Monday, 5 September 2016

Traffic Lights and A Fat Vagina

For years the village school children have run the risk of being splattered by speeding drivers on the village's one and only zebra crossing.
Readers of Going Gently may also remember that I have had several " near miss events" crossing the road with the dogs, one which necessitated  flinging a bag of dog shit into the back of a careless van driver .
Such is life.
Now, for weeks in Trelawnyd, we have suffered a gaggle of over weight workmen who have seemed to be up to very little on the main road, outside the school.
Traffic has been disrupted by a temporary three way traffic light system, and Winnie has been transported into a state of permanent " moistness" by the fact that at least four blue collar workmen have been wolfwhistling her on a daily basis!
They just thought that  the old gal was being friendly , but only I knew just how much of a let down she was, as she merrily waved her fat vagina at them from the pavement.
Anyhow, the upshot of all this activity, is that now Trelawnyd has it's very own Pelican crossing! 
We now have a pedestrian controlled push button traffic light system complete with sound alarm ( for the visually impaired! ) and my claim to fame was that the dogs and I were the very first residents of Trelawnyd to have the privilege to use it!
How exciting!
Affable despot Jason was second in line for a button press and I am sure I spied Mrs Trellis giving the control box the once over before we left for home, but the real fun testing time for the bastard speeders  will be this morning when the school children return for the Autumn term and scores of fat little fingers will reclaim the road once again!

40 comments:

  1. Brilliant title!

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  2. Praise be !!! House prices will be on the up in Trewlawnyd. Have a good week John Gray x Photos please

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  3. Ha! For a second I thought you meant visually impaired drivers.

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  4. It should be nick-named 'The Gray Pelican'.

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  5. 2 comments in one day !!!

    John Gray I have a great idea for your Christmas photo, all of you, the Prof and the animals on the Pelican Crossing, just like the Beatles xxx Maybe one ohot you could put your middle fingers/claws UP to Moaning Myrtle !!!

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  6. Back to the eye-catching titles. Great.

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  7. Yes, as Tom says, nobody thinks of titles like you do John.
    We have a pelican crossing in Leyburn - very useful.

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  8. Business as usual. Lovely x

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  9. I hope teachers at the school teach the children that they should not rely totally upon the green man when crossing the road. They should still look out for approaching cars because once in a while a vehicle will go through the red lights. There is a lot to recommend lollipop ladies and lollipop men outside schools.

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  10. I was actually knocked down and quite badly injured by a dangerous driver on a school crossing in the days before buttons, lights and sounds.. She was putting on her makeup using the rear view mirror as she drove, missed the lady with the stick and hit me. So I have to say Yorkshire Pudding is right.

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    1. Funny you and YP lice in the same city

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    2. Can't say I've ever seen him.

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  11. Sounds a very need addition to the village. Winnie...she does like a bit of rough doesn't she ! X

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  12. You're a big city now!

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  13. a traffic light - how modern! but, as others have pointed out, one must still be careful when crossing the street.

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  14. It sounds like a very necessary addition, but don't you have a lollipop lady (or man) in the village, it's sad if you don't.

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  15. The last I knew my home town in the middle of no-where, you don't want to be there, still didn't have a traffic light. It has been a while since I was back there. I'll be a bit like Mr Carson on this one, don't get to modern.

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  16. This is a good thing...BUT......don't lose your wariness about crossing the road. Remember, those drivers aren't used to the signal yet.

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  17. Ain't it great to put a little vagina in your title... or fat, as the case may be?

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  18. Ain't it great to put a little vagina in your title... or fat, as the case may be?

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    1. Im such a comment whore

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  19. This is definitely the first time I have seen both Vagina and Traffic Light in a title .. of anything .

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  20. Fat little fingers, and fat big fingers rule!

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  21. Might we see a photograph soon, of the Pelican Crossing, of course? Seriously, hoping that this new addition will attract the attention of drivers who aren't expecting to see it.
    Best wishes.

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  22. Sounds wonderful! We're so proud of our new sidewalks here in Lloyd. Well, some of us. Some of think they're ridiculous. They never walk anywhere so who cares?

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  23. Anonymous3:40 pm

    Gosh! You're so posh AND modern in your village. We don't have a pelican crossing for our village school OR a lolly pop lady. We have street lights in the centre of the village and the rest of us don't. We DO have flashing speeding signs (which drivers don't pay the slightest attention to). BUT, on the up side we do have a brilliant view of the Red Arrows when they do their training - can't beat it :-)

    CMW in Lincolnshire




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  24. Hello John, I'm catching up. I want to comment on your post, time audit. I am in my 60s, I have cancer...I must be a very, very sad person! Thank you John, for your lovely blog which makes this "sad" person very happy. :)
    Back to school and safer for the school children and your children to cross the road.
    Greetings Maria x

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    1. Maria, I have always adored you avatar.
      When I read people comments we get to feel like we know them. I hope your treatment will be successful.
      gayle xx

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    2. Thank you Gayle, it is a drawing I made of myself. You are very kind :) xx

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  25. Hello John, I'm catching up. I want to comment on your post, time audit. I am in my 60s, I have cancer...I must be a very, very sad person! Thank you John, for your lovely blog which makes this "sad" person very happy. :)
    Back to school and safer for the school children and your children to cross the road.
    Greetings Maria x

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    1. Maria, you are a joy to have here, i think you are the politest commentator i've ever had.
      I am sorry you are unwell....how is treatment going for you?

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    2. It's a joy for me to be here and, such a sweet thing to say - Thank you John!
      I am half way through and I think I'm doing good. I'm positive :) xxx

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  26. What a great place for a light in your village.
    When I moved back to Tucson, we have the crossing guard that have the 15 mph signs up before the crossings and will stop traffic with their sign or a crossing light that stop traffic and a guard will walk them across halfway.
    We also have police that move around everyday that school is in session in the morning to catch speeders. It has helped.
    I adore Miss Norm Idea for a Christmas card.

    cheers, parsnip and thehamish

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  27. Great title John. We have a zebra crossing in front of our school which many speeding tosspots ignore. Our retired lollipop lady was awesome and used to rap people's car bonnets with her lollipop and shout, watch my kids you selfish bugger, if people tried to speed by when she was escorting children across the road !!! We miss her x

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  28. You mean you didn't have an official unveiling ceremony? I thought you did things properly in Trelawnyd.

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  29. Whooo! The readers' response was pretty clear! We know what we like, we like you, and sharing on the blogsphere is something positive for us! I tried to comment too, but I think the poor system had tummy ache! Thank you for your thoughtful, insightful, caring blogs. Petra, get a grip!

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    1. No sign of her today...

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  30. "Fat Vagina" Best name for a retro rock band ever!!! keep up the great blogging John. This 57 year old farm chick in Illinois loves it.

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  31. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  32. That's quite some title for a post. I am relieved that you were referring to Winnie and not that Kardashian woman showing off her twinkle cave again. As Bette Midler commented, she's going to need to swallow the camera to show us anything new now! Arilx

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