Sunday, 17 July 2016

When WereYou last Badly Behaved ?

Have I got that right? I never know if it is When were you badly behaved last or when were you last badly behaved'? 
Anyhow I think you get the gist of my question.
Today's blog was sparked in part by the terrible Absolutely Fabulous  and in part by my best friend Nuala who blacked her eye recetly  falling off a pair of high heels after a somewhat lively night out with her family.
Badly behaved Edina and Patsy from Adfab are said to be inbetween 60 and 70.
My friend Nu is galm 50.
So the  question remains when were you badly behaved last?

It's around a decade since I was truly naughty.
I had quoffed too many white wines in All Bar One with my chic friend Bel Ami. He ended up flirting with the psychopath barman and swishing around the tables in a floaty zara outfit.
I fell down two flights of stairs like a sack of custard, and was only stopped from breaking my neck by the intervention of  a sturdy fire door.
Happy days.

I don't drink much now, but I was always a happy/ sleepy drunk when out on the lash. This was all a bit out of odds with my parents' behaviour for my mother always started a cambative arguement after too many gins whereas my father became somewhat amorous with any passing matron after a whisky or three
I'm happy I am always sleepily benign when pissed


I love watching silly and good humoured bad behaviour , and am reminded of a time when the Prof and I with some friends went to a classical concert in the grounds of Chatsworth House.
Everyone had bought picnics and wine and champagne, and in front of us were a rather refined group of 50 year old ladies all a little worse for wear.
Suddenly the orchestra started to play Mozart's A Musical Joke (  the fourth movement )  which to those,  not from the UK will not know, is the music used to front Showjumping programmes on tv!
Suddenly several of these very well dressed matrons got up and started to pretend to be " riding" horses , just like little girls do when they are six or seven. For the duration of entire piece they cantered around the circles of concert goers, their massive bosoms bouncing around beneath strings of pearls , and their faces puce with the exertion.
It was a lovely moment of pure idiocy

So dear readers, I know reactions will be many and varied
But when was your last alcohol fuelled naughty moment?
I can't wait to read them.....

60 comments:

  1. Many. If I drink and argue with my partner I visit net hookup sites and promise the world but usually not follow through. Note, usually not follow through but I have at times.

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    1. Oh dear...not QUITE what I expected

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  2. Many. If I drink and argue with my partner I visit net hookup sites and promise the world but usually not follow through. Note, usually not follow through but I have at times.

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  3. I love this story John. I can really picture the moment with your vivid description. My last alcohol fueled naughty moment was over two decades ago in Blackpool on a German Beer night. For a person normally self composed and quiet, my friends couldn't believe that security had to come and tell me off for dancing on the table! I was behaving raucous and rude!!!

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    1. Oh yes I remember going there in the 1980s

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  4. 1993 - the honors reception at Rollins College, Professor Levis kept ordering more champagne, I remember riding home , smoking a cigar with my feet sticking out the window of the car. Commencement was the next morning - not an easy morning.

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    1. Head down the toilet time?

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    2. I kept it together, but it was not easy

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  5. dressed to the 9's with 4 inch heels i left the ladies room in a trendy restaurant missed the first step and hit every other one on my way to the bottom. i broke a heel. fortunately, the staircase was in the back of the place and no one saw me. i picked myself up, put the broken heel in my purse and walked through the place like nothing had happened. i always wondered if anyone noticed my missing heel.

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  6. Last time I was badly behaved I was cold stone sober, I fall asleep after two drinks.
    I was at the bar in a BDSM club, I was wearing a spiked collar leather dress and carrying a flogger. Another patron came up and spoke the immortal words 'On you knees bitch and suck this' before the barman could leap the bar I had his tackle in a vice like grip and had him on his knees!

    The last time I went to an open air concert it was at Stonor Park, they have a natural grass covered amphitheatre, we were sat in picnic chairs, eating and drinking. When the concert finished hubby leaned forwards to get out of the chair and just kept on going. He roly polly'd all the way down, taking out other concertgoers like ninepins as he went.

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    1. And the best answer so far goes to you! Bloody hell.........bloody hell!

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    2. Little fat old ladies were not always old and fat!

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    3. Blimey Hester! Love it! X

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    4. Hester, you KNOW that was only last week!!!

