Sunday, 3 July 2016

Bunty Catch Up


I have not seen Bunty for an age.
Not that this bit of information is in anyway surprising given the fact that I don't have her phone number and she has obviously lost mine.
But I kind of wish that she lived a bit closer to us, for I do find her entertaining in a big butch lesbian kind of way.
For those that don't know Bunty first appeared in Trelawnyd many moons ago. She bought some very aggressive geese from me and her foul mouth, blustering way and fuck 'em attitude entertained me from the very get-go.
She is not a lady to be trifled with.
At the time she lived with her long term policewoman girlfriend up in the hills somewhere, but commuted into England daily for her job ( which she never spoke about) she loved her livestock, cut her hair short with a masculine side parting and had arms like hams.
Anyhow, I tell you all this in way of background colour for when I was just about to turn up the Marian with the dogs, she stopped her jeep on the main road.
" HELLO GRAYBAGS!" She bellowed ( Graybags is the nickname she gave me when we first met)
" You look like shite! "
I explained that I had gone into work this morning only to find out I was infact on night shift, and that was why I looked so tired
Someone beebed her as she hadn't put her indicators on so she bellowed out of her window a very lusty " PISSSSSSSSSS OFFFFFFFFFF" before giving me a big smile
" what's new? " she asked.
It must have been well over nine months or so since I had bumped into her and so I was thinking about our news to share before Bunty jumped in to tell me all hers .....
Apparantly she had split from the policewoman ( who had been banging a fellow copper) , had met a new beau on line , and had moved in with her and her 5 year old daughter in a semi detached bungalow in Towyn on the coast all within a month.
The new girlfriend, I was reliably informed, was a divorced lipstick lesbian with a body like Jessica Rabbit.
" why don't you bring her to the Flower Show?" I suggested " I'd like to meet her"
and Bunty laughed one of her long lusty laughs
 " FLOWER SHOW?" She bellowed " We're not friggin dead yet!"
She then pointed to Mary and asked " Is he new? "
" Yes" I said lifting Mary up to the jeep window " Her name is Mary!"
Bunty kissed her on the nose and cackled

" Auntie Mary had a canary up the leg of her drawers
When she farted....it departed
To a round of applause! "

And with that she sped off into the distance, waving a big fat arm out of the window....I could hear her laughing until her jeep passed the garage shop a hundred yards away!

35 comments:

  1. I often think how wonderful it would be to have your life in Trelawnyd serialised on tv, a bit like Island Parish, but a lot more amusing and with much more colourful characters. It would make lovely Sunday night viewing, post 9pm of course (we wouldn’t want to miss out on any fruity language). You could always opt for actors as stand ins….oooh, who to pick to play you and the prof!!

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    1. Russell crowe and robert hardy

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    2. Haha...I thought of Russell Crow (mmm, lovely in Gladiator, but pretty shite in Robin Hood...can't do accents, so God help him with a Welsh one.

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  2. Oh god this has to be made into a TV show if not a movie.

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  3. All of life is there in Trelawnyd

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  4. We have been saying for years that he needs his own series.

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  5. bwhahahahahahaha! bunty and I have the same soul - loud and bold and brassy females!

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  6. You describe Bunty so well, you make these characters come alive.

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  7. Reminds me of my grandma's funeral many years ago. She had siblings that mostly couldn't be bothered with stopping in to see her when she was alive, and chose to just honk and wave as they drove by. There we are, standing near her casket, when one of her sisters walked up and said, 'she looks so nice.' Her brother (the only one who ever stopped by) said, 'well, you crotchety old bitch, she looks DEAD! You should have seen how good she looked when she was alive.' I must say it lightened things up a bit.

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  8. Bunty sounds like the kind of gal you'd want in your lifeboat if push came to shove.........

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  9. "We're not friggin' dead yet!"
    Bunty's a hoot.

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  10. More tales of Bunty please. My kinda gal.

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  11. The previous posts about the flower show and veggie competition brought a thought to mind. We haven't heard about your bosoms for a long time, it being summer and the veggie growing season bosoms should be heaving about now.

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    1. My bosoms are weed filled this year.....neglected i am afraid

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  12. She sounds like the sort of person we do not have enough of these days

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    1. I think she would do my head in , if i saw her socially...little snippets of her are refreashing

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    2. I fear that is me. People like me when they meet me but then suddenly they disappear ! lol ... I swear I never tell them my health problems or offer them home baked goods !

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  13. Change the accent to Scottish,the sexuality the other way,make her drink like a fish and she could easily be my good friend Rosie.

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  14. This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. You should give up the day (or night) job and become a stand up comic! Laughter really is the very best medicine. I'd not hear the Aunty Mary one before, tried to tell husband but couldn't for laughing, and then he said, "I've heard that one before ..." Well, that didn't matter, it's one of those funnies that grow funnier every time you tell it ...
    Margaret P

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  15. I have an auntie Mary, strangely enough when we used to sing this to her she never found it at all amusing!

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  16. the world needs more buntys!

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  17. What a character she is!! right out of a book!! YOUR book, John!!

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  18. lol! You need to write a book!

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  19. You really should write novels, John. Something for when you retire?

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  20. The world needs more like the two of you!

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  21. Seems like a person who knows what she wants and doesn't mind saying so! Now if that was me on the receiving end of the flower show comment it would've hurt my feeeeeelings :)

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  22. What happened to the geese in the break up? As much as Bunty gives us entertainment I wouldn't like to meet up with her in real life. I don't find her effing and brash manner very nice at all! I feel sorry for the 5 year old daughter of the 'divorced lipstick lesbian' having her imposed on her life.

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  23. What a fabulous sounding woman, but I would think a little of her goes a long way!

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  24. Such a shame Bunty wasn't around the other month to help you deal with the uptight unpleasantness you were on the receiving end of.

    She'd have sorted them out good & proper!

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  25. Why do I never meet any interesting folk like that? Is it because they all live in Trelawnyd?

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    Replies
    1. It must be that, they all live near John.
      They certainly Do Not live near me.

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  26. I've been singing 'Auntie Mary ....' for years, glad someone else know it ;-)

    Bunty sounds like a real hoot .... not at all like 'The Bunty' that I used to read avidly from cover to cover when it came out each week ... and I cut out and dressed up the paper doll on the back cover :-)

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  27. I remember her. What a character and I like the limerick.

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