perky in the mornings. And because this is a new relationship and I'm trying reaaaaally hard I have to pretend that I'm Julie Andrews and not let my inner Walter Matthau shine through! x

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  37. I'm brilliant in the mornings ..... as long as you don't look at me, don't talk to me, don't expect me to talk to you and you make me a large cup of coffee that is EXACTLY the right temperature .... and bloody well leave me alone while I drink it.

    My Lovely Hubby on the other hand is like bloody Father Christmas, all twinkling eyes, happy jolliness and asking daft bloody questions like "did you sleep well, what are we doing today, what should we have for breakfast, is your coffee okay ..... what are you doing with that shotgun ......"

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  38. I always thought I was a morning person until it was pointed out that unless I have solitude, silence, strong coffee and the newspaper I am actually quite a bitch.

    I'm ok with that self knowledge.

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