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  7. As it happens, I was mildly naughty just last night - having unwisely and rather quickly downed not one but two very strong cherry cocktails at our favorite local. Nothing epic, but I do suspect I was rather flirty in an avuncular way with the very cute young waiter. Fortunately the Mister is endlessly tolerant (as well as a reliable designated driver), and I'm in fairly good fettle this morning. Off, in fact, to the gym to pay for my sins...

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  8. You have some interesting readers!
    I used to be interesting but will now claim the Statute of Limitations on any and all past alcohol-induced indiscretions. It's been so long it doesn't even matter now. And I wisely do my drinking at home where all I do is cook dinner, eat it, clean up and go to bed. But I'm usually sort of happy when I do that. Okay, I have written a few comments on Facebook that, in the sober light of day, I semi-regret. But mostly not.
    Even in Cuba where the mojitos flowed like water and I was out at the club 'til the wee hours, I managed not to embarrass myself.
    Mostly.

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    1. Ah the subject of writing blogs and facebook entries under alcohol!
      I am waiting for tom stephenson to comment on this one

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  9. I just asked my husband when was the last time I was guilty of bad behaviour. I don't think 'This morning when you pinched the last eggs' really counts. (Let it go, ffs.)

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  10. It is delightful when tipsy ladies willingly behave like horses. Regarding "bad" behaviour caused by excess alcohol, I have just two things to say. "No comment" and "no comment". I am not into self-incrimination.

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    1. No silliness at the Dog and Partridge ?

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  11. Love the thought of the ladies playing horsey and think I would have joined in x

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  12. I'm a happy drunk until I have too much and then I just fall asleep, which doesn't give much opportunity for naughtiness.
    Reading the other comments I'm clearly missing out.

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    1. Rme too dave....im still thinking of Hester's comment

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    2. Yeah, I had to read that twice to be sure I wasn't mistaken.

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  13. I regularly go watch Outlander with some of the ladies in one of my book clubs. The hostess, who's a HUGE fan of the books, is so famous for saying "It didn't happen that way in the book!" that we've turned it into a drinking game....every takes a drink when she says it. Usually after an hour or two of that we're all slightly pie-eyed. And thanks to the drinks and watching the sexy Sam Heughan, the talk turns bawdy fairly quickly! But I don't think we embarrass ourselves...or if we do, no one is sober enough to remember!

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    1. Outlander fan here - books and series. Your game sounds so much fun. xx

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    2. Omgosh so happy to see another Outlander fan...book and series.... I seem to find alot of Outlander bashing these days...

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    3. Perhaps i need to start a walking dead club?

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    4. Wanking dead, maybe.

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    5. You need a bitch slap, from a black mama with massive arms

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  14. That was a memorable and hilarious evening, though I do have to point out that the psycho barman was attempting to flirt with me and not vice versa. I always found him profoundly creepy. And although it's well over a decade ago, I do recall that I was not dressed by Zara that night....

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    1. Well you usually flirted with the barmen!

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  15. John i'm afraid my reply will be rather boring as i make it a point of not drinking too much when in public...I will have the occassional drink with a dinner out ... But I will tell you the event that taught me this lesson...

    I was a single mother and once several months after my daughter was born my mother said she would babysit... OMGosh... i had a free evening... I'm sure there were better things i could do with my free time but i did not have a car so i walked across the street to a local bar and decided to sit down... enjoy the music and atmosphere and have a rum and coke.. I have never, never been much of a drinker but surely i could sit there and sip a rum and coke... Well did have one and felt fine and decided to have another.....well.... about halfway thru that second one the room started to tilt...literally tilt...that never happened to me before... I vaguely remembered someone telling me if that happens put both feet firmly on the ground and it will right itself... B..ll sh t!!!! So i'm sitting there thinking how in the heck am i gonna walk across the room to the door and across the street to home without making a total idiot of myself... It didn't help that i embarrass easy ....If i wobbled, stumbled or God forbid fell down i would be mortified... Well i stood up and walked across that floor and out the door and home ...and to this day as far as i know i did it just fine... lol But I learned my lesson...If i want more than one drink i do it at home...lol Hugs! deb

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    1. Deb, a salient lesson for us all

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  16. Oh dear John. What have I missed out on in my life? I have reached my eighties and it is too late to change now I think - but I honestly can't remember. (Probably my methodist upbringing has something to do with it.)

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  17. Haven't been able to drink alcohol for quite a long time and even when I could it just made me sleepy and quiet, so my last naughty incident was prompted by Xanax. (Prescription drug used for anxiety and panic.)

    The doctor had prescribed a rather heavy dose of it to help me get through a rather troublesome medical test, which it did. Unfortunately, I tried to get out of a moving vehicle afterward; demanded egg foo young immediately (if not sooner) and terrified someone as I tottered around lighting every candle in the house for my candlelit dinner of egg foo young.

    The house was still in one piece when someone arrived with the food and I sat down at the dining room table to eat; they stepped out of the room to extinguish all the candles and upon returning found me face down in my dinner and snoring.

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    1. Sounds like a worthy replacement for Scotch...

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    2. John, if you're not a fan of Outlander, you should be. Very exciting, both the books and the TV adaptation. Lots of gorgeous men, too!

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    3. Since things in my life have changed so much of late, I will just tell you about the time my best friend and I were playing pool with a movie star /famous sports person and I bet him that I could get a seriously difficult shot
      .
      What do you bet?
      I said you have to take us to Acupulco for a holiday .
      We stayed at the Las Brisas resort and it was really fun.

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  18. It must have been a long, long time ago because I can't remember! How boring have I become.

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  19. The summer of 1980. The entire summer. My buddy down the street (dept. chair, roughly equiv. of your prof) and I spent two months that summer in Alaska drinking and fishing.

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  20. I was reminded by your musical theme, John, when I was a teenager I was taken as a "treat" to Glyndbourne. Half way though I wished to go and spend a penny. My mother virtually held me down in the seat as she said it was bad manners to disturb the audience. I held on and on and on until I burst literally in the seat!!!!

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  21. I really don't remember. And my mother's abuse of alcohol means I very rarely drink much. I am the queen of dullsville.

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  22. 1978. I was 19 studying at an all girl college in Missouri. A bunch of us drove to Kansas 20 miles away, drank 2.0 beer and danced on the tabletops. We were promptly arrested. Seems there was an ordinance no dancing on bar table tops. Best night of my life. lol

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  23. I'm a bit like Elephant's child...father an alcoholic so it doesn't do much for me, except make me more inhibited! But.... At a Christian summer school, I consumed vast quantities of mulled wine at the New Years Eve party.... The RC chaplain told my boyfriend to" take me to bed" ..... I draw a veil over tHe rest of the evening, but the stars were shining in a gorgeous clear summer night sky!! :-))

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  24. I can't answer your question .... my Mum reads your blog!!

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  25. Quite a long time ago, when the daughters were still at school, we had the playground mum who people would hide behind trees to avoid. She had twins, she was the only person in the world to have had twins, her twins were unlike any other twins, she had gone through HOURS of the worst labour EVER to deliver these god-like sprogs. Nobody could possibly understand how special HER twins were (especially not my best friend who had twins in the same class as the SPECIAL twins). The woman could have been boring for England! Anyhoo, at another mothers very drunken party, the creator of the uber-twins showed up and started prattling on about her darlings. Me, being very pissed sidled up to her and asked her if she was the twins mum. She nodded graciously. "Are they identical?" I innocently asked (knowing that they were a boy and a girl and this troubled her deeply). She shook her head sadly. "OH NOOOOO!" I screeched "You must be sooooo disappointed!!!". The poor woman fled in tears, and I was the playground hero for a day. This is why I don't drink outside the home.

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  26. The 1970s through the early 1990s for me. And that's all I'm saying. When my brother-in-law used to ask my niece (3 at the time) if she was behaving, she would respond, "Yes. I'm being haved." So am I.

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  27. After a rather boozy lunch I did my best impression of sobriety and walked down the office, sat at my desk and tried to look busy. It took several minutes to realise I was sitting at the wrong desk. Aghhh.....the eighties. It's all working through your lunch hour and gawd awful breakfast meetings in my work place now.

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  28. "Being Haved" is Appalachian Speech and very common in western Pennsylvania. I'm not sure if good or bad but it seems that anymore, I usually just feel bloated before I feel intoxicated, so why even bother. Just so many empty calories. But I do enjoy a Vodka Tonic on a warm summers evening to sip.

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  29. My nephew's wedding this aeekend where I was drunk by 7pm, my lovely hubby told everyone via Facebook !! Could have been worse though my Sister was drunk by the time we sat down to dinner at 5pm, we don't get out much !!!

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    1. Next time I have to go to a wedding I want you to come along too.

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    2. Good for you twigs

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